JustJoe Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 No, I am fine with that. Everyone else does. You are sweet to be so polite. From reading your posts, you seem to be a very insightful young man.IDK about that. If I were insightful, I wouldn't be a combat soldier, I wouldn't have had an affair, I would have married my college sweetie and settled down. I sometimes feel like such a dumbass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennie-jennie Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 IDK about that. If I were insightful, I wouldn't be a combat soldier, I wouldn't have had an affair, I would have married my college sweetie and settled down. I sometimes feel like such a dumbass. No, you are not. Insightful to me means learning from the lessons life gives us, and that I can see in you. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 No, you are not. Insightful to me means learning from the lessons life gives us, and that I can see in you. Amen to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Cant say I know the answer to that. Ok yes, I was wondering. I took it to mean that these were "men" you cheated on your husband with. so I would hope that since you dated MM that you were understanding of your husband's infidelity? Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be at all, but wouldn't think given your past that you could really take a high road with him on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Ms. Jennie, I'm 29. So would you think it disrespectful to just call you Jennie?......Dexter Morgan, IME love can be given to anything or anyone. One of the problems a lot of people have is confusing Love with integrity, even Cheaters are capable of love. sure cheaters are capable of love. but to say they love someone when they are screwing someone else behind their back is a load of s##t Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 sure cheaters are capable of love. but to say they love someone when they are screwing someone else behind their back is a load of s##t Yeah. You're right. Just because they may not love the other person is not enough to conclude they still loved you. Not at that time anyway. AND....if my H could stop loving me , or put it momentarily aside, for that time.... No, love has to be bigger and better than that. Agreed. But still, I cannot shake it...I know (?) he loves me. I dont get comfort from it, it makes me more angry I think. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Ms.2sure, That is sort of the way that I feel. I KNOW that my MW loves me. WHen I returned from my latest deployment, she was at the airport, to meet me, and ran into my arms, just like a wife or GF. Her kisses were real, her tears of joy were real, her concern was real and her passion was real. She just didn't love me enough to leave the gravy train. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Mr. Morgan, a little bitter, are we? nope, just call it like I see it. I mean come one. "I love my spouse....but I am enjoying effing the night away with this other person":rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennie-jennie Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Ms.2sure, That is sort of the way that I feel. I KNOW that my MW loves me. WHen I returned from my latest deployment, she was at the airport, to meet me, and ran into my arms, just like a wife or GF. Her kisses were real, her tears of joy were real, her concern was real and her passion was real. She just didn't love me enough to leave the gravy train. That is just so sad, Joe. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 That is just so sad, Joe. that it is.................................................for this "woman's" husband. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Ms.2sure, That is sort of the way that I feel. I KNOW that my MW loves me. WHen I returned from my latest deployment, she was at the airport, to meet me, and ran into my arms, just like a wife or GF. Her kisses were real, her tears of joy were real, her concern was real and her passion was real. She just didn't love me enough to leave the gravy train. This is the very stuff that will tear you apart as well. My XOM did things and said things as well that seemed REAL with love and passion, but now it is just so tainted. JustJoe it all sounds so beautiful until hearts get broken. I hope that you find peace and love with someone that will cherish you and be single as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I think it comes down to how people view love and whether you can love multiple people. I believe that someone could do that. They can love their spouse for their support, for the homelife, for child(ren), for what the contribute to the home. But that does not mean that it is an all encompassing love that would not allow them to feel sexually attracted to another and/or love another. There are multiple types of love and many have written about long term marriages going through the different stages and not always being in the romantic love stage. So if that is the case then yes it can/could open the possiblity of loving another. If we only loved one love then the ability to love again after divorce, death, etc would be impossible. Since we know many who have done just that, why couldn't the two happen at the same time especially if there is a disconnect between the two original partners? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 you are in the service? so much for honor. Okay, now this is going too far. This man lays his life down for you every day he is deployed and makes sure you have the RIGHT to freedom of speech. And you take that speech and destroy him for ONE area of his life you happen to disagree with. You need to stand down sir. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Ms. Pure, I'm not trying to be a martyr or anything, that's just how it happened. I started the affair, so I finished it. Now aside from the tire marks, I'm doing pretty well>:D Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Ms. Pure, I'm not trying to be a martyr or anything, that's just how it happened. I started the affair, so I finished it. Now aside from the tire marks, I'm doing pretty well>:D LOL...I was no martyr either, it's been a long time now, although the thing that seems to stick in my mind was how torn he was...thanks to Jennie's other thread I can look back and be objective. You sound like your doing ok...hey, and thank you for being in the service and sacrificing so much for all of us Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 No thanks necessary, just doing my job. I know what you mean, my MW was all over the place. Some days she was leaving him, some days she was leaving me, that's why I had to force the issue, it was killing ALL of us. Her, her H and me. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 This is the very stuff that will tear you apart as well. My XOM did things and said things as well that seemed REAL with love and passion, but now it is just so tainted. JustJoe it all sounds so beautiful until hearts get broken. I hope that you find peace and love with someone that will cherish you and be single as well. ((((((LD))))) I think something happened to him (XOM), I know in my case exDM just got tweeked or something, it's like something snapped and he wasn't "him" anymore... It was mostlikely real, although like you said it became tainted and only he knows why....LD, I didn't understand why things changed so drastically, and I became angry and hateful, this is definitely not me. I really wish this didn't happen to you... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 No thanks necessary, just doing my job. I know what you mean, my MW was all over the place. Some days she was leaving him, some days she was leaving me, that's why I had to force the issue, it was killing ALL of us. Her, her H and me. You told my story right there and guess what, had her H left her, or had she left him, it might have been more of the same, and possibly worse. ExDM separated from his W (she left him, although it was mutual), a few months later she filed for D, I don't think he thought she would do that. He begged her to come back (he told me afterwards that he did that because of money, and was going to leave her again), and must have bugged her enough for her to file a restraining order. Things just kept going from bad to worse. I knew he wasn't into his M anymore, yet there was a history, kids, houses, stuff and money (like your situation). With exDM, the worst thing any person could do to him was to take his stuff or his money, he loves his money. Quite frankly, I was quite surprised that he allowed things to go as far as they did...now that he is D'ed he's ok. During the D and his fear he was abusive to everyone around him, and doesnot see how bad he was, and like LadyDesigner said, it's tainted now. This might have been your future, so I completely understand what you are saying and why you did what you did....so glad you are ok now... My son was in the Navy and I studied what he was going through in bootcamp...NO PICNIC, I freaked when I researched what really goes on...also my ex was stationed at Quantico, and have had lifetime experience/knowledge of all of the elements...so your "Job" is a 24/7 non stop life on the line continuously.... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 I think it comes down to how people view love and whether you can love multiple people. Polygamy is legally practised in my home country, and men I have spoken to who have several Ws do claim to love them all, and often compare it to having several children and loving them all. A new baby doesn't make you love the existing child/ren less; you simply love a new person too. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Polygamy is legally practised in my home country, and men I have spoken to who have several Ws do claim to love them all, and often compare it to having several children and loving them all. A new baby doesn't make you love the existing child/ren less; you simply love a new person too. I can see how this can work - absolutely. Thing is, everyone KNOWS there are multiple people involved in a situation such as this one. There is no deceit being practiced. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Ok yes, I was wondering. I took it to mean that these were "men" you cheated on your husband with. so I would hope that since you dated MM that you were understanding of your husband's infidelity? Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be at all, but wouldn't think given your past that you could really take a high road with him on it. DEXTER!!!! How, how on earth can you come to this conclusion? I mean, I know we are at opposite ends in many discussions but still I value your position. Although my previous affairs with MM before I got married to current H...probably helped me wrap my head around my H's infidelity, probably helped me not feel threatened, etc...BUT ...I,ME, 2sure ...I married this one. And YES, I expected it to be completely different. He was WELL aware of my past, I made sure 100% because I was marrying him. The terms and expectations of our marriage were on the table and negotiated before we married. And beside , holy crap...he was cheating on me FROM THE GET GO. This was not something that happened because the marriage was lacking or dull. Every infidelity is unique in its circumstance and pain. But my previous affairs were LONG behind me when I married my H. Thats WHY I married. So, no - fuc* NO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennie-jennie Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 Polygamy is legally practised in my home country, and men I have spoken to who have several Ws do claim to love them all, and often compare it to having several children and loving them all. A new baby doesn't make you love the existing child/ren less; you simply love a new person too. I wonder though if these men love all their wives but are only in love with one of them? Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Well, Mr. Morgan, your opinion about my honor, is probably fueled by your anger at being cheated on, by your own wife. I'm sorry that it happened to you. I make no excuses for myself, I will live with the loss, and the knowledge that I wasn't wealthy enough for her. Justjoe, Many many people find no honor in having an affair and sleeping with someone elses wife. It is a crime in the military. I do not believe you have to be BITTER from being cheated on to hold this belief. Most single people who have never been married believe affairs hold no honor. I swear that is the cheates mantra if someone doesn't agree with the. "you're just bitter" NO it's called affairs are wrong. Thus why you keep them a secret and tell no one. Sheesh one of my major pet peeves on this board, when someone thinks affairs are wrong "oh you're just bitter." Um no they are wrong. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennie-jennie Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 I wonder though if these men love all their wives but are only in love with one of them? I do believe that if polygamy was legal in the Western World, my MM would not be having a problem. I believe two wives would suit him just fine, and in his case I know, not hope, that he is only in love with me but that he loves both me and his wife. OWoman, what do you think is the answer to my question above? Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 I do believe that if polygamy was legal in the Western World, my MM would not be having a problem. I believe two wives would suit him just fine, and in his case I know, not hope, that he is only in love with me but that he loves both me and his wife. OWoman, what do you think is the answer to my question above? and you believe his wife wuld be just happy with that and he would have the COURAGE to ask her instead of sneaking and hiding? Link to post Share on other sites
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