What's wrong with being childfree??

[Tropic]

The other day I was out with my best friend. She asked me if I still didn't want children, I said yes. She then proceeded to tell me that I am selfish and that if at 33 she is still single she is going through artificial insemination to get pregnant. I told her that the selfish one was her, that she should adopt instead, if she was so "unselfish". She kept saying I was the selfish one, that I would change my mind as my body would start asking and needing one and that my boyfriend would also change his mind and want one:mad:

 

 

I was so annoyed. . . that is none of her business.

[JamesM]

She then proceeded to tell me that I am selfish and that if at 33 she is still single she is going through artificial insemination to get pregnant. I told her that the selfish one was her, that she should adopt instead, if she was so "unselfish".

 

I agree 100% with this.

 

If her desire was simply to have children or her motivation is truly unselfish, then adoption IS the way to show that.

 

Using IVF which ends the lives of many embryos just to get one child we can call "our own" is motivated by the inner drive to be a mother.

 

In one sense you are less selfish because you are not bringing more children into a world that has many unwanted children.

 

33 and single is different than being 33, married, and unable to conceive. Even then, adoption is the most unselfish choice.

[bentnotbroken]

The other day I was out with my best friend. She asked me if I still didn't want children, I said yes. She then proceeded to tell me that I am selfish and that if at 33 she is still single she is going through artificial insemination to get pregnant. I told her that the selfish one was her, that she should adopt instead, if she was so "unselfish". She kept saying I was the selfish one, that I would change my mind as my body would start asking and needing one and that my boyfriend would also change his mind and want one:mad:

 

 

I was so annoyed. . . that is none of her business.

 

 

You should have been pissed. You are right there are so many children who wait in foster care until they age out of the system and then dumped in the streets alone and without resources.

 

That's bull crap that your "body" is going to ask or need a child. Where do people come up with that stuff?

[chrissylee]

I'm not sure what it is about the way you express yourself that make some people angry. However I can tell you that you have not provided a single "good" reason not to have children, at least not here. All your supposed "reasons" are actually phantoms, ghosts, fears.

 

What would you consider a good reason then? What about one of my reasons? I have bad digestive problems and the thought of having to eat more and stopping all the medicines that actually help me get through my days is one of the worse possible things I could ever think of.

 

I have alot more then that one. However since a few of those are the same as the OP ( I weigh 105 so I am kinda wouldn't want to have to gain all the weight), pain, and the money thing. I know you would say those are just excuses though.

 

I'm just curious what would you consider a good reason? I myself think just not wanting kids with or without reason should be enough for people.

[JamesM]

I'm just curious what would you consider a good reason? I myself think just not wanting kids with or without reason should be enough for people.

 

I agree.

 

Why does anyone need a reason?

 

Do we need a reason to justify having children?

[Trimmer]

I'm just curious what would you consider a good reason? I myself think just not wanting kids with or without reason should be enough for people.

I agree; I'll reiterate that I'm a loving, enthusiastic parent (just to make the point that we're not all "that way...") but as an outside party to someone else's very personal decision, "I have chosen not to" is all I need, and more than I deserve.

[threebyfate]

I'm just curious what would you consider a good reason? I myself think just not wanting kids with or without reason should be enough for people.

I also agree with this. If people don't want children, they shouldn't have them. Not everyone is maternal/paternal and that's okay.

 

I just don't agree with some of BlackLovely's reasons.

[sb129]

For the record:

Pregnancy weight gain is totally different to normal weight gain. A healthy amount of weight gain is normal and is actually good for the development of your baby.

The distribution is totally different than it would be if you gained a large amount of weight otherwise.

 

And it goes. Mine hasn't completely gone, but its going.

[Ross PK]

A good thing to tell people who tell you you're being selfish, is that they're the selfish ones for having kids since the world is becoming over populated.

 

Who exactly do these people thing you're being selfish towards anyway? Your partner? The fact you're depriving your parents of being grandparents? What? Why are these people's feelings supposed to be more important than yours?

[stillafool]

A good thing to tell people who tell you you're being selfish, is that they're the selfish ones for having kids since the world is becoming over populated.

 

Who exactly do these people thing you're being selfish towards anyway? Your partner? The fact you're depriving your parents of being grandparents? What? Why are these people's feelings supposed to be more important than yours?

 

 

This is what I never understood. Who are you being unselfish to? The child you didn't bring into the world? Wouldn't it be more selfish to have a child you know you didn't want just because society expects this of you. To have a child as another possession as in a house, car and all the other things in life you are judged for if you don't have?

[Ross PK]

This is what I never understood. Who are you being unselfish to? The child you didn't bring into the world? Wouldn't it be more selfish to have a child you know you didn't want just because society expects this of you. To have a child as another possession as in a house, car and all the other things in life you are judged for if you don't have?

 

I think they're just idiots who probably only had kids because they felt guilty about not having them/pressured by society, and are jealous of the fact you're childfree and feel okay about it. So they just try to make you feel bad about it in order to make themselves feel better.

[hersmudders]

I think they're just idiots who probably only had kids because they felt guilty about not having them/pressured by society, and are jealous of the fact you're childfree and feel okay about it. So they just try to make you feel bad about it in order to make themselves feel better.

 

This. Exactly.

[zebracolors]

Exactly. Selfish to me is a negative word.

 

If someone doesn't want kinds because they're thinking of their own interests, ie, they're not interested, they don't want the responsibility, blah, blah, blah, then there's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't make them a bad person.

 

What makes you see what they say as excuses instead of actual reasons?

 

Going to agree with Ross here. I don't like, and would not like to be called selfish just because I don't want children. Because I am not. Besides is it really so "selfish" to not want to bear a child I am not certain I could even properly take care of? Yeah it means my family gene pool branch would stop with me but I really don't mind.

 

I've heard alot said to the effect of "no parent ever really feels like they'll be able to look after their child, but they get by" or how other women who are mothers say things like "Thats how I felt too, once but I have 2 kids now" Well sorry, it's my personal choice, because I know myself.

[LynnM28]

I have children and I love them, and I am happy I had them (although when they misbehave I tell them that in my next life I'm not having kids lol) ...but the only thing that matters is the opionion of you and your SO...I like the idea (mentioned on this thread several times) of coming up with funny and "slightly" sarcastic answer to the question...lets people know that basically it is none of their business! And it is not, it is only your business. Do keep in mind though, my Dad remarried a woman who was 32 at the time, he is 11 yrs older, she said she did not want kids (she had none, he had two adult kids already) ...by the time she was 39 she had changed her mind and it caused a great deal of conflict...but ultimately he gave in and they did have a baby...I have a (half) brother who is 26 yrs younger, and he is the absolute light of my Father's life now...so you just never know, be prepared in case one of you changes your mind!!

[Ross PK]

I have children and I love them, and I am happy I had them (although when they misbehave I tell them that in my next life I'm not having kids lol) ...but the only thing that matters is the opionion of you and your SO...I like the idea (mentioned on this thread several times) of coming up with funny and "slightly" sarcastic answer to the question...lets people know that basically it is none of their business! And it is not, it is only your business. Do keep in mind though, my Dad remarried a woman who was 32 at the time, he is 11 yrs older, she said she did not want kids (she had none, he had two adult kids already) ...by the time she was 39 she had changed her mind and it caused a great deal of conflict...but ultimately he gave in and they did have a baby...I have a (half) brother who is 26 yrs younger, and he is the absolute light of my Father's life now...so you just never know, be prepared in case one of you changes your mind!!

 

Oh trust me, I know.

[BlackLovely]

If you're unsure about a decision like this then you're probably making the wrong decision and are seeking the external validation for something that you don't really believe.

 

I never once said I was unsure. I was just posing a question for idiotic, singleminded peons like yourself.

 

 

Hmmmm....does this mean: 1) You decided you don't want children, individually, and your fiance also conincidentally feels the same way; or 2) you mutually decided not to have children with each other, but perhaps if you were with a different partner, your attitude might change? or 3) did your fiance talk you into not wanting to have children?

 

It means I DO NOT WANT CHILDREN. Just like I said. Can you read dear?

 

Listen--he's your fiancee, not your husband. Do you even have a wedding date set? Why are you making definitive decisions about child bearing when you're not even married yet? Obviously you need to know what you might want or not want IF you get married. But ONCE you get married you might feel COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY about things.

 

Why would I refrain from making a decision about children, with someone that I am planning to spend the rest of my life with? FYI, we do have our date set and all the arrangements made. By your twisted logic, it doesn't make sense to make any life plans until you're married-only a naive person would marry someone that had contrasting views on becoming a parent. Marrying a man that wanted kids would be a way to guarantee divorce for me, because I do not want any.

 

By the way what are HIS reasons for not wanting children? And do these reasons have anything to do with your decision? How so?

 

I am not sharing my fiance's reasons with such a mean sprited fool. Of all the responses I received, yours was the only one with insulting judgements in it. What an awful little troll you are!

 

Finally, 27 is still on the cusp of the "biological clock." Many many women your age don't want children...but then over the next 3-4 years there's a complete change in attitude. That's the biological clock. It's natural, and you need to be ready for it.

I completely disagree with this nonsense. Most women of all ages want children...why shouldn't they if it's "natural"

 

 

 

 

No, eating too much and not getting enough exercise is what makes you fat. Or keeps you fat. This is not a real reason not to have a child; it IS a reason to lead a healthier lifestyle, whether or not you decide to have children. You obviously haven't heard of thyroid issues or medication causing weight gain. Who told you that you can decide what the "real" reasons are? Bitch, get off your high horse before you fall and hurt yourself.

Stop eating so much and see what happens. Get some more exercise and see what happens.

"Stop eating so much??" If you bothered to read a book once in a while, you would be aware of some medical issues that cause weight gain. Once again, since I have not discussed my diet with you, you cannot comment on my eating habits without looking like a presumptious jackass.

 

This sounds like something your "fiance" might have come up with, not you. How can you be sure of this, simpleton?? My fiance loves my body, darling, "blubber" and all.

 

I suspect that you probably WOULD at least entertain the possibility of having a kid but your "fiance" is totally against it, and you are so afraid of losing him (with your obviously horrible self-esteem issues concerning your body image) that you will deny your own maternal instincts in order to appease him and keep from "losing" him. :laugh: I don't have any maternal instincts. You aren't even close to being an educated therapist, so I don't know where you get off commenting on my so called "issues"

 

 

Yes because those kids were not YOUR kids. Other peoples' kids are a pain; your OWN children will be wonderful. To you, anyway.

How can you know that if you don't live in my head???

 

Those of us who chose to be parents are even more selfish, we have something better than all the money in the world. If you were really as selfish as you think you are, you would have children which are better than money. Far better.

 

Again it really sounds like you are trying to convince yourself not to have children. But you really want them. Whatever you say, sweet escaped mental patient. Cut the Prozac in half next time.

 

This will all blow up in the next two to three years anyway when your irresistible biological clock compels you to want to get pregnant. It's out of your control to a large extent. Choices are all within our control, regardless of biology. Except for you sweetheart, women are not stupid dogs that just hoist up their rears when in heat. I don't think I am selfish at all...if you hadn't failed Reading Comprehension in grade three, you would know that.

 

 

If you were truly that concerned about your "romantic time" with your "man" you would try and lose some of that excess blubber you're carrying around, regardless of whether you get pregnant or not.

 

Or don't you think your "fiance" would be more sexually turned on by you if you were in better shape? Okay, so when did I even imply that he wasn't turned on by me? We have a wonderful sex life and I want to keep it that way without screaming brats to interrupt. No need to insult me just because I don't share your views.

You are such a evil witch. I bet that you're one of those size zero, praying mantis types that eats Chiclets for breakfast. Eat something, baby, and you won't be so miserable from starving yourself.

 

 

Wow you really do have horrible self-esteem issues, don't you see that? You've designated yourself a likely child abuser, because of your childhood. How unfair to your own self you are. Wow, you are a schizophrenic that makes things up. Don't you see that? Read about the effects of an abusive childhood and you will see that abusive parents were often abused themselves in early life. Not sure if you can read anything but picture books though. :lmao:

 

I think you need to have some serious therapy before you are even in a position to decide whether or not to have children, your reasons for not having them are all wrong and messed up. I wouldn't put too much stock into what some retarded loudmouth says. You do not get to judge people's reasons for their actions. Poor you, you can't even spell or read and yet you are calling strangers names. Go back to grade three and learn the difference between "your" and "you're", you illiterate, psychobabble spouting ignoramus. Yeah, look that word up too.

 

 

 

Don't misunderstand me, parents. I do not begrudge people's choices. I have nothing against people who choose to have children. It's just not for me or for us. I find that people, especially women, get very angry or condescending when I say I don't want children. Why??? What's wrong with being childfree?

 

I'm not sure what it is about the way you express yourself that make some people angry. However I can tell you that you have not provided a single "good" reason not to have children, at least not here. All your supposed "reasons" are actually phantoms, ghosts, fears.

 

I really love the way Loveshack members can state disagreements without attacking others. How did this person get in here?

[stillafool]

I find that people, especially women, get very angry or condescending when I say I don't want children. Why??? What's wrong with being childfree?

 

Yes I notice more women get upset about a woman's choice not to have kids than men. I too wonder why.

[Woggle]

There is nothing wrong with choosing not to have children and in fact the opposite is the real problem. There are too many people having kids that are not to look after a pet rock.

[Ross PK]

I find that people, especially women, get very angry or condescending when I say I don't want children. Why??? What's wrong with being childfree?

 

They're just jealous idiots. The next time they're like this, say something like 'enjoy all those sleepless nights, years of responsibility and no freedom, and all the money you have to spend' while wearing a satisfied smile.

Edited March 7, 2010 by Ross PK

[Eve]

They're just jealous idiots. The next time they're like this, say something like 'enjoy all those sleepless nights, years of responsibility and no freedom, and all the money you have to spend' while wearing a satisfied smile.

 

H'mmm.. I think this is just a mirror of the same bad attitude! In fact, in my experience comments as such usually preceed a public declaration of not wanting to have kids in the face of someone who does have them! This can be extremely rude indeed! Of course in this scenario the person with children will look at their child and think.. 'yeah, its hard sometimes but I love my kid', unless they are under pressure/psycho but why bother people who are parents already?

 

My sister used to be all ..'I never want kids, I hate them'.. blah blah blah. I could see why she wouldnt want any because she was busy with her career but it did bother me that this feeling of hers transfered into time in front of her neices who just wanted her to take them out for icecream or something. Now, shes desperate to have kids and it looks like she has now left it too late.. Plus my daughters dont bother with any advances she makes because they simply dont know her.

 

Personally I just wish people would get on with what they are doing/not doing and STFU. Or at least realise that when a person is trying to say to you that you may regret not having kids later on that its from a positive perspective that they are trying to relay... but obviously the choice rests with the individual. Of cours this is not true for everyone who takes such a stances but mostly I think those who dont want kids should just get on with it and not bother parents. Talk about it with your peers or partner or something.. but leave us Mums and Dads alone!

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Ross PK]

H'mmm.. I think this is just a mirror of the same bad attitude! In fact, in my experience comments as such usually preceed a public declaration of not wanting to have kids in the face of someone who does have them! This can be extremely rude indeed!

 

Why shouldn't you say that when people get angry with you and condesending just because you don't want kids? It's them who have the bad attitude.

 

No one should allow themselves to be spoken to like that and just 'stay quiet' and look down at the floor as if those people are right.

Edited March 7, 2010 by Ross PK

[Eve]

Why shouldn't you say that when people get angry with you and condesending just because you don't want kids? It's them who have the bad attitude.

 

No one should allow themselves to be spoken to like that and just 'stay quiet' and look down at the floor as if those people are right.

 

I think it presumptuous to think this is how the conversation is lead. Most parents will tell a different tale. Hence, most singles get dropped once parenthood comes.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Ross PK]

I think it presumptuous to think this is how the conversation is lead. Most parents will tell a different tale. Hence, most singles get dropped once parenthood comes.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

I'm not talking about a conversation, I'm talking about an altercation.

[stillafool]

Personally I just wish people would get on with what they are doing/not doing and STFU. Or at least realise that when a person is trying to say to you that you may regret not having kids later on that its from a positive perspective that they are trying to relay... but obviously the choice rests with the individual. Of cours this is not true for everyone who takes such a stances but mostly I think those who dont want kids should just get on with it and not bother parents. Talk about it with your peers or partner or something.. but leave us Mums and Dads alone!

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

 

My experience has always been the Moms are always the ones who bring it up. Very few women without children would say to a mom "why did you have these kids?!" Yet, mothers seem to have no problem bringing it up to women who do not have children. Questions like "why don't you have kids", "when are you going to start a family", "don't you want a baby?", etc. followed by reasons you should have them. As far as you saying "not bother parents", are you saying people without kids should never associate with people who do? Are all of your friends and relatives parents?

[Ross PK]

I think Eve has completely missed the point.