Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 (edited) i was out with a female friend buying food from a take away restaurant when a guy approached me and asked for my number.. we ended up chatting and having a little kiss, that is all and we were texting back and forth afterwards, everything seemed cool, he seemed nice and the type of guy i go for, i normally meet guys in clubs who end up being @ssholes so i thought maybe this would be different.. he asked if he could meet up with me soon and we agreed to meet two days later on the friday night. he confirmed this with me that night before aswell on the thursday night and i was exited. he seemed very keen. then friday arrives and i hear nothing, no mention of our meeting later. i assumed because he'd confirmed with me the night before that i would hear from him around friday evening. NOTHING. i went for a meal with friends (i was supposed to meet him after our dinner) it was around 9.30pm and still i'd heard nothing so stupidly i texted him (i'd had abit to drink by this point) i just texted saying "what are you up to? will i be seeing you later?" he then answered "sorry i can't i've afew errands to run 2nite!" ..why could he not just have told me this in the first place?!! so i ended up going out with friends to a bar after our meal, getting drunker.. and me and the guy were texting back and forth. he said he would pick me up around 1am at the end of the night. when 1am came he said he was so wrecked and tired that he couldn't pick me up but that he really wanted to see me soon. the next day saturday i was hungover and the night before was a blur but all that day we were texting again, very friendly and joking and he apologized saying on friday he had a long day at work and was really tired, that he really wanted to meet me soon and he kept hinting at meeting (i played it cool and did not push the situation, it was him who kept mentioning meeting) ..he then suggested meeting me on monday evening and i said 'yeh monday would be cool as long as you bother to turn up this time haha' we joked back and forth and everything was fine then sunday passes NO WORD from him today (monday) and again no word.. it is now monday night and i heard nothing even though we were meant to meet tonight i haven't texted him and have actually now deleted his number i just want to mention i am an attractive girl, i am friendly also and i am not clingy nor am i a bunny boiler. i can't think of anything i have said or done to put him off. i played it cool all along and only texted him on the friday as he had told me we were meeting and i wanted to know what the deal is. basically i just want to know why he seemed so keen and asked for my number, rang me, texted me, made the effort to suggest meeting to then just nothing, ignoring me and backing off.. i know we won't know his exact reason but i guess i'd like to hear guys opinions on this.. why approach a girl and tell her you'd like to take her out, to then text her etc and then just disappear, without reason??? i've read various theories online that some guys just ask for a girls number as an ego boost to see if they can get it even if they have no intention of contacting her. i have also read theories that maybe some1 new could have come into the picture or an ex or whatever i'd just like your thoughts on this.. why approach a girl, ask for her number, text her, confirm that you want to meet her etc if you have no intention of doing so? i mean if he didn't want to meet me tonight he could have texted earlier and just said 'hey i'm no feeling well, etc' or something, anything? as i've said i've deleted his number and won't be contacting him. do u think this is the right thing to do? i just feel that if he wants to contact me now it has to be up to him and i feel if he really wants to he will. unless he lost my number, lost his phone, fell off the face of the earth haha UNLIKELY so for whatever reason he backed off and i'm going to just leave it at that. seems strange tho as he really did seem very keen. and why do some guys do this? can i have your thoughts/advice guys please................ Edited July 19, 2010 by Charmaine_Champagne
Serenitynow Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 All you can do is speculate. We all have the same thing happen to us. I've gone on a first date with women, and they say they had a great time, and would love to do it again, and poof they disappear. DONT try to figure it out. It will only drive you crazy. Just let it go.
alphamale Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 and why do some guys do this? ......... because after the heat of the moment is over and we think about it for a few days we decide to change our minds
EYECANDY000 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 why havent you initiated contact during the day to ask if you guys were still on for the day? You initiated it the one time, but you needed alcohol to do it. It seems that although he approached you, you were intrested in getting to know him. Hint you wouldnt be this bothered by it.
sugarmomma Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 He is giving you a preview of the coming attraction. Forget about him. The fact that you accepted his excuses and agreed to meet again signaled to him that his unacceptable behavior is really acceptable. Iwould have told him to kick dust after the first stand up. I never go out with a guy who is extremely late or stands me up. This is just not a good first impression. He sounds like a real Jerk. If he calls do not answer. I had one do the exact same thing to me except he said that he would call "later". WTF? Kick Rocks!!!
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 eyecandy, you asked there above why i didn't text him today to confirm our 2nd meeting, well i figured the ball was in his court esp after he'd let me down the first time and i didn't want to seem desperate or that i'm running after him. i've read various theories of 'he's not that into you' and how if a man really wants to contact you he will, 'man is a hunter' etc. so i figured that he was just ignoring me as he didn't want to meet. fair enough. but my problem is why suggest meeting, why come across as so keen, why approach me for my number? for whatever reason he backed off, only he knows i am not upset as such but i am a little disappointed and confused by it. i take it the right thing to do here is just to back off and move on and forget it? one friend told me i could text him something very cool like 'r u still alive?' but i figure why bother, if he wanted me he would get in touch, right?
alphamale Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 fair enough. but my problem is why suggest meeting, why come across as so keen, why approach me for my number? some dudes just like to collect phone numbers. women do it too
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 sugarmomma after he let me down the first time i said to him 'maybe we should just leave it' because he annoyed me and i was upset that he had let me down and i felt he was messing me about. but he wrote back saying 'no i really wanna see you again' etc and so after that we were communicating back and forth all friendly and planned to meet today.. then he ignores me again, except this time i didn't text him to see why. monday is now over. it's weird. i mean unless in the unlikely event he lost his phone or lost my number (bullsh*t) i'd hazard a guess a new girl or ex or something has come into the picture. i'm going to ignore him, delete the number. if he wanted me he would have made contact
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 yeh i mean i've had it happen before, but that was mostly through meeting guys out at clubs and so in that situation i figured maybe the guy was drunk or had a girlfriend or couldn't remember what i looked like. but i've seen this alot guys ask for your number then don't call. i just thought this was different because he actually approached me in the sober light of day in a restaurant not a sleazy club and plus the fact that he actually suggested meeting and named a day. but no seems it was too good to be true. i think sugarmomma is right in that after he let me down the first time- without even warning me or giving a reason, then he saw fit to do it again.. another 1 bites the dust i guess
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 i was interested in getting to know him eyecandy, yes. he seemed cool. but at the same time i am not going to run after him. can anyone see a point in me contacting him at this stage, even a cool short message? my friend said maybe he felt i wasn't interested. but i disagree afterall i had agreed to meet him and i was responding to him
tigressA Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 There is no point in contacting him anymore. It's likely that he won't respond and that'll leave you feeling really awkward. It's happened to me more than once. Leave it alone, move on. Even if he contacts you again, don't bother with him. He thinks he can toy with you because you put up with him standing you up the first time, so he'll probably be back after not too long, thinking you'll put up with it again.
sugarmomma Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 can anyone see a point in me contacting him at this stage, even a cool short message? It would be pointless. Please don't. He isn't worth your time. Click on the link below and you will learn so much about these kind.
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 thanks i agree. i just really don't understand why he made such an effort and seemed so keen to then just disappear. who knows.
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 hey sugarmomma sorry what link?x
sugarmomma Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Quick question--- When a guy asks you for your phone number do you just give it out or ask a few questions like ( where's your girlfriend, wife, baby momma, boyfriend etc)?? I ask who they live with as well and what do they want with my number. Guys in clubs just need an ego stroke.
sugarmomma Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 hey sugarmomma sorry what link?x I think the mods delted it. I will pm it to you.
tigressA Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 thanks i agree. i just really don't understand why he made such an effort and seemed so keen to then just disappear. who knows. Like earlier posters here said, there's no use speculating. You will never know. I've had guys disappear like that after first, second, and third actual dates. I never found out why. Many times it just is that way and one must become accustomed to not having 'closure'.
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 no i'm pretty fussy about who i give it out to. i'd been chatting to this guy for a while and he seemed really cool- i liked him on first impression. plus the fact that we were in a restaurant and sober seemed like a good sign. in the past i have been guilty of drunkenly giving my number to guys in clubs. this time i thought it was different, but no. do you think he just lost interest?
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 yeh i guess i'm just torturing myself by speculating, i just find it weird because he seemed so keen, he approached me, he suggested meeting. then when he knew i was keen he disappeared. oh well. i won't really expect to hear from him again, i mean what can he say, he f*cked up twice
sugarmomma Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I think he just enjoyed toying with you because he know that he needs some character and substance to keep his facade going but he doesn't have any. http://baggagereclaim.com/ She has a really good article on the blog about why men blow hot and cold. Check it out. Become a member and send it to all the women you know. We gotta get wise about the games people play.
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 cuz i know i shouldn't but part of me wants to text him and say ''if you didn't want to meet all you had to do was say!" ...but then that makes me look like i care
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 thanks for the link! i'll check it out now!
sugarmomma Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 cuz i know i shouldn't but part of me wants to text him and say ''if you didn't want to meet all you had to do was say!" ...but then that makes me look like i care That's why you can't. I'm telling you this happened to me a couple weeks ago. Sparks flew. We met on the 4th of July and he called and wanted to meet up the last minute but hadn't given me notice so I couldn't. Kept calling and texting the following week and then poof. I texted a couple times said he was busy but missed chatting with me and would call soon. Never did. Oh well I have to keep going out and meeting new people. In fact on my way out tonight. I can't waste energy on him even though I liked him soooo much. At least I liked who he pretended to be. I don't like the ******* he turned out to be.
EYECANDY000 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 cuz i know i shouldn't but part of me wants to text him and say ''if you didn't want to meet all you had to do was say!" ...but then that makes me look like i care No, dont do that. If you really feel like you want to settle it, then text him, .. if not and you dont care then leave it alone.. Why start with the snarky comments?
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 i guess for closure and to see his response- if he gives a reason, an excuse, apologizes, anything. but even if he did answer it would just start the game up again.
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