Woggle Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I know very few that are happy and I am sure even in the happy ones the women deep down despise the men. Love between men and women is simply a dead concept. Link to post Share on other sites
Holding-On Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Why should I measure another marriage by what would make me happy? Happiness is an emotion that ebbs and flows. Contentment, respect, understanding and commitment will always outweigh the "Am I happy today?" Why are the two people in a marriage expected to make the other one happy. True happiness doesn't come from another. It comes from within. It is up to each of us to nurture and maintain. Well put. I mean how many people, single or coupled, are "happy" at any given moment. Happiness might be living a good life according to your values. At times my internal self and/or my marriage has been/felt miserable. Growth is often pain. I cannot imagine a case where I wouldn't want to change anything about any relationship I have. I am extremely far from perfect and there is always a way I could improve the way in which I interact with another person. In fact I think the whole point of being mortal, of having physical form is to improve the spiritual form. Seeking to always feel good, to be "happy", really diminishes that goal. There is such a wide range of emotions. They are not bad. They serve a purpose. While I do not actively seek out pain for pain's sake, I enjoy having the ability to experience so many emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Only to you Woggle. Or maybe the men deep down despise the women. You do. Maybe I do but I didn't just one day wake up and decide to be this way. Look around you and tell me how much real love you see between men and women. I never see happy couple holding hands in public anymore. Romance is just completely dead. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I've done the math on this one myself and it has caused me to step back and ask myself why I would want to do this again. Plus, I'm not nearly as motivated anymore because I don't want anymore kids, I'm used to supporting myself, I have a home, and I've been through many relationships, which have all torn me up. I'm not saying that I won't ever get married again, but a guy would have to be pretty special to be invited into my life on a full-time basis, even part-time for that matter. Personally, I don't think such a guy exists, and I'm not really concerned about whether he does or not. I'm more happy now than I've ever been in my life. I will always prefer being alone to being in a miserable marriage, and those seem to be the most popular options. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Maybe I do but I didn't just one day wake up and decide to be this way. Look around you and tell me how much real love you see between men and women. I never see happy couple holding hands in public anymore. Romance is just completely dead. You live in Jersey. The stereotype is that people there are more miserable than everyone else, so of course you see it that way. Travel somewhere outside of there and you will see a whole new world that we like to call reality. As long as I am around true romance is not dead. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 You live in Jersey. The stereotype is that people there are more miserable than everyone else, so of course you see it that way. Travel somewhere outside of there and you will see a whole new world that we like to call reality. As long as I am around true romance is not dead. Look at this board. Not everybody here is from Jersey and yet they experience the same things. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Well put. I mean how many people, single or coupled, are "happy" at any given moment. Happiness might be living a good life according to your values. At times my internal self and/or my marriage has been/felt miserable. Growth is often pain. I cannot imagine a case where I wouldn't want to change anything about any relationship I have. I am extremely far from perfect and there is always a way I could improve the way in which I interact with another person. In fact I think the whole point of being mortal, of having physical form is to improve the spiritual form. Seeking to always feel good, to be "happy", really diminishes that goal. There is such a wide range of emotions. They are not bad. They serve a purpose. While I do not actively seek out pain for pain's sake, I enjoy having the ability to experience so many emotions.This sounds like a "concept of happiness" discussion and one that would be interesting. But I did want to illustrate the bolded text, in that there's nothing wrong with being happy on a consistent basis, as long as you're not seeking to always feel good. Feeling good and happiness, IMO, aren't always synonymous but can be. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Look at this board. Not everybody here is from Jersey and yet they experience the same things. Please keep these words in mind: this is a relationship board. people come here who have relationship problems. The number of people on here are NOT the majority of the general population. We are a small fragment. Talk to people OUTSIDE of here and the other message board and guarantee you will hear different results, but of course it won't register to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 If a man can pull of being a player I am truly starting to fel that that is his best option. Women will always adore the player that uses her over the loving and commited husband anyday and any woman who says otherwise is a liar. Their actions speak loud and clear on this one plus if a woman starts acting up you can just dump her and find a new one. Like my player friends says why trade the adoration of many women for the contempt and resentment of one. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Please keep these words in mind: this is a relationship board. people come here who have relationship problems. The number of people on here are NOT the majority of the general population. We are a small fragment. Talk to people OUTSIDE of here and the other message board and guarantee you will hear different results, but of course it won't register to you. I do talk to other people in the real world and it is always the same story. The man loves and adores a woman who couldn't care less whether he exists or not. This is the fate of any groom. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 If a man can pull of being a player I am truly starting to fel that that is his best option. Women will always adore the player that uses her over the loving and commited husband anyday and any woman who says otherwise is a liar. Their actions speak loud and clear on this one plus if a woman starts acting up you can just dump her and find a new one. Like my player friends says why trade the adoration of many women for the contempt and resentment of one. please do us a favor and divorce your wife. Its inevitable since you feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I do talk to other people in the real world and it is always the same story. The man loves and adores a woman who couldn't care less whether he exists or not. This is the fate of any groom. again, talk to people outside of your circle of friends and outside of Jersey. *note to all of you sane, open-minded Jersey residents, thisdoes not apply to you* Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 So your wife is lying to you? Go tell her she is a liar and that you want to go be a playa. Beat her to the punch. She's going to do it anyway. Some women do those things, some women don't. I must admit that if women only look at this board as a representation of what a good husband is...you would scare the hell out of them and they go looking for the playa or the vibrator. She probably is. It seems very real with her then again so did my ex and you all know how that turned out. Women are very good at smiling in a man's face while she really hates his guts. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Go tell her she is a liar and to get away from you because she can't be trusted. Tell her you want to be alone. Tell here you want to wither away in your own misery and die alone. Sorry for the TJ. Not yet. I do enjoy spending time with her and she is in house sex which I don't have to go out and find. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Not yet. I do enjoy spending time with her and she is in house sex which I don't have to go out and find. That is a vile and revolting way to speak about your wife. My God. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I never see happy couple holding hands in public anymore. I hold hands with my husband in public all the time . Maybe you should try holding your wife's hand. Then you could look down at your own hands, et voila, you will be looking at your own example of a happy couple. Be the change you want to see. Can you bring yourself to be publicly sweet with her? Or is she really just 'in-house sex' to you? Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Wait, because I don't hold hands with my husband I'm not happy with him? Well I guess that explains my Mother In Law's worry about us when we first got married. We don't hold hands because long term contact ie more then just a simple touch or brush up turns us both on. Even after almost 14 years together. I'm not just talking about a little, I'm talking physically turned on. Complete with all the reactions of being aroused. What can I say? We just do it for each other. Back to the topic, or somewhat on topic....Happiness. I think this might actually be part of the problem in marriages today. We are brought up (I'm using we generally) that you are suppose to be HAPPY. Your spouse should make you happy. So when we aren't happy, we start looking else where, after all we are suppose to be HAPPY. I have heard several friends tell me "But I'm just not happy with him anymore" These weren't friends I included in the number of happy couples (though I do like the would remarry the same person if they had to do it all over again). They lose the ability to connect with each other that they once had because they are so wrapped up in the whole happy concept. CCL Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I learned long ago that appearances (ESPECIALLY about marriages) do not reality make. The happiest-appearing couples I've witnessed had a plethora of hidden ills which eventually came to light, when it all fell apart. I've also learned that the longevity of a marriage is not equivalent to its success, or the happiness of the partners therein. To me, it is all about how they treat each other - if it's with respect and caring and loving at all times, then I'd say they've done pretty darn good. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I learned long ago that appearances (ESPECIALLY about marriages) do not reality make. The happiest-appearing couples I've witnessed had a plethora of hidden ills which eventually came to light, when it all fell apart. I've also learned that the longevity of a marriage is not equivalent to its success, or the happiness of the partners therein. To me, it is all about how they treat each other - if it's with respect and caring and loving at all times, then I'd say they've done pretty darn good. The post quoted above wins the most truthful, to the point, clearest, correctimundo post of the day! 100 percent RIGHT ALL THE WAY! Respect is the important thing and so many couples lose that after some amount of time. I really don't know how it happens...I just don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1962 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Simple question: How many married couples do you know that you would define as TRULY happily married? ie. they wouldn't change anything about their marriage. I was originally going to limit it to couples married for a certain amount of time or longer... but I will just say to exclude those still in those "honeymoon," years in the beginning... For me the number is simple; I can only think of 'maybe' 1 couple who is TRULY happy... Let me answer your original question with this; are any of us TRULY happy with life in general? Did we become what we dreamed of being as an adolesent? As we have grown into adulthood are we happy and content? Happiness comes in so many forms. No relationship is perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
WalkInThePark Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I've also learned that the longevity of a marriage is not equivalent to its success, or the happiness of the partners therein. One things I have seen with long(er) marriages is that they are a habit. And sometimes they are a bad habit but nevertheless a habit so it's hard to break the habit. My parents were unhappily married for 42 years. My mother always said that she would leave if the kids had left the house. She didn't. There was no financial reason not to do it. But I think she did not have the courage. Also, there was no violence or abuse, only indifference. So no direct reason to absolutely leave. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 The post quoted above wins the most truthful, to the point, clearest, correctimundo post of the day! 100 percent RIGHT ALL THE WAY! Respect is the important thing and so many couples lose that after some amount of time. I really don't know how it happens...I just don't know. Nice to see people high-fiving each other over their shared bitterness and pessimism. read post 50. Think about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Nice to see people high-fiving each other over their shared bitterness and pessimism. read post 50. Think about this. I also agree with OB... I've read post #50... and I have to say that no one is responsible for our own happiness.. we are.. and that's a good start for a happy couple. IMO Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 The post quoted above wins the most truthful, to the point, clearest, correctimundo post of the day! 100 percent RIGHT ALL THE WAY! Respect is the important thing and so many couples lose that after some amount of time. I really don't know how it happens...I just don't know. Thanks Tony, I treasure the compliment!!! Yes I also believe that's the secret... but I have no clue how it is accomplished in a long-term marriage. It's a very difficult (impossible?) thing to do, and I imagine one must have the endurance of a limitless marathon runner. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I also agree with OB... Yes, but you are, IMO, pessimistic about marriage and sleep with married men. It makes sense that you would agree. Also, you don't seem to be whiny about it like so many others on here. If you (general you) don't want to be married, that is fine. I think that many aren't suited for it. They should just avoid it and quite whining about how so many others are in misserable marriages. If you want to be married, get off of LS and start looking for the happy couples out there. Just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
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