bluegreen12 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Thanks for the comments and advice from each and everyone of you...whether it be positive or negative. I do feel like alot of you attack people, whether it be directly or indirectly. I know what I did was very wrong and I do feel that I have been judged as a lieing, cheating, no-good, sorry person. That isn't me at all. I made a bad decision in life and turned to this board for help. I needed a place to vent. Thanks for taking time to listen to me. That's what every cheater and killer say. You can't make up for it by just saying that "that isn't me at all." You are who you are by your actions. What are your actions so far? Cheating and lying to your husband. Can any wife do anything worse than that? Link to post Share on other sites
NowhereToHide Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 That's what every cheater and killer say. You can't make up for it by just saying that "that isn't me at all." You are who you are by your actions. What are your actions so far? Cheating and lying to your husband. Can any wife do anything worse than that? Are you here to offer ANY support whatsoever? Or are you here just to make every OW feel like crap? If you can't offer anything constructive or helpful, then move on. There are people on here dealing with a lot of pain. If you can't take hearing their stories, than move on to the Infidelity board where you will be more comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen12 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Are you here to offer ANY support whatsoever? Or are you here just to make every OW feel like crap? If you can't offer anything constructive or helpful, then move on. There are people on here dealing with a lot of pain. If you can't take hearing their stories, than move on to the Infidelity board where you will be more comfortable. I am supporting her to tell the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Regina119512 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 (edited) BTW, Yes, Regina, I am an open book to my wife. ANYTHING she needs or wants to know about my past, all she has to do is ask. I never have to worry about past bad behavior, because I am not afraid to reveal it. Some of the posters should try it sometime. Works great.:D Since I have been flagged as being uncivil for referring to Boldjack's comments as "snotty," (which they were) I will no longer post as I do not agree with the standards that are used to determine civility. However, I do want to wish you all the best in your situation, and I hope that you do not give too much weight to any one person's opinion. You are a valuable person, and I wish you all the best. Edited October 20, 2009 by Regina119512 spelling Link to post Share on other sites
delirious Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 JDNK, all of the advice you have received here are from the experiences of the individual posters. Most of them, who say you shouldn't tell, are people who haven't told their SO's about affairs either. Most who are advising you to be honest, are those who have "come clean", themselves. It's for you to decide your own course. Whether you stay in the marriage or not, whether your MM contacts you or not, seek help from TRAINED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS, to deal with your own personal issues. They, better than us, can help you find a positive, honest, healthy lifestyle. Good Luck.:) I know I am not the only one who HAS confessed and I wish I had not, it only made me feel better. It is selfish. It is unburdening yourself. And as for your comments earlier in the thread about Integrity and teaching your children earlier the same values, that is absolute poppycock. If the affair is over, let sleeping dogs lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustDoNotKnow Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 My husband and I had a very long talk and we BOTH agree that our marriage is over. Before my A, we tried marriage counseling, counseling with our pastor, mini-trips...nothing seemed to bring us back together. I did not and will not disclose my A. We did decide that I would stay at home until January so that the holidays will not be ruined for all parties involved...mainly our son. Before you start pointing fingers or making snide comments, this is OUR decision and what is best for OUR situation. We do not argue and we do not fight. We have an almost brother-sister relationship. We joke back and forth, cut up and carry on but there is no spark there. It's not like our son will be in the middle of a war zone. If it gets to that point, we are both mature adults and I will leave. I really do appreciate all of the feedback I have received. Some negative. Some positive. Some I just overlooked. In life, people feel the need to cut others down or belittle others in order to feel good about themselves. That's ok. I am glad my situation could help you in that respect. Please do not think I am being disrespectful because I am not. I have gained alot of knowledge from this forum and hope to contribute to others. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 JDNK. I'm sorry that your M is beyond repair. Even if you wait until after the holidays, to D, IMO you should begin the process of emotional separation , now. As far as disclosure, it's your call. I would perhaps disclose, after the dust has settled. You are, after all, no longer concerned about rebuilding the M, so it would be a courtsey to let your ex know about one of the contributing factors, so he could be a better husband , in the future. A divorce is never fun, and the emotional upheaval will be great, but you will find that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, next year at this time, you will be in a much better place.:) Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 JDNK. I'm sorry that your M is beyond repair. Even if you wait until after the holidays, to D, IMO you should begin the process of emotional separation , now. As far as disclosure, it's your call. I would perhaps disclose, after the dust has settled. You are, after all, no longer concerned about rebuilding the M, so it would be a courtsey to let your ex know about one of the contributing factors, so he could be a better husband , in the future. A divorce is never fun, and the emotional upheaval will be great, but you will find that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, next year at this time, you will be in a much better place.:) LOL Your joking right??? She's been screwing around on her husband for 2 whole years!!!! She was already emotionally detached. Now she can be with the OM!!!! Hooray for her!!! I think her husband is better off she had no intention of reconsiling her marriage from the looks of it. The affair was still going on. I hope he moves on fast and find a better woman, because a woman like this doesnt deserve to be married. Why would any man be in a relationship with a woman, that cant tell the truth, who cant be faithful, is deceptive and cannot be a wife to her husband. Then a divorce is the surefire bet. Let the OM take care of her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustDoNotKnow Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 Thank you both for your opinions. As for someone taking care of me, I am an educated lady and can take care of myself. I appreciate you thinking of my well being though. Link to post Share on other sites
delirious Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 just - dont listen to them. after posting a thread pouring my heart out at a very vulnerable time i was crushed by some of the responses. but you have to see these people for what they are. many know and understand your situation, and will be the support that you need. many are BS themselves or people with a sour taste in their mouth after their own A ended poorly. Instead of focusing their anger where justified (as to maybe their WS) these people direct their harsh words here. cowardly, although justified. so please, dont get discouraged. good people make mistakes...dont let anyone tell you otherwise. LISTEN OP STOP listening to those BSs,. They have never been in your situation. They are here to criticise and cause pain. Sift out the replies from those who have knowledge and experience of your situation, they are there to find, you just need to know where to look and who to ignore. They will always be there like vultures over a dying corpse. Sad as they are. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Delerious, I hope that you weren't refering to me? I have given the OP my best advice, and have never resorted to name -calling or vitriol. And I have only ever been a OM/MM, so unless you are sure of your facts, I wouldn't be so critical. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 The MM is keeping NC because he was looking for a way out that didn't involve you getting mad or ratting him out. He didn't have to be the "bad guy" and end it himself, either. When you initiated NC he saw his chance to get out free and clear. He is taking it. Simple as that. When he said he'd love you and your son forever, he was saying goodbye. If I were you I'd get to work on the marriage as the MM is gone for good, imo. i agree with this. also - many MM such as him either have more than one affair person, it's possible he did/does. it's also possible that he has several "waiting in the wings." he just moves on the the next available gal he's has hanging around - everyone is dispensable. now it's time for you to be fair to your husband and either commit to him and try to make it an amazing relationship - or leave him so he can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 LOL Your joking right??? She's been screwing around on her husband for 2 whole years!!!! She was already emotionally detached. Now she can be with the OM!!!! Hooray for her!!! I think her husband is better off she had no intention of reconsiling her marriage from the looks of it. The affair was still going on. I hope he moves on fast and find a better woman, because a woman like this doesnt deserve to be married. Why would any man be in a relationship with a woman, that cant tell the truth, who cant be faithful, is deceptive and cannot be a wife to her husband. Then a divorce is the surefire bet. Let the OM take care of her...Chrome....how about giving it a rest...you sound like a broken record. Some things are better left unsaid. Link to post Share on other sites
delirious Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Delerious, I hope that you weren't refering to me? I have given the OP my best advice, and have never resorted to name -calling or vitriol. And I have only ever been a OM/MM, so unless you are sure of your facts, I wouldn't be so critical. Bold, this is not about you. The OP is receiving the usual cr.. and I am trying to help her sift through it. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Thank you Delirious, I think your are doing a good job;). Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts