Is putting "no children" on the invitation a no-no?

[Lauriebell82]

Our venue is super fancy and formal (our whole wedding is) therefore we have made the decision not to invite small children (like under 13ish). It's not a good venue for children and I'd be afraid they would go try to jump off the balcany!

 

So my question is: is it improper etiquette to put "no small children" on the invitation? I don't want people to be offended but I am also worried that people will invite their children to come even if they aren't on the invitation.

 

Does anyone have experience with this? How did you handle it?

[alphamale]

Does anyone have experience with this? How did you handle it?

yes, you just say "No children under 13, please" on the bottom of the invite in small print

[Lizzie60]

I don't see why not...

 

First of all.. I don't see why young children should have to 'endure' a wedding... honestly.. it is utterly boring for them.. they are way better jumping on the couch at home..

[Lizzie60]

yes, you just say "No children under 13, please" on the bottom of the invite in small print

 

better yet:

 

Please leave your little monsters at home..

[alphamale]

better yet:

 

Please leave your little monsters at home..

no you can't say that

[Lauriebell82]

It's YOUR wedding. You have it how YOU want it.

 

And I don't blame you. Young kids do get bored at those type of events. Why put them AND the rest of the guests through that?

 

Yeah, we think it's for the best. I heard stories from others that people have actually ADDED their children to the reply card even though they aren't printed on the invitation! I don't want to go through all that hassle however I don't want people to be offended...

[Star Gazer]

This is a very sensitive issue, we're dealing with it with BF's brother's wedding. Have you talked to both of your parents about this, and how it will affect your family? Do you have a lot of children who would be coming, or are you only referring to a few?

 

You have to realize that for many families, attending a wedding is a special occasion, and almost like a vacation for anyone who comes from out of town. If you exclude children for those people with children who have to travel to get to your wedding, they may decide not to come. Others may feel alienated regardless if travel is involved, or how fancy the event is, etc. If you're okay with that, then by all mean, move forward with excluding children.

 

As for what's on the invitation, I'd avoid using words that say what's NOT allowed ("no children under X age") and instead put something like "Adults and Children Over 13 Only Please"...

[Star Gazer]

You could also use something like this on your RSVP cards:

 

Will you attend? ____ Yes ____ No

 

Number in your party:

___ Adults

___ Young-Adults Over 13

 

And purposefully leave out a blank for younger children.

[Lauriebell82]

This is a very sensitive issue, we're dealing with it with BF's brother's wedding. Have you talked to both of your parents about this, and how it will affect your family? Do you have a lot of children who would be coming, or are you only referring to a few?

 

You have to realize that for many families, attending a wedding is a special occasion, and almost like a vacation for anyone who comes from out of town. If you exclude children for those people with children who have to travel to get to your wedding, they may decide not to come. Others may feel alienated regardless if travel is involved, or how fancy the event is, etc. If you're okay with that, then by all mean, move forward with excluding children.

 

As for what's on the invitation, I'd avoid using words that say what's NOT allowed ("no children under X age") and instead put something like "Adults and Children Over 13 Only Please"...

 

There are no small children on my side of the family. A few of my fiance's work friends have kids but they would not assume their children were invited. And I'm sure they can get a babysitter for one night since they all live in town.

 

The issue is mostly his side of the family. I counted and it will effect about 6 out of the 23 couples on his side of the family that we invited. His mother told me that a lot of his family probably wont' come to the wedding anyway regardless of whether their children are invited. They don't have much money and they wouldn't want to drive here and pay for a hotel.

 

I like your idea of what to put on the invitation. Do you think it would offend anyone though if we put that? I personally wouldnt be, but who knows?

[D-Lish]

In my case, it didn't matter.

We didn't invite anyone under the age of 13 and specified so.

My mother-in-law told people to bring their kids anyway- and many people just showed up with small children in tow with nowhere to sit. We had to pay a hell of a penalty for our venue to rush around and accomodate these people.

[Lauriebell82]

In my case, it didn't matter.

We didn't invite anyone under the age of 13 and specified so.

My mother-in-law told people to bring their kids anyway- and many people just showed up with small children in tow with nowhere to sit. We had to pay a hell of a penalty for our venue to rush around and accomodate these people.

 

Wow, that sounds terrible. I don't want something like that happening (people thinking they can bring their kids anyway!)

 

Did you invite anyone who had kids? How did you handle that?

[hotgurl]

I like star's idea.

If you follow wedding edicate (which most people ignore)

 

how the invitation is address indicates who you are inviting.

 

so if the invite is addressed Mr. & Mrs. Smith (your are inviting just the couple)

 

but mr. & Mrs, smith & family (you are inviting everyone)

 

My cousin just got married and he had some younger kids on both sides. Since most people were traveling long distances he set up a babysitter at his house with pizza and movies for the little ones. That way the adults didn't have to leave thier kids at home for three days but he could still keep the reception kid free.

[TaraMaiden]

we recently received a wedding invitation and the couple stated the following:

 

"We appreciate many of you have young children, but unfortunately we cannot offer facilities to cater for everyone, therefore we regret to say we have decided to request no children be brought to the wedding or reception.

Only children of those taking part directly in the wedding ceremony will be present. We hope this does not inconvenience you, and that it doesn't prevent you from joining us to help celebrate our very special day."

 

We're not going anyway, because I can't stand her, and he's so wrong for her, I give it 3 months.....

 

(That was a joke......)

 

I think their wording is fair.

if parents take offence, then they're not being very understanding.

If the Bride & Groom make a request, it's not to be nasty. it's because of financial restraints, convenience - and it's their day, for goodness' sake!

 

Kids are 2nd class citizens here anyway....

 

(That wasn't a joke....)

[hotgurl]

we recently received a wedding invitation and the couple stated the following:

 

"We appreciate many of you have young children, but unfortunately we cannot offer facilities to cater for everyone, therefore we regret to say we have decided to request no children be brought to the wedding or reception.

Only children of those taking part directly in the wedding ceremony will be present. We hope this does not inconvenience you, and that it doesn't prevent you from joining us to help celebrate our very special day."

 

We're not going anyway, because I can't stand her, and he's so wrong for her, I give it 3 months.....

 

(That was a joke......)

 

I think their wording is fair.

if parents take offence, then they're not being very understanding.

If the Bride & Groom make a request, it's not to be nasty. it's because of financial restraints, convenience - and it's their day, for goodness' sake!

 

Kids are 2nd class citizens here anyway....

 

(That wasn't a joke....)

 

I actually agree with this. The couple times I have been in Europe I noticed people went everywhere with thier kids. Pubs in england are filled with kids.

 

In Greece we went to several places where the kids helped with the family business. And honestly I didn't notice many ill behaved kids while out and about.

 

I think for weddings more of the concern is how late the reception goes.

 

We only had one little kids 5 years old at our wedding but we had it at an inn So he could go to bed while his dad could still stay up with the family.

[bozwa]

I say you do it however YOU and your fiance want to. Yes, of course, you're going to offend someone because it's not possible to please EVERYONE. But who cares. Whoever is the one offended is probably the one who wasn't going to come or is just showing up for the free food anyway.

[Malenfant]

however you do it, you're going to annoy someone.

 

It seemed like half the people I invited to mine was because 'so-and-so wont come unless you invite her/him' etc.

 

Not having much experience with having my own wedding and all the weddings i have been to kids have been there, i just naturally assumed that kids (of family members) were a given unless stated otherwise.

 

My great uncle was most nasty about the fact that i had omitted to include the name of my cousin's 6 month old child on the invite.

 

My point is, it doesnt matter how you say something, no matter how polite, it will undoubtedly offend someone so just dont worry about it.

Enjoy your day

[bluewolf17]

My co-worker had this dilemma..very fancy place with limited room for people. She put on her invitation "No children under 14". She had a large family, and some of them were upset, but oh well! It's her wedding, and there was only one or two people who brought their children. Of course, those who brought the children anyway, were eyed all night be the ones who followed the brides request.

 

Do whatever you want!!

[Lauriebell82]

My co-worker had this dilemma..very fancy place with limited room for people. She put on her invitation "No children under 14". She had a large family, and some of them were upset, but oh well! It's her wedding, and there was only one or two people who brought their children. Of course, those who brought the children anyway, were eyed all night be the ones who followed the brides request.

 

Do whatever you want!!

 

Yeah, I'm a little worried that I'm going to have some children wedding crashers. Our venue is a very fancy castle like ballroom. There is a balcony that the cocktail reception will be on and to have small children trying to climb on it while their parents are getting drunk does not sit too well with me.

 

Basically the people I am worried about are my fiance's family. They are not the most classy people on earth and I have seen how they handle their children. They are extemely misbehaved. Most of the people who have children are also very young and have limited parenting skills. I just hope that my FMIL can do some damage control if family members start wining that they can't bring their children.

[TaraMaiden]

I knew there was more to it, than just the venue details.

Your life with this guy is far from smooth is it?

 

Like you don't have enough to worry about, now you're concerned about his "un-classy" family, who have misbehaving children and no parenting skills..

This will go down well with them...

I'd let his mother in on this as soon as possible so she can prepare herself for the onslaught and avalanche of phone calls from members of her family complaining that you've cut them out and don't want their kids at your wedding.....

 

[bluewolf17]

Don't even worry about it! If the family will get all but hurt about not being able to bring their children..then that's their issue, not yours. They will get over it.

 

Oh, I just asked my co-worker..her invitation actually said "Adults only". She is Mien and had a huge family..lots of little ones. Some of the guests personally complained to her (which is so tacky, don't come then! ) but in the end, she got her wedding that she wanted, and every else got over it and on with their lives!

[stillafool]

I think it is rude for couples to bring their kids to weddings unless they are invited also. They should know better than to bring them but I think it is quite okay to include that sentence at the bottom of your invite.

[carhill]

I don't mind kids as long as they bring presents

 

At least they won't be bellying up to the open bar

 

Laurie, don't you think, if such children were prone to jumping off balconies, that they'd already be dead?

 

Hope you have a great wedding!

[Lauriebell82]

I knew there was more to it, than just the venue details.

Your life with this guy is far from smooth is it?

 

That was kinda rude.

 

Like you don't have enough to worry about, now you're concerned about his "un-classy" family, who have misbehaving children and no parenting skills..

This will go down well with them...

 

This is my fiance's opinion as well. He actually didn't even want to invite them!!!

A member of his family actually showed up at his cousin's wedding in a Pokemon shirt and ripped jeans...is that classy? No.

 

I'd let his mother in on this as soon as possible so she can prepare herself for the onslaught and avalanche of phone calls from members of her family complaining that you've cut them out and don't want their kids at your wedding.....

 

Yep, we already did that. She is actually understanding as she knows our wedding is very fancy and it would not be appropriate for children. She actually admitted that their family isn't classy.

[greatgirlfriend]

One of my cousins had this issue. On the invite it said "no children". Another cousin stopped speaking to her because she couldn't bring her children. Children are expensive and even though they don't eat much, in many cases still have to pay the same for them. If I ever get married, I'd probably end up allowing kids, but I don't know that many friend or relatives with small kids anymore. Probably at most 10 kids.

[bluewolf17]

One of my cousins had this issue. On the invite it said "no children". Another cousin stopped speaking to her because she couldn't bring her children. .

 

Jeez! That's a bit extreme!