Friend won't take husband's name

[bentnotbroken]

Women should stear clear of these men as well but nobody calls them misandrist for trying to better their odds while at the same time men are sexist if we want to better our odds of having a happy marriage that lasts.

 

 

Name change doesn't guarantee or even increase the odds of a successful marriage. The best way to increase those odds is to communicate, respect and understand. By the way, sometimes we love our H enough not to think they are the type to disrespect the marriage....we were wrong.

[shadowplay]

I don't think I'll change my name when I get married. It's not about how committed I am to my man. It's about symbolically keeping my own identity. Another consideration is that my last name makes it easier for old friends to find and reconnect with me.

 

Besides, if I ever got divorced it would suck to be stuck with my ex-H's last name.

[threebyfate]

Besides, if I ever got divorced it would suck to be stuck with my ex-H's last name.

You can have it changed back legally. I did it, ASAP.

[shadowplay]

You can have it changed back legally. I did it, ASAP.

 

Yeah, I know. I just wouldn't want to have to deal with that.

 

I don't see any logical reason to change your last name aside from the somewhat weak argument that you and your kids will have the same name.

[Hot Mess]

I don't see any logical reason to change your last name aside from the somewhat weak argument that you and your kids will have the same name.

 

Unless it was a really cool last name, like 'Ninja'.

[threebyfate]

Yeah, I know. I just wouldn't want to have to deal with that.

 

I don't see any logical reason to change your last name aside from the somewhat weak argument that you and your kids will have the same name.

Yes, it is a major hassle to do it and will cost you.

 

And yes, there's no logical reason for it.

[plrs199]

I've been following this thread and am surprised that no one has brought up the idea that both husband and wife could change their names.

I don't like the idea of taking a future husband's name and I'm not really a fan of my own last name.

I've talked to my boyfriend about it and we thought that when/if we get married we'll just choose a really cool last name and that will be both of our last name and our children's last name. We thought about hyphenation but we didn't like that the kids would have such long last names.

So yeah, how come more people haven't done this?

I don't think just one person should have to deal with all the hassle of changing names either both should or neither.

[Barky]

I find it humorous that people think a woman's name is not her own just because she got it from her dad.

 

I find it humorous that people think a woman's name is not her own just because she got it from her husband

[Undine]

I find it humorous that people think a woman's name is not her own just because she got it from her husband

 

 

I for one never said that it wasn't. Any adult can legally change their name and their new name will be theirs. Personally I see a distinction between the name a person is born with and grows up with and a name they take as an adult, but I wouldn't say a woman's name is not her name however she ends up with it. She can be born with it, marry into it, pick it out of a hat, as long as it's good for legal documents then it's her name. What I object to are the people in this thread who keep saying over and over that a woman's name is not her name before she gets married, which is so ridiculous. She inherited her last name from a parent, just like her husband probably did. Both of them have their own names. If the husband changed his last name to match his wife's, he would still have his own name, just a new one. And vice versa.

 

For the record, I did change my name and go by three names now, first name, maiden surname, and new married surname. That was my choice. But I am kind of annoyed by the idea that the name I had before was 'just' my father's name and not MY name.

[Stung]

Unless it was a really cool last name, like 'Ninja'.

 

Okay, I might have changed my name if my husband's name was Ninja.

[linwood]

Okay. I find it humorous that people think a woman's name is not her own just because she got it from her dad.

 

The reason women traditionally take a mans name in western society is purely a point of property.

So the world will know, this is my woman and she belongs to me.

 

The reason this is so important is so the children will bear that mans name as well so the whole world knows they also are his.

This at one time was very important for many secular reasons (titles deeds property inheritance)

 

So either way you look at it we all have some males name attached to us stemming from what is a essentially a property claim.

 

Fathers name, husbands name, it`s all the same when you get right down to the original purpose of taking a mans name in marriage.

 

As a society we`re quite a bit beyond that (for the most part)

 

The point is the whole question should be irrelevant.

There are many reasons women take their husbands name not all of them traditional.

There are many reasons a woman would keep her maiden name as well.

Anyone who has a problem with a woman deciding which name she prefers has a problem.(including her husband to be)

 

She should do what she wants, it`s her name.

[lkjh]

The reason women traditionally take a mans name in western society is purely a point of property.

So the world will know, this is my woman and she belongs to me.

The reason this is so important is so the children will bear that mans name as well so the whole world knows they also are his.

This at one time was very important for many secular reasons (titles deeds property inheritance)

 

So either way you look at it we all have some males name attached to us stemming from what is a essentially a property claim.

 

Fathers name, husbands name, it`s all the same when you get right down to the original purpose of taking a mans name in marriage.

 

As a society we`re quite a bit beyond that (for the most part)

 

The point is the whole question should be irrelevant.

There are many reasons women take their husbands name not all of them traditional.

There are many reasons a woman would keep her maiden name as well.

Anyone who has a problem with a woman deciding which name she prefers has a problem.(including her husband to be)

 

She should do what she wants, it`s her name.

 

 

Such a load of crap, the reason women traditionally take the mans name is to make the family one unit, not several separate entities. Now days women in the west have been influenced by crazy feminist who are bent on control rather than equality so they deem anything traditional as a form of sexist.

 

 

This is why marriage in the west is dying and why men here don't want to get married anymore. Marriage has become meaningless because women try to turn it into a battle of the sexes.

[Lauriebell82]

 

 

Such a load of crap, the reason women traditionally take the mans name is to make the family one unit, not several separate entities. Now days women in the west have been influenced by crazy feminist who are bent on control rather than equality so they deem anything traditional as a form of sexist.

 

Well, no. Traditionally wives took their husband's name because it was a sign that they had been "captured" by the groom. Hence the phrase "take a wife."

 

BUT, that tradition has changed over the years. You are right that wives generally take their husbands name as a way to make the family a nuclear unit. Men who this is very important too also believe in this "traditional unit" and the roles that wives and husbands have within the marriage.

 

I don't think either option is wrong or right. Wives have just as much right to keep their maiden name as those who chose to take their husbands name. But for the record, as a cashier I see VERY few checks that display the husband and wife as having different last names. It appears that the tradition is still alive...

 

Marriage has become meaningless because women try to turn it into a battle of the sexes.

 

Men don't want to get married because they are afraid of the financial loss associated with divorce.

[Stung]

[/b]

 

 

Such a load of crap, the reason women traditionally take the mans name is to make the family one unit, not several separate entities. Now days women in the west have been influenced by crazy feminist who are bent on control rather than equality so they deem anything traditional as a form of sexist.

 

 

This is why marriage in the west is dying and why men here don't want to get married anymore. Marriage has become meaningless because women try to turn it into a battle of the sexes.

 

I kept my name, and I see my marriage as a loving and functional unit comprised of separate entities. I am devoted to my husband and he to me, but we still have our own thoughts, our own jobs, our own hobbies. He still goes out with his guy friends for a beer, and vice versa. The unit concept is meaningful and accurate in many ways but it is also symbolic and only goes so far: how creepy would it be if we were actually a single entity, a massive torso with too many limbs and a hive mind? We love each other, we do chores with and for each other, we parent together, we plan for the future together, we take care of each other in sickness, we talk and share inside jokes and have intimate monogamous sex and are each other's best friends and are growing old together, but we ain't the same person.

 

My marriage is meaningful and committed and my husband was glad to marry me no matter what my name was. Sorry so many guys on here are so bitter.

[carhill]

The OP says a female friend's fiance is upset because said friend won't take his last name in marriage. "Refuses" is the word which was used. She supports that refusal and relates she will not take a man's surname in marriage either.

 

To me, the dynamic has nothing to do with the surname and more with refusal and upset. There are other issues at work. Wog's, generally considered to be the LS poster boy for bitterness, along with myself, says his W offered to take his surname but ultimately retained her own. He focused on the same thing as myself, in this thread, refusal. A unilateral action. In the future, if marriage is the vehicle for a relationship, I will look for a woman who has an open mind regarding such things, as I do, proven by my prior post here and my acceptance, without bitterness or anger, of my stbx retaining her surname. She will necessarily need to have the same lack of bitterness and anger when signing a mutually beneficial prenuptial agreement

 

Here's a thread where LS'ers can cast their experience vote wrt divorce and name changes. Thanks for that TBF.

[sally4sara]

How many men are willing to take a different last name to make a family appear a unified group?

Those that don't - are they unwilling to compromise? Are they not really invested in the relationship? I mean, it's just their father's name right? What good reasons are there for men to not take a different last name? Are they just buying into the misogynist BS they're being spoon fed when they won't take a different last name?

 

Fellas, why not try on your reasoning and see if it smells the same as it does to me? It smells like you're making a big deal out of something very benign. It smells like drama seeking and tantrums and some out dated power play. It is just a name after all right?

 

I don't think it needs to be a big fuss no matter what either spouse chooses. Its not like having different last names is going to make anyone forget who they're married to.....

[carhill]

How many men are willing to take a different last name to make a family appear a unified group?

 

Doesn't matter to me. I have an open mind. Start a poll to get the rest of LS male opinion

[linwood]

[/b]

 

 

Such a load of crap, the reason women traditionally take the mans name is to make the family one unit, not several separate entities. Now days women in the west have been influenced by crazy feminist who are bent on control rather than equality so they deem anything traditional as a form of sexist.

 

So it`s a load of crap that a woman should have the right to decide what her name is for whatever reason she deems satisfactory.

 

Just wanted to clarify where you`re coming from.

 

Thanks.

[sally4sara]

Doesn't matter to me. I have an open mind. Start a poll to get the rest of LS male opinion

 

Meh, it isn't a big enough deal to me Carhill. The crap that plays out on here, doesn't come up in my relationship. And the men who would not even consider changing their last name that post on here are, well.....predictable.

Thay are also not my husband so I really don't care what they would do.

[anne1707]

I took my ny first husband's name and reverted back to my maiden name when we separated. When I married my now H, I then took his name.

 

I do believe it is the woman's choice and a man who insists is out of order. However if a woman took her first husband's name, divorces (keeping either her ex-H's name or going back to her maiden name) yet refuses to take her second husband's name then that must surely seem insulting to the second husband. It's like saying the first husband was good enough but the second is not. Or that you are not looking at the marriage as being for life.

[carhill]

However if a woman took her first husband's name, divorces (keeping either her ex-H's name or going back to her maiden name) yet refuses to take her second husband's name then that must surely seem insulting to the second husband.

 

My experience:

H1 - Unclear as to whether stbx took his surname. She always talked about his 'psycho' exW and I don't remember her ever saying his last name.

H2 - Definitely took his last name. I saw plenty of documents with it. She went back to her maiden name after divorcing him.

H3 - Me. Did not and assertively said she would not change her name. I never even asked one way or another. To me it was a non-issue.

 

Hindsight is an interesting concept

[Barky]

Again I ask: if neither the man nor the woman changes his/her name, what name do the kids get?

[carhill]

An article:Choosing surname for a child

[Barky]

An article:Choosing surname for a child

 

That's definitely humorous. With freedom comes chaos, I guess.

 

Back in the day, the rule was "Woman changes name to Man's."

 

Now it takes a whole article to spell out the possibilities.

[sally4sara]

That's definitely humorous. With freedom comes chaos, I guess.

 

Back in the day, the rule was "Woman changes name to Man's."

 

Now it takes a whole article to spell out the possibilities.

 

Oh yes...I'm sure the world will spin off its path if people create a new last name for their kids.

 

All last names were created at some point.