Women: What do you do to keep your men?

[sally4sara]

Sex as a standard for a relationship?

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/teen-girl-vagina-pregnant-sperm-survival-oral-sex/story?id=9732562

[BWLoca]

I try to give him the things that make him happy as long as he's trying to do the same. Affection, understanding, and my time. To make him happy, he needs someone who will trust him, listen to him, cuddle with him, talk to him on the phone everyday... Normally, I hate talking on the phone. He compromises by either doing most of the talking or allowing me to do my own thing without complaining that I'm not talking much.

 

All in all, I just try to keep him peaceful and happy when he's around me.

[Awesome Username]

I keep them in cages usually, and walk them twice a day. I give them soul food in a dog dish and let them munch on chew toys. That keeps them distracted.

[threebyfate]

I do nothing for my husband and he does everything for me, including strewing rose petals before me, everywhere we go together. This keeps him happy, so yes, men are effortless.

[kiss_andmakeup]

In all seriousness, I just try to be the best companion possible. My boyfriend works very long hours and has a stressful job so when he gets home it's all about him. I listen to him talk about his job and don't ask annoying questions. I let him have the remote. I keep the apartment in order and take care of his laundry. If his mom calls him and he's had a long day and doesn't feel like talking to her (she will talk your ear off) I'll answer the phone and talk to her instead.

 

Though I don't consider it something I'm doing for him, I do love sex which means he gets it pretty much whenever/however he wants. I'm very adventurous as well and happy to try new things.

 

I think, other than sex, emotional support and a non-bitchy, peaceful presence are the things most appreciated by men.

[Ruby Slippers]

(only in rare cases does a man cheats when he can have all the sex he wants at home... those are rare specimens.. IMO).

Lizzie, have you changed your thinking on this? As I recall, you used to say that most men will cheat, no matter what, even if they are getting plenty of sex at home.

 

I think a lot of the essential stuff for men is stuff that you don't do. Like nagging, or making a big deal out of nothing, or hurting his ego. I dunno hard it is for women not to those things, but I think most men feel like it should be pretty easy.

 

Remember the old saying: "A woman wants one man to fulfill her every desire. A man wants every woman to fulfill his one desire." This explains the situation somewhat.

That's pretty much it. If a woman is looking for a man to have children and raise a family with, and spend the rest of her life with (that's the ideal, anyway), she wants to choose very carefully and make sure he's the right guy.

 

I'm a go-getter and an overachiever, and this applies to my relationships, too. I just feel like: why would I want average love/sex/fun when I can have extraordinary love/sex/fun? Why bother doing anything unless you're going to hit it out of the park?

 

The only way most women will never "nag" (=talk about problems and work on improving them) is if they don't really care about the guy and the relationship. The more you love someone, the higher the stakes and the bigger your practical and emotional investment. So any "threat" to the relationship hurts and scares you more. In short, a woman who doesn't really care about you will never complain about anything -- because she doesn't really care.

 

But I am learning that it does benefit you not to invest too much. It's just the natural balance of energy. If you are moving toward someone, doing nice things, he will tend to stand still or move away. If you are standing still or moving away, he will move toward you.

[JustJoe]

Lizzie, have you changed your thinking on this? As I recall, you used to say that most men will cheat, no matter what, even if they are getting plenty of sex at home.

 

 

 

 

That's pretty much it. If a woman is looking for a man to have children and raise a family with, and spend the rest of her life with (that's the ideal, anyway), she wants to choose very carefully and make sure he's the right guy.

 

I'm a go-getter and an overachiever, and this applies to my relationships, too. I just feel like: why would I want average love/sex/fun when I can have extraordinary love/sex/fun? Why bother doing anything unless you're going to hit it out of the park?

 

The only way most women will never "nag" (=talk about problems and work on improving them) is if they don't really care about the guy and the relationship. The more you love someone, the higher the stakes and the bigger your practical and emotional investment. So any "threat" to the relationship hurts and scares you more. In short, a woman who doesn't really care about you will never complain about anything -- because she doesn't really care.

 

But I am learning that it does benefit you not to invest too much. It's just the natural balance of energy. If you are moving toward someone, doing nice things, he will tend to stand still or move away. If you are standing still or moving away, he will move toward you.

This is really true, especially about the "nagging". It's all about preception. If you are doing the nagging, the issue that you are nagging about is important to YOU, but less so to the person you're nagging.

[threebyfate]

Nagging is useless to both parties. That's why I state my needs a few times and if he's unprepared to meet my needs, then we're not a couple. If they're only wants and he's unprepared to meet them, then it's up to me, to change my perception.

 

I sincerely hate nagging and hate to be nagged. H. loves this aspect of me.

 

More women should cut that crap since it only frustrates them and the person they're nagging. Nagging will erode on any mature relationship.

[JustJoe]

Nagging is useless to both parties. That's why I state my needs a few times and if he's unprepared to meet my needs, then we're not a couple. If they're only wants and he's unprepared to meet them, then it's up to me, to change my perception.

 

I sincerely hate nagging and hate to be nagged. H. loves this aspect of me.

 

More women should cut that crap since it only frustrates them and the person they're nagging. Nagging will erode on any mature relationship.

Then you're one in a million! I've only had a couple of long relationships, but in only one did we really communicate our needs, and she was a married woman, so half of it was lies.

[Ruby Slippers]

Nagging is useless to both parties. That's why I state my needs a few times and if he's unprepared to meet my needs, then we're not a couple.

Yes, I do the same, and I doubt that any guy I've been with would describe my problem resolution approach as nagging.

 

It's very important to me that any contribution to the relationship be made freely, voluntarily, not just to shut the other person up.

 

But I have heard some strange stuff from exes. One of them told me he didn't like to talk about problems because when I mentioned something that was bothering me, he immediately felt scared I was going to dump him. The fact was that if I wasn't into him, I wouldn't bother bringing it up -- I would just dump him without giving us a chance to improve.

[threebyfate]

Then you're one in a million! I've only had a couple of long relationships, but in only one did we really communicate our needs, and she was a married woman, so half of it was lies.

No, there are enough women out there who also hate and will not nag. Some of my careerist and married friends are like this too. The interesting thing is that if you don't nag, people take you more seriously, since they know you'll back it up and walk, if it's a need.

[Ruby Slippers]

I've only had a couple of long relationships, but in only one did we really communicate our needs, and she was a married woman, so half of it was lies.

See -- she had her husband to nag, so she could get it all out of her system. haha

[JustJoe]

I would have taken a little nagging, if only she had been honest with me. But then again, what did I expect.

[Jersey Shortie]

To be honest, I don't think men are uncomplicated at all. As we can see throughout this board alone, men have vastly different needs, wants and perceptions. Yes, most men want sex, food and a smooth relationship with little drama. But that doesn't mean men are easy to please beyond that. And while one man might be satisfied with a hamburger, another would want steak.

 

Kind of makes it sound like men are cardboard cutouts of each other where one forumla fits all. I think we all know that isn't the case. And to be honest, that's a huge disservice to men! If all men really needed were sex, food, and little drama; most men would just visit prositutes and never have relationships.

 

As for what I do to "keep a man". I try to be supportive, engaging, fun, sexual, adventurous and open-minded. That's not to say I get any of those perfectly right all the time but I do my best to give him the things I think he wants. While not sacrificing my own needs to it.

 

There are millions of things a woman does to keep a man happy everyday. And relationships aren't so easy for women just because we are women. The OP makes it sound like women are sitting around eating a cupcake from one hand and cracking the cat of nine tails in the other while the husband/bf shoulders 1 ton stone on his back and is wearing little more then a loin cloth.

 

Infact, I find in reality that women tend to be more more of the relationship caretakers. I think it's women that work harder within the relationship.

[MrNate]

To be honest, I don't think men are uncomplicated at all. As we can see throughout this board alone, men have vastly different needs, wants and perceptions. Yes, most men want sex, food and a smooth relationship with little drama. But that doesn't mean men are easy to please beyond that. And while one man might be satisfied with a hamburger, another would want steak.

 

Kind of makes it sound like men are cardboard cutouts of each other where one forumla fits all. I think we all know that isn't the case. And to be honest, that's a huge disservice to men! If all men really needed were sex, food, and little drama; most men would just visit prositutes and never have relationships.

 

As for what I do to "keep a man". I try to be supportive, engaging, fun, sexual, adventurous and open-minded. That's not to say I get any of those perfectly right all the time but I do my best to give him the things I think he wants. While not sacrificing my own needs to it.

 

There are millions of things a woman does to keep a man happy everyday. And relationships aren't so easy for women just because we are women. The OP makes it sound like women are sitting around eating a cupcake from one hand and cracking the cat of nine tails in the other while the husband/bf shoulders 1 ton stone on his back and is wearing little more then a loin cloth.

 

Infact, I find in reality that women tend to be more more of the relationship caretakers. I think it's women that work harder within the relationship.

 

you've listed the same things other women have done/are doing to keep their man araound.

 

maybe I won't say we're totally simple. but we're easier to please than you think, and it's possible to over do it.

 

we're really not that complex.

 

really.

[Shygirl15]

By making sure he has a complete peace of mind everytime he's with me.

 

Sex doesn't keep a man, he can get it from anyone anytime he wants.

[phineas]

By making sure he has a complete peace of mind everytime he's with me.

 

Sex doesn't keep a man, he can get it from anyone anytime he wants.

 

Peace of mind is VERY important if he's been wronged by a woman in the past.

No guy wants to be wondering about his women acepting a better offer when he's not around her.

 

Most guys in a relationship usually has one person just waiting for the relationship to fail so she can have her chance so i'd agree with this.

 

However, frequent sex all over the house in different postions so the guy can feel like he's a porn star will keep him coming back.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Things I do:

 

Make him feel important and needed

Enthusiastic, frequent, exhausting and rockin' sex (can't get enough of him!)

Willingness to share responsibilities

Returned back to long dormant traditional roles and values, letting him take direction whenever possible and necessary

Even temper, drama free

Make it clear we are lovers, not roommates or 'buddies'

No deliberate or thoughtless burping, farting or other stuff that is too intimate

No sharing the bathroom if one of us is 'using' it

 

... and so on. I was an OW frequently enough that I know what things a man 'misses' that tends to make him want to stray and I use that knowledge to make sure that I keep his bases covered, and that he is happy being at home. I will not make the same mistakes I made in my first marriage - that is, being too intimate, too open, too honest - leaving no room for mystery of any sort. There always has to be some mystique there. Otherwise you devolve into roommates, and nothing kills romantic intimacy quicker than that.

[threebyfate]

Okay, I'll respond seriously to this thread, to an extent.

 

I prioritize him, as he prioritizes me. Part of this is making him happy, as he makes me happy. The balance is giving him the trust and respect that he gives me. This to me is love, where both of us do things to and for each other, not because it's a chore or to keep anyone, but because we want to please each other. And so far, it's working like a hot damn!

[marsle85]

I keep them in cages usually, and walk them twice a day. I give them soul food in a dog dish and let them munch on chew toys. That keeps them distracted.

 

hahahahhaha

 

Women cheat just as much as men do.

 

Statistically incorrect.

 

 

 

I don't have a man. So I kiss them and make them feel macho when they take me out for dinner, haha. =)

[Woggle]

To be honest, I don't think men are uncomplicated at all. As we can see throughout this board alone, men have vastly different needs, wants and perceptions. Yes, most men want sex, food and a smooth relationship with little drama. But that doesn't mean men are easy to please beyond that. And while one man might be satisfied with a hamburger, another would want steak.

 

Kind of makes it sound like men are cardboard cutouts of each other where one forumla fits all. I think we all know that isn't the case. And to be honest, that's a huge disservice to men! If all men really needed were sex, food, and little drama; most men would just visit prositutes and never have relationships.

 

As for what I do to "keep a man". I try to be supportive, engaging, fun, sexual, adventurous and open-minded. That's not to say I get any of those perfectly right all the time but I do my best to give him the things I think he wants. While not sacrificing my own needs to it.

 

There are millions of things a woman does to keep a man happy everyday. And relationships aren't so easy for women just because we are women. The OP makes it sound like women are sitting around eating a cupcake from one hand and cracking the cat of nine tails in the other while the husband/bf shoulders 1 ton stone on his back and is wearing little more then a loin cloth.

 

Infact, I find in reality that women tend to be more more of the relationship caretakers. I think it's women that work harder within the relationship.

 

I think that being simple is a compliment. I would rather be simple than never be happy and satisfied no matter what.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I would not think of "keeping" a man at all. I think in terms of nurturing the relationship. In my experience, I think that women are USUALLY taking responsibility for the greater part of the emotional life of the relationship. Men tend to take care of other aspects ... like pruning the orchard trees. These are generalizations, folks. Anyway, both have to do their part in order for the relationship to be healthy and to thrive.

[spriggig]

I treat all my boyfriends like kings (I'm talking sex at least 5 times a week, home cooked meals, back massages, listening to them bitch about work, basically almost anything to make them happy) and all I ask is to get treated as a princess in return.

 

Excellent. And be sure to ASK. Make absolutely sure he understands your needs from the very beginning, just as you understand his. Do not be shy, we'll do anything if you ask. Don't be whiny, be CONFIDENT and ASK. PLEASE!

[sweetjasmine]

Okay, I'll respond seriously to this thread, to an extent.

 

I prioritize him, as he prioritizes me. Part of this is making him happy, as he makes me happy. The balance is giving him the trust and respect that he gives me. This to me is love, where both of us do things to and for each other, not because it's a chore or to keep anyone, but because we want to please each other. And so far, it's working like a hot damn!

 

Same here.

 

And I treat him like a person I love and respect, like a human being with his own needs, thoughts, feelings, and desires. And he treats me the same way. Sometimes I work harder at our relationship, and sometimes he does, but overall there's a balance. Give and take.

[Lizzie60]

Lizzie, have you changed your thinking on this? As I recall, you used to say that most men will cheat, no matter what, even if they are getting plenty of sex at home.

 

 

Yes.. most men cheat... but those who have all the sex they want at home (like my young MM)... are not 'proned' to cheat as much.. if they cheat .. it would be for other reasons..

 

I say they are 'rare specimens'.. cause it is extremely rare IMO to see couples (long term) who have a smooth sex life...

 

I also smile when I hear some women saying how their H are happy and how they make them happy.. especially when they say they have the best H in the world... maybe so... but maybe the reason why he's soooo nice is that he's having some 'excitement' on the side... food for thought..