Need About a Colleague CRUSH!

[Mary3]

I think your brain is doing flip flops .

 

I also think this man that you have a crush is mildly amused but he is being faithful to his wife.

 

If he were a sleaze bag he would be groping you in the elevators and making kissy sounds . I venture to take it further that he would trying to be getting you in bed by now.

 

But I don't see this.

 

Maybe he is a good guy and is going to do the right thing. Which is nothing.

[happygirl1234]

I think your brain is doing flip flops .

 

I also think this man that you have a crush is mildly amused but he is being faithful to his wife.

 

If he were a sleaze bag he would be groping you in the elevators and making kissy sounds . I venture to take it further that he would trying to be getting you in bed by now.

 

But I don't see this.

 

Maybe he is a good guy and is going to do the right thing. Which is nothing.

 

Mary3, you are undoubtedly right. I don't know how "amused" he is, but he clearly isn't running away. I think he may be attracted to me, too, but like me, there are many, many good reasons keeping us from groping each other in the elevators.

 

I think he is a good guy trying to do the right thing. And oddly, I think I'm a good gal trying to do the right thing. Weak and attracted to him? Yes. But despite this, I have been totally professional with him since the stupid drunken confession, even apologizing to him as soon as possible and telling him that it should not have happened.

 

It would be nice if I could just get to the point where we could be good friends since we have so much common ground. Maybe we're getting there, since neither one of us seems to have what it takes to cross that line. I guess in my book that makes us human, but maybe basically pretty good ones.....

[kittykat84]

KittyKat,

 

So your crush invited you over to his house for dinner.... with his WIFE???? What about your H? Did he come, too? (can't remember: You are married, too, right?).

 

Hmmm..... that's a bit odd. But it suggests that your crush is trying really hard to be open with his wife, to not hide you. So maybe he is trying super hard to resist and keep things on the up and up.

 

 

My boyfriend (not married!) was in New Zealand for the weekend with his best mate who lives over there.

Well I've met his wife before - they came to our housewarming party in October and I also had coffee and lunch with them just before New Years.

I've liked him for ages but I think it's only been the past week where he's realised that I DO have a bit of a thing for him. We've become super close just in the last few days and it's all intensified quite a bit.

 

I think with both you and me it's all about managing the mutual attraction and trying to stay professional. Cos I always ask myself if I've acted in such a way that would make us both look bad.....we haven't so far not to others in our workplace. But between us we crossed the 'professional' line long ago when we started hanging out outside of work!

My bf knows we're friends and his wife know we're friends but maybe they dont realise the extent of feelings eh.

 

That's interesting your crush didn't introduce you to his wife. Maybe he is guilty?

Well I gotta head to work but I'll post some more musings about your situation in the afternoon! :-D

[happygirl1234]

My boyfriend (not married!) was in New Zealand for the weekend with his best mate who lives over there.

Well I've met his wife before - they came to our housewarming party in October and I also had coffee and lunch with them just before New Years.

I've liked him for ages but I think it's only been the past week where he's realised that I DO have a bit of a thing for him. We've become super close just in the last few days and it's all intensified quite a bit.

 

I think with both you and me it's all about managing the mutual attraction and trying to stay professional. Cos I always ask myself if I've acted in such a way that would make us both look bad.....we haven't so far not to others in our workplace. But between us we crossed the 'professional' line long ago when we started hanging out outside of work!

My bf knows we're friends and his wife know we're friends but maybe they dont realise the extent of feelings eh.

 

That's interesting your crush didn't introduce you to his wife. Maybe he is guilty?

Well I gotta head to work but I'll post some more musings about your situation in the afternoon! :-D

KK,

 

Got it-- BF but not a H. Sorry I forgot that. It's nice that you know your crush's wife-- seems to me that might satisfy a lot of curiosity about your crush as well as maybe help keep the W "real" in your mind rather than just some "other woman" who happens to be married to your crush! In my own situation, not knowing my crush's wife creates some issues like: Wondering why my crush picked her? What qualities does she have that made her appealing? Is she a "nice" person or one of those types who has anger simmering just below the surface? You can always tell a lot more about someone by knowing who their significant other is, even just your friends or colleagues.

 

So how long have you known your crush? I know you work together, but for how long? Did you like him right away, or did it gradually develop? How often do you hang out alone together? Have you been out to dinner alone?

 

I don't actually find it that hard to "act normal" or professional around my crush at work. I seem to have an ability to turn it on and turn it off again. So even though lots of people always warn about "people will talk," it doesn't really bother me since I know if people looked really hard, they wouldn't see anything in my behavior. I don't stare at him when we're in a group (when we're alone, I can't seem to break eye contact, LOL!). I can easily be in a group and not look at him at all. I know folks have seen us head out to lunch together, but I'm not worried about that, since we're colleagues and I go to lunch alone with other male colleagues, too (though no sparks with the others).

 

How did your crush realize in the last few days that you have a thing for him? I'm interested in hearing more.....

 

I still have a major crush but I'm trying harder than ever to just keep it there and not cross the line. One revelation I've had lately is that I need to work on keeping my own ego in check, since I think my crush is more about wanting him to want me than wanting him, per se (if that makes any sense....).

 

Thanks for the update! HG

[kittykat84]

Hehe yay lots of questions!

I can understand all those questions about the wife - I get those a lot too. Knowing her doesn't answer them all! I don't know lots about their relationship yet though. She's really pretty - better looking than me but I think I have an edge when it comes to intelligence. I mean she's not STUPID - far from it, but my bf called her a ditz hehe so she's one of those girls that is always a bit vague though she does have strong and valid opinions about things. Anyway it doesn't always come down to looks.

 

I've known him since apparently late 2008 when he and the other guy started the rotating shift thing in our office. We clicked from the get-go but it was about June last year when it all hit home. I remember getting a flash of thought that "Hang on a minute, he's EXACTLY the type of guy I usually go for!!" I pushed it to the back of my mind straight away cos it was too much to think about right then.

Fast forward a month or so later....he's working at the other plant because the other guy is on holiday for 9 weeks....so I didn't see him for AGES...and in that time he sends me this really cute email just about helping him get rid of some of his wife's magazines and I kind of went a bit silly. Like all these emotions just came out and I was like a giddy schoolgirl.

Then, a few weeks later he came into the office to get some negatives (graphic design remember) and I panicked and couldn't look at him! Zipped out the door (it was the end of the day) and didn't even talk to him.

 

For quite a while after that I couldn't be 'normal' around him. Found it hard to talk and was basically just a nervous wreck even though I still talked to him more than anyone else in the office (I'm the ONLY girl in my department). I think it was around Christmas when I got over the nerves and we had coffee and lunch that day. He's quite the coffee fiend (as am I) and I was completely WIRED that day hehe.

So it's this year that things have been smoother emotionally.

Meanwhile I don't think anyone really noticed anything so this is just my inner turmoil hahaha!..

 

We don't get that much time alone - Sometimes it's just us when we go for a walk up the street to get lunch - that's about 30mins some days. But whenever there's others there we always find us talking to each other only anyway.

We email frequently - when he's away on his 2 week stint at the other office it's almost daily - which has changed this week we're emailing back and forth several times daily.

The past week there has been the texts and the dinner as I mentioned.

 

There hasn't been an occasion where it's just me and him outside of work.

 

I think what made him realise....Hmm...Well last week when he was still in our office, we shared lots of little looks and just wanting to be closer together at meetings and stuff. Reading the body language which was very positive and just talking heaps.

Then it was all the texting on Saturday night and the subsequent dinner...I was pretty brazen in my innuendo hehehe...and he responded well.

He's been calling me all sorts of nice things like 'hot dame' and 'doll' which he never used to before - not in a sleazy way mind, he's so not a sleaze at all!

 

Today's developments over email (and yesterdays) - I am doing a drawing for him which we have to brainstorm over. And we're doing a double date with the respective partners sometime in the next few weeks as a local restaurant is doing dessert only dinner nights. He's very keen to hang out outside of work. Even if the partners are there I don't mind - the more I get to know him the better. There's a lot of connection there, sexual OR platonic.

 

I get what you mean about the ego thing - It's a challenge isn't it? Like you want that degree of power.

[kittykat84]

Things are getting slightly more intense the past few days.

 

Hmm

 

On Monday we almost played footsies with his leg I'm sure purposefully touching mine a couple of times under the table at lunch. My heart pretty much leaped out of my ribcage when I felt his leg. Seriously it was pounding so hard!

 

Yesterday, at the end of the day while waiting for my train - In frustration and this burning feeling inside, I wrote a very cryptic update on my FB feed: "Want. Hmmmm"

Within 15 minutes (surely the time it took him to get home and just STRAIGHT on the computer) he had replied: "Then. Has" (Lolcat speak which we frequently talk to each other in haha)

I freaked.

Surely that update would be ambiguous enough for no one to figure out unless he was thinking the same thing.

I responded "Oh noes, I can't that would be very naughty" etc etc. He replied "A stronger woman than Eve then" - Once again, even more proof that we're on exactly the same page.

 

Later that night he TEXTS me....showing me the creme brulee he'd made for dessert as they were having friends round....and then "will Eve succumb to temptation"!! What what!! I asked him "Should I? You tell me"

That was the end of that we sent a few texts back and forth and he never answered my question. And I never answered his haha! He signs off with his usual "schlaf gut" and this time followed with an "x"

Eep!

 

Cue this morning and there was a lot of nervous looks. My heart beating crazy and all giddy and stupid around each other. Body language even closer - touching my hand while taking my coffee cup and generally just being really close.

 

I still only want to tell him I like him - just a kiss maybe too. That's all. My fantasies (hehe) never really go past that. I've still hidden nothing from my partner - he can see all that was on my FB feed and I've intentionally not deleted it even though it may be pretty clear there's something there.

 

So I don't think everything is as black and white as people make it out to be on these boards. I have been reading quite a bit on here lately so it's not like I'm blind to what can happen.

Though I'm not one of those people that gets caught up on crazy emotion and I've always had a cool head on my shoulders. Despite what it may look like on here! Consider this my journal as such because I don't have many I can talk about this to!

I like to think I do things differently ;-)

Edited May 5, 2010 by kittykat84

[vintagecat]

Here's the thing ladies, these crushes are really very normal. You will have them in varying intensity involving different people over the course of your life. You will have one sided crushes, others will have crushes on you that you don't return and there will be mutual crushes which have the opportunity of creating a great deal of pain and hardship or not depending upon the actions and maturity levels of those involved.

 

Acting on a mutual workplace crush when I was in my 20s was the final nail in an ailing first marriage. I needed to end that marriage, (I should have done it more honorably on hindsight) so that wasn't the down side so much but in the end things didn't turn out happily ever after with that crush either. It was exciting and validating in the initial stages but in the end it was empty, without substance and ended in heartbreak.

 

In the intervening years I've had crushes as a single woman on co-workers that were also single and have had coworker men with crushes on me, but trust me when I say that a pursued crush relationship never works out like your fantasies would have you believe. People have their baggage, needs, desires, weaknesses that don't respond or behave like your fantasy world.

 

After I realized the above fully, I was still single and had a very lovely (inside and out) married male coworker who was my friend kiss me on the lips very nicely and quite unexpectedly. It could have started something huge but I respected this man, his marriage and his family and that was that. Though we might have been a decent match, it wasn't worth all of the pain and bad karma that breaking apart a family would entail or getting involved in the pointless, dehumanizing process of being the other woman so I withdrew from being in a position to repeat that intimacy again.

 

In the end I met a lovely man that became my husband and we have been married nearly 20 years. I love him and plan to stay with him as long as he will have me but that didn't necessarily stop attractions or crushes from time to time. Most of us are wired to notice attractive people, it's part of our animal chemistry and like someone said earlier in the thread, we are married not dead. The key is to transfer those crush emotions of excitement and validation into creativity in both the workplace and at home. To allow a crush to take more than it's due place in your life and to initiate any contact whether verbal confession of attraction or physical contact is akin to playing with fire in gas soaked clothes. Unfortunately someone may get hurt, likely more than one person.

 

IMO, knowing how common crushes really are and being viscerally aware of the potentially life altering the consequences of exploring a crush, it's best to enjoy the little thrill and move on. I've had enough experience in life to be somewhat of an expert in this and I think crushes are best enjoyed in one's fantasy realm, not to be over indulged. If one can discuss such matters with a mate that is open to such information as one poster to this thread has done effectively, so much the better.

 

Be very careful about crossing the line. There's a very good reason that many companies discourage workplace romances. Good luck to you.

Edited May 5, 2010 by vintagecat

[Mary3]

How would you like it if your husband was doing all the things you are doing and wishing and hoping for with this guy ?

 

I am sure it would hurt you terribly.

 

I am sure you are saying its all in fun but once you cross the line , you can never undo this in your marriage.

[kittykat84]

I'm not married.

But I DO think about these things and it honestly doesn't bother me. We have a friend of ours who is just gorgeous - and I know my partner has a bit of a thing for her but she's such a lovely girl so there's no way I could be jealous if he thinks she's awesome cos she is!

 

Vintagecat that was a really good post :-D I have no intention of being the other woman, or pursuing it past a small kiss. Maybe that crosses the line for some people I know....but I am sure he feels the same too - I think this whole thing has taken him quite by surprise. I guess I just need to talk to him at some point as I don't think he's really after an affair either.

[happygirl1234]

KittyKat,

 

Wow-the footsies and texting seems very obvious to me. Seems you are both crushing quite hard on each other. It must be kind of nice just to know that your crush feels the same way. Sometimes I wonder if all that chemistry I feel is real, or just in my head. But I swear there feels like electricity in the air sometimes, and it's hard to believe that it's all just one-sided. It's like nature has a silent way of telling us when we're in the presence of someone who desires us. Pheromones? Not sure what it is.....

 

But whatever it is, YOUR feelings were apparently spot on. I admire the fact that you've keep the postings on your FB page and haven't tried to hide it. That takes some real guts, IMO. Do you delete his texts, too? I have started the habit of deleting my crushes' texts. Makes me feel bad, but really, why keep them around when it's just a crush and nothing has happened?

 

Will be having lunch with my crush later this week and I think I'm going to just talk to him about things, to clear the air and hopefully get some resolution. I really do admire him, but I do not think I will do anything about my crush because it just doesn't seem worth it in the end. I wouldn't want to marry him, I just lust after him. But why risk all the good things in my life for great sex? Kind of sad, really, but that's the mature thing to do, I suppose. Nobody ever promised me a rose garden of sex. Will just have to learn to live with what I have in that department. All other departments are great, so I should just be content with all the great things I have.

 

Drop a line and let me know how things are going on your end. I enjoy reading your posts most of all because you seem to be going through the exact same emotions as me.

 

HG1234

[kittykat84]

Hmm well things are moving along and I'm changing my viewpoint ever so slightly...I think I have the acknowledgment I wanted....

 

More developments - On Monday he came to my life drawing class with me. He's different when we're alone - more relaxed I guess. The class was really good though we didn't talk much during. After that finished he walked me home and we got dinner along the way....The walk home is about 20mins but we spent TWO HOURS over dinner....just talking and had a couple of glasses of wine. He opened up about quite a few things - we talked about our beliefs, relationships and work - what he wants out of life...admittedly he was more open than I was, even with wine in me and that's saying something haha.

When we parted I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was a little tipsy by this point so I don't know what he thought!

 

I definitely feel closer to him....as a friend too....its like I was talking with my a girlfriend the other day - that there is almost a sliding scale for these things....I like him more than a just a friend but don't dare speculate on TOO much more. So not all the way over into lust/love.

 

Today he had a day off, but texted me during his adventures in town sending me pics of the cafes he tried out (we're both coffee lovers if I haven't mentioned that before)....meanwhile I was copping a ribbing from my workmates about our 'relationship'....the other two boys both made jokes about 'us' and it didn't help that the lady who runs the local bakery thought me and him were an item.

What!!??

So it's pretty obvious that there's something there. That said, my workplace is pretty conservative and mixed gender friendships are very very uncommon. Especially me being the only young woman in the office, there were (untrue) speculations about another of my coworkers years ago when I first started...and there was a LOT less going on there than there is now. ie. NOTHING even REMOTELY went on and yet people whispered.

 

So anyway, somehow our texts turned to skirting around the issue of 'us' and the What Ifs as I had told him all about what was going on at work today. He mentioned 'another life' and I said that I'd thought of that too...to which he said, "lets chat sometime hey, could be therapeutic"

 

I don't know when we'll Talk. Talk with a capital T yes. I think he's still keen on taking my bro out to a metal gig on Friday but it'd have to be the two of us.

I don't know if his feelings are quite the same as mine....sometimes I think he's very much as into me as I am into him and other days not. Maybe he's just as confused.

 

Its a very weird thing to deal with - in 'another life' we would both be exploring these emotions freely - but there are so many barriers now and a minefield of things to respect and think about....because I like him and respect him and respect his wife. Respect my partner.

Yet he truly is an amazing person - one who with only a friendship wouldn't be enough. He's just SO gorgeous - generous, kind, HILARIOUSLY funny, so intelligent...I love that we've already got so many 'in jokes'.

 

Another life huh!

 

Now to your questions Happygirl! Yes, I keep his texts. They do get pretty suggestive but I refuse to hide anything. I'm confident that my partner would handle such news well. He's not a jealous person and well, he can trust me (though I'm sure some readers think I can't be trusted!!).

 

My bf knew I had dinner with him on Monday, considering I didn't come home til 10pm.

 

I know what you mean about it being hard to believe it's one sided. You question yourself though huh? I mean, I don't want to make HIM feel uncomfortable...but I've been pretty honest with how I feel and he has always initiated MORE contact when I've given him every opportunity to close the matter entirely.

 

You're right about it being not worth it in the end. I think that is why the acknowledgment would be enough.

And who says the sex with the new guy would be great anyway hehe!! Just because it's new. He could be a dud! Haha.

Do let me know how the talk goes! I think things are coming to a head for both of us! It's only so long these things can go on with so much left unsaid.

 

Wow long post. Lots to say!!

[kittykat84]

Wooooaaaah last night was pretty intense. We went out to a gig last night...my bro & his girlfriend, my crush and me.

 

We pretty much confessed our feelings to each other over very loud metal and beers. Hah!

I was right about everything - he really does feel the same and we're both trying to deal with the emotions and our lives and EVERYTHING.

 

Felt so good to be able to get a bit more physically close to him - nothing overt cos my brother was there...just leaning in so close to talk over the loud music...leaning against each other and that kind of thing

 

We're having coffee sometime very soon to try and sort everything out.

I'm so glad we can talk about this stuff. So glad he feels the same. *sigh*

 

I've totally hijacked this thread haven't I!

Will update after the next development.

[kis]

Wooooaaaah last night was pretty intense. We went out to a gig last night...my bro & his girlfriend, my crush and me.

 

We pretty much confessed our feelings to each other over very loud metal and beers. Hah!

I was right about everything - he really does feel the same and we're both trying to deal with the emotions and our lives and EVERYTHING.

 

Felt so good to be able to get a bit more physically close to him - nothing overt cos my brother was there...just leaning in so close to talk over the loud music...leaning against each other and that kind of thing

 

We're having coffee sometime very soon to try and sort everything out.

I'm so glad we can talk about this stuff. So glad he feels the same. *sigh*

 

I've totally hijacked this thread haven't I!

Will update after the next development.

 

I have really enjoyed reading your posts because i am in the same situation as you and happy girl. A mutual attraction with a man at work. Always wondering if anything else will happen. We have kissed but no sex. He seams to run hot and cold with me and its very confusing.

 

Of course at first it was hot hot hot. but the more that happens i guess he gets scared. Wish i could read his mind.

[kittykat84]

I have really enjoyed reading your posts because i am in the same situation as you and happy girl. A mutual attraction with a man at work. Always wondering if anything else will happen. We have kissed but no sex. He seams to run hot and cold with me and its very confusing.

 

Of course at first it was hot hot hot. but the more that happens i guess he gets scared. Wish i could read his mind.

 

 

Ah interesting!! I will see if you wrote a thread about it.

 

It's a strange thing to deal with. My mind has been running 100miles an hour these past two days...so many things I want to ask him and I wonder what he'll say.

I really hope he has time to catch up Monday and not have to work overtime.

[kittykat84]

So we talked.

Skipped half of life drawing and chatted over a coffee in the back of a tiny little cafe.

Talked about all the what if's and could have beens....agreed that we can't do anything silly. I think he'd thought more into it than I had - further anyway if you know what I mean.

Finally got to touch him! Haha. Couldn't keep our hands off each other...

Then he walked me home and we had our arms around each other. He said "so this is what it another life would be like" hehe

Then eventually he kissed me ;-)

It was soooo nice. Naughty. But nice.

And then another kiss goodnight and that was that. Went home to our respective partners. Didn't sleep a wink that night. Kept thinking about those kisses.....I hadn't drank a drop of alcohol but all the adrenaline gives me a hard time trying to remember it properly. Didn't help that it was dark and I won't see him again for another week.

I think the cold bright of daylight usually clarifies these things so much more.

So what to do in future...well we both know we can't take it further...but I like the flirty banter we have now that we've both acknowledged the attraction. Maybe a little grope here and there at work when no-one is looking LOL. *giggle*

And we're good friends too....so it's worked out good in the end. I'm happy. He's happy. Our partners are happy.....well my bf really hadn't said much - but his wife had noticed....Maybe we crossed a line with the kissing and the touching but I don't think that's that bad.

 

So that's my story of two adults who can make a rational decision. Proof that these things don't always turn nasty.

 

I'm not sure whether to delete these posts or be okay with him possibly finding them...as I do have a bit of an online presence elsewhere and he knows most of the sites I've signed up to under a different username.

Hmm well I haven't disrespected anyone.....Boo I can't do an edit. I'll just have to DEAL then ;-)

Paranoia! Haha. Signing off for now. Questions?

[kis]

So we talked.

Skipped half of life drawing and chatted over a coffee in the back of a tiny little cafe.

Talked about all the what if's and could have beens....agreed that we can't do anything silly. I think he'd thought more into it than I had - further anyway if you know what I mean.

Finally got to touch him! Haha. Couldn't keep our hands off each other...

Then he walked me home and we had our arms around each other. He said "so this is what it another life would be like" hehe

Then eventually he kissed me ;-)

It was soooo nice. Naughty. But nice.

And then another kiss goodnight and that was that. Went home to our respective partners. Didn't sleep a wink that night. Kept thinking about those kisses.....I hadn't drank a drop of alcohol but all the adrenaline gives me a hard time trying to remember it properly. Didn't help that it was dark and I won't see him again for another week.

I think the cold bright of daylight usually clarifies these things so much more.

So what to do in future...well we both know we can't take it further...but I like the flirty banter we have now that we've both acknowledged the attraction. Maybe a little grope here and there at work when no-one is looking LOL. *giggle*

And we're good friends too....so it's worked out good in the end. I'm happy. He's happy. Our partners are happy.....well my bf really hadn't said much - but his wife had noticed....Maybe we crossed a line with the kissing and the touching but I don't think that's that bad.

 

So that's my story of two adults who can make a rational decision. Proof that these things don't always turn nasty.

 

I'm not sure whether to delete these posts or be okay with him possibly finding them...as I do have a bit of an online presence elsewhere and he knows most of the sites I've signed up to under a different username.

Hmm well I haven't disrespected anyone.....Boo I can't do an edit. I'll just have to DEAL then ;-)

Paranoia! Haha. Signing off for now. Questions?

 

This sounds so like my relationship. We have only kissed once and thats it. I was wondering which one of you decided that it cant go any further and if you really think it will stay that way. It can be so tempting when there is a strong chemistry.

 

Also was wondering about the comment "his wife had noticed" What do you mean?

[kittykat84]

This sounds so like my relationship. We have only kissed once and thats it. I was wondering which one of you decided that it cant go any further and if you really think it will stay that way. It can be so tempting when there is a strong chemistry.

 

Also was wondering about the comment "his wife had noticed" What do you mean?

 

 

Both of us decided really. We really dont have any problems with our partners - it was just this attraction that grew between us. For me, I didn't think I was capable of feeling this much for another person while still loving my partner.

I think he'd thought that I wanted to take it further - I think he'd thought further down the track if you know what I mean

But we can't ever go that far - we both agree on that. Hard to explain...I have a lot of respect for him, his partner, his relationship and mine too. We both want each other to be happy.

It's cute - he said to me "I wish I could give you everything"

So sweet!!

 

 

His wife had noticed as in he speaks about me a lot at home, he wanted to bump into me on the weekends a lot (there's a cafe around the corner from my house which they like to go to)..and he'd made some silly comments about me dressing better than her which he couldn't backpedal out of!

So she was more aware of how he felt about me.

[happygirl1234]

KittyKat (and kis),

 

Sorry for being gone so long, but I've been sooooooo busy at work!!!

 

Been reading your posts, though, and smiling as I read them. KittyKat, I am so happy that you have some acknowledgment of his feelings for you. That must be wonderful! And Kis, you have actually KISSED your crush, so that, too, must bring some sense of relief and maybe even closure? I wish I had that kind of confirmation of my crush's reciprocation.

 

Not sure where my crush stands at the moment. Yes, I am still madly attracted to him physically. :love:And intellectually. I am enjoying getting to know him day by day. He is a spectacular person, even if he can only be my friend, and I'm honored to be his friend. To kiss him would take my breath away, I'm sure, but perhaps it would just make it too complicated. Perhaps better to keep him firmly in the friend zone, though it is not easy, at least from my perspective.

 

Ah, well, a crush is just that in the end--a crush. It is not a marriage, nor a "real" relationship, nor a substitute for either. In another life I probably would fall in love with him, but I have too many commitments (which some may not believe, but I take very seriously) to even go near that emotional zone. I would love to just express the physicality of my lust for him and explore some uncharted physical territory with him, but there are soooooo many risks, so many complications. I think I can separate the emotional from the physical, but I know most people who post on LS probably don't think it's possible. (I have had several good friend/lovers in the past for whom I never really became emotionally attached in the classic "lover" sense. But maybe I'm just weird!)

 

But I am not complaining! Far from it. Life is good. There are amazing temptations out there-- this is just the first one that ever really moved me since I've been married and it's been somewhat transformative and revealing.

 

Thanks to all of you out there who have offered advice and even some empathy.

[kittykat84]

Aaaah Happygirl you sound so much like me!! It's awesome to be able to like them as a person..I agree that you can separate the emotional and the physical....and also about finding someone that special - it doesn't come often so it's a bit surprising and hard to deal with when they come into your life at such an inopportune time!

[kis]

Aaaah Happygirl you sound so much like me!! It's awesome to be able to like them as a person..I agree that you can separate the emotional and the physical....and also about finding someone that special - it doesn't come often so it's a bit surprising and hard to deal with when they come into your life at such an inopportune time!

 

kittykat, your sudden dissaperance after you kissed leaves me wondering.......... I know from experience once you share that first kiss is gets really unbearably tempting to take it further. How are things going?

[kittykat84]

I'm still here ;-D

 

Well I've seen the boy once again after life drawing. We walked home very slowly with our arms around each other and just talking. A couple of kisses here and there.

 

It's only been two weeks and it feels like an age since we've made it known we like each other. Our emails and texts are suggestive hehe and very flirty. We're having fun. He starts back at my office on Monday so that should be interesting.

My boyfriend knows we text in the evening...Haven't hid anything yet...But then I haven't been asked much so I haven't offered info. I guess that is deceptive. If I was asked though I would tell the truth.

 

We're going to dinner again in a couple of weeks - all four of us, on his wife's suggestion. That should be fun too. I think we're managing this in a reasonable manner. I'm sure everyone here would love to crucify us but I don't think life is black and white.....

[kis]

I'm still here ;-D

 

Well I've seen the boy once again after life drawing. We walked home very slowly with our arms around each other and just talking. A couple of kisses here and there.

 

It's only been two weeks and it feels like an age since we've made it known we like each other. Our emails and texts are suggestive hehe and very flirty. We're having fun. He starts back at my office on Monday so that should be interesting.

My boyfriend knows we text in the evening...Haven't hid anything yet...But then I haven't been asked much so I haven't offered info. I guess that is deceptive. If I was asked though I would tell the truth.

 

We're going to dinner again in a couple of weeks - all four of us, on his wife's suggestion. That should be fun too. I think we're managing this in a reasonable manner. I'm sure everyone here would love to crucify us but I don't think life is black and white.....

 

The kisses my crush and I shared a few weeks ago were really nice but very soft. then nothing like that until last week. kissed again but the kisses this time were off the chart passionate with tonge. Just wondering since youve kissed on more than one occasion exactly what kind of kisses you shared.

 

Also isnt it hard to hide your feelings when you are all four together? Just wondering?

[kittykat84]

Well the first kisses two weeks ago were tentative, followed by some passionate ones with tongue . That's when we kissed the most. And then last week it was some kisses on the neck and one longer kiss and a kiss goodbye. We cuddled lots and he touched and kissed my neck which I LOVE omg. Hehe.

 

As for hiding our feelings - well we haven't had four of us together since we've admitted our feelings...but today he was back at work in my office and I don't think we acted much differently. There's not much chance to talk at work.

When we went to dessert as two couples a few weeks ago that was all very civil as well - we all get along quite well. There's no touching or anything when we're in public like that.

[kis]

Well the first kisses two weeks ago were tentative, followed by some passionate ones with tongue . That's when we kissed the most. And then last week it was some kisses on the neck and one longer kiss and a kiss goodbye. We cuddled lots and he touched and kissed my neck which I LOVE omg. Hehe.

 

As for hiding our feelings - well we haven't had four of us together since we've admitted our feelings...but today he was back at work in my office and I don't think we acted much differently. There's not much chance to talk at work.

When we went to dessert as two couples a few weeks ago that was all very civil as well - we all get along quite well. There's no touching or anything when we're in public like that.

 

It has been so long since you posted and our relationships were going right along very simular. Wondering how things are with you.? Also with Happygirl.

[kittykat84]

Things are still going at a steady pace - chatting here and there. The odd cuddle and stuff - he's not at work at the mo so its just emails at work.

 

I think we're being quite restrained haha.