HisSweetThing Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 My affair is based on reality. I have been friends with OMM for almost twelve years. We live across the street from one another. We know each other. We have been a part of each others' lives all this time. We have always had a close friendship even before the affair started. I know what he's like in bad times. I know how he deals with daily situations. I have seen him at his worst. He has seen me at my worst. We are highly compatible in all areas. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 This is an interesting issue. While I might be tempted to agree from a rational perspective, my experience cautions me otherwise. My A was largely LDR, interspersed with frequent - sometimes lengthy - periods of togetherness (living together - very "reality based"). However, those LDR periods were vital in getting to know each other. I've studied online communities and while all the cliches about make-believe and fantasy creation are certainly true in some cases, there is equally the potential for people to be far more honest than a face2face situation allows. Even on LS, there are threads where people harness the anonymity (or, more correctly, pseudonymity) of the internet to confess things to total strangers that they would not feel comfortable telling their nearest and dearest (such as threads about still harbouring feelings for an AP years into a "reconciiled" M, for example). Then again, the internet was neither our initial nor our priority means of connection - we met in a work-related context first; we had a web of connectedness that allowed each of us to research the other thoroughly, grounded in real life connections of a professional nature. Had we just met online, and without that web of real-life behind us, it could have been very different. The type of relationship you had with your now husband on-line was not truly what I was talking about. The frequent face-to-face contact you experienced - and especially the living together situation would bring you to a realistic perspective of each other. What I was talking about was where there is little if any face to face contact for lengthy periods of time. Though each person can find out much about the other via e-mail, the fact is that many (possibly most?) people are not truly that honest about who and what they really are while in correspondence. They put out their most favorable traits. Though that is true in any courting situation, the fact is that when two people have frequent physical contact (as opposed to virtual) much is discovered. Nuances of expression and attitude are soon exposed that usually cannot be discovered in a virtual relationship. Though there is much possibility of exposure of deep feelings, I personally do believe that most on-line relationships are made up of more what each person wants to believe of the other than of what the other truly is. Please believe, I am not disparaging your relationship nor your experience. However, I also have some experience with this type of situation, both personally and seeing a close friend marry (and divorce 3 months later).... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 My affair is based on reality. I have been friends with OMM for almost twelve years. We live across the street from one another. We know each other. We have been a part of each others' lives all this time. We have always had a close friendship even before the affair started. I know what he's like in bad times. I know how he deals with daily situations. I have seen him at his worst. He has seen me at my worst. We are highly compatible in all areas. I really think the situation as you describe it might not be "fantasy" but its not quite reality either. Link to post Share on other sites
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