As much as I ever did

[sotagoon]

Lisa....It pains me to see you slide backward. You have helped me a number of times attempt to make "SENSE" out of my own situation and recommended a great book to read. I have to thank you again for being a kind and generous person that took time to help ME (a stranger) and so many others when we need it.

 

I don't know what I could do to help you feel better or just indifferent maybe?

 

A random person from this site took the time to PM me about how she was able to move forward...JUST A LITTLE BIT.

 

Her advice to me was pretty simple, but made me believe that the woman I love/loved wasn't really best for me.

 

She said, "This woman that you love and would give your life and anything in it for, is making a CONSCIOUS DECISION EVERY DAY to NOT be by your side, and support you, and be even half of what you are to her."

 

For some reason, this statement made me really understand that even though she was "MY ONE AND ONLY" I don't have a choice!!!!!

 

What person in your life, that is worth having there, would just LET you be and feel so miserable? If the roles were reversed....I know YOU (and most certainly ME) would be right by his/her side to make it better!!!!

 

Now, just like you, I am nowhere near a position to be the AUTHORITY on this matter, but what I can tell you, is that you are amazing!..I can tell.

Smart, no doubt!....Caring....Obviously, and most certainly strong enough to be the one that wants to and would fight for anything.

 

I don't know what clicked the last few days, but I have started to feel LESS anxious about losing the love of my life. I won't lie, I still think she is the only one that could tell me that I'm worth something. I don't know why, but each day it seems to lighten up just a little bit.

 

I want to make a suggestion for you, take a few days off from writing here. I know it's going to be hard, but I think you just need to seperate yourself from all the emotions that trigger your hard and lonely feelings.

 

Just try it....even if just for 48 hours. I think even if nothing else, it will just show you that you have the power to control yourself and maybe in turn allow you to control yourself from sliding backwards.

 

I think that anything that you can hold on to as a small victory, is going to snowball...just like the idea of finishing law school and then tackling the living situation and controlling mother.

 

Do something that gives you just a little power...I think you'll relish the fact that you took charge, even if something so small.

 

Lisa.....I told you before that I was going to think about you for a few mornings instead of her....to hope that you have a good day...guess what...that may have been what has helped me feel even just a little better the last few days.

Thank you for that!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited February 22, 2010 by sotagoon

[LonelyTiger]

Great post Sotagoon!

 

Somebody said something very similar to me when I was going through the worst time. It's a hard pill to swallow, but once it goes in, the healing really starts.

 

I think the occasional backslide is inevitable for most of us but, as long as the general direction is forward, the trick is to keep moving.....and, yes, definitely, every small victory has the potential to snowball.

 

 

"This woman that you love and would give your life and anything in it for, is making a CONSCIOUS DECISION EVERY DAY to NOT be by your side, and support you, and be even half of what you are to her."

 

For some reason, this statement made me really understand that even though she was "MY ONE AND ONLY" I don't have a choice!!!!!

 

What person in your life, that is worth having there, would just LET you be and feel so miserable? If the roles were reversed....I know YOU (and most certainly ME) would be right by his/her side to make it better!!!!

[FeelingLonely98]

I keep posting here hoping someone will have a magic cure all, stupid I know, perhaps I should just give up.

 

Lisa - NEVER give up - ALWAYS keep fighting - keep climbing - keep swimming - keep studying - keep posting - be Lisa. And NEVER give up.

[2.50 a gallon]

Lisa and BH

 

There is a commonality between your two stories, in that for both of you are still in love with your first and only lover.

 

I do not claim to be an expert, but from what I have read about love chemicals, when a man climaxs the woman's body takes from the seminal fluid and develops special hormones that makes her desire this same man sexually over and over again. This hormone helps her fall in love with her lover, and not only that helps her ward off the advances of other males.

 

As a player, I was able to be intimate with many women, and I am not talking sex, but getting to know them and their secrets that they share with very few others. Many of them were still in love with their first lover. Even though, to be blunt, they had been used and dumped, they still had this special bond with their first lover. I can recall at least two that were actually raped by this guy, but did not hold that against him, she still had feelings for them.

 

I have more thoughts on this, but out of time

[LisaUk]

Wow, not what you need right now. Maybe he senses that you will understand what he's going through?

 

I always think honesty is the best policy Lisa.

 

Tell him again that you have enough to deal with yourself right now and he really should be seeking professional help. If necessary, you can ask him directly to leave you alone. If that doesn't work you can report him to the law school. There's also the option of an official looking letter on legal letterhead! Hopefully you won't need to go that far.

 

Thanks, I mailed him back and told him if he needs help to see his doctor and re the exams he would be better off making an appointment with the tutor, as I am finding it difficult too, so he will get much better tuition from a professor!

 

Thanks for all the support everyone who is taking the time to be here for me. I just don't what is wrong with me lately, I was doing OK and now I backsliding so far I feel like I did when he had only been gone a few months. Today has been a bit better, circumstance rather than progress I fear. I'm begining to really hate him for this. He has no idea how this feels and I feel bad saying all this but sometimes I wish someone would do this to him, so he can KNOW the pain he has caused me. WHat did I do that was so wrong that I deserved this. What is it about me that makes me derserve to be treated like this, for him to just walk?

 

A friend said to be the other day that I was 50% to blame. I didn't respond, but how? HOW? am I 50% to blame for him leaving when he did not even express that he was unahppy and told me he had DELIBERATELY kept it hidden from me for years. I am suppossed to be able to read minds? What chance did I have when he was keeping his feelings from me and lying to me? Should I have known? Did I miss something? All I ever did was love him with all my heart and soul and he choose to throw that back at me like it was worthless, like I am worthless. Maybe I am to blame for him going, but I could not have known his unhappiness and if I had i would have done anything to make it right. How can you know someone is unhappy when they are planning a wedding with you for ***** sake?

[broken hearted]

Lisa,

I don't have advice for you because if I did than I would have followed it myself and been out of this emotional hell already...but I'm not. I just want you to know that I know your pain, I feel your pain, I know exactly how you feel and I wish I could take it away from you. Gallon is right, our stories are very similar and I just wish there was something I could do to take your pain away. I swear if I had the money and no responsibilities, I would fly to the UK to see you and hug you!

 

Please know that you are an amazing woman Lisa! I pray for you and hope you can find love and happiness that you have experienced with your ex.

[LonelyTiger]

Thanks, I mailed him back and told him if he needs help to see his doctor and re the exams he would be better off making an appointment with the tutor, as I am finding it difficult too, so he will get much better tuition from a professor!

 

Thanks for all the support everyone who is taking the time to be here for me. I just don't what is wrong with me lately, I was doing OK and now I backsliding so far I feel like I did when he had only been gone a few months. Today has been a bit better, circumstance rather than progress I fear. I'm begining to really hate him for this. He has no idea how this feels and I feel bad saying all this but sometimes I wish someone would do this to him, so he can KNOW the pain he has caused me. WHat did I do that was so wrong that I deserved this. What is it about me that makes me derserve to be treated like this, for him to just walk?

 

A friend said to be the other day that I was 50% to blame. I didn't respond, but how? HOW? am I 50% to blame for him leaving when he did not even express that he was unahppy and told me he had DELIBERATELY kept it hidden from me for years. I am suppossed to be able to read minds? What chance did I have when he was keeping his feelings from me and lying to me? Should I have known? Did I miss something? All I ever did was love him with all my heart and soul and he choose to throw that back at me like it was worthless, like I am worthless. Maybe I am to blame for him going, but I could not have known his unhappiness and if I had i would have done anything to make it right. How can you know someone is unhappy when they are planning a wedding with you for ***** sake?

 

Way to go Lisa !!! That's the spirit!

 

And progress it most definitely is. Wow, I'm impressed.

 

Anger is part of the grieving process. You have to get angry to get through this and you're directing it right where it needs to be - at your ex.

 

You don't deserve any of this Lisa, that's just the point. None of this is your fault.

 

I don't know where you found all that but I'm so glad you did.

[mikeymad]

yep. anger is good. we knew it was hiding there somewhere! I suggest continuing that, and writing a letter, expressing ALL your anger. Get mean, get nasty, and let it ALL out, after all, he won't see it so you don't have to worry about holding back. It will help put you in a whole new light. Don't worry about what your friend said. yes, we all contribute to the demise of a relationship, but it's not always 50/50. There's a time and place that we can do that objectively, and you can't right now because your emotions are still so strong.

Great job. We're all pulling for you.

[dgiirl]

And to add to what LonelyTiger said, just because you get mad at your ex it doesnt mean you never loved him! It's OK to be mad! It's OK to find faults in him! That doesnt mean every single thing about him is bad, but he is definitely not perfect either! And this single act of him leaving without ever speaking about his unhappiness IS a pretty ****ty thing for HIM to do.

[tojaz]

Good for you Lisa, finding some anger to throw at him. He deserves all you can dish out and Dgiirl is right being angry for what he has done has nothing to do with how much you love him.

 

I've been in a bit of a rut lately with some new found hurt like you and Broken. I've also recently developed some new anger for my ex. That came from the realization that in leaving, she not only left but went out of her way to hurt me. When we give ourselves over to someone in a committed relationship, we share all, including our strengths and our weaknesses and in leaving she managed to jab every vulnerable spot I had and used those weaknesses against me. I'll spare the details since this isn't my thread though.

 

I've read your story from day one Lis, and I can see he did the same to you. He knew what to say and what to do. Even if a relationship is going to end, there is a decent way to do it, but that is not what he chose, so he deserves your anger and so much more. So let him have it! ....and it was not 50% your fault everyone has a part in a break up, but those are rarely divided equaly. He kept you in the dark, and then walked, that is for him to own. If blame has to be assessed, leave it with the one that decided it wasn't worth trying, or talking about.

 

TOJAZ

[2.50 a gallon]

Lisa

 

None of this was your doing! No 50%, not even 1%.

 

We are all different. I am totally in love with my GF and she with me. But

I can not be 100% of everything in her life. We do not agree 100% with everything. We have our differnces, and so far when we disagree, we talk them out. I let her know if something she does bothers me. And so far she with me. We compromise.

 

The point is we let each other know of the problem, then work for a solution.

 

You EX did none of this. Had he let you know that there were problems, and worked with you and given you time to solve them and make changes, then you would own some of the blame.

 

From what I have read, he did not do this, instead he dumped a whole truck load of garbage on your lap and then pushed you out the door. You own none of this, as you were not given the time and space to work on the problem. In fact, I think the slimeball played a mind game with you and did this on purpose to hurt you. He wanted to make you suffer. There is something deeply wrong with him.

[LisaUk]

Lisa,

I don't have advice for you because if I did than I would have followed it myself and been out of this emotional hell already...but I'm not. I just want you to know that I know your pain, I feel your pain, I know exactly how you feel and I wish I could take it away from you. Gallon is right, our stories are very similar and I just wish there was something I could do to take your pain away. I swear if I had the money and no responsibilities, I would fly to the UK to see you and hug you!

 

Hi Broken, I'm so sorry to hear that you are back where I am right now as well. We will both get through this, not sure how yet, but we have to right?

 

Way to go Lisa !!! That's the spirit!

 

And progress it most definitely is. Wow, I'm impressed.

 

 

I would like to say it is continuing but I do feel down again today, not as bad as of late, thankfully. I think it was more circumstance yesterday, I got an assignment back and I came 3rd in the class, guess it gave me a boost. The anger is definately just below the surface though, maybe it will come back when I have figured out a few more things?

 

yep. anger is good. we knew it was hiding there somewhere! I suggest continuing that, and writing a letter, expressing ALL your anger. Get mean, get nasty, and let it ALL out, after all, he won't see it so you don't have to worry about holding back. It will help put you in a whole new light.

 

I sent him an angry letter a few months after he left, I've never regretted it, I stand by everything I wrote, including telling him he had no right to sleep with me when he knew he was going to leave me and lied in order to get me into bed, knowing my beliefs. I'm not going to do this right now, I am way to vunerable, but I do think maybe I should go see him one day and let him have it, he should hear what he has done. Then again, that would let him know I still care. Something to think about.

 

And to add to what LonelyTiger said, just because you get mad at your ex it doesnt mean you never loved him! It's OK to be mad! It's OK to find faults in him! That doesnt mean every single thing about him is bad, but he is definitely not perfect either! And this single act of him leaving without ever speaking about his unhappiness IS a pretty ****ty thing for HIM to do.

 

He said once only, that I was well aware of the issues. Every other time since he left he said it was his fault for keeping them hidden and that he had been denying there were issues b/c he didn't want to admit it to himself. I guess it's the time he said I should have known that has got me blaming myself? I should have known and done something about it?

 

Good for you Lisa, finding some anger to throw at him. He deserves all you can dish out and Dgiirl is right being angry for what he has done has nothing to do with how much you love him.

 

I've been in a bit of a rut lately with some new found hurt like you and Broken. I've also recently developed some new anger for my ex. That came from the realization that in leaving, she not only left but went out of her way to hurt me. When we give ourselves over to someone in a committed relationship, we share all, including our strengths and our weaknesses and in leaving she managed to jab every vulnerable spot I had and used those weaknesses against me. I'll spare the details since this isn't my thread though.

 

I've read your story from day one Lis, and I can see he did the same to you. He knew what to say and what to do. Even if a relationship is going to end, there is a decent way to do it, but that is not what he chose, so he deserves your anger and so much more. So let him have it! ....and it was not 50% your fault everyone has a part in a break up, but those are rarely divided equaly. He kept you in the dark, and then walked, that is for him to own. If blame has to be assessed, leave it with the one that decided it wasn't worth trying, or talking about.

 

TOJAZ

 

I'm not sure I know what you mean Tojaz?

 

 

 

Lisa

 

None of this was your doing! No 50%, not even 1%.

 

We are all different. I am totally in love with my GF and she with me. But

I can not be 100% of everything in her life. We do not agree 100% with everything. We have our differnces, and so far when we disagree, we talk them out. I let her know if something she does bothers me. And so far she with me. We compromise.

 

The point is we let each other know of the problem, then work for a solution.

 

You EX did none of this. Had he let you know that there were problems, and worked with you and given you time to solve them and make changes, then you would own some of the blame.

 

From what I have read, he did not do this, instead he dumped a whole truck load of garbage on your lap and then pushed you out the door. You own none of this, as you were not given the time and space to work on the problem. In fact, I think the slimeball played a mind game with you and did this on purpose to hurt you. He wanted to make you suffer. There is something deeply wrong with him.

 

We argued about things from time to time, but I thought we had compromised, I had no idea he was really unhappy.

 

As for giving me time to work on things, nope, I asked him to come home and go to counselling with me, just 3 months, he told me he was too afraid and another time he said "it was too much of of a mountain to climb". He other words he couldn't be bothered.

 

What makes you say he wanted to hurt me though? WHy would he wnat to do that? I don't think I did anything nasty to him to make him want to hurt me? Unless he was mad b/c I finally stopped accepting his excuses for not sstting the date to get married? If he is CP, that would make sense? He asked me an odd question a month or so before he left, we were booking to see wedding venues and he said "why is it so important for you to get married?" I answered and he said "well sure, I suppose I can see why it's important to a women". It struck me as really odd at the time, but I didn't really give it much thought, trusted him, I got the impression that he wanted to stay as we were?

[Steadfast]

The bottom line is that you trusted him Lisa. You trusted him and he betrayed that trust...both in his own way, and in the way that you see and feel it. Still, how can you or anyone take on someone else's problems and shortcomings? Even if (for whatever reason, you know better than I) he found it necessary to blame you? I wonder if he knew you'd react like this?

 

Does he Lisa? Does he know how you feel and how you're suffering?

 

What's encouraging to me is reading your thoughts on this man's nature. It was frustrating (and difficult) to read or understand why you painted him such a perfect light while accepting all the blame. No one is perfect, right?

 

As for the rest Lisa, give it time. Perhaps even the mere thought of someone else is just too much for you right now. Still, I'll plant a little seed and ask what you'll do when you meet someone wonderful who really loves and needs you? Yes, needs; like needs to be near you, needs your opinion, or simply needs to hear your voice so he knows you're OK. Just a seed! =)

[Crusoe]

I beleive that we are meant to be part of a marriage, one person for life. I have been told that is an antiquated notion, maybe it is, but it is how I feel, if I met someone now it is too late, it is already done. He was my one and now he is gone.

 

Lisa, after my first died I felt exactly like this, but four years later I met my ex and she taught me something...

 

Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars.

[LisaUk]

Lisa

 

None of this was your doing! No 50%, not even 1%.

 

We are all different. I am totally in love with my GF and she with me. But

I can not be 100% of everything in her life. We do not agree 100% with everything. We have our differnces, and so far when we disagree, we talk them out. I let her know if something she does bothers me. And so far she with me. We compromise.

 

The point is we let each other know of the problem, then work for a solution.

 

You EX did none of this. Had he let you know that there were problems, and worked with you and given you time to solve them and make changes, then you would own some of the blame.

 

From what I have read, he did not do this, instead he dumped a whole truck load of garbage on your lap and then pushed you out the door. You own none of this, as you were not given the time and space to work on the problem. In fact, I think the slimeball played a mind game with you and did this on purpose to hurt you. He wanted to make you suffer. There is something deeply wrong with him.

 

I menat to add in my last post that my ex blamed me for being unable to tell me he was unhappy (partly and partly his upbringing), he said that he brushed his feelings aside to avoid an argument. Basically he implied that it was my fault he could not talk to me b/c I was unapproachable.

[LisaUk]

The bottom line is that you trusted him Lisa. You trusted him and he betrayed that trust...both in his own way, and in the way that you see and feel it. Still, how can you or anyone take on someone else's problems and shortcomings? Even if (for whatever reason, you know better than I) he found it necessary to blame you? I wonder if he knew you'd react like this?

 

Does he Lisa? Does he know how you feel and how you're suffering?

I don't know Steadfast. How could he not know? How can any person not know that if you spend 18 years with soemone, build a life together, live together 10 years, engaged 8 years and plan a wedding, never express any problems or unhappiness and then jilt them, that the jilted person will react like this?

 

Part of me thinks he knows and that is why he cut all contact, b/c that way it is easier for him to deny the pain he has caused me. Part of me thinks he knows and does not care, seemed that way the day he left when I was grabbing onto him and begging him to stay and he just pushed me off and screamed at me to not do that, and screamed "what is wrong with you" while I broke my heart sobbing on the floor.

 

The other part of me thinks he has no idea, b/c he did not ever feel the same way about me and so cannot comprehend how I feel, b/c he has never loved.

 

What's encouraging to me is reading your thoughts on this man's nature. It was frustrating (and difficult) to read or understand why you painted him such a perfect light while accepting all the blame. No one is perfect, right?

 

As for the rest Lisa, give it time. Perhaps even the mere thought of someone else is just too much for you right now. Still, I'll plant a little seed and ask what you'll do when you meet someone wonderful who really loves and needs you? Yes, needs; like needs to be near you, needs your opinion, or simply needs to hear your voice so he knows you're OK. Just a seed! =) Is that even possible? My ex rolled his eyes and sighed when I expressed an opinion and it was never asked for, he used to announce things, like we had just moved house and one day in the car, from nowhere, he announces he is thinking of applying for a job that would mean us moving 150 miles.

 

He spent most of his time playing video games or at work, never really seemed to want to spend time with me. Yet in the earlier days when I expressed how I would like more time with him and how I was unhappy, he would beg me and say he would change, never did and I loved him so I stopped complaining and just accepted it. Besides my friends told me all their H's were the same, either pub, video games or golf widows.

 

I don't see me meeting anyone now, I'm 34 most of them are married. I know you will all scream at me over that one! It's true though, all taken. Besides I don't think I could ever trust again, it's not worth the risk. [/QUOTE]

..........

[LonelyTiger]

I don't see me meeting anyone now, I'm 34 most of them are married. I know you will all scream at me over that one! It's true though, all taken. Besides I don't think I could ever trust again, it's not worth the risk. ..........

 

I don't see any need for anyone to scream at you Lisa. You already KNOW that what you've said here is untrue. (I was going to say total rubbish but decided that was a bit harsh!)

 

The real truth is that a huge number of men and women are actually back 'on the market' by the time they are in their mid thirties. Very few people mate for life these days - sad but true!

 

I'm not, for one second, suggesting that you try internet dating, at least not yet , but if you look on those sites (just for research purposes), you'll see the vast majority of both sexes are mid thirties upwards.

 

You're right that the trust issue is a tough one but with a little patience and understanding from the right man you'll learn to trust again.

 

There is a man out there Lisa who will be so much better for you than your ex. It sounds as though he didn't deserve you.

 

Oh and, just for the record, not all men need video games, pubs or sports to get their kicks! I would never put up with that kind of behaviour from a grown man. Apart from any children in a relationship, I expect to be a man's number one priority, and in return, he can expect to be mine.

[FeelingLonely98]

Besides my friends told me all their H's were the same, either pub, video games or golf widows.[/QUOTE]

 

Not all Lisa. I don't have a "vice" like golf, drink, video games, ... I worked hard and tried to spend quality time with my XW.

 

(((p.s., I don't understand grown men and these stupid f'ing video games... If I play an hour in a

month its about 55 minutes too much for me))) {sigh}

 

I don't see me meeting anyone now, I'm 34 most of them are married. I know you will all scream at me over that one! It's true though, all taken. Besides I don't think I could ever trust again, it's not worth the risk.

 

I thought I would never trust again Lisa. Though I am more cautious now, I did not want to live a life where I trusted no woman. If I get burned again, I get burned again. Trust is not an all or nothing proposition. Trust but be cautious, no what the warning signs are, always be truthful, communicative, ...

 

Ann - I bet my right arm that in the next year or so you will tell us you met a great guy who appreciates you. Who treats you the way you want to be treated. Someone who deserves a wonderful woman like Lisa! You don't know it but I bet they would line up to be your partner.

Edited February 24, 2010 by FeelingLonely98

[aimchase]

I don't see me meeting anyone now, I'm 34 most of them are married. I know you will all scream at me over that one! It's true though, all taken. Besides I don't think I could ever trust again, it's not worth the risk. [/QUOTE]

..........

 

Well i'm 35 and single. Yes, married, but not for long!

 

You will trust again, it's not a stamp you can just put on someone, i.e, 'trust' or 'don't trust' It's something that the next person in your life will earn over time, and at the same time your barriers will fall.

 

I don't know Lisa. If you were round the corner i'd ask you out myself just to get you in the big world again! Doubt you are though from hearing your NHS waiting times......

[dgiirl]

There are still a lot of good men out there.

 

I understand that losing your virginity to your ex was a significant first and you have a right to mourn that. However, you still have at least two very significant firsts to have with your next partner, getting married and having kids. Be thankful for that!

 

Besides, stop worrying about ever meeting someone again. You are definitely not ready to date yet so stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. Wait till it happens. In the meantime, focus and find happiness in other things in your life.

[tojaz]

Good for you Lisa! sounds like your seeing that he wasn't quite the ideal mate you thought he was, and are seeing how he treated you. Great!

 

You will find someone that can respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Just because all your friends husbands are that way dosen't mean we all are. I'm 31 work hard, like my video games, and love football season, but none of those things ever took priority over the one I loved. I actually walked away from a good job because my ex then GF needed a ride home. Thats the way it should be and the way you deserve to be treated. You cared a lot for him Lis, made him your priority, but he didn't offer yo the same respect. There are men out there that will.

 

TOJAZ

[tojaz]

Good for you Lisa! sounds like your seeing that he wasn't quite the ideal mate you thought he was, and are seeing how he treated you. Great!

 

You will find someone that can respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Just because all your friends husbands are that way dosen't mean we all are. I'm 31 work hard, like my video games, and love football season, but none of those things ever took priority over the one I loved. I actually walked away from a good job because my ex then GF needed a ride home. Thats the way it should be and the way you deserve to be treated. You cared a lot for him Lis, made him your priority, but he didn't offer yo the same respect. There are men out there that will.

 

TOJAZ

[2.50 a gallon]

Lisa

 

As Tojaz said a couple of posts back, he knew what to say and when to say it to make you hurt the worst. Simply he blindsided you, stabbed you in the back, gave the knife several twists, and when you asked why, his reply was "You're the problem", and left you in the limbo that you are in. In short he gave you no reason for the break up, other than to try and lay a guilt trip on you.

 

He quickly forced you out of the house, you lost most of your possessions, christmas decorations, etc. A real decent man, who is breaking off a relationship of 16 years, would do the right thing and help the one that they are dumping.

[LisaUk]

Oh and, just for the record, not all men need video games, pubs or sports to get their kicks! I would never put up with that kind of behaviour from a grown man. Apart from any children in a relationship, I expect to be a man's number one priority, and in return, he can expect to be mine.

 

(((p.s., I don't understand grown men and these stupid f'ing video games... If I play an hour in a

month its about 55 minutes too much for me))) {sigh}

 

 

Everyday for 10 years, every night, every weekend for at least 2 hours if not more, up in the office on the PC playing computer games. I even spent a summer with him when he graduated and got a job where he had to relocate up country. I spent an entire summer on my own, he was at work during the day (fair enough of course), then on the PC in the evenings.

 

I don't know Lisa. If you were round the corner i'd ask you out myself just to get you in the big world again! Doubt you are though from hearing your NHS waiting times......

 

Well Aim, thanks for the offer! I doubt it to given the difference in waiting times. I don't really want to say on the forum where I am, but I am near the sea!

 

You cared a lot for him Lis, made him your priority, but he didn't offer yo the same respect. There are men out there that will.

 

TOJAZ

 

I know, I know that just from talking with men on here and seeing how much they love their wives, and from you in particular, who has spent many many hours on PM with me whilst I have had a meltdown. Thank you.

 

Lisa

 

As Tojaz said a couple of posts back, he knew what to say and when to say it to make you hurt the worst. Simply he blindsided you, stabbed you in the back, gave the knife several twists, and when you asked why, his reply was "You're the problem", and left you in the limbo that you are in. In short he gave you no reason for the break up, other than to try and lay a guilt trip on you. Agreed, but why? What did I do to deserve that?

 

He quickly forced you out of the house, you lost most of your possessions, christmas decorations, etc. A real decent man, who is breaking off a relationship of 16 years, would do the right thing and help the one that they are dumping.He helped financially for a while until I recieved the payment from him for selling him my share of the house and furniture, he offered to store my possessions for me AFTER I had given them to charity (good will) but remarked they were just things, yeah, funny that, they weren't his things though were they? No they were my things, Christmas decorations, books, dvd's, ornaments etc that I could not keep for lack of space and storage. Did you mean help me practically or emotionally after 18 years together?[/QUOTE]

 

Oh, what a day today, just feel very numb.

[mikeymad]

Lisa

 

As Tojaz said a couple of posts back, he knew what to say and when to say it to make you hurt the worst. Simply he blindsided you, stabbed you in the back, gave the knife several twists, and when you asked why, his reply was "You're the problem", and left you in the limbo that you are in. In short he gave you no reason for the break up, other than to try and lay a guilt trip on you. Agreed, but why? What did I do to deserve that?

 

Nothing. People rarely "get what they deserve", mostly because that comes from an entitlement standpoint". People who are wronged also "don't deserve what they get". Bad things happen to good people. People are robbed, murdered, and raped every day. They didn't deserve that to happen, yet it did. What matters not is what happened, but how we react, deal with it, and move forward in whatever fashion we choose. You may never get the answer "why", because they would actually have to sit through a period of introspection, be honest with themselves first and THEN be honest with you. Not something you can expect from someone who up and vanishes like a fart in the wind. Thats sometimes the hardest pill to swallow. Focus on what you can know, learn, and react to. Those tangibles will keep you grounded instead of trying to pull some coherent theory out of that gobbledygook he calls a brain.