How can I tell if the girl I am dating is promiscuous??

[janie423]

Rightly or wrongly, men generally do assume that a woman with a promiscuous past is unlikely to remain faithful because she likes to be with many different men.

 

what are you talking about? she may have been with different men because she is a bad "picker" and picks lousy men who most likely treated her poorly. doesn't mean she wanted to be with different men, just couldn't find a decent one.

 

unbelievable . . .

[amymarieca]

Usually they are right also. Women with a past tend to cheat and then give the usual talk about beating men at their own game and a million justifications when they do. You can call man sexist all you want but we have good reasons for our standards on choosing women.

 

I have a very colourful sexually history, and I have never cheated in a relationship. There are obviously people, not just women, who will cheat because they are very sexually active, and there are people who won't. You can't simply judge whether or not someone will cheat solely on this because there are many reasons why people cheat!

[marsle85]

It has been crossing my mind fairly a lot. Its weird. I'll give you a quick rundown and you can make a judgment or tell me anything I should look out for. I really just don;t want to be wasting my time with a girl who is like that.

 

She hangs out with other girls who are definitely a bit slutty. We had sex fairly quickly after meeting. Like two make out sessions then sex the third or fourth time. I didn't even take her out on dates, we just met up at a bar the first few times. Doesn't really dress like a slut. Had 2 boyfriends for extended periods of time before me, but had like a year and a half break before me. Other things like pictures of her really drunk on facebook at clubs and dancing. One more thing is I did not go to her high school, she went to another school in the area. So when we are at bars she knows a lot of guys, not that its bad but when you know more dudes than chicks youre usually a slut. I know a bunch of guys try to get with her at the bars, but I'm there so she always pushes them off. But they hit on her like its nothing.

 

Just slightly confused, I could take her or leave her but its getting to the point where I want to pick a direction its been 2 months now.

 

You have no reason to think she's a slut. Nothing she has DONE implies taht.

 

-doesn't dress like a slut

-YOU had sex with her after 3 or 4 times... are you a slut? No. You liked her, you wanted to. WHY is it any different for her?

-She goes out, gets drunk. So? You knew all of this about her before now.

-She has guy friends. Big deal.

-She has not flirted with any of them, and seems happy to be with you.

 

What I don't get is men pursue a certain type of woman: she goes out, she looks good, she drinks and is fun, she is on the very same dates as you-- but when SHE likes you back and sleeps with you.. you devalue yourself by asking: "Why would she have sex with me?" and all of the qualities that you LIKED about her, and were attracted to, suddenly make her easy and slutty.

 

If you don't want a girl who has fb pictures of her dancing and drinking, DON'T date a girl you find at a bar! If you want a girl who doesn't have sex with you after you only took her out a few times, DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HER AFTER ONLY A FEW TIMES. You control JUST as much of the relationship, why do women have to be the wise restraint in every single situation?

[bac]

I should mention she wants us to be super serious. Which is a decent sign. But I can;t help the suspicion.

 

If she wants you to be super serious and you agree to do that, you have the legitamate right to ask her any deep personal question about her sex life and her future expectations with you.

So, ask her how many guys she had and ask her in an indirect way if she is going to cheat on you.

[Chicago_Guy]

what are you talking about? she may have been with different men because she is a bad "picker" and picks lousy men who most likely treated her poorly. doesn't mean she wanted to be with different men, just couldn't find a decent one.

 

unbelievable . . .

 

I am telling you that most men think like that. You might might not like it, but it is practically ingrained in men to care about this. Most men really do assume that a woman who has been with an exorbitant amount of men will never be satisfied in a monogamous relationship. Most women don't really have to exert much effort to get a sexual partner, so men assume that a woman who has had a lot of sexual partners lacks self-control. Men and women generally have different views on promiscuity and men view promiscuous woman far more negatively than women generally view a promiscuous man.

[Pfiend101]

How often do you see each other and how quickly does she respond to your texts?

[janie423]

I am telling you that most men think like that. You might might not like it, but it is practically ingrained in men to care about this. Most men really do assume that a woman who has been with an exorbitant amount of men will never be satisfied in a monogamous relationship. Most women don't really have to exert much effort to get a sexual partner, so men assume that a woman who has had a lot of sexual partners lacks self-control. Men and women generally have different views on promiscuity and men view promiscuous woman far more negatively than women generally view a promiscuous man.

 

. . . and that would be the same self-control that prompts married men to seek out lovers. Men want it both ways. They want a nun for a wife, because They are too insecure to handle a woman with what you call a "past". They fear that she will compare them to others. But then when they get this pure angel, they cheat on her because she does not satisfy their innermost urges.

 

And when they do cheat on her, they will label the woman they are cheating on her with. Then they will label their wife a prude. This is why marriage fails as often as it does - male insecurity.

 

And don't kid yourself, women look negatively on a promiscuous man. Big time. Think: Tiger Woods.

Edited May 17, 2010 by janie423

[deebeechrisyo]

And don't kid yourself, women look negatively on a promiscuous man. Big time. Think: Tiger Woods.

 

Really? I'm pretty sure he could still call up any of his harem girls and they would spread open in seconds. Let's be serious here, sure there are plenty of girls who now view Tiger Woods as scum, but there are many, many more that will spend the night (ok an hour or two) with him if he asks.

[carhill]

Right, women might *think* negatively about a promiscuous man but are still *attracted* to him. Divergence of want and attraction. A man's psychology is apparently different. I played the 'don't care about her numbers' game and lost, repeatedly, both in unhealthy relationships and a marriage. YMMV

[sagetalk]

 

1.) They want a nun for a wife, because They are too insecure to handle a woman with what you call a "past". They fear that she will compare them to others.

 

2.) But then when they get this pure angel, they cheat on her because she does not satisfy their innermost urges.

3.) And when they do cheat on her, they will label the woman they are cheating on her with. Then they will label their wife a prude. This is why marriage fails as often as it does - male insecurity.

 

4.) And don't kid yourself, women look negatively on a promiscuous man. Big time. Think: Tiger Woods.

 

1.) You want it both ways as well. You want a sex machine stud that other women lust for, but you don't want him to cheat on you. Good luck with that.

 

The fact that other girls sleep with him tells you that he is valuable and is worthy to go after. Women are insecure as well, they are scared of virgins/in-experienced guys because other women have not showed that these guys are worthy of sex with them and it might hurt their social value by dating an unproven man. And men want LTR's with girl with few sexual partners because it's safer, not because of insecurities.

 

2.) No, the guys that you think are hot would cheat on her because you like sex machine males that cheat. Normal guys would cherish her for a lifetime.

 

3.) Again, this is what your dream man, stud muffin, who goes around pounding girls all day would do.

 

4.) Some of them do, but he would get 100x the sex as a guy who was exposed for being sexually in-experienced would. Plus, many of the same girls who say he's scum would have sex with him in a minute. Look at Ben Roethlisberger as a great example of that.

 

He allegedly drug a girl in a back room and raped her at a club. He is always in trouble, but he's always pictured with 2-3 girls at a time wanting to have sex with him. They love him. Then they complain that guys are scum, what a joke.

[sally4sara]

1.)

The fact that other girls sleep with him tells you that he is valuable and is worthy to go after. Women are insecure as well, they are scared of virgins/in-experienced guys because other women have not showed that these guys are worthy of sex with them and it might hurt their social value by dating an unproven man. And men want LTR's with girl with few sexual partners because it's safer, not because of insecurities.

 

Such a lie.

[janie423]

Really? I'm pretty sure he could still call up any of his harem girls and they would spread open in seconds. Let's be serious here, sure there are plenty of girls who now view Tiger Woods as scum, but there are many, many more that will spend the night (ok an hour or two) with him if he asks.

 

see bolded area: this is a sickening visual

 

and men will have sex with promiscuous girls (whom they look down on) in less time than that . . . so what is your point? I'm sure his harem girls were paid well . . . I am talking about the average non-whore

 

"spread open" is a bit vulgar, quite disrespectful . . .

[janie423]

1.) You want it both ways as well. You want a sex machine stud that other women lust for, but you don't want him to cheat on you. Good luck with that.

 

The fact that other girls sleep with him tells you that he is valuable and is worthy to go after. Women are insecure as well, they are scared of virgins/in-experienced guys because other women have not showed that these guys are worthy of sex with them and it might hurt their social value by dating an unproven man. And men want LTR's with girl with few sexual partners because it's safer, not because of insecurities.

 

2.) No, the guys that you think are hot would cheat on her because you like sex machine males that cheat. Normal guys would cherish her for a lifetime.

 

3.) Again, this is what your dream man, stud muffin, who goes around pounding girls all day would do.

 

4.) Some of them do, but he would get 100x the sex as a guy who was exposed for being sexually in-experienced would. Plus, many of the same girls who say he's scum would have sex with him in a minute. Look at Ben Roethlisberger as a great example of that.

 

He allegedly drug a girl in a back room and raped her at a club. He is always in trouble, but he's always pictured with 2-3 girls at a time wanting to have sex with him. They love him. Then they complain that guys are scum, what a joke.

 

1. huh? what are you talking about? Girls in my circle don't touch a guy that sleeps around, he's branded a ho . . . and you are saying it is unsafe to sleep with a promiscuous girl but safe to sleep with a promiscuous guy? is this planet earth?

 

the remainder of your responses are, quite frankly, incoherent and not edifying in any way . . .

[janie423]

Right, women might *think* negatively about a promiscuous man but are still *attracted* to him. Divergence of want and attraction. A man's psychology is apparently different. I played the 'don't care about her numbers' game and lost, repeatedly, both in unhealthy relationships and a marriage. YMMV

 

Good points. The other thing is, many women who sleep around indiscriminantly have self-esteem issues to begin with, so the promiscuity is simply a symptom of a larger problem, and the self-esteem issues more than likely hinder her capacity for a relationship in general . . .

 

however attracted some women might be to a promiscuous man, a wise one generally avoids such a man . . . in my opinion

[deebeechrisyo]

see bolded area: this is a sickening visual

 

and men will have sex with promiscuous girls (whom they look down on) in less time than that . . . so what is your point? I'm sure his harem girls were paid well . . . I am talking about the average non-whore

 

"spread open" is a bit vulgar, quite disrespectful . . .

 

I didn't say it was going to be pretty! If you want to see vulgar, go see some of Tiger's texts

 

Also, women aren't looking down upon Tiger for being promiscuous, they are looking down on him because he's cheating on his wife. George Clooney has multiple girls in every state in the country, and no one bashes him. The average non-whore loves him!

[sagetalk]

1. huh? what are you talking about? Girls in my circle don't touch a guy that sleeps around, he's branded a ho . . .

 

2.) and you are saying it is unsafe to sleep with a promiscuous girl but safe to sleep with a promiscuous guy? is this planet earth?

 

3.) the remainder of your responses are, quite frankly, incoherent and not edifying in any way . . .

 

1.) I don't know your friends, but I'll take your word on that. If it is true, then they are wise.

 

2.) In a short term fling, yes it's safer, in a longer term relationship it can be deadly. It is risky either way in my opinion.

 

3.) And the words in your post were edifying? You said that guys would do horrible things that are untrue of good men. The words you said are only true of men who sleep around and are promiscuous. Since you seem to think that's all men (at least all datable men in your eyes), I assumed that those were the men you think are hot.

[Woggle]

Tiger Woods, Jesse James or any of these cheating men could have tons of women right now if they wanted to. They would do much better than your average nerd who does not sleep around. Women tend to be horrible judges of male character. Ted Bundy had his share of groupies show up to the courtroom every day during his trial when he would have murdered every one of them if he could.

[carhill]

Good points. The other thing is, many women who sleep around indiscriminantly have self-esteem issues to begin with, so the promiscuity is simply a symptom of a larger problem, and the self-esteem issues more than likely hinder her capacity for a relationship in general . . .

 

however attracted some women might be to a promiscuous man, a wise one generally avoids such a man . . . in my opinion

Yes, boundaries, similar to how I avoid promiscuous women, since I'm not looking for casual sex. Some men are, so I figure they'll take care of these ladies

 

Also, one of the high numbers gals (whom I came to love but not have sex with) clearly told me she used sex to get men to like her and knew it was unhealthy and damaging (this upon reflection of her 'younger' years) to her psyche. She shared her insecurities in that regard and why she had gravitated towards me years ago. It didn't make our dynamic any healthier (still incompatible at that basic level) but at least I could see an alternative perspective. It's helped.

[janie423]

1.) I don't know your friends, but I'll take your word on that. If it is true, then they are wise.

 

2.) In a short term fling, yes it's safer, in a longer term relationship it can be deadly. It is risky either way in my opinion.

 

3.) And the words in your post were edifying? You said that guys would do horrible things that are untrue of good men. The words you said are only true of men who sleep around and are promiscuous. Since you seem to think that's all men (at least all datable men in your eyes), I assumed that those were the men you think are hot.

 

how is it safer in the short term . . . there are cervical cancers that are acquired via sex with men . . . men pass along all manner of pathogens.

 

definitely not all men do these things, I will concede that, but there are good men out there that have been caught in extra-marital affairs (noted politicians for example) . . . who may have started out faithful but strayed . . .

[janie423]

Tiger Woods, Jesse James or any of these cheating men could have tons of women right now if they wanted to. They would do much better than your average nerd who does not sleep around. Women tend to be horrible judges of male character. Ted Bundy had his share of groupies show up to the courtroom every day during his trial when he would have murdered every one of them if he could.

 

probably true for too many women . . .

[OpenGL]

How can I tell if the girl I am dating is promiscuous??

 

Is she morbidly obese? If not, you have your answer.

[Engadget]

Is she morbidly obese? If not, you have your answer.

 

Geez what happened to you?

[deebeechrisyo]

He's in the eternal bitterness towards women phase right now. He'll get out of it once he has some success.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh, I'd love to see the woman who drags him out of this mindset....Lucky her.

[alphamale]

How can I tell if the girl I am dating is promiscuous?? .

she'll have a big red "P" on her forehead