broken hearted Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 You mean, I'm going to hit a low, even lower than I'm at right now, after the papers are signed and the divorce is final????!!!!!???? Wow, I better start preparing for that now bc where I'm at is hard enough and I didn't think I could feel any worse! Honestly, I think Lupa is doing it right! I need to meet new people to get my mind off of my miserable life. I would love to be seeing someone right now! Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 i wish this didn't affect me anymore, but today it still does. ****, i'm so down on myself yet again. Hey brother, I'm right here with you. I haven't heard any news from mine, at all, but I've been a mess all weekend long. I guess that some people understand what marriage is about, and others don't. Your exwife doesn't understand, you do. You know about dedication and loyalty. Same with me. I think that is why it hurts so bad. Sometimes we have to go back to the basics, though, and that is what I'm trying to do. I don't NEED her, I don't NEED the marriage. My needs are met, as are yours. It is your WANTS and desires that are causing you pain right now, but remember that you control them, they don't control you. At least...that's what I try to tell myself... Link to post Share on other sites
broken hearted Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 You're very right Lupa! Unfortunatly I think it takes a while sometimes to get our NEEDS and WANTS figured out and sorted into the right category! I know I don't NEED my husband but damn do I WANT him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 You mean, I'm going to hit a low, even lower than I'm at right now, after the papers are signed and the divorce is final????!!!!!???? Wow, I better start preparing for that now bc where I'm at is hard enough and I didn't think I could feel any worse! Honestly, I think Lupa is doing it right! I need to meet new people to get my mind off of my miserable life. I would love to be seeing someone right now! i don't think you'll get lower BH, i really don't. i'm not lower than i've been. hell, i'm really not even close to that. it just feels lousy. here i was being super secret and evasive when asked about the women i've cavorted with, and she goes right out in public and acts like a teenager with no regard. my mother frequents the area she works in, and often has my daughter with her, as she keeps her a couple days a week. if my mother and daughter had seen that, it would've really pissed me off. i don't want our child seeing things like that. it's too early. lupa, hold on tightly bro. you're doing well. good to see you. i think you and i have been on here less and less as time goes on. today i need this though. i feel i'm going to break down, if only briefly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 i also wanted to post this last night, but let it slip my mind. my daughter and i went out for chinese last night. these were our fortunes from the cookies: mine- Your love life will soon be happy and harmonious. hers- Your happiness is before you, not behind you! Cherish it. i had to fight back tears for her at the table, when i read hers to her. poor little thing. caught up in this terrible situation. she's very resilient still, though. she does still say from time to time she misses mommy being home with us. nothing i can do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 this has been THE absolute hardest overall day for me in a couple of months. i have a friend who has to borrow money from me, as there's nowhere else for him to turn. i know he's good for it, but i despise loaning money. i miss my little girl so much it almost hurts, and to top it off i got to go and pick up my certified copy and judgement for divorce. hooray . i know i'm supposed to throw my balls over my shoulder and keep moving, but i just heard last night that my ex is in the apparent passionate stage of a relationship, and it's just tough. i'll likely post a good bit tonight. or not. i just don't know yet. please don't give me any sack up speeches today. everyone deserves a moment, if needed, to just release. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Hey Mr, this is a really awful day for you. My daughter does not know yet about my husband leaving our marriage. He works away and has not yet built up the courage to tell her. I think that quite a large part of the pain I am feeling is related to knowing that my daughter is going to be hurt. I cannot bear the thought of her feeling like I do. She is 9 next Tuesday. You are a wonderful dad and your daughter is so lucky to have you as you are to have her. Your ex wife is lost and is losing what should have been forever. I pity her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 Hey Mr, this is a really awful day for you. My daughter does not know yet about my husband leaving our marriage. He works away and has not yet built up the courage to tell her. I think that quite a large part of the pain I am feeling is related to knowing that my daughter is going to be hurt. I cannot bear the thought of her feeling like I do. She is 9 next Tuesday. You are a wonderful dad and your daughter is so lucky to have you as you are to have her. Your ex wife is lost and is losing what should have been forever. I pity her. i'm sorry you'll have to break that news to your daughter. unfortunately, my 4 year old watched her mommy pack up and move out. she took her to look at houses and apartments with her. my daughter has met i don't know how many grown men through all of this. i don't want to revert back to this part. i won't allow it. the news of last night and the events of today have just been a freaking horse pill to swallow. thank you for you kind words. i needed that. Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 i'm sorry you'll have to break that news to your daughter. unfortunately, my 4 year old watched her mommy pack up and move out. she took her to look at houses and apartments with her. my daughter has met i don't know how many grown men through all of this. i don't want to revert back to this part. i won't allow it. the news of last night and the events of today have just been a freaking horse pill to swallow. thank you for you kind words. i needed that. Hey man, you knew it was bound to happen. You had a fun time, too, but I know it doesn't make it any easier. Keep thinking about your kid, and know that with time you will feel better, she'll just be the shadow of a memory. Every second probably feels like an eternity right now, but remember those days that went by and you were happy...that will happen again. It will. Be strong man, and we'll be strong for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 Hey man, you knew it was bound to happen. You had a fun time, too, but I know it doesn't make it any easier. Keep thinking about your kid, and know that with time you will feel better, she'll just be the shadow of a memory. Every second probably feels like an eternity right now, but remember those days that went by and you were happy...that will happen again. It will. Be strong man, and we'll be strong for you. thanks man. i'm standing my ground. dusting off and getting myself back to proper form. i shouldn't concern myself with what she's doing, and i really haven't. i had that little nugget of info dropped in my lap. i'll just have to let it go. i'm happy most of the time still, but yesterday was a cruel bitch, for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 We all have our good days and bad days... Your gonna be fine MMI, how's the dating game going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 We all have our good days and bad days... Your gonna be fine MMI, how's the dating game going? i'm relaxing on it for now. trying to keep my focus on work and my DD. i have a couple on the line though. been going out regularly with a good friend whom i dated back in the mid 90's. i don't think we're going to hook up, but you never know. she has some smoking hot friends though, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 i'm relaxing on it for now. trying to keep my focus on work and my DD. i have a couple on the line though. been going out regularly with a good friend whom i dated back in the mid 90's. i don't think we're going to hook up, but you never know. she has some smoking hot friends though, lol. Hot friends??? You dont say, who's to say you can't have her though. You need to let her know how it's going down... She might jump for it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 Hot friends??? You dont say, who's to say you can't have her though. You need to let her know how it's going down... She might jump for it? we're thinking along the same lines. that's why i've been relaxing on it. we were out this past weekend and i met one of her friends i would've loved to have taken to my place and had a good time with, lol, but i couldn't help but think my friend might be upset if i did that. that's when i realized my old flame for her may be reigniting. i know she's faithful, honest, hardworking, and loves my little girl. hell, i wouldn't even have to worry about bringing her around, as my daughter's known this woman her whole life. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 The old friend your talking about is this the woman you are currently dating??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 The old friend your talking about is this the woman you are currently dating??? no. i'm not dating anyone right now. the old friend and i have been going out a lot, but nothing romantic is going on. lately though, i've been trying to figure out if i want to try and see if we can rekindle the flame. we moved apart from one another back in the day. we never really "broke up". we've fooled around a few times over the years, but never discuss it or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 21, 2009 Author Share Posted October 21, 2009 i have to post this, but i need to preempt it by saying that i'm a grown man, and the following behavior is completely unreasonable for a grown man. i went to my mother and father's house to pick up my little girl yesterday after work. i was sitting there shooting the breeze with my father, and my mother comes into the room, cuts me off mid-sentence and starts telling me this "hilarious" story my ex had told her. i told my mother that i am sick of her bringing up my ex every time i'm around her, and that i don't understand why she still to this day she can't see that not only did she sh.it on my daughter and myself, but she also sh.it on them, because they were her family. my father told me it's time i stop worrying about what she's doing, to which i responded that i don't. i worry about what i'm doing. that i'm slugging along to get past and over everything, and meanwhile my mother continually updates me on the ex's ****ing life like it's her best ****ing friend. i followed that with i don't understand how it's me worrying about what she's doing when i'm not the one who brought her up while someone else was in mid-sentence. my daughter was outside playing, so i went out and hugged her neck, and asked her was she ready to go get some dinner. i left without apologizing, or even speaking a word to either of them. it was ridiculous in my mind. still is. i'm starting to believe my own parents have chosen a side at the end of this, and it's not that of their son. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 (edited) WTF? Your parents? It should go without saying I don't want to see her! I don't want to hear her! I don't want to smell her! I don't want to know about anything she does. Any woman who leaves her man and especially her child for another man is a skank My parents totally supported me. Years later my dad told me a funny story that the XW had called them shortly after we broke up and she was trying to reconcile with me, and was fishing for their support. My mom was the one who answered the phone, and he didn't know who she was talking to. He was totally shocked when my mom, who does not cuss, began to use words he didn't even think she knew and some he didn't even know. Mom had her 1 minutes speil and hung up before my dad could get there. Once he found out the reason he was ROFLAO, and then as she cooled down she got embarrased about the words she had used. Naturally my dad wouldn't let it go and kept quoting her, and was back on the floor. I still can't imaginemy mom using the "F" bomb That is the way it should be. MrMayI: The world is full of beautiful sexy woman, with the papers, it is official you are a free man, even though it is regretable. No guilt Doctors say love making is one of the best and healthiest work outs you can have. Practice / Practice / Practice And someday in the future when love knocks again. Answer with "Come on in, I've been waiting for you" Your friend Gallon Edited October 21, 2009 by 2.50 a gallon Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Living for you isn't just as it relates to the wife MAYI, everyone is going to have their own version of what went down. I wasn't there, but the feeling I get is that your mom dosen't want you to give up the fight. You know the score and are trying to move on. I would just explain that to her so she can support you. Your right, she has picked a side, but it isn't between You and the Ex, It's between Marriage and Divorce. This is just my take of course, but I have a dear friend that, even though I am divorced, she still pushes me not to give up hope. Hearts in the right place, mind is not. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 WTF? Your parents? It should go without saying I don't want to see her! I don't want to hear her! I don't want to smell her! I don't want to know about anything she does. Any woman who leaves her man and especially her child for another man is a skank My parents totally supported me. Years later my dad told me a funny story that the XW had called them shortly after we broke up and she was trying to reconcile with me, and was fishing for their support. My mom was the one who answered the phone, and he didn't know who she was talking to. He was totally shocked when my mom, who does not cuss, began to use words he didn't even think she knew and some he didn't even know. Mom had her 1 minutes speil and hung up before my dad could get there. Once he found out the reason he was ROFLAO, and then as she cooled down she got embarrased about the words she had used. Naturally my dad wouldn't let it go and kept quoting her, and was back on the floor. I still can't imaginemy mom using the "F" bomb That is the way it should be. MrMayI: The world is full of beautiful sexy woman, with the papers, it is official you are a free man, even though it is regretable. No guilt Doctors say love making is one of the best and healthiest work outs you can have. Practice / Practice / Practice And someday in the future when love knocks again. Answer with "Come on in, I've been waiting for you" Your friend Gallon solid post. this was a good way to start my day. thanks man. Living for you isn't just as it relates to the wife MAYI, everyone is going to have their own version of what went down. I wasn't there, but the feeling I get is that your mom dosen't want you to give up the fight. You know the score and are trying to move on. I would just explain that to her so she can support you. Your right, she has picked a side, but it isn't between You and the Ex, It's between Marriage and Divorce. This is just my take of course, but I have a dear friend that, even though I am divorced, she still pushes me not to give up hope. Hearts in the right place, mind is not. TOJAZ t, you're spot on i think. my mom is refusing to let go. she told me several weeks ago that it has been terrible to think that she's losing such a good friend. i haven't even bothered to mention that she still has my wedding picture hanging in her foyeur. it's pretty much the first thing you see when you walk through their front door. i'm trying to let it all roll off. they're my parents and i love them. i know my dad well enough to know he told me to quit worrying about what she's doing, because he's worried about what she's doing, and how it will affect me or what i will do. nothing. i'm a rock. stoic. i've proven it through it all, i think. she has the pick axe and takes chips here and there still, but it's getting to be less and less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 today = the suck. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 t, you're spot on i think. my mom is refusing to let go. she told me several weeks ago that it has been terrible to think that she's losing such a good friend. i haven't even bothered to mention that she still has my wedding picture hanging in her foyeur. it's pretty much the first thing you see when you walk through their front door. i'm trying to let it all roll off. they're my parents and i love them. i know my dad well enough to know he told me to quit worrying about what she's doing, because he's worried about what she's doing, and how it will affect me or what i will do. nothing. i'm a rock. stoic. i've proven it through it all, i think. she has the pick axe and takes chips here and there still, but it's getting to be less and less. Well, it's not just you shes betrayed and left behind. Its your whole family, friends, the whole thing, and they are all going to cope in their own way. To be honest, I wish my mom had been a bit more like that. When I told my mom that she had left me, I recieved a very heartfelt .."That sucks" and that was it. On the other hand, my friend reminds me almost daily to not give up hope and that people who divorce suddenly get back together all the time. Both of those approaches are misguided and really not the best of me, but only one was said with love, and it wasn't my mom. today = the suck. Nothing like a clear and to the point post! I'm with you bro, I've been living "the suck" for a solid week. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 i've slept full nights every night for weeks now. i wake up amazed at that every day just about. . Wow, I'm jealous. I am on day 56 today = the 1st 30 days I averaged 2 to 4 hrs. of sleep. Since then I have only slepy more than 6 hours once (7 hrs.!) Mostly 5 to 5 & 1/2 hrs. It sucks waking up at 2:00 and laying there for 1 or 2 hours. And all of this while I am in a MUCH MUCH better place than I was the 1st 30 days. I miss getting a good 8-9 hrs sleep once in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Any woman who leaves her man and especially her child for another man is a skank How about a 47 yr old woman who leaves her H for a boy 29 yrs. her junior AND leaves her son - AND the son is not even the Husband's son. AND then the son chooses to stay with Step-Dad instead of skank-Mom. Oops sorry for that! (2.50 --> you put that "skank" word in my thoughtS!) Well, THAT is my story!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
curiou Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 MayI I've read your posts with admiration and I think you're handled yourself with about as much aplomb as possible. You know, having been through the entire devastation of having been left behind by a spouse, I went through everything you've been through. And I think you are doing it better than I did. I am now happily remarried. I'm much more realistic about marriage. I wanted to drop you a note to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Some people get back together. Some don't. But you will eventually heal from this. The secret is to focus on yourself just like you're doing! Great work! Recognize your down days, and try to nip it in the bud. AND GO HAVE SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Yes, yes, and triple yes. Be of the mindset that NOTHING she does can shock you anymore. She can screw other guys, like her old boyfriend. She can screw the original church guy (and let's be honest, there's no way they didn't, no matter how much denial there is--what exactly can a man and woman be doing at the wee hours of the morning with her car parked at his house, talking about life? that doesn't sustain an affair, at least not for men), she can turn lesbian. If you are of this mindset, it mitigates anything she does that might hurt you more. Great job, man, good luck with whatever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
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