tojaz Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 i imagine she did have to swallow a lot to ask me something like that. i'd become so confident again. the world was mine, once again. today, i seem to be unable to solidify anything in my head. i had to drop my little girl off on my way to work today with her mommy. walking into her house just brought all of the negativity welling back inside of me. there are pictures of me still in there. i always do my best to get out of there quickly as possible. i wouldn't have even gone in if it weren't raining. oh well. i might as well not make a mountain out of a molehill. que cera cera (sp). Why would the walkaway wife keep pictures of her ex in her house?? My wife took the nice framed wedding pictures when she left, i always wondered why when she swore up and down that our marriage was the biggest mistake of her life? Still wonder on that one. Strangely, that was one of the first things she moved out! Something to ponder, for me anyways. TOJAZ
Author MrMayI Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Why would the walkaway wife keep pictures of her ex in her house?? My wife took the nice framed wedding pictures when she left, i always wondered why when she swore up and down that our marriage was the biggest mistake of her life? Still wonder on that one. Strangely, that was one of the first things she moved out! Something to ponder, for me anyways. TOJAZ i question it myself. she took none of our wedding pictures with her. completely destroyed me in the beginning.
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) Why would the walkaway wife keep pictures of her ex in her house?? My wife took the nice framed wedding pictures when she left, i always wondered why when she swore up and down that our marriage was the biggest mistake of her life? Still wonder on that one. Strangely, that was one of the first things she moved out! Something to ponder, for me anyways. TOJAZ My 47 yr old STBXW - when she walked out - took some clothes in a bag and left. Never came back to try to fix the M. A week later came back to get some stuff I boxed for her. She thought at the time I wanted her to move everything to a moving place. Told her no. It was a misunderstanding. She grabbed a few more clothes. She cam by another day when I was out and her Son was here to grab some more clothes. By then I decided to pack up all of her stuff and ask her to move it out. I had resigned myself that there was no reconciliation as she was continuing to see her 18 yr old BF. In one box I packed our wedding album, scrap books she made of our younger years, lots of mementos of us from throughout the years, all the cards I gave (AND the cards she gave me, lots of photos of us, framed pics of us, ... basically a box of OUR 16 years together!! I am sure it is in the corner in her storage room rental place. When she gets her apt. and moves it all in, maybe she will open it and feel like sh*t? Or maybe she'll take it to the trash... ? Edited October 30, 2009 by FeelingLonely98
Author MrMayI Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 happy halloween everyone!!!! one of my oldest, closest friends came over last night to drink a couple beers with me. our daughter and one of their sons are in the same class together at school. apparently, his wife and my ex have taken the kids to play at the park after school a couple times this week. talk of our divorce came up and the ex tells his wife she still loves me. she wishes things could've gone differently, but feels we each forced each other's hands in the end. she states she wasn't physically involved with OM, and the exposure made her feel cornered. forced to sign, almost. she also now recognizes that the interaction with him instead of me is what forced the divorce papers to begin with. these are all things i already knew. she feels that if she and i can keep getting along how we are, and everything stays this way, we can get back together. she hopes i may be willing, but also hopes things go slow for now. i don't take any stock in this. i do, however, leave the possibility of sitting down someday with her, and laying it all on the table to see if putting our family together again can really happen. for now, though, i'm better alone.
tojaz Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 happy halloween everyone!!!! one of my oldest, closest friends came over last night to drink a couple beers with me. our daughter and one of their sons are in the same class together at school. apparently, his wife and my ex have taken the kids to play at the park after school a couple times this week. talk of our divorce came up and the ex tells his wife she still loves me. she wishes things could've gone differently, but feels we each forced each other's hands in the end. she states she wasn't physically involved with OM, and the exposure made her feel cornered. forced to sign, almost. she also now recognizes that the interaction with him instead of me is what forced the divorce papers to begin with. these are all things i already knew. she feels that if she and i can keep getting along how we are, and everything stays this way, we can get back together. she hopes i may be willing, but also hopes things go slow for now. i don't take any stock in this. i do, however, leave the possibility of sitting down someday with her, and laying it all on the table to see if putting our family together again can really happen. for now, though, i'm better alone. Happy Halloween MayI! Whats the DD going as this year? Sounds like the ex is sending you a lot of information. (you don't really think she just let it slip do you! ) Good idea taking it slow and working yourself out before adding her to the mix again. Don't shut her out though, if you want to keep that door open, Just take it day by day and see where she takes it. TOJAZ
Author MrMayI Posted October 31, 2009 Author Posted October 31, 2009 Happy Halloween MayI! Whats the DD going as this year? Sounds like the ex is sending you a lot of information. (you don't really think she just let it slip do you! ) Good idea taking it slow and working yourself out before adding her to the mix again. Don't shut her out though, if you want to keep that door open, Just take it day by day and see where she takes it. TOJAZ she's going as sleeping beauty with her friends, and then she's going to be a "scary clown" to go to dinner with me and mommy. i think she let some of it slip. i mean, she has to know at least some of that info would get back to me. i told my buddy last night that i'm a crock pot. it's slow and low from here on. we'll see what happens. i don't know what i want, can trust, or any of that right now. i know i enjoy her company, and seeing my daughter so happy that her parents get along so well makes me feel really, really good. all i really want right now is for the holidays to go nicely, and maybe next year can be some sort of new beginning.
Author MrMayI Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 well, we took our DD trick or treating together. we went with a family we're all friends with. the ex and i laughed and talked, and just enjoyed watching our daughter have so much fun. afterward, both families went together to eat. the ex shared food from my plate, with my fork. she had a few sips of my after dinner beer. very nice dinner. she then brought the kid and i home, stayed for a few, and said she had to go. she had to put in 12 hours today at work. when she left, our daughter asked her to stay home with us. the ex covered it well. she gave me a hug and left. no regrets. no talk of us, because i'm not interested in trying to stir that up. my friends that were with us called today and told me they agree that people who don't have "something" don't act like we do when around each other. i just shrug it off right now.
tojaz Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Things are going to get complicated MAYI, but your handling it well. Has she said anything yet or just a vibe? TOJAZ
Author MrMayI Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 Things are going to get complicated MAYI, but your handling it well. Has she said anything yet or just a vibe? TOJAZ nothing yet, t. i can tell you that she's talked in depth to my buddy's wife, and she's encouraging the whole "take it slow, we want to see it happen" approach. this leads me to believe she's heard something she wants to impress on me, without saying what. i wouldn't dare ask her to get in the middle for info.
tojaz Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 No, I wouldn't press her for info either. If shes supportive of the relationship, she will tell you what you need to know without betraying your wifes confidence. Also, that communication is also relaying your feelings to your wife as to what you might need if you were to consider getting back together without either of you getting caught with your pants down. TOJAZ
Author MrMayI Posted November 1, 2009 Author Posted November 1, 2009 No, I wouldn't press her for info either. If shes supportive of the relationship, she will tell you what you need to know without betraying your wifes confidence. Also, that communication is also relaying your feelings to your wife as to what you might need if you were to consider getting back together without either of you getting caught with your pants down. TOJAZ that's what i thought. i'm still not in the mind for reconciling, but i can't help but smile about it. i grew up with her husband. she wouldn't b.s. me. if i needed to know something that could help me not get hurt or busted up anymore, she'd tell me.
tojaz Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 that's what i thought. i'm still not in the mind for reconciling, but i can't help but smile about it. i grew up with her husband. she wouldn't b.s. me. if i needed to know something that could help me not get hurt or busted up anymore, she'd tell me. I get that, you just walked through hell, I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to face the fire again without getting your head straight and taking some time to heal, if you decide to go that route at all. Good to hear shes watching out for you too, which ever way this goes your going to need an ally like that. TOJAZ
Author MrMayI Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 I get that, you just walked through hell, I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to face the fire again without getting your head straight and taking some time to heal, if you decide to go that route at all. Good to hear shes watching out for you too, which ever way this goes your going to need an ally like that. TOJAZ exactly. i just wouldn't want to think there's a chance for reconciliation and then just feel like a fool and get anywhere near the bottom again. doesn't seem that would happen, but it's just not something i'd be willing to risk.
tojaz Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 exactly. i just wouldn't want to think there's a chance for reconciliation and then just feel like a fool and get anywhere near the bottom again. doesn't seem that would happen, but it's just not something i'd be willing to risk. And you shouldn't have to be the one to stick your neck out. If it's going to happen, it has to come from her, the only way it can be. TOJAZ
WTFO Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 And you shouldn't have to be the one to stick your neck out. If it's going to happen, it has to come from her, the only way it can be. TOJAZ I concur. Good luck bro, with what ever route you choose.
Author MrMayI Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 the ex and DD have now been gone for 3 days on their vacation to see my ex in-laws across the country. misery is creeping in. i haven't spent more than 48 hours away from my DD since the day she was born. when i dropped them off at the airport, the ex and i hugged like it was our first. i may have slipped up, but i kissed her on the forehead. she gave a bit of a smile, and off they went. i went to the car and fell apart like it was day 1. i've been okay since, but that was tough. i don't know what'll happen. i just know this is upsetting. i loved my in-laws and vice versa. i can't help but wonder what's being said out there. i can't help but wish i was still part and could be there with them. i can't help it.
tojaz Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 You don't have to help it MayI you've lost a lot and still making sense of it. Theres a lot of loss to mourn other then just the loss of your ex. You've lost a portion of your life and your inlaws are a part of that. TOJAZ
WTFO Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 ... You've lost a portion of your life and your inlaws are a part of that. TOJAZ I understand this totally. I went out with my stbx brother n law last week and it caused a commotion. We bro n law have been semi close since the ex and I were dating. Anybody else out there stay close to their STBX in laws or their familys after the separation? if so is your STBX pizzed?
Author MrMayI Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 i'm going to give it a bit more thought, but i have pretty much come to the conclusion that i really regret the way things unfolded. had i not shoved paperwork on my ex, i really don't think a divorce would've happened. i focused to much on my own pain, and a fast remedy for it, that i left everything else to the wayside. when they return from their trip, i'm going to talk this through with my ex. one way or the other, whatever her answer is.
broken hearted Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Good luck MMI, I will be thinking of you! She wants back in...I know it! If you do ever decide to give it another try with your ex, please, please, please proceed with lots and lots of caution! I don't want you to get hurt again!
Author MrMayI Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 (edited) Good luck MMI, I will be thinking of you! She wants back in...I know it! If you do ever decide to give it another try with your ex, please, please, please proceed with lots and lots of caution! I don't want you to get hurt again! thanks BH. i haven't been around lately, but i've been thinking of you and those angels. i hope your head is held high. it should be. i just really want her to know that i love her. the pain has drastically subsided, and my blinders are off. i was so focused on getting it my way, that i regret some of the actions i took. i don't want her moving in with us, or vice versa right now, but i want her to be aware that i love her still, all the same. i know she still loves me. she's told numerous people. when the separation occurred, she told me if i felt i needed a divorce she'd give it to me, but that doesn't mean we couldn't work things out down the road. i don't know. i know what can be said on here. she ****ed another man! she did this and that. the fact is, she very well could've, but it matters not in the long run to me. we weren't physically together, and i've had lots of fun myself. Edited November 9, 2009 by MrMayI
broken hearted Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 (edited) MMI, you've had "fun" too??!!?? Why is everyone on this forum having sex but me...???!!!??? Edited November 9, 2009 by broken hearted
Author MrMayI Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 MMI, you've had "fun" too??!!?? Why is everyone on this forum having sex but me...???!!!??? it'd be easier for you than me, believe me. you're not looking. it's like fish in a barrel for you , BH. you will when you're ready.
tojaz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 i'm going to give it a bit more thought, but i have pretty much come to the conclusion that i really regret the way things unfolded. had i not shoved paperwork on my ex, i really don't think a divorce would've happened. i focused to much on my own pain, and a fast remedy for it, that i left everything else to the wayside. when they return from their trip, i'm going to talk this through with my ex. one way or the other, whatever her answer is. MayI, I know you regret the way things turned out, but with DD being gone and you being so lonely and missing her right now, I'm going to suggest you wait. Get back to normal with your daughter and take some time to think it through. Not that I think it's a mistake, but hope that you go in with a clear head rather then rushing in and let her take some time to figure out what she wants. I'm with broken and don't want to see you hurt again, be it now or years from now. If it works out in the end great, but make sure its what both of you want. MMI, you've had "fun" too??!!?? Why is everyone on this forum having sex but me...???!!!??? Your not alone Broken, 8 months flying solo here, getting pretty old. TOJAZ
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