1000 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Men should pay for a first date ..... The End! Lishy, to be honest, it depends doesn't it? Is it really fair to expect some random guy to lay out $80 on a first date for someone who is basically a stranger. $80 may be nothing to you...however to many of us it is a significant chunk of money. On the other hand if the "date" consists of paying for a cheese pizza, a six pack of Miller and a jumbo box of Trojans then I wholeheartedly agree that the man should always pay.
Author conehead Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Did you miss the part where OP had unspoken expectations where as DM didn't? I didn't see where it said he suggested drinks. I doubt dessert cost 45 bucks. And it was HER choice to pull out her wallet. She did that, and is now complaining about it. He offered to split the last bill. She could have accepted that offer. People aren't ATMs. He suggested everything! THe dinner was once place and the drinks/deserts were both in another place. The fact that he even suggested splitting was already a dealbreaker right then and there. I only paid cuz he gave me those 'i'm cheap' puppy dog eyes and i felt ew by it.
sally4sara Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 And you write like you are TOO eager to please men even at your own detriment, aren't you the resident ex-stripper? If you are that would explain why you are so quick to feel like a prostitute when men want to offer you gestures of love/affection/appreciation in any shape or way of material form. I don't feel that way at all, I can differentiate between someone paying for affection vs true offerings of affection. And if I was going to be shamed by having worked that job, would I have ever posted about it? I made enough you'd have wanted to marry me! I wasn't just some truck stop stripper who turned tricks on the side to feed my three kids. Why would you expect your "true" offerings to be bought? True offerings of affection are shown because you feel them and it is awesome feeling to be that way to someone you love. It would be different if I saw guys in restaurants saying "dude you are just such an awesome guy and I really admire you as a friend and as a person; let me buy you dinner" They don't. They instead refuse their bill be paid as though the idea is insulting.
Author conehead Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Yes...HE "suggested" it to see what her reaction would be (having already laid out a decent amount). Did she say something like "Oh no Tee hee I couldn't eat another bite, I wouldn't want to impose on you that way, let's just get a cup of coffee"? Nope. Conehead was "Yesssssss!!!! Now me gets to be Jabba the Hutt at the dessert tray!!!" It seems to me if they happened to be walking by a Rolls Royce dealership at the time, and this guy had jokingly suggested "Well shall I buy you a Silver Shadow?" conehead would probably have said "Yes thank you very much" and then would have been shocked, just shocked, when he declined to do so. I got a drink, he got a drink, and we split a sufle. That was it! The place was expensive, which he suggested! He was even the one who picked the sufle.
Johnny M Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Johnny you are not getting it .... HE suggested to go for expensive dessert not her and he didnt want to pay and that is just cheap! doing the slow motion wallet thing is just cringey!!! Oh well he screwed it up now ... I wouldnt see him again either He already paid for dinner, didn't he? And it doesn't sound like OP offered to split the cost of dinner either. Her date, on the other hand, did offer to split the cost of deserts (after he has already paid for dinner for both of them). And this guy is considered cheap??? Why - because he did "wine and dine" the "lady" to the full extent?? Give me a break If OP had any sort of decency, she would have immediately offered to pay for deserts/drinks, because the other person has already paid for dinner. That's how it works between normal, non-gold digging people. And the fact that deserts/drinks were $10 more is really immaterial. I mean, we are talking ten bucks here. That's not a lot of money. The bottom line is that OP is disgustingly stingy. She wanted to take advantage of the guy and in the end only paid her share because she felt embarrassed. 1
jw90063 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 He suggested everything! THe dinner was once place and the drinks/deserts were both in another place. The fact that he even suggested splitting was already a dealbreaker right then and there. I only paid cuz he gave me those 'i'm cheap' puppy dog eyes and i felt ew by it. For some reason, I was thinking you had a $35 bill and it ended up as $45 at the SAME place. SO he did actually pay for the dinner that was $35? The problem is drinks/deserts at another location that was the $45( another bill). If a guy already paid $35, I would definitely not expect him to dish out another $45 all by himself. I also wouldn't be questioning if he is datable at this point because of that. That's freaking ridiculous on a first date. If the entire ordeal was just $30, but that's like $80. I don't see who in their right mind would spend that much on someone they don't even know. You are seriously bent out of shape because you paid for the next round, and he even offered to pay or at least split that bill. On the other hand, if he picked the place, he should have had a good idea of how much it could cost. Perhaps, he shouldn't be taking you there after dinner, if he wasn't insisting on paying at least half. I mean what if you didn't have any money? Drinks and desert can easily add up. OP, I saw you said you make a lot of money. I guess he may already know this, and was hoping he wouldn't have to pay for it all? Regardless, I wouldn't ignore him over this one incident. He did pay for something. It's not like he didn't pay for anything at all. 1
Enema Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Shamelessly copypasta'd from somewhere on the interweb: I don’t believe that chivalry is dead. I’ll hold a door for you, I’ll pull out your chair or take your coat. I’ll help you change a flat tire, carry you over deep puddles, figure out the remote, reset your modem. I’ll even help you move when I know you a little better. Why? Because I’m a gentleman. I will not, however, buy you - a relative stranger - dinner or gifts under the pretense that it is what a gentleman does.
jw90063 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I have a general thought. Maybe if the girl is the one who orders expensive entrees, and orders the most expensive drinks/deserts(I'm wondering if the OP did in this case), the guy might think she is entitled to pay for some of the bill. What if you take a girl to a restaurant. She orders most expensive things on the menu, without one worry or his consent. The bill is nearly $100, and maybe the guy didn't think he would be paying over $40-$50. I mean what's he going to say. "Hey, sorry, you can't get that, its too expensive". That is why you should have common courtesy, and not order whatever you want, and expect him to pay for all of it. If she decided she wanted to splurge, and jack up the bill, I think she should be entitled to pay for some of that, even if it's the first date. OP, did you buy the most expensive stuff on menu or do you normally?(not just in this situation) Just curious.
Author conehead Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 I always order reasonably on a first date. My dinner was cheaper than his! My entree was just $13 and I drank water. For drinks/desert, I only ordered one drink but the place was expenseive so that costs $12. He ordered a drink that was $12 as well. We split a sufle that was $12 which he suggested.
Author conehead Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 It's like a lot of you are just assuming things...shouldn't just assume what happened. I did in fact order reasonably. It's not like I was 'oh pls let me pay for drinks/desert oh pls!' I only paid because he almost left me no choice to with his awkwardness. I gave him plenty of leeway to pay for the drinks/desert but he very much did not want to. He knew how much drinks/desert were in comparison to dinner.
Johnny M Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I always order reasonably on a first date. My dinner was cheaper than his! My entree was just $13 and I drank water. For drinks/desert, I only ordered one drink but the place was expenseive so that costs $12. He ordered a drink that was $12 as well. We split a sufle that was $12 which he suggested. But who spent more on gas or bus fare to get to the meeting place? Which one of you would have made more money if they worked overtime instead of going on that date (a.k.a. opportunity cost)? Who's hair product was more expensive? I mean, you have to look at the big picture
silverfish Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I always order reasonably on a first date. My dinner was cheaper than his! My entree was just $13 and I drank water. For drinks/desert, I only ordered one drink but the place was expenseive so that costs $12. He ordered a drink that was $12 as well. We split a sufle that was $12 which he suggested. Seriously, whatever the outcome is, it doesnt sound like he knows how to behave socially. If he spent more than you in the 1st place, and the same in the second, anyone can see you're down more than him by a fair bit there....if there was splitting of bills to be done it should have been mentioned straight off. I've seen some crazy arguments over bills between family, friends. The nicest way for a man to do it is to put the moey on the table and say something like 'you get the next one'. It means that there is no awkwardness which obviously needs to be avoided on a first date.
1000 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I always order reasonably on a first date. My dinner was cheaper than his! My entree was just $13 and I drank water. For drinks/desert, I only ordered one drink but the place was expenseive so that costs $12. He ordered a drink that was $12 as well. We split a sufle that was $12 which he suggested. OK OK. I guess the blame should be shared equally by OP and her date. Anyone who pays $12 for a single drink doesn't understand the value of a dollar and maybe thinks that overspending like this is a sign of being "classy.". I have never paid $12 for a drink and never will. Unless it comes with a blowjob chaser.
dreamergrl Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 OP, you go on about how this guy would have gotten a second date if he would have paid. You also said you weren't interested. So why on this earth should he pay again when you weren't interested. If him not paying was the only reason you wont give him a second date, you truly are just a materialistic person. You didn't mention anything good about him for another reason why you'd go out with him again. Just if he paid.
dreamergrl Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Seriously, whatever the outcome is, it doesnt sound like he knows how to behave socially. If he spent more than you in the 1st place, and the same in the second, anyone can see you're down more than him by a fair bit there....if there was splitting of bills to be done it should have been mentioned straight off. I've seen some crazy arguments over bills between family, friends. The nicest way for a man to do it is to put the moey on the table and say something like 'you get the next one'. It means that there is no awkwardness which obviously needs to be avoided on a first date. But he DID OFFER TO SPLIT the second bill. It's not his fault she turned him down. She wouldn't have been down crap and still would have gotten her meal to be paid for. Which clearly is all she was looking for since she already said she wasn't interested in him.
Johnny M Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Seriously, whatever the outcome is, it doesnt sound like he knows how to behave socially. If he spent more than you in the 1st place, and the same in the second, anyone can see you're down more than him by a fair bit there....if there was splitting of bills to be done it should have been mentioned straight off. I've seen some crazy arguments over bills between family, friends. The nicest way for a man to do it is to put the moey on the table and say something like 'you get the next one'. It means that there is no awkwardness which obviously needs to be avoided on a first date. Actually, in polite company, it's assumed that if somebody buys you a dinner or drink, you get the next one. And you don't make a huge fuss when 'the next one' turns out to be a couple of bucks more than 'the previous one'. Doing so would be the definition of cheap.
silverfish Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 But he DID OFFER TO SPLIT the second bill. It's not his fault she turned him down. She wouldn't have been down crap and still would have gotten her meal to be paid for. Which clearly is all she was looking for since she already said she wasn't interested in him. TBH I would have expected to get the bill next time we went out if I was her, as I normally take it in turns with paying. That evening was broken up into 2 places, but it was still the same date. Yeah he did offer sort of but only when she already had her card on the table - it would have appeared petty of her to then say 'ok then'. It doesnt sound like anything more than social awkwardness on his part, but thats a turn off.
silverfish Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Actually, in polite company, it's assumed that if somebody buys you a dinner or drink, you get the next one. And you don't make a huge fuss when 'the next one' turns out to be a couple of bucks more than 'the previous one'. Doing so would be the definition of cheap. Its not the same though, if you suggest going somewhere that is expensive without considering whether the other person can afford it
dreamergrl Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 TBH I would have expected to get the bill next time we went out if I was her, as I normally take it in turns with paying. That evening was broken up into 2 places, but it was still the same date. Yeah he did offer sort of but only when she already had her card on the table - it would have appeared petty of her to then say 'ok then'. It doesnt sound like anything more than social awkwardness on his part, but thats a turn off. Eh if it's social awkwardness, that's kind of to be expected on a first date. I think when the bill comes and you've been out with different types of people who all have different ideas of who is footing the bill, it is common to not be sure.
jw90063 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I make a lot of money So why do you care, if you make so much money. Looks like you would WANT to pay for it. Uh, if someone makes lots of money, they shouldn't really care so much about him not paying for drinks/desert, OR looks like they would want to help out more. He paid for the first, and you paid for the second. Shouldn't matter so much, unless you work at Taco Bell. I can't imagine not giving him another chance over this. Also, if he knows you make a lot of money, he could be taking advantage of this.
dreamergrl Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Its not the same though, if you suggest going somewhere that is expensive without considering whether the other person can afford it If she couldn't afford much, she could have casually said "That sounds great, but it's a bit out of my budget, how about x place instead." When money is tight for me, and I'm going out on a date, I definitely pipe up, because I don't expect a free ride from anyone. I also don't let my date pay for me if I'm not feeling any connection.
Johnny M Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Its not the same though, if you suggest going somewhere that is expensive without considering whether the other person can afford it If affordability was a concern, she should have been the one to pick where to go for deserts since it was her turn to pay. To me, it sounds like she just assumed that she would be entertained all night at somebody else expense and the thought of paying never even popped into her head. 1
dreamergrl Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 So why do you care, if you make so much money. Looks like you would WANT to pay for it. Uh, if someone makes lots of money, they shouldn't really care so much about him not paying for drinks/desert, OR looks like they would want to help out more. He paid for the first, and you paid for the second. Shouldn't matter so much, unless you work at Taco Bell. I can't imagine not giving him another chance over this. Also, if he knows you make a lot of money, he could be taking advantage of this. Well you know, she said it's a test for guys, if they pay or not. Maybe he was testing her to see if she was just looking for a free meal. Wasn't there a "I'm dating him because I'm bored" thread? I went out with a guy who said he prefers to go dutch, in the end he paid, even when I offered to pay my half. He just wanted to be sure I wasn't just out for a free dinner.
Johnny M Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 So why do you care, if you make so much money. Looks like you would WANT to pay for it. Uh, if someone makes lots of money, they shouldn't really care so much about him not paying for drinks/desert, OR looks like they would want to help out more. Rich people can be cheap too.
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