Author sunnydaysahead123 Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 so i'm still in a limbo situation amazingly enough. after a month of stress, we both decided she'd move and we'd let things settle for a while since every day up until she moved in early august was like a pressure cooker. she essentially feels like its her right to move on and I can't argue w/ that but then she turns around and asks me to visit her. looking back on this thread i'm ashamed i put the blond thing in there. i've done some serious soul searching and that seems so trivial when it comes to the big scheme of things. the larger issues to me are still - do i want to marry her? answer - unsure but could possibly see it ; am i ready and willing to commit - i feel like i could somedays and others i still wonder - the money issue still lingers, the way she gets super dramatic about things all the time also bothers me. does anyone ever succeed moving in and overcome these kinds of things when they love the other person, enjoy their company, have similar interests, etc...? I visited her recently and we had a great time together. I like the other city, and she still wants me to move up there w/ her so I feel like I'm back in the same place. Someone posted this -- "There is no such thing as "the one" or "forever". The only way you will know is to just do it. It's not like you're giving your kidneys, its just moving in. If it doesn't work out, then move back out, simple. You won't know until you try." What about lease obligations and costs? the city is not inexpensive and if I wanted out after 6 months, the hit to the wallet would be big.
K'aycie Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I think in a situation as you've described, it's good to try and assess what's most important for your own happiness and well being, as well as your girlfriend's. Which it sounds like you've been doing along with being realistic about things such as finances, where you'll live, goals, etc. Other questions to ask yourself, could be, do you believe there is another woman out there that you would be happier with and/or a better fit for you? Do you believe you would be the best type of partner for your girlfriend or do you think there is someone else out there that is a better fit for her? And like you said, nothing is forever. If things don't work out, they don't work out and then you move on.
that girl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 sunnydaysahead123- people do not tend to change much. Someone who is dramatic at 25 will probably be dramatic in the nursing home. Money habits are slightly more changeable and something people do manage to work out. No one is perfect. There is not some ideal woman out there who you will never have conflict with. That being said, I don't think you want to move in with this woman. I think you're going along with it because you're too lazy to break up with her. You don't even seem to like her all that much
SarahRose Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Does she know the concerns that you have posted here? Have you told her you aren't sure about her?
Author sunnydaysahead123 Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 to answer the last question on the thread, yes she knows i have doubts, but she doesn't know everything or else she'd probably not want to speak w/ me again. my update is this - we visited each other a few times since her move, this wasn't enough. she wanted a committment. i said i wasn't ready to move in up there. we parted ways. there has been a text/email here or there but the phone calls stopped. shes dating, i went out on a few dates. i miss her a lot - but i worry if its just that i miss the relationship? the girls i've been on dates with since her are not really close to her and frustrate the hell out of me since they don't compare. i wonder what the hell it is i'm looking for and why she can't be it for me? i have had a newfound desire to move there and actually...gasp... felt excited about doing it. so do i wait and see if this is legit for me before taking action - which runs the risk of her finding someone in that time... or do i just go on these feelings, explain to her where i am (if she'll even have me is uncertain), and go from there...? every thought i have of her is suddenly positive, i dream of her, and i want to see her. sorry for all the questions but as you can tell i'm hurting & still a little bit of an emotional mess. thanks as always.
K'aycie Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I think at this point, it's just that you miss the relationship. You've been having doubts for a while now (you started this thread over two months ago), so I think that says, what it means. I think given how she feels, and what you want, are two different things and as such, this sounds dead in the water.
Pink Cupcakes Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Do you think she might try blonde highlights? that might make a difference.
aerogurl87 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I think at this point, it's just that you miss the relationship. You've been having doubts for a while now (you started this thread over two months ago), so I think that says, what it means. I think given how she feels, and what you want, are two different things and as such, this sounds dead in the water. I agree, you just miss the relationship which is normal. Give it a few months and her memory along with what you feel for her, will start to fade. It really doesn't sound like your heart was in it. I believe you can love someone, and still know deep down they aren't right for you no matter how much you wish they could be.
Author sunnydaysahead123 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 what if it doesn't fade? i feel like i think about her every day right now and its been about 2 weeks.
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