Jollyshandy Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I am in this awkward situation I'd appreciate some input: I met a guy who replied to my online personals ad 3 months ago, there's strong physical attraction and we like each other, we met a few times and communicated on MSN, but agreed we're free to see other people as afterall we don't know each other well enough. In addition he just came out of a long term relationship 6 months ago so he told me he's not in the position to jump into anything serious, we're still hanging out though until recently he's quiet so over the weekend I asked him what's up, he told me he'd love to see me but he's having breakup blues at the moment so is "hot and cold", I took it he asked to be alone so I stayed away. My ad has still been running but I had revised it a while back and reposted it but using a different user name as I wasn't able to use the same name to log in so had to re-create another account. Surprisingly on the same day he told me he's got the blues, he replied to my new posting not knowing it's me, would you just leave it or would you reply telling him it's you? I thought his action was somewhat contradicting, should I just give up on him and move on? Thanks~
D-Lish Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Didn't he recognize your pics? Or don't you post pics? Leave him dead in the water. He doesn't want anything serious, he's not interested. Don't wait around, he's not worth it.
sultry33 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 He is playing the field. Dont women do the same? I think they both agreed that but its the lying that should be sending red flags.. hot/cold
SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 He is playing the field. Dont women do the same? No telling some one that basically your not into dateing because of depression and then going back out and looking again on the same day is playing games not playing the field. I think people could be happier all around if they dident try to turn dateing into some type of mental "game" at all to begin with but what do I know after all it seams to work so well why mess with it..
brokendream Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I just wouldn't respond to the ad and wouldn't contact him again. He doesn't know what he wants.
Krytie TV Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 So quick to condemn. Maybe he didn't feel like seeing anyone at the time. That doesn't mean you don't leave your options open and forge new communications. Wasted time is wasted opportunity. Personally, I see nothing wrong at all. You're being overreactive for someone "playing the field". You can choose to be "creepy offended ex-girlfriendy" about this situation and get medieval on his ass, or you can simply reply that "hey, it's me dumba*s". Your choice. Remember, you're not even exclusive yet.
Art_Critic Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I'd have fun with him.. You could start a conversation with him and lay it on thick.. be every thing he wants then disappear
HeldbyGravity Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Yes, give up on him and move on. He's certainly not being honest enough about all of this.
gamma1 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I'd have fun with him.. You could start a conversation with him and lay it on thick.. be every thing he wants then disappear I hope you are not serious. That would make her look nearly as bad as him. She should not reply to the ad, leave him and find someone new.
Art_Critic Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I hope you are not serious. That would make her look nearly as bad as him. She should not reply to the ad, leave him and find someone new. Yeah.. I am serious.. Nothing wrong with having a little fun with a douche.. IMO...
gamma1 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Yeah.. I am serious.. Nothing wrong with having a little fun with a douche.. IMO... Then he will take it out on the next woman he dates, who will take it out on the next man she dates, and so on. I've been on the receiving end of women who don't seem to trust men and I have to wonder where it all started.
bac Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 It sounds very right and logical to me that he is looking for other girls because you mentioned that you both agreed that you were ok with seeing other people. So, he is definitely seeing others. And, he expects you to do the same. It does not mean that he expects you to share with him all those intimate details. People who do multiple dating normally say 'white lies' to be safe and reasonable.
Sharon1961 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Yeah.. I am serious.. Nothing wrong with having a little fun with a douche.. IMO... In all honesty, I wish I had the nerve to do something like this!
gamma1 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 People who do multiple dating normally say 'white lies' to be safe and reasonable. This type of lie is a bad lie and not a minor white lie.
Art_Critic Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Then he will take it out on the next woman he dates, who will take it out on the next man she dates, and so on. I've been on the receiving end of women who don't seem to trust men and I have to wonder where it all started. Oh come on...
threebyfate Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I'd have fun with him.. You could start a conversation with him and lay it on thick.. be every thing he wants then disappear I'd do this too, to a liar, liar, pants on fire. It would be a blast!!
gamma1 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Oh come on... She will have her fun with him and I won't feel bad for him because he was in the wrong. He doesn't know that he replied to the same woman and will think she was just getting back at him for no good reason. This is the kind of thing that starts gender wars. Too many people spend too much time getting back at bad partners rather than dumping them immediately. She should give him the "not interested speech" next time they talk. If he asks why, then she could drop the bombshell on him.
Art_Critic Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Man Gamma1.. you are way to serious in life.. Life is supposed to be fun and if you can't make fun of some douche on a dating site then we are all in big trouble.. It isn't like he DIDN'T contact her.. He DID contact her.. just hours after he told her he wasn't into dating right now.. I'd have fun with him.. in a heartbeat....
gamma1 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Man Gamma1.. you are way to serious in life.. Life is supposed to be fun and if you can't make fun of some douche on a dating site then we are all in big trouble.. It isn't like he DIDN'T contact her.. He DID contact her.. just hours after he told her he wasn't into dating right now.. I'd have fun with him.. in a heartbeat.... Here's how she could have fun if she wants. She could reply to his online message saying "It's (her name) and I'm breaking up with you for lying to me." Either way, she should get it over with quickly.
Author Jollyshandy Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 Thanks everyone, we're not exclusive so we don't owe each other anything I suppose, just that I notice he replied to my ad an hour before he told me he's having breakup blues so I took it he's trying to hide and not being honest... as we agreed we're free to meet others, I don't expect him to disclose all details just like I don't expect him to expect me to tell him what I do with and how I meet other people, yet he told me before he wanted to keep things casual as he's not at that point right now so I was surprised he replied to my ad (in my ad I asked for potential dating relationship though indicated start as friends first). I enjoy his company when we're together but I'm not in a hurry to settle down until I am sure I've met my true love so I want to meet more people hoping to find the one along the way so I am fine with the current arrangement. Just that I feel now as if his "lie" is out there now and he got caught or something, am I over-reacting? I feel the urge to reply and tell him "Hey it's me" though.. would it be a bad move? Or should I not waste my time and just move on like some of you suggested?
Enchanted Girl Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Thanks everyone, we're not exclusive so we don't owe each other anything I suppose, just that I notice he replied to my ad an hour before he told me he's having breakup blues so I took it he's trying to hide and not being honest... as we agreed we're free to meet others, I don't expect him to disclose all details just like I don't expect him to expect me to tell him what I do with and how I meet other people, yet he told me before he wanted to keep things casual as he's not at that point right now so I was surprised he replied to my ad (in my ad I asked for potential dating relationship though indicated start as friends first). I enjoy his company when we're together but I'm not in a hurry to settle down until I am sure I've met my true love so I want to meet more people hoping to find the one along the way so I am fine with the current arrangement. Just that I feel now as if his "lie" is out there now and he got caught or something, am I over-reacting? I feel the urge to reply and tell him "Hey it's me" though.. would it be a bad move? Or should I not waste my time and just move on like some of you suggested? If it were me, personally, I'd tell him it's you, but make it into a playful joke. I'd tease him about it or whatever. You're not heartbroken over it, so you don't have to give him a hard time.
threebyfate Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Thanks everyone, we're not exclusive so we don't owe each other anything I suppose, just that I notice he replied to my ad an hour before he told me he's having breakup blues so I took it he's trying to hide and not being honest... as we agreed we're free to meet others, I don't expect him to disclose all details just like I don't expect him to expect me to tell him what I do with and how I meet other people, yet he told me before he wanted to keep things casual as he's not at that point right now so I was surprised he replied to my ad (in my ad I asked for potential dating relationship though indicated start as friends first). I enjoy his company when we're together but I'm not in a hurry to settle down until I am sure I've met my true love so I want to meet more people hoping to find the one along the way so I am fine with the current arrangement. Just that I feel now as if his "lie" is out there now and he got caught or something, am I over-reacting? I feel the urge to reply and tell him "Hey it's me" though.. would it be a bad move? Or should I not waste my time and just move on like some of you suggested?I would have some serious fun with him. Ask him a few questions about his most recent relationships, etc. and see what he says.
tigressA Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I would have some serious fun with him. Ask him a few questions about his most recent relationships, etc. and see what he says. I was in a situation pretty similar to the OPs and this is exactly what I did. It was a blast.
threebyfate Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I was in a situation pretty similar to the OPs and this is exactly what I did. It was a blast. (ten characters)
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