Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Lizzie, have you changed your thinking on this? As I recall, you used to say that most men will cheat, no matter what, even if they are getting plenty of sex at home. Yes.. most men cheat... but those who have all the sex they want at home (like my young MM)... are not 'proned' to cheat as much.. if they cheat .. it would be for other reasons.. I say they are 'rare specimens'.. cause it is extremely rare IMO to see couples (long term) who have a smooth sex life... I also smile when I hear some women saying how their H are happy and how they make them happy.. especially when they say they have the best H in the world... maybe so... but maybe the reason why he's soooo nice is that he's having some 'excitement' on the side... food for thought.. Stirring the pot on the Dating section too.... I seldom come here, but must say the OP is 100% right.... Go to the Marriage Section and see all the males just wanting their wife to have sex with them and asking for nothing else at all.... So debate it all you want when you are "Dating", because once married all they want is SEX...... Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I never really thought of how I "keep a man" in terms of quantifying it. Interesting question. I would have to say that I am affectionate and demonstrative, but at the same time I can be unpredictable, and I think that is what keeps men interested for the long term. My boyfriends have told me they have a lot of fun with me, and that is key I think. If you can have fun with your mate no matter what you are doing, that is a good recipe for long-term success. I pick my battles and am not a ball buster, I feel that when you start to nag you are no longer on the same page. Most men who are actively interested in being with someone don't need to be told a 100 times to change an action that is hurtful and I think that when a women starts to play that part she changes into a mother role, way to kill the attraction. Plus I am pretty easy going, I am flexible for the most part and I think men like that, yet not by compromising my core beliefs and standards. I respect myself and the men who end up with me know this by my actions, so they know that they can trust me as I am loyal to a fault. A beautiful thing my current boyfriend said to me was "I am always the one to pick up the pieces when women drop the ball, I have never had a woman who I can count on when the chips are down, you are the first woman to really come through and this inspires a lot of respect in me for you, and trust." But of course I wouldn't be such a team player if I didn't have the most respect for him as well. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 giving a man a decent home-cooked meal once in a while will keep him around. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I also smile when I hear some women saying how their H are happy and how they make them happy.. especially when they say they have the best H in the world... maybe so... but maybe the reason why he's soooo nice is that he's having some 'excitement' on the side... food for thought.. I agree. One of my very first chat buddies -- a really smart guy who, with anonymity, tells me what he REALLY thinks -- opened my eyes on this. He hasn't cheated YET, but he is obsessed with porn and lusting over other women. He has talked to me many times about how much he wants to cheat on his wife. I know that he has webcam sex and stuff and she has no idea. She thinks he's the PERFECT husband. She has no idea about any of this, as he keeps all of it completely secret from her. I once heard an acquaintance talking about how she KNOWS her man doesn't cheat, because they spend so much time together and she is in such regular phone contact with him. Um, that doesn't mean much. It was kind of sad to see how desperately she was clinging to this idea that her perfect husband really was absolutely perfect. With these types of people, I kind of have to cringe, because you know that someday their fantasy land is going to come crashing down around them. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 With these types of people, I kind of have to cringe, because you know that someday their fantasy land is going to come crashing down around them. indeed RS. Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 So what are you people saying that absolutely no one should have faith in their relationships because they are all bound to fail due to deep secrets being held by one of the members? What's the point of even trusting then? Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I guess sometimes even when doing everything a woman is able to do for him, given the circumstances, maybe its still not enough. She can still loose him to "other circumstances". Whether those are noble or not, it can still hurt. Apologies for the vagueness. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I guess sometimes even when doing everything a woman is able to do for him, given the circumstances, maybe its still not enough. She can still loose him to "other circumstances". Whether those are noble or not, it can still hurt. Apologies for the vagueness. All I read is the woman thought she had a perfect marriage and he watched porn..... So do a lot of men.... But as Liz said if they are being satisfied in the bedroom 95-99%, have no chance or inkling to "cheat", which wasn't the point of this post btw..... Now being an a-hole...... if she was having sex with him daily, playing to his fantacies, was a ggg (good, giving, generous) lover, still attractive like the day they met (yes aging is fine) and he was cheating or thinking of it, he is a class a jerk...... Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Oh be quiet the reason most couples stop having sex is because of a communication breakdown and unresolved conflicts that lead to feelings of resentment which chip away at the sex obviously. Who wants to have sex with some azhl who has checked out of relationship? Also I have read about enough men who cheat and they are still sleeping with their wives, read the OW and infidelity boards much? Sex is not the only reason men cheat, or the lack there of because women withhold it like some marital hostage case. Often the men who expect the women to look as they did 20 yrs ago when they married are not holding up their end of the bargain themselves. If the guy is such an Adonis and his wife is such a cow why does he even want to have sex with her and why is she making him beg? As if!! He probably did the same himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 So what are you people saying that absolutely no one should have faith in their relationships because they are all bound to fail due to deep secrets being held by one of the members? What's the point of even trusting then? It's not that, Twenty-ten. It's that the delusionally desperate attitude that some people (women, especially, it seems) have, the insistence that their partner is beyond the pale and would NEVER give in to a moment of weakness or baser desire, is... laughable. I just recalled another situation in which I heard an acquaintance talking about how she hates oral sex and isn't even that into sex, and right after that insisting that her husband never looks at porn and wouldn't even think about cheating. She's the rich, spoiled princess type who seems to see herself as above it all. She orders her husband around like a pet, and he appears to obey to keep her bitchiness in check, but he seemed like a prime candidate for a double life to me. In every relationship I've been in, I was almost certain that my guy wouldn't cheat. But to insist that I was CERTAIN he never had and never would -- well, that would have been a bit ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 It's not that, Twenty-ten. It's that the delusionally desperate attitude that some people (women, especially, it seems) have, the insistence that their partner is beyond the pale and would NEVER give in to a moment of weakness or baser desire, is... laughable. . Ok that I can agree with. As a rule of thumb I don't agree with trusting blindly no one is above cheating, or temptation and to think that without a shadow of a doubt a partner is not going to is not healthy in my opinion. It's important to always have that little percentage of doubt because I think that keeps people motivated to try hard to prevent it from happening. Some people are too laid back and practically push their partners into the arms of temptation because they think that their partners are above it and really no one is, when you are toeing the line in the mouth of the lion's den. Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 All I read is the woman thought she had a perfect marriage and he watched porn..... So do a lot of men.... But as Liz said if they are being satisfied in the bedroom 95-99%, have no chance or inkling to "cheat", which wasn't the point of this post btw..... Now being an a-hole...... if she was having sex with him daily, playing to his fantacies, was a ggg (good, giving, generous) lover, still attractive like the day they met (yes aging is fine) and he was cheating or thinking of it, he is a class a jerk...... Ahh sorry. I was replying sort of, to the OP hats. I always thought it must be pretty easy to be the woman in a relationship. Guys don't really ask for much. For the most part guys just want to get laid and not get nagged. On the other hand most women want guys to initiate basically every step of the dating process, take them on dates, buy them gifts, listen to their problems, look good for their friends and family, and on top of that pressure men for more commitment, etc, etc... And then I'll hear women say that their men don't appreciate all the effort they put in for them. But what exactly are they doing that takes so much effort? I don't mean to be offensive, I'm genuinely confused. I think sometimes women want so much from men, when men aren't asking for very much for themselves, that at some point the guy figures it's just not worth it. I'll give that many women do often presume he's going to initiate and keep things rolling, foot the dinner bills, etc. But I don't think all of them do it out of malice or selfishness. And I'm sure there are way more things that men tend to expect besides what was mentioned. I'm sure any of the wise regs here can tell some of those things. I didn't have the option to do all those myself with my wayward Brit, but I did make compromises within myself because he means that much to me. And I don't mean like cook for him or give him massages or sex because I couldn't do those things for him either, nor could he take me on dates, buy dinners or gifts, or look good for my friends and family. So it is possible for women to give a good deal, and not expect anything in return. imho Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Ahh sorry. I was replying sort of, to the OP hats. I was more responding to Rubyslippers and the chat she was having with the married man..... I didn't get the story or that RS knew the all the details...... In any case that individual was the exception not the rule if he was getting all the sex he could handle...... Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Well in my case when I DIDN'T give as much to the relationship, my ex was far more interested. When I gave more, he lost interest. I'm one of those people that seem to end up in power struggle relationships because I enjoy a relationship but don't want to be assimilated into it. I don't want the relationship to BE me. And I think at 1 stage or another, either the man or the woman tries to break down the other, this is probably my personal immature experience though. For example, I am quite strong in a relationship as in I don't do what I don't want just to 'do' it and I don't always think 2 strong/stubborn people can be in relationships which is why 1 partner is usually expected to be submissive and the other dominant. 2 dominant personalities in a relationship causes headaches but yet I wont be the submissive one and I don't want the man to be submissive either. Great times ahead for me i'm sure! lol In saying that....here are some of the things I did that I THOUGHT would keep him with me. But they didn't: * Buy him presents all the time. * Make him collages/write poetry/special messages * Bring takeaways over. We'd cook meals together. I never cooked for him. * Massages (mainly head massages) * Initiate sex a LOT. I wouldn't say men are simple though. I think everybody wants excitement and simple is not exciting. You can 'give' a man sex, food and freedom and he can still be unhappy; as my ex was - he was miserable. Its not what he is GETTING from you, but what he FEELS for you. Its like saying a woman just wants a rich husband who gives her money. Okay she has money...she wont feel anything for the husband. If you have chemistry/passion/love I think that is all that can sustain anything and what you give/get means nothing if its not something you FEEL. I personally think men and women both love a chase and many love the idea of having the power to change a person. Men want good girls to be bad for them OR to have a really independent, Amazon woman become submissive and women like a bad guy to become a good guy and that badass man to just want only them. Its when you get what you want that you may realise, you eradicated the qualities you liked in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 The duct tape, handcuffs and caging ideas work well on me, preferably all at the same time, as I am a wily captive and can often escape otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
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