"Thrown under the bus"

[OWoman]

 

 

DEXTER!!!! How, how on earth can you come to this conclusion? I mean, I know we are at opposite ends in many discussions but still I value your position.

 

Although my previous affairs with MM before I got married to current H...probably helped me wrap my head around my H's infidelity, probably helped me not feel threatened, etc...BUT ...I,ME, 2sure ...I married this one. And YES, I expected it to be completely different. He was WELL aware of my past, I made sure 100% because I was marrying him. The terms and expectations of our marriage were on the table and negotiated before we married. And beside , holy crap...he was cheating on me FROM THE GET GO. This was not something that happened because the marriage was lacking or dull.

 

Every infidelity is unique in its circumstance and pain. But my previous affairs were LONG behind me when I married my H. Thats WHY I married. So, no - fuc* NO.

 

2Sure I'm with you on this one. If I'm not mistaken, you've been consistently upfront in ALL of your Rs - your As as well as your M - so are in rather a different position regarding duplicity to your H, who has NOT been upfront with you.

 

If you had simply slipped into an M from an A without confronting expectations or groundrules, perhaps Dex's argument may have held some water, but that wasn't the case at all. You both knew what you'd agreed to, and what you expected of each other and yourselves.

 

I don't see how it follows then, at all.

[JustJoe]

Ms. Pure, I'm an Infantry officer at Ft.Hood. But no, when I'n stateside it's training , and more training. Since my A, though I'm thinking of getting out. I've had some teaching jobs offered to me, and I might do that. As to my MW, I'm beginning to realize that I might have dodged a bullet with her. Her entire life was devoted to finding and marrying a rich guy, and I am definitely not in that category, so if we had stayed together, our life would have been rocky, indeed. It must be a terrible thing, to have placed a monetary value on love, sex, and marriage. Women, who have sold themselves like this, are they really happy with their things? Do they feel like it's their due, for selling their love.........I wonder.

[jennie-jennie]

Justjoe, Many many people find no honor in having an affair and sleeping with someone elses wife. It is a crime in the military. I do not believe you have to be BITTER from being cheated on to hold this belief. Most single people who have never been married believe affairs hold no honor.

 

I swear that is the cheates mantra if someone doesn't agree with the. "you're just bitter" NO it's called affairs are wrong. Thus why you keep them a secret and tell no one. Sheesh one of my major pet peeves on this board, when someone thinks affairs are wrong "oh you're just bitter." Um no they are wrong. Period.

 

Greengoddess, it is not the fact that someone thinks affairs are wrong that causes you to think they are bitter, it is the way in which they present this opinion.

[jennie-jennie]

and you believe his wife wuld be just happy with that and he would have the COURAGE to ask her instead of sneaking and hiding?

 

If polygamy was legal and accepted in our country, yes.

[greengoddess]

If polygamy was legal and accepted in our country, yes.

 

What makes you believe his wife would be okay with this? If you believe she would be, then why doesn't he ask her for an open marriage and tell her he is in love with you?

[jennie-jennie]

Ms. Pure, I'm an Infantry officer at Ft.Hood. But no, when I'n stateside it's training , and more training. Since my A, though I'm thinking of getting out. I've had some teaching jobs offered to me, and I might do that. As to my MW, I'm beginning to realize that I might have dodged a bullet with her. Her entire life was devoted to finding and marrying a rich guy, and I am definitely not in that category, so if we had stayed together, our life would have been rocky, indeed. It must be a terrible thing, to have placed a monetary value on love, sex, and marriage. Women, who have sold themselves like this, are they really happy with their things? Do they feel like it's their due, for selling their love.........I wonder.

 

Perhaps women selling their love for money is the equivalent of men selling their love for duty? It seems to some people there are more important things than love when deciding which partner to be with.

[JustJoe]

Justjoe, Many many people find no honor in having an affair and sleeping with someone elses wife. It is a crime in the military. I do not believe you have to be BITTER from being cheated on to hold this belief. Most single people who have never been married believe affairs hold no honor.

 

I swear that is the cheates mantra if someone doesn't agree with the. "you're just bitter" NO it's called affairs are wrong. Thus why you keep them a secret and tell no one. Sheesh one of my major pet peeves on this board, when someone thinks affairs are wrong "oh you're just bitter." Um no they are wrong. Period.

Ms. GG, your opinion of my honor holds the same weight as Mr. Morgan's. My affair was real to me, and I thought, real to my MW, I never hid my love for her. I have no problem with you or DM pointing out that my affair was wrong, but no personal insults, please.

[OWoman]

I wonder though if these men love all their wives but are only in love with one of them?

 

Jen, it's hard to say as if something always applies, but typically in these kinds of Ms, there is a time delay of several years between Ms, because the H has to prove that he can support another W to the same level that his current Ws are being supported. So, he needs to amass more wealth - which takes time. Also, in traditional Ms, there is a process which takes time - of negotiating, seeking permission from the family, etc - so it's not an overnight thing. Typically by the time any woman becomes a W, the "in love" is history and it's "love"... though TBH most of these Ms are economic or business arrangements rather than love matches, anyway. Women are more often chosen to be Ws based on their family wealth, political considerations, the attributes they'll bring (like education, fertility, domestic nous or employability). Mostly, "in love" is the preserve of the GF/s...

[jennie-jennie]

What makes you believe his wife would be okay with this? If you believe she would be, then why doesn't he ask her for an open marriage and tell her he is in love with you?

 

What part of living in a country where polygamy is legal did you not understand?

[greengoddess]

What part of living in a country where polygamy is legal did you not understand?

 

An open marriage is not polygamy. Plenty of people have open marriages. OPEN not lying and sneaking. Being honest and telling his wife he is in love with you. You think if polygamy was legal she would be all for it. Well if she is that way then why would she not welcome an open marriage. Does he have the courage to ask her or could you be wrong and that would hurt her deeply?

[greengoddess]

Ms. GG, your opinion of my honor holds the same weight as Mr. Morgan's. My affair was real to me, and I thought, real to my MW, I never hid my love for her. I have no problem with you or DM pointing out that my affair was wrong, but no personal insults, please.

 

Please point out where the personal insult lays?

 

Saying I feel affairs are wrong and hold no honor is my opinion of affairs. Where have I personally insulted you?

[JustJoe]

Ms. Jennie, are you actually comparing a Goddigger like my ex-MW with soldiers, who have fallen in battle, protecting this country? Are you serious? So Ann Nicole Smith is deserving of a medal for marrying a rich, old man?........I don't know what to say to that.:eek:

[jennie-jennie]

Jen, it's hard to say as if something always applies, but typically in these kinds of Ms, there is a time delay of several years between Ms, because the H has to prove that he can support another W to the same level that his current Ws are being supported. So, he needs to amass more wealth - which takes time. Also, in traditional Ms, there is a process which takes time - of negotiating, seeking permission from the family, etc - so it's not an overnight thing. Typically by the time any woman becomes a W, the "in love" is history and it's "love"... though TBH most of these Ms are economic or business arrangements rather than love matches, anyway. Women are more often chosen to be Ws based on their family wealth, political considerations, the attributes they'll bring (like education, fertility, domestic nous or employability). Mostly, "in love" is the preserve of the GF/s...

 

Oh, of the girlfriends! And do they marry these girlfriends?

 

I saw the movie "Il va pleuvoir sur Conakry". Have you seen it? Really great movie. I loved when the wives joined forces to get their way against their husband.

Edited March 11, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[jennie-jennie]

Ms. Jennie, are you actually comparing a Goddigger like my ex-MW with soldiers, who have fallen in battle, protecting this country? Are you serious? So Ann Nicole Smith is deserving of a medal for marrying a rich, old man?........I don't know what to say to that.:eek:

 

Oh no, Joe, you are seriously misunderstanding me! I am comparing your ex-MW with my MM who stays in his marriage for duty. I would never talk badly about soldiers protecting their country.

[jennie-jennie]

An open marriage is not polygamy. Plenty of people have open marriages. OPEN not lying and sneaking. Being honest and telling his wife he is in love with you. You think if polygamy was legal she would be all for it. Well if she is that way then why would she not welcome an open marriage. Does he have the courage to ask her or could you be wrong and that would hurt her deeply?

 

The discussion I am participating in is about polygamy being legal in countries since ages. Thus when it comes to the BS in my case it is a totally hypothetical discussion since polygamy is not, has never been, and most likely will never be, legal in our country.

 

I am not interested in discussing open marriages. I did open marriages in the seventies and am done with that. If you want to discuss open marriages, you will have to do it with somebody else.

[OWoman]

Oh, of the girlfriends! And do they marry these girlfriends?

 

I saw the movie "Il va pleuvoir sur Conakry". Have you seen it? Really great movie. I loved when the wives joined forces to get their way against their husband.

 

I haven't seen that film - will keep a lookout for it.

 

The GFs typically don't want to marry - their lives are usually far better than the Ws, whose role is to breed, to work, to look after the extended family - all very unglamorous roles. The GFs get spoiled, pampered and allowed to do as they wish - they are not under the control of the H in the same way the Ws are. Occasionally a GF may wish to marry the MM - particularly if she falls pregnant - but usually they prefer life as a GF.

 

(And - since I know someone will ask - yes, the Ws know there are GFs, though they choose not to know who and what and how. It's something they accept, but not something they are necessarily happy about. But it's a cultural practice, and they've been raised to accept it as such and their place within it.)

[JustJoe]

OHHHHH, Jeez! I'm so glad that you explained that to me. I'm sure that many people have different ideas as to what's important in any relationship, I just have a real problem with people who choose financial gain over emotional fulfillment. But maybe you're right, maybe to them, financial gain IS emotional fulfillment. I've a cousin, who is an art collector, and his collection means way more to him than any person could ever mean. .......Jennie, you always give me interesting points to ponder, I wish I had know you years ago.:)

[greengoddess]

The discussion I am participating in is about polygamy being legal in countries since ages. Thus when it comes to the BS in my case it is a totally hypothetical discussion since polygamy is not, has never been, and most likely will never be, legal in our country.

 

I am not interested in discussing open marriages. I did open marriages in the seventies and am done with that. If you want to discuss open marriages, you will have to do it with somebody else.

 

Wow for some reason I thought you were younger than that. I did not expect you to be in your late fifties early sixties.

[OWoman]

Wow for some reason I thought you were younger than that. I did not expect you to be in your late fifties early sixties.

 

Jen's given her age before - on this thread or another. It's a matter of record, now.

 

Not sure how you arrived at your calculation, though - people get M at different ages, surely?

[greengoddess]

Jen's given her age before - on this thread or another. It's a matter of record, now.

 

Not sure how you arrived at your calculation, though - people get M at different ages, surely?

lol I do not read every word everyone posts. I guess I missed her age. I was just basing it on my age and the fact I was in elementary school in the 70's.

[JustJoe]

Jen's given her age before - on this thread or another. It's a matter of record, now.

 

Not sure how you arrived at your calculation, though - people get M at different ages, surely?

Age is a meaningless divisory label. As they say, it's not about how many miles are on a car, it's about how hard those miles were. BTW, I don't think I'll get married until I'm 142.:D

[OWoman]

lol I do not read every word everyone posts. I guess I missed her age. I was just basing it on my age and the fact I was in elementary school in the 70's.

 

I'm not familiar with the term "elementary school" - possibly primary / junior school? - but it seems that "elementary school" would be too young to marry?

 

I had classmates marry at 16, but I had other younger classmates who were involved with guys who were in open marriages. By today's standards, a 15yr old girl with a 35yr old guy would be a case for child welfare, but back then, hey, things were much more open. When we were 10, some girls were blowing guys behind the changing rooms, and anyone who wasn't dating by 12 was a serious freak. Kids these days grow up much more slowly.

[OWoman]

Age is a meaningless divisory label. As they say, it's not about how many miles are on a car, it's about how hard those miles were. BTW, I don't think I'll get married until I'm 142.:D

 

I was never going to get married - but I did. Twice!

[greengoddess]

I actually feel much better now about jennie being involved in a 5 year affair. I get so angry when I read young girls wasting their lives on these married men.

 

I have to say I'm really curious now how old this mm and his wife are? I have to wonder if you are enhancing her marriage.

 

Owoman, I guess we are from totally different cultures. Boyfriends were common at 14 15. Anyone giving bj's before that would have a reputaion. Actually anyone commonly giving bj's at any age in the high school years would have a reputation. Everyone knew who the party girls were that were likely to be more fun.

[greengoddess]

I was never going to get married - but I did. Twice!

 

I still don't understand with your beliefs of monogamy why you did get married this time. This is not an insult. You have made it quite clear you don't really believe in marriage.