Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 You just do it! Its going to feel serene! But you just do it! Action precedes emotion ~ that's just the way it is in Life. Sometimes you've just got to do it ~ before you feel like doing it! Listen to dggril! She's a champ! She's been through the mud, the blood and the beer ~ along with the horse manure in the street! TY Gunny - I'll let you know how it goes ... Out the door in a few minutes!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Out the door in a few minutes!!! You'll do fine!! After you bring the papers in, be sure to do something for yourself! Personally, I would take myself for ice cream or desert or something! Every day you should do at least one thing productive, your responsibilities, and one thing fun! Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 one thing i was told FL that really helped is do not count the days. don't worry about the number. i just had to go back and look at my calendar. the ex and i made it 71 days and she went to my attorney's office and signed. i hope you're doing okay today. i'm not going to lie. i cried the entire day when i signed, but i haven't since. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 You'll do fine!! After you bring the papers in, be sure to do something for yourself! Personally, I would take myself for ice cream or desert or something! Every day you should do at least one thing productive, your responsibilities, and one thing fun! Awesome advice dgiirl! I got to figure what that will be today!! (and tomorrow, and the next day, ...!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 one thing i was told FL that really helped is do not count the days. don't worry about the number. i just had to go back and look at my calendar. the ex and i made it 71 days and she went to my attorney's office and signed. i hope you're doing okay today. i'm not going to lie. i cried the entire day when i signed, but i haven't since. MMI - I'll give that a shot. Day 66 is the last day I count anymore. One day soon I want to say this is "Day 1" going forward. PEACE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 OK - Tomorrow is gonna be one helluva day. Taking the D papers and filing fee to the court house. Will be another emotional day again. Probably feel like cr*p for a few days. I never wanted this. On day 66 to be taking the signed notarized papers to the judge, WOW, I never would have believed this 66 days ago. just need to be strong. (how?) OK - Here's the update. I get to the courthouse feeling upbeat (you know, "this is necessary", "get it over with", ETC.). When I get to the window, the gal there tells nme there are several forms that I did not include. I was both disappointed and relieved (I know - I should not feel like that!) in a way. Hmm, OK, I won't be filing today, BUT, going to the courthouse toaday and finding out this information is another step on the path to my future. (Remember my situation - no lawyers needed - STBXW wants "nothing" out of the divorce - no debt or asset distribution, no alimony - just her "freedom". Back home now, I've printed the forms. I'll have to get them signed by the STBXW and notarized again. So, I am guessing it will be mid week next week before I finally file everything. Have great day All! PEACE! Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 MMI - I'll give that a shot. Day 66 is the last day I count anymore. One day soon I want to say this is "Day 1" going forward. PEACE! i essentially told myself the same thing once i dried up and realized i have to move forward. not going to threadjack, but today i feel really good. i'm having a go at trying to keep my still present feelings for my ex out of my head. spending a good part of the weekend with her didn't help much. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 You better hop to it!!! You make new friends and build a new life. I think the best thing is that you will walk away scott free. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 You better hop to it!!! You make new friends and build a new life. I think the best thing is that you will walk away scott free. Fingers crossed on that. It's one of the reasons I am sort of rushing this. Not trying to hurt her, but she says she wants nothing but "freedom" to be with her 18 yo BF. If she had handled the breakup differently, I would have been amenable to discussing (or bringing up) a more "fair" D. But not after what and how she di it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Well one good screw, deserves another. Get this divorce thing set in stone! and that way when it ends with her and the boytoy she'll be kicking herself. Why should she get anything, she abandoned you and left. Let her stay gone! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 Well one good screw, deserves another. Get this divorce thing set in stone! and that way when it ends with her and the boytoy she'll be kicking herself. Why should she get anything, she abandoned you and left. Let her stay gone! Agreed. (I just wish I felt no love for her anymore!!!) in time, ... Yes, the D needs to be set in stone, so to speak. I guess for as traumatic as this has been for me and how nasty and heartless she was to me - I guess I deserve to come out smelling like a rose. You don't know how many have said my story sounds as bad as any on LS!!! TY CB. PEACE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Share Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) OK - As I posted in another thread, I didn't have all the forms to file for a non-lawyer assisted D in FL. (i.e., we can do this because we are in 100% agreement of the terms of seperation --> 47 yr old STBXW wants nothing but "freedom" to date her 18 yr old BF. NO alimony. NO asset redistribution -they are all mine. NO debt redistribution - they're all hers.) I will meet the STBXW next Tuesday after work to complete the remaining forms and then get them notarized. Then it's off to the courthouse the next day to file. OK, here it goes. This may be the last time I ever see her where I can talk to her. I foresee myself saying something to her. I thought if I could just ask her one thing I could then walk away. She said in the beginning when she left to date and live with the boy (that she previously was in an EA with) she said she can never fall in love with me again and she will not try. But she also said if the boy wasn't there she would still be home and that if she could flip a magic switch and fix us and fall in love that she would! I'd like to ask her - what if she was wrong? What if the R with boy fails and it is not what she thinks it will be? (We all know it will fail in time!) AND, what if we COULD have fixed the M and fallen in love again. Just want to ask her what she thought about this --> What if she was wrong? OK, Please give it to me now. Tell me NO! Or tell me if I keep it to that then ok. HELP! What does LS think? PEACE! Edited November 6, 2009 by FeelingLonely98 Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) It may fail.. or it may not. Magic eight ball says all signs point to yes but... does it matter? We all hope our ex spouses new relationships will fail so that they can feel the same pain we did. Eventually you won't care. Then you know you're over it. As far as what to say? You could ask her those questions but her answers won't change. Whatever you do just keep your dignity as you have so far. Maybe just keep it all business.. when it's finished maybe just say offhand. "You know, you're a real piece of work. seeyah!" Think about Rhett Butler at the end of Gone With the Wind.. "Frankly my dear...." Edited November 6, 2009 by sumdude Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Given where she's taken herself so far, she probably doesn't consciously believe she's wrong, and if there's been any inkling of that, then she's built up a pretty strong story/defense/rationalization to explain where she is and why. So asking her "what if you're wrong?" will only bump up against those defenses she's got built up. She may well already been harboring very strong feelings of confusion, even guilt, over this, but like I say, in order to survive, she's built up a strong defensive rationalization. I doubt you'll break through that with a simple question - as a matter of fact, you might just strengthen her resolve. "If I thought I were wrong, do you think I'd be doing all of this? Of course I don't think I'm wrong..." You'd become just one more thing to defend against. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Share Posted November 6, 2009 good point trimmer. good advice for me to think about sumdude. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 For those that have wondered ... I finally have a pic up of my 47 yr old STBXW. That's us at a party from X-mas of last year. I have added several of my LS friends and acquantances as contacts so YOU can see it. If anyone else wishes to see it - let me know and I'll add you as a contact! (I guess she will look cute in her company party PIC this yr with her new 18 yr old BF!) (BARF!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Given where she's taken herself so far, she probably doesn't consciously believe she's wrong, and if there's been any inkling of that, then she's built up a pretty strong story/defense/rationalization to explain where she is and why. So asking her "what if you're wrong?" will only bump up against those defenses she's got built up. She may well already been harboring very strong feelings of confusion, even guilt, over this, but like I say, in order to survive, she's built up a strong defensive rationalization. I doubt you'll break through that with a simple question - as a matter of fact, you might just strengthen her resolve. "If I thought I were wrong, do you think I'd be doing all of this? Of course I don't think I'm wrong..." You'd become just one more thing to defend against. Well, I know my 47 yr old STBXW has told all the friends a version of why she left that paints me in such a bad light that they all ask why didn't she leave sooner and tell her to follow her heart to the 18 yr old boy , ... ETC. I was told that most of her family is shunning her now. I guess they are repulsed by her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Well, I know my 47 yr old STBXW has told all the friends a version of why she left that paints me in such a bad light that they all ask why didn't she leave sooner and tell her to follow her heart to the 18 yr old boy , ... ETC. I was told that most of her family is shunning her now. I guess they are repulsed by her actions. I can't even imagine the outright lies my ex probably told about me. She even tried to accuse me of cheating on her... lol. Nuff said that all of those who were both of our friends have shunned her completely because they knew me too well to believe her. She burned all her bridges and started over with a whole new cast for her soap opera. They usually rewrite the script to suit themselves and paint the betrayed with the blackest brush. Link to post Share on other sites
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