MrMayI Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 it's official today. i just got off the phone with the clerk's office and the judge has signed our divorce. i don't know how i feel about it. life has been pretty damned good, but it's missing something for sure. i saw the ex yesterday for about half an hour, and talked to her on the phone for a while last night. i don't think it's her that i consider to be missing, but something definitely is. Link to post Share on other sites
singleithink Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Hi MRMAYI i was looking at your old tread yesterday and you have had a rough ride but as hard as it is hopefully this is the first day of a great life with your girl best of look to you both (thanks for comment on my tread) Link to post Share on other sites
floridapad Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Hello MrMayI Perhaps your just missing the "idea/image" of having a marriage, LT relationship and unified family unit. She is the mother of your child and always will be but apparently not one that understands committment, relationships and feelings of self as much as you do now. You have greived alot as well you should but it's those damn "ideas/images" that we hold onto that keeps us grieving. Gonna have to let that go. It's not easy, I'm trying to do the same thing. Everytime the image/idea pops into my head I fight like hell to get it out. Your officially a single dad. I know it doesn't fit the "idea/images" we had when we were first married but it is where you are now (and me soon enough) and acceptance is the only way to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 wow its been a minute!!! You sound way better than when we last spoke. Your porbably missing the family aspect of marriage. But sometimes you have to start over with someone who wants to be a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 wow its been a minute!!! You sound way better than when we last spoke. Your porbably missing the family aspect of marriage. But sometimes you have to start over with someone who wants to be a family. yeah man, it has been a minute. i watched the dark knight for the millionth time yesterday. i can't help but read your posts in my best joker voice sometimes. i actually was down last we spoke. it was way too soon to have a "girlfriend" or whatever, but i snapped to and am thankful for the confidence she gave to me. i feel i'm in fighting shape again. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerLady Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 it's official today. i just got off the phone with the clerk's office and the judge has signed our divorce. i don't know how i feel about it. life has been pretty damned good, but it's missing something for sure. i saw the ex yesterday for about half an hour, and talked to her on the phone for a while last night. i don't think it's her that i consider to be missing, but something definitely is. I understand this. When I was first legally seperated I felt the same way. I did not miss him specifically, but something was missing and I now know what that is. I was missing what I never had with my ex. Since he was physically gone it was obvious to me that I never had what I needed and wanted with my ex. From then on I made it very clear to myself that if I did not get my emotional needs met I would not continue in a realtionship like I had done in my marriage. I stayed way too long and nothing ever changes. Figure out what you need and want and don't take less. You are on the right path. Good Luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
SummerLady Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 wow its been a minute!!! You sound way better than when we last spoke. Your porbably missing the family aspect of marriage. But sometimes you have to start over with someone who wants to be a family. Another good point as well...My ex never really wanted to do the family thing but was not honest about this with me or himself. Chrome always gets it right..... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I'm just speaking on how it is... I can empathize with alot of people. but if it's one thing I just cant stand the bull****. I've been betrayed and let down by alot of females. And I just come here and give them a piece of my mind. The same with females putting up with crap from alot of dudes. I dont think anyone should tolerate it. I just speak my mind. So may I how's the new gf??? Y'all working on some babies or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 So may I how's the new gf??? Y'all working on some babies or something? LOL nah man, she's bailed already. i was being too evasive for her. it actually feels good. she was there at just the right time with just what i needed to rescue me from the hole i was crawling into. she e-mailed me over the weekend that she was at a baseball game with another guy and didn't want me to be upset. i told her enjoy life. she has a long way to go, and i'm a single dad who can handle himself. it'll be nice if i can keep a booty call out of it, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Auroracoladybug Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Mr you have my respect you know it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Mr you have my respect you know it... i do know it, and it's mutual. i guess this will be another date i'll never forget. 2 weeks from today would mark 6 years since she and i got together, and i buried one of my best friends. it's also about time for the holidays to begin. i have to buckle up tightly for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Auroracoladybug Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 PM me anytime...trust me I am so scared about the holidays...plus J sent me this stupid text last night...(on my thread Divorce with a child)...I can't wait but I can't stay Link to post Share on other sites
SummerLady Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I'm just speaking on how it is... I can empathize with alot of people. but if it's one thing I just cant stand the bull****. I've been betrayed and let down by alot of females. And I just come here and give them a piece of my mind. The same with females putting up with crap from alot of dudes. I dont think anyone should tolerate it. I just speak my mind. So may I how's the new gf??? Y'all working on some babies or something? Chrome you "Get It" I know you don't like bull**** but the fact that you get it is pretty refreshing. Most folks don't. Plain and simple. My opinion of course:) Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Well MayI, it sounds like your taking it all in stride, but I'm going to say I'm sorry anyways. You reach a point where you start missing the marriage more then you miss her. I imagine how much I enjoyed my married life a lot, but it's rarely her face next to me anymore. I have my moments where it's still about her, but mostly it's just me wanting my old life back. That is a lot easier to deal with because it's MY old life, not OUR old life. It's a lot easier to reclaim what is mine without having to worry about what was hers. Your a hell of a guy MayI and some lady somewhere is going to appreciate that a lot more then she ever could have, believe me. Keep your head up bud, your doing great! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 14, 2009 Author Share Posted October 14, 2009 Well MayI, it sounds like your taking it all in stride, but I'm going to say I'm sorry anyways. You reach a point where you start missing the marriage more then you miss her. I imagine how much I enjoyed my married life a lot, but it's rarely her face next to me anymore. I have my moments where it's still about her, but mostly it's just me wanting my old life back. That is a lot easier to deal with because it's MY old life, not OUR old life. It's a lot easier to reclaim what is mine without having to worry about what was hers. Your a hell of a guy MayI and some lady somewhere is going to appreciate that a lot more then she ever could have, believe me. Keep your head up bud, your doing great! TOJAZ thanks bro. good to see you on here. i haven't been around much lately. i'm trying to take it in stride. it's tough somedays, as you know. i still remember your post the day you received your papers in the mail. i can now totally relate to that feeling. i miss the hell out of that life. no doubt. someday i'll find love again the way i desire it, but for now i can bask in the love of my little girl. for now, that's all this guy needs. for now, it has to do. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 thanks bro. good to see you on here. i haven't been around much lately. i'm trying to take it in stride. it's tough somedays, as you know. i still remember your post the day you received your papers in the mail. i can now totally relate to that feeling. i miss the hell out of that life. no doubt. someday i'll find love again the way i desire it, but for now i can bask in the love of my little girl. for now, that's all this guy needs. for now, it has to do. Thanks, knew I couldn't stay away too long, too many of you guys have my number LOL! You should see my E-mail box. The fact you haven't been here much, may just because you haven't need us much, onward and upward! I'll tell you what MayI , your doing a lot better then I was at this point. I will warn you, that the rollercoaster will still keep rolling. Keep that positive outlook of yours that I envy so much and cherish that little girl MayI! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 LOL nah man, she's bailed already. i was being too evasive for her. it actually feels good. she was there at just the right time with just what i needed to rescue me from the hole i was crawling into. she e-mailed me over the weekend that she was at a baseball game with another guy and didn't want me to be upset. i told her enjoy life. she has a long way to go, and i'm a single dad who can handle himself. it'll be nice if i can keep a booty call out of it, lol. If she is dating other guys and has a long way to go, what's with the booty call? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 14, 2009 Author Share Posted October 14, 2009 [/b] If she is dating other guys and has a long way to go, what's with the booty call? LOL i was just joking. i meant she has a long way to go in life. a lot ahead of her. no sense in being worried about a divorced man in his mid 30's with a kid. she's 22, in law school, and a near full time job. i will say, though, if she calls, i'll answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 14, 2009 Author Share Posted October 14, 2009 i've really found my strength. my acceptance of solitude when it happens. i'm no longer desperately lonely. shadowboxing with the idea of reconciliation. i've let it all go. it's been just under 5 months and now this is all said and done. my friends continually are telling me she's going to try and get back with me. i don't see it, but what do i know? it's not happening, anyway. i've slept full nights every night for weeks now. i wake up amazed at that every day just about. i've found old friends, and have been travelling a good deal in my free time. everyone should really try to find what made you happy before the ex, and chase it full blast. just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 i talked to a good friend of mine who has been continually trying to contact my ex since the separation began. she said she ran into my ex in a store, and they talked for about 10 minutes, and the ex brought me up no less than 20 times. she said almost every other sentence involved something about me and none of it was negative expression. this really has me spun again. i don't get it. honestly, this is the only place i've brought her up in at least a month. the friend ended the conversation telling me that she just doesn't see how we WON'T get back together. **** Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 i talked to a good friend of mine who has been continually trying to contact my ex since the separation began. she said she ran into my ex in a store, and they talked for about 10 minutes, and the ex brought me up no less than 20 times. she said almost every other sentence involved something about me and none of it was negative expression. this really has me spun again. i don't get it. honestly, this is the only place i've brought her up in at least a month. the friend ended the conversation telling me that she just doesn't see how we WON'T get back together. **** Oh no MayI, your in my boat now!! Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Sorry I've been gone all weekend, but something else I learned this weekend from my counselor is; we miss the marriage, the companionship but we also miss what we thought the future of our marriage would have been. When he shared that with me it made me think of one of my friends from divorce care, she said; I'll never see my 50th wedding anniversary and for her that was something she really missed..... I am also sorry to hear it is final, I remember that day & eve though I was looking forward to it (since I was going to get some from my G/F waiting until it was final) I was still sad, had mixed emotions so you aren't the only one....... Link to post Share on other sites
J-Dad Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 sorry / happy that its final. Your other thread has been keeping me going these past couple of days. Just know that we are all here for you, you've been here for me even though you dont know it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 sorry / happy that its final. Your other thread has been keeping me going these past couple of days. Just know that we are all here for you, you've been here for me even though you dont know it! it was tough, and maybe i posted a lot more than i should've at times in that thread, but i didn't journal or really talk. i just put it all out here. i'm glad i've been there. i know where you may be, and believe me, it gets better. it's going to stay different, i think, but it does get better. my brother told me tonight that my ex was seen ridiculously making out with a guy in front of her work. i'm crushed, and i want to punch myself in the face for being this way. why? sorry if this sounds harsh, but i've been with a few women, been traveling, being a better father than i think i've ever been, and just generally putting the pieces all together again. she's gone. i'm pretty sure i accept it, but i still am not past it. like gunny says, i never will be, but i have to continue to sack up and driving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 my brother told me tonight that my ex was seen ridiculously making out with a guy in front of her work. i'm crushed, and i want to punch myself in the face for being this way. why? sorry if this sounds harsh, but i've been with a few women, been traveling, being a better father than i think i've ever been, and just generally putting the pieces all together again. she's gone. i'm pretty sure i accept it, but i still am not past it. like gunny says, i never will be, but i have to continue to sack up and driving forward. i wish this didn't affect me anymore, but today it still does. ****, i'm so down on myself yet again. Link to post Share on other sites
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