We've reached the end of our journey

[TMichaels]

Island Girl,

 

When I saw your post and its title, I was so eager to read it and to hear the good news that you and your husband's journey was finally at an end.

 

What an awful shock to learn what your post really meant!

 

I am so sorry to hear the news, though I understand that sometimes when two people cross certain bridges there may be no road back.

 

I also understand that while the road has been long and difficult, your husband has suffered some terrible losses recently and has been unwell himself, I have to agree with you it's simply outrageous that he would imply or accuse you of "not doing enough!" My faith and trust in my partner would be shaken up big-time too, if I were in your shoes.

 

However, having said that, never say "never." Give yourselves a wide berth and see what you think and feel down the road.

 

You've found your way through the landmines before, and though this one has made is a monstrous crater, it may be another one of those supreme challenges in life from which you both learn and become stronger as a result.

 

That "result" could be that you do continue. Or, it may truly be the end of the road.

 

In the meantime, be nice to and take care of yourself. You've endured a lot the past seven years, and nothing will be gained from being your own worst critic. You're an incredibly strong, smart, loving and dedicated woman. And, as you say, *any* man would be honored to have you by his side.

 

All the best,

TMichaels

[Bearandsue]

Island Girl,

 

When I saw your post and its title, I was so eager to read it and to hear the good news that you and your husband's journey was finally at an end.

 

What an awful shock to learn what your post really meant!

 

I am so sorry to hear the news, though I understand that sometimes when two people cross certain bridges there may be no road back.

 

I also understand that while the road has been long and difficult, your husband has suffered some terrible losses recently and has been unwell himself, I have to agree with you it's simply outrageous that he would imply or accuse you of "not doing enough!" My faith and trust in my partner would be shaken up big-time too, if I were in your shoes.

 

However, having said that, never say "never." Give yourselves a wide berth and see what you think and feel down the road.

 

You've found your way through the landmines before, and though this one has made is a monstrous crater, it may be another one of those supreme challenges in life from which you both learn and become stronger as a result.

 

That "result" could be that you do continue. Or, it may truly be the end of the road.

 

In the meantime, be nice to and take care of yourself. You've endured a lot the past seven years, and nothing will be gained from being your own worst critic. You're an incredibly strong, smart, loving and dedicated woman. And, as you say, *any* man would be honored to have you by his side.

 

All the best,

TMichaels

 

 

I completely agree with TMicheals. This is exactly what I was trying to say but I am not so good with words.

[AnnPod]

I don't really know about your life and everything, but I can imagine that a situation like yours might at a certain point just be exhausting. So yes, as other people have stated it here, it might be good just to step back and try to recover and just see in what direction you might want to go.

[carvidep]

Oh hunny! I so hope it's not the end. You've worked so incredibly hard to keep it going. I'm sending all of my best wishes your way lady! *hug!*

[curiousnycgirl]

IG I haven't posted frequently to your threads before (mostly because I never had something worthy to contribute) - but I typically read them. Your story always gave me hope - and even in this difficult time, you are trying ot give us hope.

 

I am only hoping that each of you finds your way - whether that is to eachother or nor - I wish the very best for you.

 

Please know we are here for you.

 

HUGE HUGS

[Rollercoasterr]

Just know that my love and thoughts are with you. I know that nothing can make this any better right now, but like I told you earlier, when you're ready and feel up to it, I'm here. I'm always here for you just like the others in this forum are here for you. I think of you like my LD sister and this tugs at my heart in a way that you could never know.

[D-Lish]

Hi IG,

 

I'm really sorry to hear about all of this.

Of all the years of stories I've sifted through on LS, I've always assumed your happy ending would come to fruition ~ and I've always pulled for you.

 

This is really sad!

I am sure there is nothing more frustrating than being apart from the person you love, and you guys have endured it for so long.

 

In a regular situation, the two of you might have some brutal words, have a cooling off, then meet for dinner the same night and work through it over the next couple days. Your situation is far from normal, it must have been (and continue to be) so difficult to manage.

 

I doubt this is the end of your journey together. Marriage is hard enough without the distance and lack of physical time together.

 

You're incredibly level headed, it's admirable.

 

You still have a journey ahead of you- maybe it's not the one you've envisioned for so long, but I don't think this is the end of you two. At least I hope for both your sakes that it is not.

 

All the best,

xo

[sb129]

I'm very sorry, IG.

 

I understand what you've written, but please bear with me while I pull for you guys anyways.

 

I am so so sorry to hear about this IG.

 

I am aware of how devastating things have been in your Hs country recently, and the level of strain must be immense.

I am sorry that this was the straw that broke the camels back- he's obviously lashing out at you.

 

I wish there was something that could be done to make everything better. Frustration is a horrible emotion to deal with, and it sounds like you guys have had more than enough of that.

 

YOU, haven't done enough? If that isn't someone lashing out from anger/insecurity and fear, I don't know what is.

 

I agree. You have done SO much, that your own health has suffered as a result. I don't think you could EVER EVER blame yourself for not "doing enough".

 

You fought long and hard for your marriage, with determination and grace, and you have carried on LONG after many would have given up.

 

I have always admired you and your dedication to your marriage and the often impossible obstacles that stood in your way.

 

I for one will never judge you for deciding after facing this most recent hurdle- 'enough is enough'- YOU matter too, and as your friend I would hate to see you run yourself into the ground any more.

 

Look after yourself, and know that you are a wonderful person with many admirers and well wishers around the world.

[Trialbyfire]

Sometimes, life throws curve balls at you from every direction, so much so, that there doesn't appear to be any hope left. You feel like no matter what, you can't dig yourself out from under.

 

I suspect that's how he feels right now. Between the stress of his current environment and the stress of maintaining your incredible relationship, maybe he feels like curling up into a ball, ignoring the world and just sleep, dear sleep.

 

I also suspect that with things so close to happening, each minute and day, he'll have to uproot himself from his comfort zone, no matter how detrimental, and start a new life with you.

 

This doesn't make his reaction acceptable. If anything, he should also be thinking about you and how much this has affected like you, including your health, as sb states.

 

You two have more love between you than anyone I know. If you consider how much I idolize my parents and their relationship, that's a hella' compliment. This isn't the end. I have faith in the two of you but most of all, I have faith in your IG. No matter what happens, you'll handle it and handle it well. It's not over.

[Pink Cupcakes]

You should count this as a blessing with his temper. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

[Ashbash11]

Island Girl, I am truly sorry to read what has happened between you and your husband. Quite heartbreaking. I know you will be OK, though. You are very strong. In fact, you kept me going through some of the hardest times in my own LDR!!! You are one of the gems on this site.. you give amazing advice and you are a very admirable person.

[LDR]

IG,

I dont post much but I always read these forums and I have always followed your story. You are someone to look up to, and it seems to me that you are a very strong person, so I am sure you took the right decision. If things are meant to be, they will happen.

 

I hope everything turns out well. I wish you well.

[Mei Mei]

IG, I am so stunned by this thread that I cannot say a word for a while. Your endeavour and devotedness have been so admired by me! Oh, I have not done up to 20% of it.

 

All along, I have gained much courage in strengthening myself and the relationship when I see you as my guide. Even at times when things suck, I still keep working through in order to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Please let your feeling release through this moment. You must be able to see the whole situation in a new light after the thunder storm. I am always there to support you though I dont say lots of words often.

 

I still hold the belief that the day must still come, when the darkness is over.........................!

 

((Hug)) IG

 

 

Dear friends are always there for you!

[marlena]

Island Girl,

 

I, too, am one of your admirers. You seem to have a very good head on your shoulders and an immense store of patience as well.

 

I don't know what happened but whatever it is I know it must have been something very earth shattering to make you change your mind like this.

 

I have every confidence that you will somehow do what's right for you. I wish you luck and wisdom in your choices.

 

M

[Cora]

I don't really frequent this board all too often anymore, but when I saw the title of your thread, I just had to read it. I surely did not expect to read what I did. I honestly don't know what to say. My heart just sank while reading this. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling! I know that when you say something you usually mean it, but I just can't believe that this is over....not yet sweetie. Maybe that's the wrong thing to say and I know only you know your situation best, but I just can't see this as over yet. Whatever happens, just know that I'm thinking about you and hoping this thing turns around.

[SophieA]

<<<<IG>>>>

 

I imagine that whatever has happened between the two of you is a monumental turning point. I know you would not throw in the towel for any less reason.

 

Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. And we're all here if you need us.

[KikiW]

I echo what everyone says IG. You are an amazing woman and I greatly admire your strength. Most would have faltered long ago.

 

I wish you nothing but the very very best.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh.

My.

God.

 

I had to read this thread a couple of times to make sure I wasn't imagining things.

I'm shocked. Truly, deeply shocked.

The coherent, logical, caring and considered advice you have given so many people over time has been testimony to your own steadfast, rooted resolve to endure whatever purlers have been thrown you with a steady hand and a brave heart.

Truly, something of cataclysmic proportions must have occurred to throw this so far off kilter as to make it irretrievable.

Truly, I am as devastated as anyone could be, for you. Unbelievable...so near, and yet....

 

My mother always says "When you've reached the end of your tether - tie a knot in it and hang on"....but I guess even this knot has slipped, huh...?

 

What a fool. What an almighty, ungrateful fool.

 

Sad, so very, very sad for you, IG.

[Pink Cupcakes]

I think that you can do so much better than this guy, anyway. Are you sure he wasn't just after a green card?

It doesn't sound from his behavior like he is really in love.

[Rollercoasterr]

I think that you can do so much better than this guy, anyway. Are you sure he wasn't just after a green card?

It doesn't sound from his behavior like he is really in love.

 

If you don't have anything intelligent to say, why would you post? They've been going at this for over half a decade. I'm fairly certain that if all he wanted was a green card then he would have found an alternate route by now. Doing what they have been doing requires immense amount of love and trust between the two of them. Something you obviously didn't care to read about BEFORE you posted something like this.

[Bearandsue]

If you don't have anything intelligent to say, why would you post? They've been going at this for over half a decade. I'm fairly certain that if all he wanted was a green card then he would have found an alternate route by now. Doing what they have been doing requires immense amount of love and trust between the two of them. Something you obviously didn't care to read about BEFORE you posted something like this.

 

Amen to that Rollercoaster.

[sb129]

I think that you can do so much better than this guy, anyway. Are you sure he wasn't just after a green card?

It doesn't sound from his behavior like he is really in love.

 

My you're on a roll with the compassionate and sensitive advice today PC. First you tell someone who got fired that its a blessing in disguise and they should just make babies, and now this.

 

 

People don't go through what IG and her H have been through just for a greencard.

[Pink Cupcakes]

do we even know if the guy was truly faithful all those years, though? Not really. Not if he is so willing to let it go like this, and make those comments, I seriously doubt it.

 

In the other thread, I just suggested that as a blessing! Tons of women would love to have a guy who is man enough to support her and a family. There really is no pressure or unhappiness or stress she should feel right now. she already has it all, fired or not.

[Island Girl]

do we even know if the guy was truly faithful all those years, though? Not really. Not if he is so willing to let it go like this, and make those comments, I seriously doubt it.

 

YES. As a matter of fact I do know he has been truly faithful.

 

That is I believe part of the reason that he is having such trouble is that HE HAS gone without so much physically -- as I have -- for a very very long time.

[Island Girl]

I think that you can do so much better than this guy, anyway. Are you sure he wasn't just after a green card?

It doesn't sound from his behavior like he is really in love.

 

It may come as a BIG surprise to you but a green card is not the be all end all to everyone in this world.

 

There are plenty of other countries out there. He has family in NZ and Australia and could have moved there long ago.

 

If you read ONE message and make judgments based on this ONE conversation then I can see how you may not comprehend AT ALL.

 

We have been together for 9 YEARS. NINE.

 

What we have endured and still remained together has only been because of a fantastic mutual love. The relationship could have not weathered the MANY previous storms otherwise.

 

In this world things happen. Tragic and terrible things. When they do people can be affected. They react differently to grief and the sadness. In the last 2 months he has lost 24 members of his immediate family. 19 of those were women and small children.

 

Unfortunately I can not reach out to him as he needs someone to right now. And in his time alone he has grown despondent and hopeless about us and about life in general. It all has simply become too hard to hold on to.