How I got MY wife into sex

[giotto]

I agree, James, a change of "personality" might be somewhat effective, but in our situation the variables are so many that it's difficult to pinpoint them with a degree of accuracy. And this is not an excuse... it's real!

 

I did in fact ask my wife if she wanted to try and stop the ADs, but she is afraid. Last time she tried, her libido came back and we were having sex frequently (heaven!), but she had to take them again. She says that if she stops and then she need to go back on them, the thought of having to wait two/three weeks until they are effective again is unbearable and scares the hell out of her. She is simply not prepared to risk it at the moment. And this comment really made me understand how deeply affected she is by her own mental problems...

 

 

paroxetine = Paxil in the US

 

And I agree with the highlighted part. This is part of the frustration when a partner uses an AD and it works. Suggesting that he or she use a different one simply because it will make him or her more interested in sex comes off as selfish and uncaring.

 

My wife did try bupropion/Welbutrin (which is the main one that theoretically doesn't affect the libido), and it did not work as well. I don't think it really made a big difference regarding her libido...maybe some...but it did not work as effectively. (BTW, she doesn't take ADs anymore and hasn't for a year or more. Getting off late shifts made a difference.)

 

This reminds me of a conversation we had once regarding hormone therapy for low libidos. She asked me if I would want her to take hormones for her libido knowing that it increased her risk for cancer. Of course, I answered no.

 

The point is...if a partner needs medication and the medication helps that person either by making them better or helping them cope, then how can a person suggest that they no longer use the medication because he or she wants more sex?

 

Simple...can't. And as someone who should cherish and love the person they married, then as giotto said, her health (mental and physical) should come first. Frustrating as it is, a low libido IMO is much much better than either an unhealthy/unhappy wife or a dead wife.

 

I can say that our sex life has improved gradually (schedules permitting) since she no longer works the late shift. Perhaps it is because she is happier mentally and healthier physically (as she says is part of the reason) or (and I think this plays a role, too), we have had an opportunity to become better acquainted.

 

Sometimes like tntim, a change in personality and behavior is all that is needed. Other times it is more complicated and involves schedule changes, medication changes, and individual counseling for either or both partners.

[tnttim]

Why don't both of you try this e book series I have. The way the author explains the problem, and then the solution makes so much sense. It has very counter intuitive thinking in it, but like I said it makes so much sense it's insane. Send me your e-mail address if you want to give it a try. It has really worked wonders for my relationship as a whole, not just the sex part. Now my W opens up to me more, and likes cuddling with me. It is like we had a time machine and traveled back to when we first met. When the feelings start to subside, I just use his technique and they eventually come back again. 5 months and counting, which from what I read from your posts, trumps any technique any of us has used in the past. BTW, I am a firm disbeliever in MC, I think if you need professional help to teach you to love then you might as well get a D, but that's just my 2 cents on it.

[JamesM]

Why don't both of you try this e book series I have.

 

I have said and am open to all ideas. I will send you my email address.

 

 

It has really worked wonders for my relationship as a whole, not just the sex part. Now my W opens up to me more, and likes cuddling with me. It is like we had a time machine and traveled back to when we first met. When the feelings start to subside, I just use his technique and they eventually come back again. 5 months and counting, which from what I read from your posts, trumps any technique any of us has used in the past.

 

I know how you feel. As for it trumping any technique I have used, I cannot comment because your happiness has only been five months. Back in 2006, I had a frank and honest conversation with my wife which resulted in six months (maybe a little more) of great sex and cuddling. Some on LS cautioned me that it would not last. It did not. What motivated it was probably the fear of losing me. She loved me then and still loves me now, but her enthusiasm for sex was relatively brief. While our sex life has always remained better than it was before that day, it has never returned to those twice a week months (or more) back in 2006.

 

Cuddling and kissing has never left. It ebbs and flows based on how close we are.

 

As someone said to me 9and I remember who the poster was and still is), I caution you to not think that this will last, It may or it may not.

 

In your case, if you need to use and reuse the techniques to get sex, then I wonder why. For your sake (and I mean it) I do hope that it stays and you will be back a year from now and five years from now saying how this e-book changed your marriage.

 

BTW, I am a firm disbeliever in MC, I think if you need professional help to teach you to love then you might as well get a D, but that's just my 2 cents on it.

 

This coming from a guy who uses an e-book to teach him how to have a happy sex life?

[Luv2dance]

BTW, I am a firm disbeliever in MC, I think if you need professional help to teach you to love then you might as well get a D, but that's just my 2 cents on it.

 

Thanks I'll just tell MH we can save our $ and file tomorrow...that is like saying you don't need medicine to cure a disease. MC does not teach you how to love but provides a uninvolved party to help talk and sort out issues. In our case it is a lot about sex b/c that is a big issue but it is helping in all aspects of communication.

 

And at least with a person we can question her motives and disagree..can't really do that with an ebook.

 

Sorry...just think until you've tried something you shouldn't be so judgmental and I'm having a bad day.

[mem11363]

James,

Even though I think this question is inherently difficult to answer, I think it is worth considering.

 

Situation reversed, would you deny your wife 1-2 hours of sex a week if you knew doing so would cause her a world of distress and put her in a never ending problem solving mode for a problem that YOU were creating for her.

 

Meaning - we swap the two of you - now you get fibromyalga and some bad memories of sex, and she gets your sex drive.

 

Would you handle it the way she does?

 

 

 

I agree every situation is different. I also believe that in imbalanced relationships - and you describe yours that way - there are many similarities.

 

For instance we read all the time about the angry/combative husband who is a prick to his wife on a regular basis. Perhaps we can call this the "emotionally abusive" spouse. Thing is - the wife hits a breaking point and suddenly mister tough guy is on his knees begging her to stay - and scheduling his appointment with a MC/IC basically whatever she says.

 

So why is that? Seems obvious to me. He has always known he was being a jerk. Always. But until she showed her willingness to walk he had zero interest in fixing the problem.

 

When you threatened to walk out - your wife asked herself a simple question: Is it worth losing my life partner over 1-2 hours of effort a week? Immediate and absolute answer: hell no

 

On top of that I think she felt some genuine fear - fear of loss. And I think that was an aphrodisiac for her.

 

But somewhere during that time - and maybe it was all done in a non-verbal way - a message was sent and received that it was now ok to revert to more of a room mate interaction. And that is exactly what happened.

 

And that is a choice - James is choosing to meet all his wife's needs - physical and emotional - without demanding reciprocity. He is choosing to give her the full benefit of having someone "in love" with you - without getting that feeling back. Love yes - "in love" - no. And that ultimately is the imbalance in many/most of these situations.

 

 

 

I have said and am open to all ideas. I will send you my email address.

 

 

 

 

I know how you feel. As for it trumping any technique I have used, I cannot comment because your happiness has only been five months. Back in 2006, I had a frank and honest conversation with my wife which resulted in six months (maybe a little more) of great sex and cuddling. Some on LS cautioned me that it would not last. It did not. What motivated it was probably the fear of losing me. She loved me then and still loves me now, but her enthusiasm for sex was relatively brief. While our sex life has always remained better than it was before that day, it has never returned to those twice a week months (or more) back in 2006.

 

Cuddling and kissing has never left. It ebbs and flows based on how close we are.

 

As someone said to me 9and I remember who the poster was and still is), I caution you to not think that this will last, It may or it may not.

 

In your case, if you need to use and reuse the techniques to get sex, then I wonder why. For your sake (and I mean it) I do hope that it stays and you will be back a year from now and five years from now saying how this e-book changed your marriage.

 

 

 

This coming from a guy who uses an e-book to teach him how to have a happy sex life?

[JamesM]

James,

Even though I think this question is inherently difficult to answer, I think it is worth considering.

 

Situation reversed, would you deny your wife 1-2 hours of sex a week if you knew doing so would cause her a world of distress and put her in a never ending problem solving mode for a problem that YOU were creating for her.

 

Meaning - we swap the two of you - now you get fibromyalga and some bad memories of sex, and she gets your sex drive.

 

Would you handle it the way she does?

 

Honestly, I would not handle the pain as well as she does. Seriously.

 

And I have asked myself that question many times, and I then understand how she feels. Question back...do you feel like having sex the moment after you have climaxed? Do you feel like having sex when you have a tooth ache? Do you feel like having sex when you have the aches of a fever going through your body? Do you feel like having sex the day after a workout when your body aches everywhere? Do you feel like having sex the day you have a hangover?

 

And I know she doesn't feel that way all of the time. It comes and goes. There is a correlation to her monthly period for example. But to DEMAND sex from her knowing that she has her good and bad days would only show selfishness on my part and not love.

 

 

When you threatened to walk out - your wife asked herself a simple question: Is it worth losing my life partner over 1-2 hours of effort a week? Immediate and absolute answer: hell no

 

On top of that I think she felt some genuine fear - fear of loss. And I think that was an aphrodisiac for her.

 

The fear of losing me was a motivation for her to be certain that we had sex on a regular basis. The fear of losing me was not necessarily an aphrodisiac. It did make her enjoy sex because she wanted to please me and hence her, but I do not believe that she suddenly developed an interest in sex.

 

And did she receive a message that it was okay to revert to norm? Perhaps, but since she basically received an ultimatum, then the only way that she would retain such a motivation is to constantly live in fear of me leaving. This would not be good for either of us.

 

And that is a choice - James is choosing to meet all his wife's needs - physical and emotional - without demanding reciprocity. He is choosing to give her the full benefit of having someone "in love" with you - without getting that feeling back. Love yes - "in love" - no. And that ultimately is the imbalance in many/most of these situations.

 

You are right. I will not DEMAND her love. She does not demand mine. I love her willingly. And I know she loves me the same. As I stated before, we have a much better physical relationship that even six months ago. Perfect? No. But our schedules do not permit alot right now anyhow. I am working (even as I type this ) sixty plus hours a week. In a few months, this will change. I do not have alot of interest in sex in my evenings as i have other tings to do around the house before bedtime. By the time I hit the pillow, I am quite tired.

 

Even still she has shown more of a libido than in the past. I do think that either I am a better husband or her health and well being has improved. Probably a bit of both.

[WalkInThePark]

Since our sex life has been better this year and it shows improvement, then something is helping. And honestly, I am thinking more that my wife has decided to initiate change. Do I base that I something I have done? I wish.

 

I have no qualms to say here and to her...she is the love of my life, and after being married over twenty years, I see no one else I would rather be with. She is my best friend and the one I can communicate pretty much everything with. I know that she feels the same way.

 

This is what I find mindblowing in your situation: you keep saying that she is your best friend but you still are GUESSING what makes her have less or more sex! In my opinion that means that you are not talking about the thing you should be talking about = that you want more sex and that you want to know what makes her want it more...

[Blindsidedagainalive]

But your wife will get tired of that too.

 

Then you will get tired of reinventing yourself / methods to stimulate her interest.

 

Your method is basically manipulation (with the exception of the 'balls tingling' part.

 

When she asks if she looks sexy, and you ignore...THEN YOU ARE THE GAME PLAYER. Games get old. She will catch on ..... THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO TRY AND CREATE ANOTHER GAME......BUT ....she will know your game then.

[Jeff1962]

I simply do not agree with this at all. Sex is not a demand or to be scheduled in. Hello! Some couples lives demand that they do schedule time together but to demand sex and to schedule sex, that's just messed up dude.

 

I could not live my life like this. Think about how your mate feels about all of this. Hey dude, if you have to demand intimacy, then it's just not there in the first place.

 

Stop being an abuser and controller and take a look at yourself.

 

No offense meant.

[Jeff1962]

I simply do not agree with this at all. Sex is not a demand or to be scheduled in. Hello! Some couples lives demand that they do schedule time together but to demand sex and to schedule sex, that's just messed up dude.

 

I could not live my life like this. Think about how your mate feels about all of this. Hey dude, if you have to demand intimacy, then it's just not there in the first place.

 

Stop being an abuser and controller and take a look at yourself.

 

No offense meant.

 

I guess my point is this; Your boss demands, your bills demand that they are paid. Customers demand satisifaction. Our working lives, our other selves must meet demand, demand, demand from so many sources. You cannot demand love and intimacy. This should be given freely with mutual desire for eachother. Your relationship should be somewhat of a sanctuary from the world and the demand of a**holes. I could not imagine even as a male the demand for scheduled sex.

 

When we demand, it is all, I, I, I, I. Not we, not us, not together, rather I. My needs. Not yours.

 

I would rather live my life alone than have to demand intimacy with my S.O. If you do not get this, then good luck.

 

Something to thnk about.

[tnttim]

My point is simple, if your techniques don't work on a prospective date, then they don't work on your wife. Plain and simple, all the other techniques get old and worn out.

[mem11363]

Which post are you disagreeing with Jeff?

 

 

I simply do not agree with this at all. Sex is not a demand or to be scheduled in. Hello! Some couples lives demand that they do schedule time together but to demand sex and to schedule sex, that's just messed up dude.

 

I could not live my life like this. Think about how your mate feels about all of this. Hey dude, if you have to demand intimacy, then it's just not there in the first place.

 

Stop being an abuser and controller and take a look at yourself.

 

No offense meant.

[FitChick]

If your women are peri-menopausal or menopausal, find an endocrinologist who knows how to balance their hormones with bioidentical HRT. Then they can toss their anti-depressants out and their sex drive will come back. Most depression comes from hormone imbalance so giving anti-depressants only treats the symptom -- depression -- and not the cause, hormones. Sadly, most doctors are ignorant.

 

Buy Suzanne Somer's Ageless to read about male and female hormones.

 

Newsweek did a big story some months back about the truth about anti-depressants. They are no better than placebos and do more harm than good.

[soserious1]

If your women are peri-menopausal or menopausal, find an endocrinologist who knows how to balance their hormones with bioidentical HRT. Then they can toss their anti-depressants out and their sex drive will come back. Most depression comes from hormone imbalance so giving anti-depressants only treats the symptom -- depression -- and not the cause, hormones. Sadly, most doctors are ignorant.

 

Buy Suzanne Somer's Ageless to read about male and female hormones.

 

Newsweek did a big story some months back about the truth about anti-depressants. They are no better than placebos and do more harm than good.

 

 

The natural "balanced" state after menopause is what it is

the estrogen factory shuts down. A lot of women are afraid of HRT and the jury is still out on the risks involved in bioidentical HRT.

 

The best way? no HRT, no anti-depressants. Menopause is a totally natural life process that shouldn't be medicalized.

Watching your weight, cutting back calories, exercising more and the use of good lubrication are all that should be needed.

[tnttim]

The good feelings part....

 

Since I don't tell my W every time she asks me if she is sexy, hot, or pretty I can now save up all that stored tension with my real feelings, not my forced feelings of what she wants to hear to feel pretty. Now when I say it, the comment holds way more power. Honestly I was scared at first, and almost gave in a few times, but I overcame.

 

Now to the good part, we are driving home from work and she has been in the sun for the last week so she's tan, and her hair is lighter. I looked over at her and said "Wow you look so beutiful." 5 simple words and she was blushing like a school girl. She even said "we've been together for 12 years and you still manage to make me blush, I love you." Needless to say what followed was her showing her appreciation for the comment, so that was added bonus.

 

Like I said it was really hard to hold out and not agree every time she asks how she looks. I think the main reason I made her blush, and the follow up extra effort was that I meant it and she could tell I didn't have to force the comment.

 

Powerful sht!!!!!!

[Lovelybird]

And that is a choice - James is choosing to meet all his wife's needs - physical and emotional - without demanding reciprocity. He is choosing to give her the full benefit of having someone "in love" with you - without getting that feeling back. Love yes - "in love" - no. And that ultimately is the imbalance in many/most of these situations.

Jame's wife may be the type of woman who need a bit uncertainty and excitement to feel sexually aroused......

Maybe she feels Jame as brother or father instead of a love partner?

[tnttim]

James M has the tools, those books I sent are golden. With the right mind set he will be taughting success sooner than he can believe.

 

I have faith in him, just give him a chance.

[JamesM]

Jame's wife may be the type of woman who need a bit uncertainty and excitement to feel sexually aroused......

Maybe she feels Jame as brother or father instead of a love partner?

 

Although this is not a thread about me, I guess this comment deserves an update from me.

 

My wife and I have actually had a satisfactory sex life at least in my eyes and I have to guess in hers. The sex (and it is good sex) has been happening about once a week for the past few months. I know she has been feeling better health wise. My work schedule and need for sleep keeps ME from wanting more. I have always said that once a week is good enough for me, so four times a month with 60+ hours of work works well.

 

WalkInThPark will chime in with what changed. First, we do have discussions about sex, but as Giotto and others can state, one can only discuss it so often. She has always said that her night shift and her pain had a big impact. I think it is true. She now works a day job and does have less pain. I also think that perhaps our relationship has improved over the past few months and even moreso since the sex occurred more frequently (and more importantly better quality). She says she loves me more and I can easily connect that to a closer physical intimacy. The improved sex life has not happened because I want more sex, but because WE want more sex. That is important.

 

If brothers and sisters hug and kiss as we did and do even if the sex was less frequent, then perhaps she thinks of me that way. Since I am younger and the polar opposite of her father in almost every way, I don't think I am a father figure.

 

Personally, our relationship has improved alot in the past few months. We both have lost weight and feel better about ourselves. We both are taking time to spend as much time as possible even though I am not around as much. As I said at the beginning of the year, I would not focus on sex with her and how to fix it, but I would instead forget about sex with her and look at other options. She knew that something changed in my approach regarding sex. Although I know that my physical affection for her did not change, the goal of obtaining sex was not there.

 

My point is....our sex life is going good. I am not stupid enough to say that we will now live happily ever after, but I can say that we are living happily now.

 

James M has the tools, those books I sent are golden. With the right mind set he will be taughting success sooner than he can believe.

 

I have faith in him, just give him a chance.

 

 

Thank you, tnttim, I will read the books you sent me. It may be awhile, but I will. I am guessing that there will be some helpful advice in them. Perhaps this happier sex life that we are not having will improve or continue longer than I expect.

 

Marriage is about ups and downs. Now we are in an up. I still am not focusing on sex. If it happens and the "moment is right," then it happens. For now I will enjoy the intimacy and emotional closeness that we both are enjoying.

[giotto]

the shifts...

 

well, you said it, James... there you go... the shifts stop and your wife regains "sanity"... I'm not very optimistic about my outcome... I need my wife to stop taking ADs and to stop the shifts... I don't see that happening any soon...

[tnttim]

the shifts...

 

well, you said it, James... there you go... the shifts stop and your wife regains "sanity"... I'm not very optimistic about my outcome... I need my wife to stop taking ADs and to stop the shifts... I don't see that happening any soon...

 

Let me give you an analogy. Two poor guys are talking, one says he is always going to be poor, the other says that he knows in the future he will rich.

 

Which one becomes rich and which one remains poor?

 

It's all about state of mind and attitude, everything in life. If you keep saying you'll never get your sex from your wife, then guess what, you're right. If you say I will get sex from wife, guess what, you're right. It's up to you to change your perception, and hers.

 

My wife takes ADs and we have sex 3 times a week because I am her real drug of choice. I cure her pain, make her feel good, and am there when she really needs me. Like a drug!

[giotto]

Let me give you an analogy. Two poor guys are talking, one says he is always going to be poor, the other says that he knows in the future he will rich.

 

Which one becomes rich and which one remains poor?

 

It's all about state of mind and attitude, everything in life. If you keep saying you'll never get your sex from your wife, then guess what, you're right. If you say I will get sex from wife, guess what, you're right. It's up to you to change your perception, and hers.

 

My wife takes ADs and we have sex 3 times a week because I am her real drug of choice. I cure her pain, make her feel good, and am there when she really needs me. Like a drug!

 

funnily enough, I think I agree with you on this one... thanks for the e-books...

[JamesM]

the shifts...

 

well, you said it, James... there you go... the shifts stop and your wife regains "sanity"... I'm not very optimistic about my outcome... I need my wife to stop taking ADs and to stop the shifts... I don't see that happening any soon...

 

It could or could not be the problem. As tnttim said, his wife takes ADs and he says he has enough sex. My wife took ADs and then didn't take them...our sex life didn't change either. It stayed low.

 

As for it being shifts, this may be part of it. My wife has said many times how much better she feels now that she has a day job. I know that gradually after she took the day job she had a better mood and better outlook on life.

 

Our relationship improved also. Was it simply because her mood improved and she had more energy to "love" me? She has said when I asked her that she feels more love for me.

 

While some may want exact answers, I am not sure that even the person responsible can give an exact answer. IT may simply be a combination of things.

 

 

Let me give you an analogy. Two poor guys are talking, one says he is always going to be poor, the other says that he knows in the future he will rich.

 

Which one becomes rich and which one remains poor?

 

It's all about state of mind and attitude, everything in life. If you keep saying you'll never get your sex from your wife, then guess what, you're right.

 

Agree and disagree. Many people WISH to be rich and think they will be in the future, but if no change occurs and they keep telling the poor man that "Someday I will be rich," then someday will never come. And even if the man doesn't think he will become rich and yet he takes actions that lead him to that possibility, he may still become rich.

 

Just because I say "I will be rich" and yet never do anything, that does not mean I will realize my attitude into reality.

 

So it is with sex. I can hope that it will get better, but if I never try anything and keep trying even when I fail, then no amount of positive attitudes will cause change.

 

My wife takes ADs and we have sex 3 times a week because I am her real drug of choice. I cure her pain, make her feel good, and am there when she really needs me. Like a drug!

 

Which AD does she take? While I don't think that makes a huge difference, I can also say that while my wife's love for sex did not improve alot after she quit taking ADs, I do know that for many ADs do kill the libido. And yet for others like your wife, ADs have no effect on the libido.

 

Making the assumption that Giotto and/or his wife is using ADs an excuse because ADs have no effect on your sex life is a false conclusion. However, the fact that she makes no changes to see if this is the problem IMO says that there is something else underlying the lack of sex...and that is based on my experiences (which may or may not apply).

[tnttim]

Saying its the ADs puts up a road block in your thinking, like saying it's her low libido without the ADs. Well which is it then? IMO is doesn't matter what her problem is, it's only your problems that you can fix. So why waste brain power, and energy on the unfixable. By no means am I saying give up, in fact you should turn it up a little.

 

Read the super lust buttons e book. I used the techniques on a bartender on Saturday. She was in a bad mood, you could tell by just looking at her and her reactions to people. I'm trying to help out my 32 year virgin friend. I said "watch how easy this is dude, you just have to have confidence in what your saying, what you say has very little to do with it. It's all about attitude and not letting her dictate your attitude. The second she realizes that she can act bitchy and have an effect on you, then your sunk." I ordered a beer and when she brought it to me, I said "no, I wanted a Miller." She got mad and slammed the beer into the ice and brought me Miller. Then she walked by again, and I said "Hey, I didn't want a Miller I wanted a Rolling Rock." The whole time I had a serious look on my face, she shook her head at me, smiled finally and flipped me off. When I finished my beer I asked her for the one on the ice. When she handed it to me, she had a huge smile on her face. We talked for five more minutes, and after that she was dancing and her mood completely changed.

 

I never used to have that effect on women, because the old me would have kissed her butt, or got angry in return. I now understand what it takes to get their attention, and get them thinking about me. There is no mistaken that I was on her mind that whole time. There was no mistake that by being a man, and standing my ground, she reacted in a positive way. BTW she was hot, and I know she was used to men kissing her butt, or acting tough. She was also used to knowing that men wanted her. Those were all the signals I never showed her, and I got rewarded for it!!!

[JamesM]

Saying its the ADs puts up a road block in your thinking, like saying it's her low libido without the ADs. Well which is it then? IMO is doesn't matter what her problem is, it's only your problems that you can fix.

 

I do agree but...disagree. I can only change myself but yet IF there is a reason that my wife (or anyone's depending on who is talking) has no interest in sex besides my attitude and actions, then I can change all I want without any change on her part...even if she want to change.

 

However, having changed my own attitude towards my dependence on getting sex from her, I can say that at least this took away alot of frustration and the feeling of powerlessness.

 

Yet ignoring the real reasons may simply set one up for a fall.

 

I never used to have that effect on women, because the old me would have kissed her butt, or got angry in return. I now understand what it takes to get their attention, and get them thinking about me. There is no mistaken that I was on her mind that whole time.

 

Okaaayyyy...so now as men in sexless marriages, we will learn how to pick up women. That should solve our problems.

 

But yet the feeling that women do respond to us will give a confidence back that may spill over in our marriage...assuming that this is a reason why there is no sex.

 

BTW, did your wife appreciate your new found skills at picking up women...and your new found realization that you have that effect on women? (Hint...many women would see that as a negative not a positive...a married man flirting with single women at a bar).

[Honorable_Venerable]

Let me give you an analogy. Two poor guys are talking, one says he is always going to be poor, the other says that he knows in the future he will rich.

 

Which one becomes rich and which one remains poor?

 

It's all about state of mind and attitude, everything in life.

 

There are three possibilities: you're right is only one of them.

 

The guy who says he will remain poor might win a million quid on the lottery the following week.

 

The one who says he will get rich might try every half-witted, half-baked money-making scheme in the world and be nailed into his coffin tired, disappointed and still dirt poor.

 

To say that state of mind and attitude can achieve anything is disingenuous. I got my leg broken up in a vehicle accident years ago and have asthma. Telling myself I will be a superb athlete is NOT going to make these things go away.