Keyloggers

[reboot]

If I couldn''t trust my wife I wouldn't be married to her.. period..

 

But without spying, you often don't know you can't trust them.

[NoIDidn't]

that is true, that is what I posted and meant

 

I will say though that if I suspected my spouse of cheating I wouldn't be using a keylogger to catch her..

 

If I couldn''t trust my wife I wouldn't be married to her.. period..

 

 

 

I guess you would use other means of finding out the truth that didn't involve keyloggers. They can be a two-edged sword.

[Heather1]

There's no easy answer. Personally, I've never been a snoop.

[scatterd]

The keylogger is used to confirm the feeling your spouse is cheating because alot of the times they wont tell.It hurts to have the one you put so much trust in sleep with someone else,lie,talk to them about you,and not sleep with you,without proof your not going to move on.Its not to make you look bad.If have dd and others found out it would have the same results.You take that chance when you cheat dont think im a hater Im just telling my point on conversation.:bunny:

[crazycatlady]

I'm a BS and I find the whole idea of key loggers and especially the extreme that reboot went to be repulsive. Just get a freaking divorce already. The work remote access, that's wow. I mean WOW. The company should sue you for that.

 

My computer is MY computer. He has his own computer. If I found out H was doing everything reboot was doing I would be livid. Beyond livid. That would be me packing up and moving out immediately. I will not accept that type of invasion of my privacy and would in deed find it a worse betrayal then the affair.

 

Any time I hear someone wanting to do it to see if their spouse is in an affair i just want to say "get a divorce" because you have no marriage if you are going to such lenghts to catch your spouse. I promise you even if you don't find proof of the affair, you will find proof of something, becase you are expecting to find proof of something. Why? Because by this time you NEED something to be there.

 

Ugh...sorry that's just wrong wrong wrong.

 

CCL

[reboot]

I'm a BS and I find the whole idea of key loggers and especially the extreme that reboot went to be repulsive. Just get a freaking divorce already. The work remote access, that's wow. I mean WOW. The company should sue you for that.

 

CCL

 

Maybe you want to quote the post where I described any lengths I went to that were so repulsive....

 

All I did was agree that all is fair in love and war. I never remote accessed into any work computer. You seem to be pretty confused.

[scatterd]

I have nothing to hide so it would not matter to me if my spouse needed to see.i desided when i married to be honest and share my life.would you tell if your partner asked?why stay if you want someone else?just wondering?

[crazycatlady]

Maybe you want to quote the post where I described any lengths I went to that were so repulsive....

 

All I did was agree that all is fair in love and war. I never remote accessed into any work computer. You seem to be pretty confused.

 

 

You are right reboot, I had you and In Repair confused. He was the one who used the gps, and remote access to the work computer etc. I'm really sorry for getting you confused.

 

If I could go back and change it I would. So everyone its In Repair's action that I find so repulsive.

 

CCL

[bestplayer]

Yeah, set some accountability in place but on I thought love was wanting someone to be happy & letting go if it's not w/ you? If it is, they'll come back on their own. Love & hostage aren't the same. I wouldn't force someone to be with me.

What do you want? Have his efforts stopped you from getting ahold of OM? Or did you find a way to sneak around it? This PI stuff is going to be a full time job.....for what?

This is kind of an addiction. The addict has to decide & nothing anyone puts in place is going to work until one of the addict's stops. I mean really, you could bore your friends & family to tears w/ the sob story of how the WS betrayed you & prove it to the world every which way by destroying them & PROVING them the bad guy. This is not usually one person's fault, it's just one person's inappropriate reaction to an already bad situation.

 

well there is nothing wrong in using any method to catch a cheater. At times u need these things to prove it , because the person who is involved in the affair is untrustworthy & will never accept it .

 

Op , this keylogger will be working until u uninstall it or crash the computer on which its installed

[bestplayer]

It's much more likely that the OP won't be able to uninstall anything, the person who installed it is the one who will have access to what ever code is needed to do that. Also as for a crash....that won't work either. Puters crash all the time and that won't change a thing. A complete format and reinstall......yep that will get rid of it and everything else not backed up also. If it's hardware based......will that would have to physically removed from the computer.

 

BB07 , i think u right

[In_Repair]

You are right reboot, I had you and In Repair confused. He was the one who used the gps, and remote access to the work computer etc. I'm really sorry for getting you confused.

 

If I could go back and change it I would. So everyone its In Repair's action that I find so repulsive.

 

CCL

 

Fair enough. Trust me, I will never go down that road again. It does consume you, and it's not a life that I ever want to lead again. The thing is, my wife was gaslighting me HARD. I never showed or played any of the "evidence" to anyone except her, and then I destroyed it. It was for my own piece of mind and nothing else. I wanted the damned truth and I wanted her to know that I had it.

 

And just because I'm thinking about it and pissed off... the last year we were together, while she was seeing the other man... she tried to convince everyone that I was abusive, and a drunk, and cheating myself, and anything else she could think of to use as an excuse for her leaving me... instead of just telling the truth. Without my investigative work, I wouldn't have 50% custody of my children right now, I wouldn't be the one who is still living in the marital home, and I wouldn't be the one who has moved on with a clear conscious... so bite me.

[jwi71]

This is VERY interesting.

 

For us BS who suspect, ask (and get lied to)...what recourse do we have that is NOT an invasion of privacy? How are we supposed to confirm or refute our suspicions?

[crazycatlady]

I guess if its part of your divorce proceedings you need proof so you can keep your children etc, maybe. Its not something I would ever do, and I don't think I could ever forgive my spouse for doing that to me what ever the reason he thought he had, and I couldn't stay friends with someone who could do that for whatever reason. But I also couldn't stay friends who someone who treated their spouse as your ex treated you either. You don't lie about abuse either.

 

However I do think her work should sue you at the very least. If not take criminal actions against you for that invasion into their network.

 

But you didn't use it as part of the divorce you used it as blackmail against your former wife, is that any better then what she did?

 

Two wrongs don't make a right. But then, I can't understand how a marriage can get to the point where either partner is doing what ya'll did to each other. I think that's more hurt ego then hurt feelings.

 

CCL

[Fallen Angel]

This is VERY interesting.

 

For us BS who suspect, ask (and get lied to)...what recourse do we have that is NOT an invasion of privacy? How are we supposed to confirm or refute our suspicions?

 

I say if you suspect something, and you feel your spouse is not being truthful, it is your right to do whatever research you need to do to get the facts, so long as you are not going to use that knowledge to locate and do physical hurt to the WS or the "other".

[atlnay]

Only people with something to hide consider it an invasion of privacy. My computer stays on logged into my email all the time. My spouse could sit down anytime and see exactly what I'm doing, no keylogger required. My cell phone lays around the house where ever I last used it. Pick it up, read the texts, listen to the voice mail, check the history. Wouldn't matter to me. I've never had anything to hide.

 

Not necessarily. I always remember how much it hurt me to the core to find out my mother read my diary when i was in high school. From that point on, I have never been able to be vulnerable on paper and I've always resented her for that.

 

I wasn't hiding anything but my personal private thoughts & words. Every human being deserves at least that much dignity in their lives. If you have to resort to the level of snooping, you pretty much know what's up and leave if you are done and if you have no intention of leaving, let it go. Either case you don't need snooping to act how you already want to.

[scorpmale009]

let me start with saying it's very much traceable,every key logger is a spy wear program

you can detect it by a spy wear detector (there are plenty available on the net)...with some you can make your system spy wear resistant(it will not allow your H to install another one)...again if your H is good enough with systems he can detect it

 

but what's so gross about it ,he has every reason to spy on you(in every way justifiable,not even a single reason to guilt about), as far as court thing goes there is nothing wrong in installing a spywear on my home system(you can't prove a thing)...this is hacker telling you

 

if i remember correctly...you said you are going to stop the A and your H is a good guy...what happened to that

[Samantha0905]

This is VERY interesting.

 

For us BS who suspect, ask (and get lied to)...what recourse do we have that is NOT an invasion of privacy? How are we supposed to confirm or refute our suspicions?

 

Ask?

 

I get the attitude that if a spouse is cheating, the BS should be able to do whatever feels right to them also.

 

It's just one more step down the slippery slope and perhaps that's where a marriage involving an affair will head......

 

I know in my case is was the inability to get intimacy and communication going for so long that led to me being in such a vulnerable position. I'm not blaming my husband, but I do blame the lack of communication/intimacy in the marriage and I've tried for a long time to achieve it.

 

I know BS's get mad that the WS says something was wrong in the marriage, etc. and to just leave, blah, blah, blah. If it were all so black and white there probably wouldn't be so many people posting on this forum. I know it's very wrong to have an affair, but I don't give the BS that pedestal they want to be up on either.

 

Having an affair is wrong. Spyware or PI's on one's spouse are wrong. Both seem pretty detrimental to the marriage to me.

[scorpmale009]

OH,she isn't going to tell him and she will not let him know by himself, do you want me know from the doctor or what(hey u have STD,HIV)....again there is nothing wrong in snooping and it's legal toooo.......

[In_Repair]

But you didn't use it as part of the divorce you used it as blackmail against your former wife, is that any better then what she did?

 

Two wrongs don't make a right. But then, I can't understand how a marriage can get to the point where either partner is doing what ya'll did to each other. I think that's more hurt ego then hurt feelings.

 

CCL

 

Nah, there was no blackmail, just a matter of bringing the truth out in the open. Her main threat was that I was so crazy that I might get to see my kids every weekend when she left. Screw that. I had spent just as many hours raising them from newborns as she had, and I gladly accepted it. She worked third shift and I had them by myself almost every night, and during the day on weekends while she slept. My kids are everything to me and I love being a daddy. So I told her everything that I had done and everything that I knew, including very specific details and plenty of proof when she tried to lie, so she simply had to face it. She tucked her tail between her legs and was adult enough to call both of our parents and admit that she had been lying about me. Then she moved out two days later, agreeing to 50% shared custody. I guess she's not really a bad woman deep down, she just made some really bad choices, and now she gets to live with them.

 

This is why I have stopped seeing my MW. I'm a big giant dickhead for screwing around with his wife in the first place, but I can't do that to another man. He is just now starting to question things and hearing the lies that she tells him to cover up things... it just reminds me... of me.

[jwi71]

Ask?

 

I get the attitude that if a spouse is cheating, the BS should be able to do whatever feels right to them also.

 

No, that's NOT the point or the attitude. The BS doesn't get a "free pass" to do "whatever feels right"...only to confirm the suspicion (or refute it).

 

If a BS suspects...how can the BS either confirm or refute such beliefs that isn't "violating the WS's privacy"?

And lets face it, cheaters lie...especially to the BS. Given that the WS will lie...how does the BS get the information?

Or are you saying the moment a person suspects (the BS) their spouse (the WS) is cheating that the M is over and simply file for D? That seems a bit extreme since the A isn't confirmed or denied...only suspected.

 

 

It's just one more step down the slippery slope and perhaps that's where a marriage involving an affair will head......

 

What slippery slope?

 

I know in my case is was the inability to get intimacy and communication going for so long that led to me being in such a vulnerable position. I'm not blaming my husband, but I do blame the lack of communication/intimacy in the marriage and I've tried for a long time to achieve it.

 

And if your H had asked if you were cheating you would have said "yes" right? See, the only point I'm trying to make is its impossible to discover an A WITHOUT violating privacy. Because 99.99% of WS LIE about the A to the BS. Leaving the BS to wonder...its called gaslighting...but you this already. The "privacy" is being abused to violate the BS and the sanctity of M.

 

I know BS's get mad that the WS says something was wrong in the marriage, etc. and to just leave, blah, blah, blah. If it were all so black and white there probably wouldn't be so many people posting on this forum. I know it's very wrong to have an affair, but I don't give the BS that pedestal they want to be up on either.

 

Where on Earth did this come from?

Was this directed at me?

 

Having an affair is wrong. Spyware or PI's on one's spouse are wrong. Both seem pretty detrimental to the marriage to me.

 

Then one last time...how does a BS discover the A?

If the BS suspects...how do they "verify" it?

Or are you saying the BS should just...well, go crazy?

[Samantha0905]

No, that's NOT the point or the attitude. The BS doesn't get a "free pass" to do "whatever feels right"...only to confirm the suspicion (or refute it).

 

If a BS suspects...how can the BS either confirm or refute such beliefs that isn't "violating the WS's privacy"?

And lets face it, cheaters lie...especially to the BS. Given that the WS will lie...how does the BS get the information?

Or are you saying the moment a person suspects (the BS) their spouse (the WS) is cheating that the M is over and simply file for D? That seems a bit extreme since the A isn't confirmed or denied...only suspected.

 

 

 

 

What slippery slope?

 

 

 

And if your H had asked if you were cheating you would have said "yes" right? See, the only point I'm trying to make is its impossible to discover an A WITHOUT violating privacy. Because 99.99% of WS LIE about the A to the BS. Leaving the BS to wonder...its called gaslighting...but you this already. The "privacy" is being abused to violate the BS and the sanctity of M.

 

 

 

Where on Earth did this come from?

Was this directed at me?

 

 

 

Then one last time...how does a BS discover the A?

If the BS suspects...how do they "verify" it?

Or are you saying the BS should just...well, go crazy?

 

The slippery slope towards divorce. Nothing was really directed at you other than the "Ask?" part. Yes, if my husband asks me I will respond as to whether I'm having an affair or not.

 

Anyway, I think the first plan of action for a spouse if they suspect their spouse is cheating is to ask them if they are cheating. If they respond and the spouse feels they are lying -- perhaps counseling? Something is definitely going wrong with the marriage. If counseling isn't wanted -- just leave the person if you don't trust them.

[herenow]

-- just leave the person if you don't trust them.

 

I can agree with this. If you are not able to trust a person, then either get help or leave. I also think that a person should take the same advice when it comes to having an affair. If you aren't happy with your spouse/marriage get some help or leave.

 

If a BS is to leave when there is no trust, why is it so hard to expect a WS to leave before having an affair?

[scorpmale009]

samantha,

Do you want me to leave my partner without even confirming my doubt...but i should not snoop...

tell me,why didn't you tell your H about your affair,no way in the hell you are going to tell him(now do not tell me you will admit to the affair,if he asks)

 

then why do we need key loggers ....why 40% of key loggers are used in home based systems(i don't think they use it for their spouse bank account )

[reboot]

If you ask them with no proof, they'll just lie and go deeper undercover making it that much harder to find out the truth. This attitude of yours is just silly.

[Samantha0905]

samantha,

Do you want me to leave my partner without even confirming my doubt...but i should not snoop...

tell me,why didn't you tell your H about your affair,no way in the hell you are going to tell him(now do not tell me you will admit to the affair,if he asks)

 

then why do we need key loggers ....why 40% of key loggers are used in home based systems(i don't think they use it for their spouse bank account )

 

Have you asked?