Gunny376 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Sorry! But I've got to ask Lisa! What in tha' Hell is that in your avatar? It really messes with my head when I've been hitting the rum and go to sleep at night! Just kidding with you! I'm so proud of the progress you've made since coming to LS! You've come so far since intitally joining! And you've accomplished so much in such a short period of time! And you still are! You may not see it yourself! But we do!
PWSX3 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Last night one of the gals in our group shared that she lost everything, her marriage, her boys, her house. She is starting over in a new town, has no job, & is staying with her mom until she finds something but you know what? She said she is the happiest she has been in a long time. I don't know her story but I would be pretty pissed if that was me but she has such a great outlook on life. To me that says; nothing on this world can make a person happy, it is all just material stuff.
Author LisaUk Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 What a motherf****ng psycho! I don't know the man, but just from this example I can see he's trash! You're too good for this man, Lisa. And he seems to be too vain and selfish, so I don't think he would ever change. If he ever married you he would instead try to turn you into a selfish monster like him. Ah, it may be that what I wrote came across incorrectly, my ex did not mean that he wanted a family whom he could live apart from and see when he felt like it, he meant he wanted a family and a women who wanted to do her own thing, whilst he did his and they could come together when they felt like it. Having said that, the undertone was that he wanted to do what he wanted regardless of his partners feelings or needs and see her only when it suited him. Hallelujah she has SEEN the light at the end of the tunnel! About fricken time!!!! I hope I have Dgirl, I still have my waviering moments where I am doubting myself again, thinking it might have been me, but I'm leaning more and more to the realisation that he was a selfish ******. Sorry! But I've got to ask Lisa! What in tha' Hell is that in your avatar? It really messes with my head when I've been hitting the rum and go to sleep at night! Hi Gunny, LOL it's a painting by Paul Smith entitled "Naughty but Nice", it is there b/c I am still desperately trying to lose the 6lbs I put on over Christmas! I get 2lb off, then opps, back on again. Howver, they WILL be coming off very very soon, b/c I have to be able to get into my summer clothes, which presently are a tad tight.
trippi1432 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Ah, it may be that what I wrote came across incorrectly, my ex did not mean that he wanted a family whom he could live apart from and see when he felt like it, he meant he wanted a family and a women who wanted to do her own thing, whilst he did his and they could come together when they felt like it. Having said that, the undertone was that he wanted to do what he wanted regardless of his partners feelings or needs and see her only when it suited him. See how smart you are....took me 15 years to realize this. In the end, I paid for it....see how much better off you are? I hope I have Dgirl, I still have my waviering moments where I am doubting myself again, thinking it might have been me, but I'm leaning more and more to the realisation that he was a selfish ******. Typically in a relationship, there is going to be some selfishness. Each try to put themselves first while putting the other first. Honestly, I don't know the first thing about any of it really....been told that multiple times. I've always put my kids first. Hi Gunny, LOL it's a painting by Paul Smith entitled "Naughty but Nice", it is there b/c I am still desperately trying to lose the 6lbs I put on over Christmas! I get 2lb off, then opps, back on again. Howver, they WILL be coming off very very soon, b/c I have to be able to get into my summer clothes, which presently are a tad tight. Throw the scales away, you are perfectly fine just the way you are. Hugs!!
dgiirl Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I hope I have Dgirl, I still have my waviering moments where I am doubting myself again, thinking it might have been me, but I'm leaning more and more to the realisation that he was a selfish ******. Don't you worry if you wavier back and forth. It IS part of the process! Most people either start the mourning process by taking all the blame, or placing all the blame. Eventually, they get sick of that, and then start to go the opposite, placing all the blame or taking all the blame. Eventually, it will balance it self out to the point where you'll realize that some of it is your fault, some of it is not. Take the positive self-improvement stuff, and leave the garbage behind. But for the time being, you've blamed yourself for SOOO long and super over-analyzed that to death, it's time for you to start blaming and getting angry for a little while. You are a very logical girl and things must make sense to you. But I doubt you let yourself explore your emotions very often. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, even if you have no "right" to feel it, acknowledge that you do have your feelings and this is how you feel.
trippi1432 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Lisa, listen to Dggirl...she knows what she is talking about. There are so many men out there that ARE worthy...they care and there are many that have shown it on LS. Think of it this way....you haven't committed to a man in marriage...that in itself, makes you a free soul....have fun with your life. It's time to LIVE.
Surfer Girl Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Ok so what are the options.... You could go on break and confront him.... most likely not a good idea... but if you feel it is your last chance to say what you need to say with conviction and getting your feelings out.... that is an option....you could realize he is a Cp, marriage freaked him out.... you could realize he doesn't like confrontation, typical of a CP.... you can factor in he most likely left the relationship way before you had an idea it was over and once he made his descion he couldn't go back.... as it was a long time coming for him without you knowing....He hid his feelings from you because he is not very good at communicating.... It was his own insecuritys that most likely he will be alone for the rest of his life... You could to get down on yourself for not being good enough and trying to figure out what you did wrong... or you could realize nothing you say or do is going to change him.... You have another option to know you did try..... and the finally option.... coming to terms that know matter how much you want him it wasn't your choice.... and you can't force someone to love you....so you relish in the fact that you didn't kill yourself and you recognize how far you have accomplished with going to school with all the that you have been thru... It will pay off....
Gunny376 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Get a book titled "Eat This - Not That" It was written for US and Canadian markets, but once you read it, (well you don't so much read it as use it as guide for grocery shopping and making good healthy choices when dining out.) The reason so many people can't lose weight and keep it off is because of what they're eating. I know, I hear a resounding "duh" as I write this, so let me re-frame. The reason so many people can't lose weight and keep it off, is because of what food processors are putting in the food that they process that we eat. That is to say its not so much the food nor the quantity of food that we're eating as it is all the preservatives and 'taste enhancers' that food processors are putting in the foods that we eat. As a general rule whenever you can you want to prepare any and all meals from scratch. Convenience foods while convenient ~ contain nearly twice as many calories as foods that you pop into the microwave, or fast food. And I realize that your in law school and time is precious. I work Wed - Sun, off on Mon - Wed @ 3PM. On Monday using Hefty three compartmented food trays, I prepare all of my dinners for the entire week. They're heavy on vegetables, which I naturally like. I also eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables as snacks. I eat breakfast, usually some kind of grain type cereal like Cheerios which I like. Or a sausage / bacon / poached egg "McMuffin" that I make at home. Your being a woman? Your going to have a lot of 'water weight' that your body needs depending upon the time of the month, (Sorry, just a fact) You don't have to make any major changes in what you eat? But in the products that you buy to make what you eat. For you Mom's out there, David Zinczenko the author has also written a book of the same titiled of "Eat This, Not That ~ For Kids" I would highly recommend it. The differences of choices from the same manufacter ~ such a Jello, Yoplait, Ragu is collectively significant over the long term.
Gunny376 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 For you single working Moms (or about to be Single Workng Mom's) you might want to check a cookbook titled "Once A Month Cooking" and invest in a Food Saver Vaccum Sealer.
FeelingLonely98 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 The anger has subsided, weirdly! Is it possible to skip a stage of grieving, or will it come back do you think? I had what I think may be a breakthrough last night? Whilst reading some others stories on here I suddenly realised what a **** my ex is/was for leaving me. I almost don't want to say this, b/c it sounds so ego inflated, but I'm going to anyway. Compared to what some men on here have had to put up with from their ex wifes, if my ex was stupid enough to leave me, someone who loved him more than my own life, would have done anything to make him happy, cared for him as if he was a part of my own being, hurt when he hurt, all b/c he wanted a friggin motorbike and to go out more than he already did, he is a complete idiot! And, he is in for one rude awakening when he eventually gets tangled up with a women like some of your exes on here! BOY OH BOY IS HE IN FOR A SHOCK! :laugh::lmao: I don't really care about being with him anymore, he was not only stupid to let me go, he was horrible to treat me like that. I don't need or want someone like that in my life, my life is better now without him, my life isn't great, but I am enjoying school and doing more for myself than I ever did when I was him. I also have the hope of finding someone special to share life with, who WILL treat me as an equal partner and appreciate me. Is this indifference? You've turned the corner baby!! GOOD FOR YOU. Right after I got angry (and it showed in my posts) I all of a sudden said F**K IT, Who needs her? I was only "angry" for a few weeks! Then I filed for D and here I am now divorced for a month and happy with life. I would have never guessed it but "indifference" was the strongest feeling I had about it all. I did not let myself backslide. I would NOT let it happen. (Maybe I will have a "backslide" episode in the future? Who knows? If I do it won't affect me much...) She can have her 18 year old BF. Best Wishes. (Maybe he's a grown-up 19 now? hehehe) Point is YOU Lisa are moving along. Keep plodding along Lisa. Like many have said here recently, YOU will are a wonderful woman and once YOU are ready good men will be beating down your door to date you. PEACE!
FeelingLonely98 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 ... b/c I am still desperately trying to lose the 6lbs I put on over Christmas! I get 2lb off, then opps, back on again. ... 6 lbs.? That's cute ... I am sure there is no man who would notice those 6! Anyways, I understand that you want to lose the weight for you. I travel a lot for work and I have used that book that Gunny referenced when dining out. It really does have some good info. Two meals seem the same - one has more fat and calories - but how would we know?
Author LisaUk Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Throw the scales away, you are perfectly fine just the way you are. Can't Trippi, I can't afford new summer clothes, so will have to get the 6 lbs off! Thanks to Gunny for the book recomendation, I am planning on going back on my WW points this week, I know it will work if I stick to it strictly b/c I lost 6 stones with it the other year. Don't you worry if you wavier back and forth. It IS part of the process! I needed to hear that this morning, I was fine last night, went to a student party then out on the town, having fun, thinking how my life is better without him as I would not be out enjoying myself like this if I was with him. Then this morning, urgh, missing him again. Ok so what are the options.... You could go on break and confront him.... most likely not a good idea... but if you feel it is your last chance to say what you need to say with conviction and getting your feelings out.... that is an option....you could realize he is a Cp, marriage freaked him out.... you could realize he doesn't like confrontation, typical of a CP.... you can factor in he most likely left the relationship way before you had an idea it was over and once he made his descion he couldn't go back.... as it was a long time coming for him without you knowing....He hid his feelings from you because he is not very good at communicating.... It was his own insecuritys that most likely he will be alone for the rest of his life... You could to get down on yourself for not being good enough and trying to figure out what you did wrong... or you could realize nothing you say or do is going to change him.... You have another option to know you did try..... and the finally option.... coming to terms that know matter how much you want him it wasn't your choice.... and you can't force someone to love you....so you relish in the fact that you didn't kill yourself and you recognize how far you have accomplished with going to school with all the that you have been thru... It will pay off.... Sufrergirl, is not liking confrontation typical of a CP, never heard that before? I'd love to know more, b/c he had very bad issues with it. She can have her 18 year old BF. Best Wishes. (Maybe he's a grown-up 19 now? hehehe) FL, I got hit on last night by a 19 year old! I was like "you're kidding right?" your ex is seriously delusional, this guy looked SO YOUNG, I just had an 18 year relationship, 19! can you imagine *shudder*.
broken hearted Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 For you single working Moms (or about to be Single Workng Mom's) you might want to check a cookbook titled "Once A Month Cooking" and invest in a Food Saver Vaccum Sealer. You're the best Gunny!!!
riegelbeagle Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Hi I am new here and have just really started to accept what is happening in my own cituation. I can honestly tell you that it is definately not any fault of yours that your H left. Marriage is a total commitment to one another based on unconditioal love. No matter what happens in a relationship or people changing over the years, a promise was made to do whatever it took to keep the marriage bond tied. It takes both parties to do so, if one walks or refuses to put effort into the marriage its toptally their fault. You can not beat yourself up about it you have hike up your panties and get out and live your life.
2.50 a gallon Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Lisa If it will make you feel better about yourself, go ahead and work off the 6 pounds. Remember, I've seen your picture. And my personal opinion, still stands from months ago, you are hot. My GF is going through the samething, she claims she added a few pounds over the holidays, and her pants are too tight. I keep telling her "Do you hear me complaining?"
trippi1432 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Throw the scales away, you are perfectly fine just the way you are. Can't Trippi, I can't afford new summer clothes, so will have to get the 6 lbs off! Thanks to Gunny for the book recomendation, I am planning on going back on my WW points this week, I know it will work if I stick to it strictly b/c I lost 6 stones with it the other year. WW is a great program, I was doing that program right before my ex and I split up and it was working wonderfully before he "whammied" it. :mad: At any rate, keep saying that I am going to go back on the program and have all of their cookbooks - delicious recipes. Plus it's healthy, 6 lbs is nothing to lose quickly on that program....good for you.
Author LisaUk Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Hi I am new here and have just really started to accept what is happening in my own cituation. I can honestly tell you that it is definately not any fault of yours that your H left. Marriage is a total commitment to one another based on unconditioal love. No matter what happens in a relationship or people changing over the years, a promise was made to do whatever it took to keep the marriage bond tied. It takes both parties to do so, if one walks or refuses to put effort into the marriage its toptally their fault. You can not beat yourself up about it you have hike up your panties and get out and live your life. Thank you. We were not married, although he led me to believe we were all but the cermony, if that makes sense? I was with him 18 years. Today is the one year anniversary of bomb drop, the day he left. I'm never going to understand why or how he could do this. The fact I will never see or speak to him again kills me, why does it not bother him? I really do not get how someone could choose to be with someone for 18 years then deny they ever had feelings or loved the other person, why do that to yourself? You were happy once, enough to choose to stay for 18 years, why so sure you could not be again? He was even uncertain about his decision.....it just makes no sense, non at all. Oh well, life must go on, can't fight it, not my choice, just have to make the best of it now.
FeelingLonely98 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 FL, I got hit on last night by a 19 year old! I was like "you're kidding right?" your ex is seriously delusional, this guy looked SO YOUNG, I just had an 18 year relationship, 19! can you imagine *shudder*. UGH!!! Tell him to go do his homework. Hope it at least made you feel good - even if you want no part in being with a little boy.
FeelingLonely98 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Lisa If it will make you feel better about yourself, go ahead and work off the 6 pounds. ABSOLUTELY. If it makes YOU feel better do it. WW is also very good. I don't do WW but I use their philosophy --> portion control. Even though I eat healthy I portion control. I could eat a pound each of veggies and fruit and salad but control myself. Also 5-6 small "meals" works better than 3 large meals each day. Remember, I've seen your picture. ME TOO! And my personal opinion, still stands from months ago, you are hot. I AGREE.
FeelingLonely98 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Thank you. We were not married, although he led me to believe we were all but the cermony, if that makes sense? I was with him 18 years. Today is the one year anniversary of bomb drop, the day he left. I'm never going to understand why or how he could do this. The fact I will never see or speak to him again kills me, why does it not bother him? I really do not get how someone could choose to be with someone for 18 years then deny they ever had feelings or loved the other person, why do that to yourself? You were happy once, enough to choose to stay for 18 years, why so sure you could not be again? He was even uncertain about his decision.....it just makes no sense, non at all. Oh well, life must go on, can't fight it, not my choice, just have to make the best of it now. GREAT QUOTE. Keep it up girl.
Author LisaUk Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Can anyone talk him into coming back for me? I miss him.
PWSX3 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Can anyone talk him into coming back for me? I miss him. NOPE, someday you will learn the truth & know it wasn't good.
tojaz Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Can anyone talk him into coming back for me? I miss him. I probably could, but never would because you deserve so much more then what he could ever offer you. Besides, you hate him!!! TOJAZ
Author LisaUk Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 NOPE, someday you will learn the truth & know it wasn't good. I don't understand PW, you are saying I was not good for him?
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