Snooped through her cell phone

[meerkat stew]

If she hadn't been so dismissive while out "with friends" doing karaoke, I could almost believe her latter explanation. But taken as a whole, together with the content of the texts, and equally importantly her not getting upset about your snooping, you are not playing with good odds on this one.

[lordWilhelm]

Yeah, I agree with the guy above. Talking on the phone wasn't exactly the best idea, her body language and facial clues were the key in this case.

 

I think this is a bit circumstantial though. You should cool off the idea of marriage and see how things go.

[Whyme_wtf]

well, you did the right thing to confront her about your feelings after you snooped.

I would run as fast as you can.

These are signs of trouble to come.

Disconnect and dont look back as hard as it will be.

[ashlee]

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

[nowomanocry]

I've been divorced for three years and it ended due my XW cheating on me. I've just recently become engaged to my fiancé who I truly feel is the love of my life. Last week I took my kids to Disneyworld for a week. She couldn't come due to work obligations.

 

We have a very loving relationship where we talk and Text all day long. Last Thursday I had taken my kids to the pool so I didn't get her call right then. Once I saw she called I called her back. She ended up texting me a couple of hours later saying she was karaoking with her friends and that shed call me after. I'm ok with her hanging out with her friends but it was getting late and I really wanted to hear her voice. She could tell I was agitated and asked what was wrong so I told her that I was agitated she couldn't call me for at least a min and how she keeps the phone glued to her and it wasn't that hard to call. She text back "wow, whatever. Good night" I didn't text her back but the next morning she text me if I was still mad at her. I was and got into it and she countered with. If our relationship was going to me checking up on her all the time than forget it. She than went on to say that she loved me and missed me and can't wait to see me and she didn't want to fight with me.

I got home and things were really good. So I dropped the whole issue.

 

I stayed at her house last night and her son was acting up so she went to his room to comfort her and ended up sleeping there. I ended up bumping into her cell phone and I couldn't help it. I snooped. I saw a bunch of texts from some guy named XX and they had pretty flirty exchanges. Like "I really hate you l.. Do you hate me more?" and she called him "daddy". From the looks of it they have known each other a while. So I looked at their texts and Friday day her texts was:

her: guess what

him: what

her: I'm sick

him: it must have been you kissing me

her: I didn't kiss you

him: you must have when I fell asleep

 

from some other texts I read he apparently spent the night.

 

Wow! Seriously? Even if he was just a friend what's with the playful banter? I know I shouldn't have snooped but having been burned before I have to make sure. I would happily let her go through my phone. Even if nothing happened between them she's still covering it up. I'm truly gutted. This woman is my life and she says that she is completely in love with me. Her ex husband supposedly cheated on her but she found out after they separated and the reason he divorced her was he suspected her of cheating on him with a coworker. She says it's was unwarranted and nothing happened btweeb them. One recent text was to that co worker in question asking to hang out again.

 

We are planning to get married and I have to be sure. From the looks of it I'm getting played. Am I overeacting? I know she will say he's just a friend and I shouldn't be going through her cell phone but if she truly had nothing to hide than I wouldn't have found anything. I truly love this girl and I don't know if I can be without her but this will just eat me alive...

 

don't ever reveal what you know... - even if you do open up and tell her that you know about the other di..k she'll easily invent a lie and even make you believe that he is a relative or summink

 

Make an alternative plan for your life. Dump her for good and tell her a reason that has nothing to do with you two - so that she's shocked to her bones!

 

Keep on snoopin' - The truthhh shall set thou freeee lol

 

Good luck

[phineas]

To the OP,

Why did she call this guy to bring her nyquill & not you? Her fiancee'.

 

Why would my wife call her "guy friend" to pick her up at a bar when she was too drunk to drive & not me, her husband?

 

I know the answer to my question.

I'm betting it's the same for the OP.

[seibert253]

To the OP,

Why did she call this guy to bring her nyquill & not you? Her fiancee'.

 

Why would my wife call her "guy friend" to pick her up at a bar when she was too drunk to drive & not me, her husband?

 

I know the answer to my question.

I'm betting it's the same for the OP.

 

P, you read my mind.

[DeepThinker01]

you may still be hurt about your ex wife. it really does sound like it, which is completely understandable. maybe you aren't ready to get married yet? or well, with her i mean..

from my experience, if you have doubt then don't do it. we all get lonely, but that doesn't mean we have to put up with ****. i wish you luck, i truly do. confront her about it before you decide to marry or end it though. the last thing you want to do is hold that in... ticking time bomb.

i would know.

[Wildabeest]

To the OP,

Why did she call this guy to bring her nyquill & not you? Her fiancee'.

 

Why would my wife call her "guy friend" to pick her up at a bar when she was too drunk to drive & not me, her husband?

 

I know the answer to my question.

I'm betting it's the same for the OP.

 

I was out of town in Orlando on vacation with my kids. She couldn't go due to work obligations.

[aerogurl87]

Wildabeest she's playing you, simple as that. As someone who was cheated on multiple times by my ex boyfriend, I know how the game goes. My ex used the "oh well she's just a friend" line on me multiple times. Lied and told me he was going to hang out with a friend, only to text me at 2am about how he really wasn't going to hang out with one of his guy friends, but his ex girlfriend. And you can bet he slept with her behind my back. You're in denial, but it's better to end this before you marry her and have to go through another divorce. Cut your losses early please, if not for your sake, for that of your children.

 

Also my boyfriend got burned in his last relationship, so we have a completely open relationship now. If he went through my phone the only thing I'd be somewhat embarrassed about is all the text messages I've saved from him that I found to be incredibly sweet. When there's nothing to hide in a relationship, there's no reason to lie. I tell my boyfriend about all my guy friends I hang out with and talk to on a regular basis. Granted, their both gay, but he still knows about them. I think you know as well as everyone else on this board though that she's lying to you, plain and simple.

[Wildabeest]

I know i'm in denial. I just have a hard time accepting that she really is cheating on me. Either she is a master manipulator or she is just naive about relationships with male friends and I'm inclined to believe the later. I was pretty set to just call it off with her but she persuaded me to give it another chance. There are certain behaviors that need to be modified before we get married thats for sure.

 

I don't want to resort to telling my SO who she can talk to but even she said something quite telling. She said that her last few relationships she's had have always had issues with the guys accusing her of cheating when she never did. Well girly, maybe its you than. if its just one guy with trust issues than it may be something else. If its a multitude of them than maybe..just maybe... its you.

 

I hate to be possessive or controlling but I think for our relationship to continue I'll have to put the kibosh on talking to ex's. The one thing that really irritates me is that she was texting him quite a bit and when I see texts from him interspersed with my texts it just feels wrong. It almost feels like a threesome. bleh!

 

She is pretty adamant that he is just a friend but regardless if there is nothing physical going on, its still somewhat of an emotional affair.

 

As much as I want to run before the house burns down. I always wait until I have to jump off the ledge.

[calizaggy]

1. She never called you back that night..(created a fight of sorts so she had an excuse not to talk to you)

 

2. She spent the night with another man.

 

3. She lied to you about it.

 

Her excuses are also huge lies..Do not marry this woman.

[Richard Friedman]

She is not a master manipulator. What has she done that's so clever? It just isn't very hard to fool someone who is willing to pull the wool over his own eyes. Many years years down the road when she leaves you for her younger stud, taking half your assets and your kids(which may or may not be yours) don't say you didn't see it coming. You know in your gut what's going on but your fear of being alone and nonexistant self esteem are causing you to be dishonest with yourself. Fish your balls out your purse and face reality. This self delusion is just sad to see.

[Bryanp]

Wildabeast,

 

I think your last post is very significant. She admitted that all of her previous relationships resulted in the boyfriends believing that she was cheating on them. What does that tell you? Do you really want to be a marriage with someone that continuously makes you feel that she is cheating on you and always being connected with ex boyfriends and other male friends? If you cannot see this as a giant problem then seriously you are in tremendous denial. I really think you would have to be somewhat masochistic to even contemplate marrying a woman with such issues.

[calizaggy]

I know i'm in denial. I just have a hard time accepting that she really is cheating on me. Either she is a master manipulator or she is just naive about relationships with male friends and I'm inclined to believe the later. .

 

 

Just naieve about what though? She lied to you, started a fight out of nothing to have an excuse not to call you, did not call you, then spent the night with another man..

 

When asked she still lied through omission about what happened that night.. If she eas naieve and innocent she would have told you exactly what happened right away, but she knew what she was doing was wrong.

 

Then she was texting this guy AFTER the fact.. "Daddy" etc etc..

 

How much more proof do you need?

 

And by the way, how can you put up with any woman that talks to you like that?

 

She text back "wow, whatever. Good night"

 

"If our relationship was going to me checking up on her all the time than forget it."

 

So she is cheating, then tells you ahead of time not to check up on her, or forget it, lol.. She is not naieve... Just making a fool out of you.

[aerogurl87]

Just naieve about what though? She lied to you, started a fight out of nothing to have an excuse not to call you, did not call you, then spent the night with another man..

 

When asked she still lied through omission about what happened that night.. If she eas naieve and innocent she would have told you exactly what happened right away, but she knew what she was doing was wrong.

 

Then she was texting this guy AFTER the fact.. "Daddy" etc etc..

 

How much more proof do you need?

 

And by the way, how can you put up with any woman that talks to you like that?

 

She text back "wow, whatever. Good night"

 

"If our relationship was going to me checking up on her all the time than forget it."

 

So she is cheating, then tells you ahead of time not to check up on her, or forget it, lol.. She is not naieve... Just making a fool out of you.

 

Well this just hits the nail right on the head. This girl is playing you for a fool and you're dumb enough to try and convince yourself otherwise. She isn't a master manipulator, a master manipulator would've never gotten caught in the first place or they would've had their lies woven so well it would be hard to not believe they weren't telling the truth. You're in denial even with the truth staring you straight in the eye. So walk before it's too late, you'll find someone else in time. You've fell in love twice already, I'm sure it can happen again.

[lkjh]

dude at the very least she is stupid, at the most she is cheating. No woman honestly believes that her ex lover just wants to be friends. Especially when he talks about kissing her

[threebyfate]

I don't want to resort to telling my SO who she can talk to but even she said something quite telling. She said that her last few relationships she's had have always had issues with the guys accusing her of cheating when she never did. Well girly, maybe its you than. if its just one guy with trust issues than it may be something else. If its a multitude of them than maybe..just maybe... its you.

IME, where there's smoke, there's fire.

 

Whether she's physically cheated on you or not, who knows. But she appears to have problems maintaining relationship boundaries. When someone is like this, cheating is going to happen, sooner or later.

 

Don't marry this woman. You will regret it if you do.

[Woggle]

Be glad that you can still dodge this bullet because many women do not show their true colors until the marriage has already happened. It is plain and clear what she is really like and if you still marry her then you are a fool.

[Spectre]

Ok so here is the bottom line: You have any self respect for yourself? Drop this chick immediately. That is all there is to it, if you can't do that then you deserve to be with this shady chick.

 

I'd tell you that one day you will find a chick who won't do this to you, but honestly? Lately, I'm thinking that finding a chick like that is truly rare. Which is really just quite sad. Just the number of incidents of girls cheating on their boyfriends that I've heard about lately has rised to an alarming rate.

 

Not to say guys don't cheat too, but damn it seems like every friend I have has been cheated on or at least had their gf/wife do something incredibly shady that is on the verge of cheating.

 

It's like..there's always some other dude in some way. Whether it's a co-worker, a "male friend", or an ex bf..it's always something.

Edited March 16, 2010 by Spectre

[Ophelia Rue]

I'm sorry to be blunt, but you're a pushover. Do NOT let her cheat on you. Man up! Let her know what you saw. If she gets really pissed about you looking at her phone, she has something to hide.

[Rearden Metal]

Need an update!!!

[Wildabeest]

Ok, here's the update.

 

We basically worked through the original issues and left everything behind us. I'm pretty sure that she didn't cheat on me with her ex-boyfriend.

 

sooo...After all that she did mention that her ex-bf texted her to ask her if she was really ready for a committed relationship after getting out of one so fast. She told me that she told him that she was definitely ready and if you've found someone than why not.

 

The past few weeks though we have been bickering quite a bit. I've since learned that she freaks out -A LOT. She doesn't handle stress too well. We have been looking for a house to rent together and its been awful. Things will be fine in the morning and than at night something with trigger her and she'll pick a fight. The other night I went to her house and hung out. I ended up dropping my kids off with the ex and surprised her with chinese takeout so she wouldn't have to cook. Her kids were there so I played with the kids while she kind of watched the kids but mostly watched TV and texting on her phone - I found out later she was texting her ex-husband cause he was going through some stuff. After the kids were asleep she said she was going to sleep and I said I'd join her. I got into bed and she rolled over. No kiss, nothing. I ended up saying "what? I don't get a good night kiss" She obliged and went back to her fetal, back to me position. I couldn't sleep so I played with my iphone. She turned over and told me that if I wasn't tired I could go watch tv. I asked her, "so you want me to leave?" She said "umm yeah" so...I left. I left her house and went home. Its a 45 minute drive.

 

She called the next morning and we had it out. She apologized saying she was a brat and she knew it. Plus she asked her ex-H what was wrong with her and he said that he always knew a week before her period when she was going to start. And that if I could handle her during this week, than its meant to be.

 

She often quoted that Marilyn Monroe line..."If you cant handle me at my worst than you don't deserve me at my best".

 

We talked it over, had lunch together and both agreed to work things out since we love each other.

 

That night, I went to look at another house to rent, she chastised me for wanting to keep my options open and If I saw a house I liked I should jump on it and why wait. I said its a renters market and I wanted to see a couple of more houses. We only saw 2 so far. She told me that I bugged her and we got into another fight. OMG! seriously.

 

Yeah, I can't handle her at her worst...

 

I'm driving to her work and breaking up with her. Plus I'm taking the engagement ring back.

 

I don't deserve that. I was married to a self professed brat for 10 years. Why would I want to jump back into the fryer again....

[Rearden Metal]

Commendable job giving yourself the opportunity to work things out, but even more commendable for having the backbone to end things. She's showing signs of terrible behavior and making excuses for it in advance. BAD news.

[Wildabeest]

Forgot to mention that a lot of our fights about the house is because she has no concept of money. She wants to rent a nice house together for 3500 dollars a month. I don't want to spend that much because its just throwing away money you'll never get back. We compromised at 2000 per month but she is disappointed she can't get her way. She says things like "You decide the house, I don't care since I'm not getting what I want anyways" So basically what she means is, I get to decide and she'll resent me for it....