Friend won't take husband's name

[Peter Attis]

But Peter?

you talk as much Bull as Woggle does.

Actually, a lot more.....

you're a blinkered, jaded, disillusioned misogynist, and although Woggle has made huge strides in understanding that some of his opinions of some women are both misguided and illogical - not to say wildly incorrect - you? I dunno where you're coming from. But you're a sad, sad man.

 

I guess YOU haven't been reading this thread either. Look at some of the rationalizations the women in this thread have come up with--men who want their wives to take their names are controlling and sexist? Men who want their wives to take their names are too "traditional"? Men who want their wives to take their names see them as property? Women who WANT to take their husband's names are weak and have no identity? I honestly don't think I'd care too much if my wife didn't take my name, but these reasons are ridiculous.

 

I also like how you formed a full opinion on me after three one-sentence posts in this thread.

[Lizzie60]

I guess YOU haven't been reading this thread either. Look at some of the rationalizations the women in this thread have come up with--men who want their wives to take their names are controlling and sexist? Men who want their wives to take their names are too "traditional"? Men who want their wives to take their names see them as property? Women who WANT to take their husband's names are weak and have no identity? I honestly don't think I'd care too much if my wife didn't take my name, but these reasons are ridiculous.

 

I also like how you formed a full opinion on me after three one-sentence posts in this thread.

 

That summarize it very well.... I totally agree..

[greatgirlfriend]

I was just thinking of this one. I have built up years of credit under my name, and changing my name would mess this up. I do know a few women who kept their name on official papers like credit reports, but on other papers they use the husband's name.

[Art_Critic]

I was just thinking of this one. I have built up years of credit under my name, and changing my name would mess this up. I do know a few women who kept their name on official papers like credit reports, but on other papers they use the husband's name.

 

It doesn't mess up credit reports..

 

You will always be who your are even if your name changes, the name changes on the credit report and either that name or your old name will show up as an alias.

Your old credit is still maintained just tagged with a new name/alias.

Your credit is based off your SS # and B-date as the baseline for who you are.

 

In the case of someone who uses both names in most cases of official documents that a bank would want signed, you will sign a paper that states you are one and the same and the maiden name person is also the married named person or vice versa.

 

The deal with changing your name is that once you changed it you have to have ALL your documents that have your legal name on them changed..

ie:.. In Ga. if your SS card's name doesn't match your DL name they will invalidate your DL because the names don't match.

[greatgirlfriend]

It doesn't mess up credit reports..

 

You will always be who your are even if your name changes, the name changes on the credit report and either that name or your old name will show up as an alias.

Your old credit is still maintained just tagged with a new name/alias.

Your credit is based off your SS # and B-date as the baseline for who you are.

 

In the case of someone who uses both names in most cases of official documents that a bank would want signed, you will sign a paper that states you are one and the same and the maiden name person is also the married named person or vice versa.

 

The deal with changing your name is that once you changed it you have to have ALL your documents that have your legal name on them changed..

ie:.. In Ga. if your SS card's name doesn't match your DL name they will invalidate your DL because the names don't match.

 

But it's a pain to sign all those papers. Plus if the marriage splits up, and you want your maiden name back it's even harder. I know someone who got married, was married a year, then wanted their name back. They had to go through so much to do this.

[anne1707]

I do not feel any less a person for taking my H's name when we got married. I have not lost my independence, personality or ability to think. And my H is not traditional, sexist or treating me like property.

 

There are obviously some cultural differences on this issue. If you are from a state/country where the woman keeps her name then just because others are based somewhere else where it is considered perfectly acceptable for a woman to take (if she wants) her H's name then this does not make it wrong. To be so critical of women who do this in this scenario is an example of prejudice in my opinion.

[Citizen Erased]

I guess YOU haven't been reading this thread either. Look at some of the rationalizations the women in this thread have come up with--men who want their wives to take their names are controlling and sexist? Men who want their wives to take their names are too "traditional"? Men who want their wives to take their names see them as property? Women who WANT to take their husband's names are weak and have no identity? I honestly don't think I'd care too much if my wife didn't take my name, but these reasons are ridiculous.

 

I also like how you formed a full opinion on me after three one-sentence posts in this thread.

 

That summarize it very well.... I totally agree..

 

Intereresting, really?

 

I personally would even go as far as saying that women who change their name for their husband's are weaker women... strong, independant women do NOT lose their identity for any man... it's that simple..

 

I have to admit that I don't have much 'respect' for women who change their name... I know it's bad.. but I can't help it.. I see it as a weakness..

 

Huh.

[sunshinegirl]

The only men who take a woman's name are feminist beta males which no woman is attracted to anyway. The type of woman who is this opposed to name changing will also divorce at the drop of a hat because she is bored. She already has one foot out of the marriage.

 

My sister and her husband have been married almost 16 years...and she kept her name. The kids have her husband's name, though.

 

My other sister took her husband's name.

 

Not sure what I'll do when I get married. Our family name will die out if I don't find a way to pass it on.

[sally4sara]

I guess YOU haven't been reading this thread either. Look at some of the rationalizations the women in this thread have come up with--men who want their wives to take their names are controlling and sexist? Men who want their wives to take their names are too "traditional"? Men who want their wives to take their names see them as property? Women who WANT to take their husband's names are weak and have no identity? I honestly don't think I'd care too much if my wife didn't take my name, but these reasons are ridiculous.

 

I also like how you formed a full opinion on me after three one-sentence posts in this thread.

 

And why not take a look at your rationalizations for why a woman should take her husband's name.

Nothing but your generalized opinion of why they don't take the name.

 

At least other folks have offered up legitimate reasons BEYOND THE OUT DATED REAL REASON it was ever put into practice in the first place.

 

I have always felt that folks should just keep their born name and any children they have get a name made from a blend of the names of their parents. That way no one would be pointing out that it is only some woman's father's name (though not realizing it is just some man's fathers name too).

Smith weds Connor and their children get Sminor or Conith or some such.

[Stung]

Smith weds Connor and their children get Sminor or Conith or some such.

 

Sminor . I get what you're saying, I do...and I have met people who actually did this...but I think I'd pass on that particular one, personally.

[pandagirl]

I will be keeping my last name if/when I ever get married.

 

1. I have a professional name. I worked hard to establish it.

 

2. I am Asian. My last name indicates that, however my first name is a Western name. Seeing that I have never dated or been attracted to an Asian man, I do not want my cultural identity to be taken away. I don't want to be Pandagirl Smith!

 

3. My boyfriend and I have talked about this. He said he'd be actually disappointed if the woman he marries DIDN'T keep her last name.

 

4. If I have children, they can have their father's name.

[SuburbanOblivion]

I say to each their own, I don't think it should be required or banned either direction.

 

What does shock me however are the women who 'look down on' those who choose to take their husband's name. Really? Your opinions are so shallow that that is all it takes to make you think badly of someone? I'd hate to live with such a narrow, negative view of the world. I generally save my looking down for things like pedophiles, thieves, and people who watch Jersey Shore.

 

Last I checked my identity is who I am as a person, and while the last name may change, my strengths, attributes and reputation will not.

[BlackLovely]

I read through this whole thread. I agree with one poster's statement about the ideas being much too generalized. Also, the OP really should just mind her own business. Your friend's decision about her name is none of your concern.

I will be marrying this October. I am taking my husband's name because I view it as starting a brand new life with him, hopefully a much happier one.

My fiance and I have a relationship that is mostly egalitarian, yet it does have some traditional elements. I do the cooking and decorating, but he also does groceries and laundry. We share the responsibilities of keeping the apartment clean.

He has much more financial responsibilities, but this is only because he makes substantially more than me. It would be the other way around if, for example, I was a lawyer and he was a bag boy.

In my experience, people are often quick to label a woman a "feminist" if she has strong opinions and doesn't put up with garbage from men. My mother called me a feminist when I was growing up. I objected to having less freedom than my brothers, but much more housework. I left home six years ago because I was tired of being a jailed slave. I was going to be independent whether my parents agreed to it or not. Best thing I ever did.

My mother is one of those traditional wives, but she is unhappy and bitter. She allowed my father to cheat on her while she continued to wait on him hand and foot. She also worked full time. Now she complains about being treated like a maid. I tell her that it's her fault, because people will treat you the way you allow them to. I also notice that traditional wives tend to look beat up and old, while their pampered hubbies look great.

Woggle, you strike me as a man that likes to have a woman under your big manly thumb. Did you ever consider that a woman may have an established career under her maiden name, prior to marriage? I bet you also believe that your wife should do whatever you tell her, because you are The Man of The House, right? With men like you, it's no wonder that there are so many women that come out as lesbians, as soon as their demanding hubbies die or run off with the secretary. Hahahahaha

[greatgirlfriend]

Your friend's decision about her name is none of your concern.

 

I don't care what she does, I was just stating her opinions.

[Woggle]

I used to be a feminist man and I do not have my wife under my thumb but I know that a woman who is unwilling to make any concessions to tradition is usually a woman who will cheat or treat a man like garbage. They do not make good wives and a man marrying a feminist is sentencing himself to a lifetime of misery.

[BlackLovely]

I know that a woman who is unwilling to make any concessions to tradition is usually a woman who will cheat or treat a man like garbage. They do not make good wives and a man marrying a feminist is sentencing himself to a lifetime of misery.

 

I would be interested to know what changed you from being a feminist man.

Also, where did you get the idea that only a traditional woman can be a good wife? A traditional woman jumps to please her husband at the great expense of her own fullfillment. These are the housewives that become alcoholics or pill poppers because they are so unhappy.

Traditional women sit back and put up with any garbage their husband hands to them, no matter how bad it gets. Do you think that a woman should accept cheating or abuse, just because the abuser is her husband?

I know a traditional wife whose husband forbids her to go to college, because he is afraid that she may meet someone else. Woggle, please don't tell me that you support such BS!

[Woggle]

I don't support any of that but a feminist believes in her right to abuse and mistreat a man because in her mind it is payback for how her mother was treated. To me a good marriage is both spouses doing their best to make each other happy and treat other with love, respect and devotion. I think any rational person would support that. In no way do I support abusing a woman or trying to stop her from realizing her potential.

 

I stopped supporting feminism when I realized it had nothing whatsoever to do with equality and everything to do with misandry. Feminists for the most part simply want men to abused and oppressed. I feel bad for those feminists who only want equality and had to watch their movement be hijacked by a bunch of misandrists.

[bentnotbroken]

I used to be a feminist man and I do not have my wife under my thumb but I know that a woman who is unwilling to make any concessions to tradition is usually a woman who will cheat or treat a man like garbage. They do not make good wives and a man marrying a feminist is sentencing himself to a lifetime of misery.

 

 

I think that would depend on the tradition you come from. Not all of us come from the same background. Our cultures are different. I am a feminist. I was raised by a feminist and a supporter of feminism. My parents believed in unity and equality not for just the genders but the races. You do men a dis-service by always doing what you accuse women of doing in 90% or your posts. You lump us all together because of your exposure to some bad apples.

 

If I lumped all white people in one group because of the few racists I have encountered, I would have missed out on the blessings of some really wonderful people in my life. If I lumped all men together because of the cheater I was married to, who by the way cheated throughout our entire marriage even when I was pregnant, I wouldn't have the pleasure of knowing some true gentlemen who are great guys.

 

When you speak of tradition, specify who's tradition you speak of. My father loved the feminist he was married to, especially the size of her azz and her legs. When he was dying she quit her job to nurse him. She feed him when he couldn't feed himself, she bathed him and she held him when he cried from the pain. She not only gave up her job, they had to live on her retirement. They used it all because when she quit she lost their insurance. She was with him when he took his last breath. Now she is working because she can't afford to retire. So tell me again how horrible all us feminist are:mad:. You have a heart the size of the Grinch and let's pray that it grows two sizes soon before that good woman you got wises up and finds a man who isn't drowning in self pity and hatredf for the half of the population that doesn't have a penis.

[Woggle]

Your mother is one of those feminists who watched the movement she believed in be hijacked by the misandrists. I bet the majority of your average modern day feminists would consider her a stepford wife and a doormat. I am not saying she was but her actions hardly fit in with what many modern day women believe in.

[bentnotbroken]

Your mother is one of those feminists who watched the movement she believed in be hijacked by the misandrists. I bet the majority of your average modern day feminists would consider her a stepford wife and a doormat. I am not saying she was but her actions hardly fit in with what many modern day women believe in.

 

 

You know zilch about the feminist movement and women of color. Nor of myself and my daughter. The women that I know, the women of honor and of God do those exact same things. They aren't viewed as stepford wives but strong women who do the right thing for the right reasons, love, honor and respect. They are well educated, great mothers and wives. They love their families and take pride in being there for them. You couldn't be more blind if your name were Stevie or Ray.

[Woggle]

I was raised by one of these feminists so believe me I do know about it and how destructive it is.

[bentnotbroken]

I was raised by one of these feminists so believe me I do know about it and how destructive it is.

 

 

No, you know about the women you have dealt with or read about. You don't know squat about REAL woman and you are too afraid to ever know.

Edited February 19, 2010 by bentnotbroken

[Woggle]

No, you know about the women you have dealt with or read about. You don't know squat about REAL woman and you are too afraid to ever know.

 

So the women I have dealt with are not real women? If so then what are they?

[lkjh]

I would never marry a woman who wouldn't take my last name, it means that she is not really into the marriage and it divides the family. Only the crazy feminist type believe that this tradition means the man owns the woman.

[Stung]

I know Woggle has this problem, but you other guys do know that feminist is not the same thing as misandrist, right?

 

I never thought that changing my name to my husband's would mean that he owned me; he couldn't own me if I changed my name to 'Cabbage' or 'TwinklyBum Loves Her HubbyWubbykins,' as we don't live in a slave state. I don't believe anyone has stated in this thread that they chose not to change their last name because they actively feared that the moment the ink dried on the marriage license it would suddenly transmute into ownership papers and her husband would slap irons around her ankle, however a few people have acknowledged their distaste for the fact that the origin of the name-changing tradition has it's historical roots in the belief that wives were property. Not everybody embraces all the same traditions, some people look more critically at their origins than others. Why is this so threatening to some people?

 

About half of my friends changed their names when they got married, and the other half didn't, and neither outcome changed my life one iota. I kept my name, as anyone who has read through this thread is well aware, because my name is important to me. My husband respected that because his name is important to him too and he wouldn't have wanted to change his for any reason; he's a good man who treats others as he wants to be treated. I am very committed to my marriage, in love with my husband, and our family feels plenty cohesive to us.