Just Out of Curiosity

[Zarah]

I was gonna comment on your name, but something told me not to, meaning I was thinking it might not be your birth name....I love the name Sarah and Zarah is exotic, I've never heard it before and just loved it....hey name your first little girl Zarah.

 

LOL, I was reinvented, a lot....first my birth name was Michelle (so I named my daughter Michelle), I was adopted shortly after birth and was named Kathleen (that is where pureinheart comes from), my dad insisted that my middle name start with a C so the initials were KC...Casey, and that is what my family called me....I hated being different so when starting school went to Kathleen...yep reinvented....lol....I still am not sure who I am lol

 

Lol! all of your names are pretty and I think it's fun to go by more than one name. Every michelle I have ever met was really sweet and my best friend goes by Kathy but she's really Kathleen. I think it's strange that people have one name anyway, seeing how every other aspect of our lives cannot be summed up in one way or by one word.

 

Zarah

[pureinheart]

My MM calls me his Angel. I told him once I didn't feel much like an angel, after finding out that he is still married, and me staying in the relationship with him despite it. He told me I am still an angel, that it was his fault and his lies that make me feel tarnished, that it is nothing that I have done, and that I shouldn't feel like a "fallen angel" because of his weaknesses.

 

That is when I took on that screen name.. I use it, because that is what i feel like, because being in this affair goes against what my morals tell me is the right thing to do, yet I feel that I am shaking my fist at God, for allowing me to fall so head over heels in love with a man, that God himself says I shouldn't love.

 

Yeah, yeah, I get that whole 'free will' thing, but it seems cruel that God would allow me to meet my soul mate, and not expect me to love him.. haven't I been tested enough?? I have accepted all the crappy, heartbreaking things that have happened in my life, I took it on faith that it was God's will, and it is not my place to know His will, but this test is just too hard for me... and I broke and continue to break his commandment in this case... I feel fallen away from My God because of it...

 

AWWWW, I see you as Angel, and was unable to comprehend the "fallen" part, you know....I call my grandkids "Angel", most people think that is their real names...lol....

 

You know what FA I totally hear you, when I read this (bold) I was completely blown away because that is exactly how I felt, and still do to a degree, I am just numb now actually.

 

God told me that He was gonna put me and exMM/(?) together, and I know lot's will say we are totally wrong, but that is ok, or that we are crazy...

 

FA as God as my witness everything went down in detail how God said it would happen...then He told me I would have to walk away from him so I thought I heard Him wrong about us being together, that maybe I was just in his life for a season, you know. So I walked away and it just about literally killed me. I was sincere and did not want to be in the way of anything....I asked God to release me....I stayed away, then a few months later I get a call and that's all she wrote.

 

I am angry because I feel it is cruel too and I was angry at God too, yelled at Him a lot all kinds of stuff, I just don't understand????

 

When exMM and I were friends God told me that his M was over, and this made no sense as they had at that time been M for over 27yrs, also he didnot want a D...it was hard for me to tell him, but it is what I saw and told him to hide his money (there was a very good reason for that).

 

Then all of the garbage that I felt so guilty about, then the phone call that they are separated....then a few months later her filing for D...he asked me to be with him then, and I thought wow I have waited for this for so long.

 

Then many suggested I wait I remember WWIU in particular, that so soon after separation he would not be ready and they were right, he freaked and almost went off the deep end just about taking me with him, it was horrible.

 

FA we were soooooo close, and he got so mean, taking all kinds of pills, then blaming all kinds of stuff on me....I just didn't know what to believe or do.

 

I scolded God asking Him why did He allow me to go through this as I was sincere, God knows how vulnerable I was/am where he is concerned, I did what He told me to do....I am trying so hard to understand.

 

I thought maybe he wouldn't go off the deep end and we would be together without all of the crap, I thought we were closer than that...but his stuff was soooo important, I mean he is just so tied to his houses, grown kids....I don't think I fit in at all....anyway FA I understand where you are coming from.

 

It isn't easy for these men to walk away from what they know no matter how much they love the other person, no matter how bad the M is....I just don't understand....I believe in happily ever after.

 

FA....God told me to tell you He has your back...I was very reluctant to post that because I wasn't sure where you stood...some people are athiests so saying something like this would be very offensive, so I took a chance and now know....

[pureinheart]

Mine is from the summer CBS show called Big Brother.

 

Awwwwkward.

 

LOL, never saw that show, I rarely get past thew History channel and A&E....was this character the "Big Brother"?

[pureinheart]

Mine's a geographical coordinate.

 

LOL We know where your at now!!!!!! Like I could figure out coordinates...lol...someone did teach me that one time though....it's hard for me though because of being dislexic...lefts and rights, N,S,E and W are impossible....directions are a joke, just tell me to go 2 streets down and turn at the 7-eleven on the corner or whatever....it's really bad.

[pureinheart]

No, I went on a very long term, difficult treatment for a hard-to-cure disease. To get through the treatment patients support each other and also research cutting-edge ways to tweak the treatment. So a lot of medical discussions but also support. I got cured!

 

And the division of the forum was really bad - personal threats and all. Luckily the worst offender got banned. But kind of sad also, because he used to be my friend until a woman came into the picture!

 

Now I have gone from researching medicine to researching affairs! Just my personality - I want to know as much as possible about the things that are going on in my life.

 

Wow, you have got to be kidding, you'd think there'd be a bit more compasion, you know???? I guess people are very stressed though as to what they might believe to be incurable.

 

I am so glad you are cured, although it doesnot surprise me at all. I have been a partier most of my life, periods to where I don't party because there just is not time, although as a teen was into vitamins, no greasy foods, veggies, herbs and such....and partied down....if I were to tell you you would not believe it.

 

Now lately I have slacked a bit on the veggies and need to get back, I have put on some weight and need to get rid of that, although even with having many health issues I am still going strong and plan on making that better....also all of the stuff I've been through, still do not have grey hair and will be 50 in a couple of months...I sincerely believe it is due to suppliments, herbs and eating completely right....hey a veggie tray is like candy land to me....oh also am hypoglycemic and was unable to tolerate sugar, so have not had consentrated sugar in 25yrs, that could possibly have something to do with no grey hair....who knows.

 

I think most ailments are due to stress and diet, which needs much work for me again, am gaining some bad habits....

[pureinheart]

Pure - I took myself seriously for too many years for far too long. H kept wishing I would have an affair so I would loosen the f*** up and be fun again. Took a big row about 6 or so years ago to break me out of that trend, and until about 2 years before before I really started feeling that side of me again. I use to be like this all the time, then I got serious because I thought grownups were, and wow I was unhappy then. Now I see laughter is better, the more serious the more we need to laugh.

 

Other then my H finding out or possible the OW, I don't care who knows. I was very open about my unhappiness when I discovered it with all my friends. Oddly enough my friends are taking my lead in things and are not behaving funny with H, they totally understand me and get me. I have been blessed with our last move to have gained such a wonderful group of friends. They are the best. But not a one of them gets it this, so I post here now.

 

And this isn't the type of thing H would even stumble upon unless it shows up on fark or something. If he finds it, he should get a cookie .

 

I'm cruising with my two sisters (one of whom is the OW ) but we usually have a great time partying together. And yeah I usually am a lot of fun partying. Last time I got together with my sisters, the security was called (family wedding, we are a rowdy group) and my sisters and I spent like an hour flirting with the security officer so he wouldn't break up our after hours pool party (the groom and others are tossed into the pool during the rehersal dinner, its a family tradition). Oh man we had so much fun. Well until a few hours later and they found me passed out in the elevator unable to get out because I didn't have my key card (well that and I was totally drunk). I hurt the next day but it was fun. :laugh:

 

I have enjoyed learning everyone's name and why.

 

Jennie - why am I not suprised you were involved in an online scuffle I so totally dig that. I have gotten that way on a few things over the years. And you don't seem to take yourself too seriously, but you sure feel strongly on your position and will share it no matter what. I like that.

 

CCL

 

I know, I tried to be a big person too and grow up, but it was no fun at all....you are sooooo funny! I understand your sister being the OW...in my family, I gave up with who had gone to who.

 

My ex and current might be BF told me to lighten the F*** up too, I know those words well! And please ladies out there don't get me wrong, this is just me.....during a background investigation for my retired from job the investigator said, my you have a lot of ex's, I said yep....she said well who do you think was to blame....I said it was my fault....well this is not the right answer to give an investigator. Anyway the right answer is irreconcillable differences, so she finally *slapped me upside my head* so to speak to give the right answer so she could end the investigation and go....although I do feel resposible for my D's, mainly because I was too serious and got caught up in resposibilites and forgot to have fun.

 

Hey life is too short...don't worry, be happy!

[crazycatlady]

Before H I couldn't manage a relationship past 3 months. I just would get pissed off and end it. The few exceptions (two...well three, but one wasn't a relationship, it was as much of an affair as a virgin teenager could be in with another teenager without it being another lover involved - it was my brother's best friend, and he wouldn't openly date me because he didn't want to ruin his friendship with my brother, but we sure snuck around behind everyone's back for years fooling around) were men who stood up to me. I'm a bit umm, forceful in my personality, but if a man lets me get away with it for too long I dumped him. I think that's a polite way to say I was a freaking w(b)itch. So I do know the whole who was to blame thing. H is the only one who will tolerate me for any lenght of time. I'm not easy to get along with. I need someone willing to fight with me, I like the passion in a good debate. I'm not one for gentleness, in or out of the bedroom.

 

If for some really strange reason that H decides OW is who he wants to be with, which I honestly can't see happening since if he comes to me about it, I'm willing to share - willing does not mean I like it, just means I'm willing, the heart will pick who the heart picks, and I know his love for me is strong - I won't get married again. Its to much freaking work. I will date younger men with relish though.

 

I'm up way too late But hopefully tomorrow I'm getting my first tattoo! I'll take a picture and use it as my picture of here if I get it.

 

CCL

[MizFit]

I went through some very tough times about a year ago...I signed onto one site with a variation of the name and everyone assumed I was calling myself 'Miss Fit'. I quickly explained it was for 'misfit' because it was exactly how I was feeling about myself at the time.

[skywriter]

I have a pet named "Sky", and all my life I have been an amateur poetry writer.

Edited January 16, 2010 by skywriter

[Devil Inside]

When I am here I often let that little devil inside of me come out and speak his opinion. I think we all have this more amplified version of ourself that we might not be as free to express in the real work like we can here.

[Fallen Angel]

When I am here I often let that little devil inside of me come out and speak his opinion. I think we all have this more amplified version of ourself that we might not be as free to express in the real work like we can here.

 

I wonder if this is a simple typo or a Freudian slip, about the hard work you see your real life as being?

[Devil Inside]

I wonder if this is a simple typo or a Freudian slip, about the hard work you see your real life as being?

 

Good point FA. Maybe a little of both. I have a lot of work to do to get to a place where I feel satisfied with myself.

[pureinheart]

Before H I couldn't manage a relationship past 3 months. I just would get pissed off and end it. The few exceptions (two...well three, but one wasn't a relationship, it was as much of an affair as a virgin teenager could be in with another teenager without it being another lover involved - it was my brother's best friend, and he wouldn't openly date me because he didn't want to ruin his friendship with my brother, but we sure snuck around behind everyone's back for years fooling around) were men who stood up to me. I'm a bit umm, forceful in my personality, but if a man lets me get away with it for too long I dumped him. I think that's a polite way to say I was a freaking w(b)itch. So I do know the whole who was to blame thing. H is the only one who will tolerate me for any lenght of time. I'm not easy to get along with. I need someone willing to fight with me, I like the passion in a good debate. I'm not one for gentleness, in or out of the bedroom.

 

If for some really strange reason that H decides OW is who he wants to be with, which I honestly can't see happening since if he comes to me about it, I'm willing to share - willing does not mean I like it, just means I'm willing, the heart will pick who the heart picks, and I know his love for me is strong - I won't get married again. Its to much freaking work. I will date younger men with relish though.

 

I'm up way too late But hopefully tomorrow I'm getting my first tattoo! I'll take a picture and use it as my picture of here if I get it.

 

CCL

 

After talking with you on this forum, I seriously doubt your hubby will go anywhere...you are real and in my opinion VERY easy to get along with...you see yourself differently because possibly you don't take crap....and in my book, that is a very good thing!

 

Hey let us know how your tatoo went....gotta tell you, and I had to crack up....I was talking to my ex mother in law the other day and she is like in her 70's...she's getting her first tatoo soon....this lady has always been so cool!

[pureinheart]

I went through some very tough times about a year ago...I signed onto one site with a variation of the name and everyone assumed I was calling myself 'Miss Fit'. I quickly explained it was for 'misfit' because it was exactly how I was feeling about myself at the time.

 

AWWWWW, I hear ya, there are times I just don't feel like being on this earth....the last year was real hard for me also. 2010 is a different story though:D

[pureinheart]

I have a pet named "Sky", and all my life I have been an amateur poetry writer.

 

Cool, and interesting...you should put some of your writings in the forum, like under a reply, a poem that goes with the reply or something, that is if don't care if they get copied, stolen or something....that's cool

[pureinheart]

When I am here I often let that little devil inside of me come out and speak his opinion. I think we all have this more amplified version of ourself that we might not be as free to express in the real work like we can here.

 

YES! Also there is something about typing/writing what we have to say than actually saying it to the person whatever....more depth....I am so grateful for this forum to be able to express what whatever counterpart I am dealing with at the time...

[crazycatlady]

I almost chickened out! Because H had spent the last 30 hours working on getting the hot tub up for last night (we were having a friend over and he wanted hot tub time, the friend was also my moral support at the tattoo parlor) with loads of boiled water to help bring up the temp due to the cold outside, I almost didn't get the tattoo. But decided to do it as you can now see from my picture. Its the egyptian cat, commonly (and mistakenly) called Bastet - or at least that's what I've gathered from my research. It isn't Bastet but it represents her in later times in Ancient Egypt. Anyway. I love it. This was a long drawn out process that took me many years to figure out what exactly is ME...and once I picked the cat for me, I had to figure out which cat...as you see I picked a cat from a time where cats where nearly diefied...Can you tell I think highly of myself But there it is now. Like it? lol

 

Sorry for the threadjack. But not really hehe.

 

CCL

[OWoman]

I would really like to know how you came upon your online names, what is the meaning behind them?

 

There was another thread on this a while back, where you can find out about older members....

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138204

[skywriter]

YES! Also there is something about typing/writing what we have to say than actually saying it to the person whatever....more depth....I am so grateful for this forum to be able to express what whatever counterpart I am dealing with at the time.

 

Well said, (typed PureInHeart. Maybe, eventually, I'll throw in a bit of poetic opinion, as suggested.

[skylarblue]

Skylar was a stage name. My eyes are gray-blue, but people think they’re light blue. A customer said they were skylar blue.

[pureinheart]

Skylar was a stage name. My eyes are gray-blue, but people think they’re light blue. A customer said they were skylar blue.

 

You must have absolutely gorgeous eyes! My granddaughters eyes are that color and OMG, she is just the "star" everywhere she goes with people freaking out on her pretty eye color.

 

It is weird, out of about 500 of the people in our family in a 40mi radious only ONE other member has this eye color....we all have dark eyes and dark hair....