KingCrimson Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 (we met on a dating website) I went on a first date with this girl. We hit it off over a few drinks for over 3 hours. We hug, I go in for the kiss she hesisitates, I jokingly ask "Oh what, you wanted a kiss right?" and just give a quick peck on the lips. Finish off w/ hug and chat for 30 sec more while she waits for her bus to arrive. I call 2 days later. She doesn't pick up. I try to text, but I am unable to text her (long story, but there's a big issue with my phone the Palm Pre in which certain numbers get corrupted, and you aren't able to send or receive texts from a certain number until you reset the phone/back everything up). So this throws another wrench into the situation... no texts, unfortunately she doesn't know about this. So I decide to call again 30 min later and leave a VM. She picks up. Says she is apartment hunting, something she'd mentioned on the date. So I say quickly, "Hey, I had a blast on Friday, thought we hit it off, we should definitely go out again sometime this week." She said something then "definitely". I say "well I'll let you get back to your appointment, we can talk later. I'll just give you a call later tonight or how about you just call me back when you're free." No call. I call her during lunch the next day(today), no pick up. I leave a VM. Tell her I'm just calling back, ask how her apartment hunting went, again say we should set something up for this coming week, and for her to call me back. Explain my phone's texting issue. No call back for the rest of the day. Finally, 9 hours later I get a msg on the dating website. It's better if I just paste it: hey, i got your vm. I'm so sorry, it's been absolutely nuts at work and you're not going to believe this but I got the freakin' FLU! I feel like crap - scratchy throat, fever, achey bones - the works. I think I'm out of commission for a few days. I'm going tos hut down this account, but, I'm better at responding to e-mail - [email protected]. have a good night! So I know she *has* been busy. She's quitting her job soon, and moving into law school. Sounds like she;s still interested but just genuinely just super swamped with work + sick? Why take over a day to get back to me, and that too, not via phone? On the other hand, she did cancel her account and gave me her e-mail, and did reply. What should I do? I hate playing these dating games. Just add her to gchat, send her a msg saying hopes she feels better and to let me know when she wants to go out again? Or just wait a few days and give a call?
The Paper Knight Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) take a BIGGGGGGG step back. you have done enough to show her that you are interested, so now its up to her. We ALL play games, period! Yet we all hate getting played and it feels like that when you are genuinely interested in somebody and they don't reciprocate. Distract yourself with other pursuits for the time being, if she doesnt come calling then you have found out she was not interested, while saving face and that is how to play the game successfully. Edited July 20, 2010 by The Paper Knight
cdt76 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I'm in a similar situation. I put the ball in her court and am going to leave it there. If she doesn't throw it back then I'm done. Unfortunately, like you, I'm pretty into this girl. She is a busy single mom, works a ton and has a crappy custody schedule with her kid. My opinion is if she is interested she will make an effort. If no effort, I've done enough. On a secondary note, I'm thinking of just getting a mail order bride from Ukraine!
TheLoneSock Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 It sounds to me like she is still interested in you somewhat, but she has demoted the communication to email for one reason or another. It's hard to get a good read on this, it seems like there is information missing. My best guess is she is busy + maybe wants to move a little slower. My advice is don't mirror it. Back off, but don't hesitate to use the phone instead of email, email is for co-workers and friendly acquaintances - she may be edging you towards the friend zone. Staying confident and romantically focused will help keep you out of it. Stay positive, stay consistent, and stay alpha.
northstar1 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Give her the benefit of the doubt , but don't wait around for her. Keep talking to other girls and setting up dates. If she contacts you and wants to go on that date, great, but don't mention it again. She knows you are interested, now it's up to her to reciprocate. If she doesn't, no big deal, it happens with online dating
Author KingCrimson Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) Yea I know I'm going to take a step back and focus on other things. But should I just wait and never contact her and only wait for her to contact me? Or...Give it a few days, then I contact her - and if so, try calling, or e-mail/gchat? Also, in the meanwhile should I add her to gchat and just send a short gchat IM or e-mail saying "Hey, got your msg. No problem. That sucks, hope you feel better.Talk to you later when things clear up", without trying to force a convo or bringing up going out again? The LoneSock, I don't know what other info is missing. First date, went well in my opinion. No awkard pauses, we had a ton in common, chatted for 3+ hours. I called her 2 days later, she was doing something at the time. I tell her we'll just figure it out later, to call me back later. No call back. I Call her back, no pickup. Call her and leave a voicemail. Get that exact pasted msg on the dating website 9 hours later at night, and she'd deleted her account. And now, here I am... I hate playing this guessing game. If it makes a difference, we're both 24, live in the US, as young professionals fresh out of college Edited July 20, 2010 by KingCrimson
stace79 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Personally I think she could be honestly just really busy and sick. That's happened to me before when I was on a dating site. I demoted comm back to e-mail b/c it was easier and less obtrusive when I was so busy and felt horrible. She might honestly like you but at the same time not be at a place where dating is her first priority. If that's the case, you can wait it out while still maintaining your own life and meeting other people, or you can just count her out.
lso802 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Just careful about being her email buddy. I think her being busy is legit though. Defintely get her to go out with you sometimes. Other than that, find some other options, if she can't make time for you.
ReadyforLove Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 She seems somewhat interested since she sent you the courtesy message saying she was shutting down her account . I'm unsure why she gave you her email address when you already have her phone number though Something is a little off. You might be an option but you are definitely not her top choice.
Candescence Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Personally, when I feel like crap and I am full of snot...I don't want the guy I am interested in to get freaked out that I sound like a man. MAYBE this is why she didn't call you.
Bogo123 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 There are way too many possible reasons to try and figure it out. She could be genuinely busy, sick, putting you on the back burner, etc. Your best strategy as is for everyone, is to not put all your eggs in one basket. I know its easier said than done. I went through a similar situation as yours. Once you start adding girls to the bullpen, when one flakes it doesn't really matter.
sagetalk Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Sounds like she might not be interested. I'd ask her out on a date two weeks from now (she should be 100% by then). If she says no, then I'd say she isn't that interested.
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 In my opinion, you're pushing things a little too much. Take a step back and wait for her to contact you about rescheduling a date. If she doesn't call, you'll have your answer.
Author KingCrimson Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 (edited) Well, I just sent a short reply back to her msg via e-mail (since she didnt have mine) and added her to gchat. This is two days after her msg on the dating website/she closed her account: What's up, it's XXXXX. No problem, hope you're feeling better. The flu sucks! Too much drankin' at [NAME_OF_BAR_WE_WERE_AT_FRIDAY] and probably more on Saturday huh? We'll get back in touch when stuff clears up for you (both work and your sinuses). Oh, looks like I can never send you a text or receive a text from you anymore, until I get my phone fully reset/backed up... which might take a while. It's a known issue with my phone and I have the same problem with a friend. Some #'s get corrupted if you dial and text it manually first, then save it as a contact from the text log, as I did you. Until then, old skool phone usage, or ghcat it is!That's the last I'm going to attempt anything with her, until she makes the effort now. She has my e-mail/gchat now. I'll let her respond if/when she recovers. I would actually prefer to talk/set things up via ghcat IM or text (in this case, only gchat). Edited July 21, 2010 by KingCrimson
Serenitynow Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 hey, i got your vm. I'm so sorry, it's been absolutely nuts at work and you're not going to believe this but I got the freakin' FLU! I feel like crap - scratchy throat, fever, achey bones - the works. I think I'm out of commission for a few days. LOL do girls just pass this response around to each other and send it out when needed ? I got a similar response from a girl after a first date. Just amazing how many people get sick in the middle of summer. .
sagetalk Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 LOL do girls just pass this response around to each other and send it out when needed ? I got a similar response from a girl after a first date. Just amazing how many people get sick in the middle of summer. . It beats, I'm dating another guy too and I pick him, sorry.
Bogo123 Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 It beats, I'm dating another guy too and I pick him, sorry. "Sorry but im not interested" beats them all. At least this is more polite, and more importantly the guy won't continue thinking she's still interested and that her excuse was legit.
zengirl Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 We really can't know if she's really sick or not, but this reminds me of something. I met one of my exes online a long time ago. (Well, ironically, we'd actually met before then but he saw me online, looked me up, and that's how we started dating.) We exchange a couple great emails, but right around the time we would've met, I got bronchitis. Lovely. I told him, we emailed a bit longer (it took me at least 2 weeks to recover. . . and then I think he was away for a week or so, so it was actually a month later that we first went out). We had some lovely emails too, but then, we both like to write. Whatever it was, it worked for us. We went out for a year.
Author KingCrimson Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 It beats, I'm dating another guy too and I pick him, sorry. No it doesn't. What's wrong with that? It sends a clear message. It's truthful. No mixed signals. Or, these also work: "Hey, thanks, for hanging out Friday and showing me [name of bar]. But I just didn't feel any attraction/chemistry/don't think we had too much in common." "Sorry, I don't think I'm interested in dating any more. Best of luck to you though!" Not this, "i'll call you back"... "im so busy and work and i just got sick" "but i'm cancelling my account, and here's my private e-mail" bull**** that leaves you in limbo playing a guessing game
phineas Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Every time I hear the word "chemistry" I want to cringe. I don't know why, but I just do.
silverfish Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Maybe she's on LS somewhere posting about this guy who fed her a line about his phone being broken Personally, a kiss on the mouth after knowing someone for 3 hours would be too much, but that's just me
Author KingCrimson Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 Maybe she's on LS somewhere posting about this guy who fed her a line about his phone being broken Personally, a kiss on the mouth after knowing someone for 3 hours would be too much, but that's just me phone's not broken. I just can't text. Calling works fine. I hear girls all the time saying "omg, no kiss? is he not interested?" or "he didnt even try to do anything, he must be a wimp" and the girl loses interest.
silverfish Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 phone's not broken. I just can't text. Calling works fine. I hear girls all the time saying "omg, no kiss? is he not interested?" or "he didnt even try to do anything, he must be a wimp" and the girl loses interest. I guess it depends on your age, but for me it would be too much. It would be a little 'confrontational'...what I mean by that is, if someone leans in for a kiss, the only option, if you don't feel ready yet or that close to the person, is to pull away. This wouldn't go down well I guess. As far as the phone, well then, she should call if she's interested in going out again.
dispatch3d Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 girls are NOT going to take active participation in their own seduction. Remember that. So don't tell her something like "call me back". It's not going to happen until she REALLY likes you. In the original phone conversation that was the time to schedule something, not later. You should have chatted to her for 5-10 minutes then suggested meeting sometime soon (like now), or within the next couple days. The return email was very blah. Here's my information we should chat somewhere else (like gchat). You've just been downgraded and you are still giving her mad attention - not good. At least at this point you are probably screwed anyways, so nothing you would do could make up for it. I may have emailed her, or attempted another call I'm not sure. Her closing her account on the personal page makes it sound like she isn't looking anymore. Makes the most sense. Sounds like other women sensed the same thing.
Author KingCrimson Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 girls are NOT going to take active participation in their own seduction. Remember that. So don't tell her something like "call me back". It's not going to happen until she REALLY likes you. In the original phone conversation that was the time to schedule something, not later. You should have chatted to her for 5-10 minutes then suggested meeting sometime soon (like now), or within the next couple days. The return email was very blah. Here's my information we should chat somewhere else (like gchat). You've just been downgraded and you are still giving her mad attention - not good. At least at this point you are probably screwed anyways, so nothing you would do could make up for it. I may have emailed her, or attempted another call I'm not sure. Her closing her account on the personal page makes it sound like she isn't looking anymore. Makes the most sense. Sounds like other women sensed the same thing. In the original phone convo she had said she was busy checking out some apartments or something. I didn't want to take up her time if she was busy or appear too needy. Should I have demanded her time right then and there? If I was out with friends/shopping/driving, I'd feel the same way too. If it's going to be a convo > 1 min and I need to coordinate something, easier to do it when I'm free. WHich return e-mail are you talking about? Hers or mine? How'd I give her mad attention? When I called her and left a voicemail? When I replied back 2 days later to her msg on the site via e-mail?
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