Author Yoshi1 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 Then the other option would be to copy your boss on the email so that el creepo can see it. That should shut him down in two seconds flat. I don't think I will need to worry as much as I am worrying. El Creepo is his own worst enemy. He was told by co workers to stop pestering me because he is running the risk of being reported for sexual harassment. What does he do? He immediately comes to my desk in a huff, repeatedly pesters me to speak to him "alone", and then storms off. If he displays a fraction of this behaviour when I tell him tomorrow/whenever to leave me alone, he's effectively signed his own P45 Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I don't think I will need to worry as much as I am worrying. El Creepo is his own worst enemy. He was told by co workers to stop pestering me because he is running the risk of being reported for sexual harassment. What does he do? He immediately comes to my desk in a huff, repeatedly pesters me to speak to him "alone", and then storms off. If he displays a fraction of this behaviour when I tell him tomorrow/whenever to leave me alone, he's effectively signed his own P45 Good point. Well, let us know how things go. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Joie de Vivre Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Goodluck ~! Really hope he is off your back for good! Link to post Share on other sites
davo1224 Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 Let this be a lesson to girls who think saying you're busy is polite. You're either being inconsiderate or you're baiting. Tell him to leave you alone in person and very bluntly. From your passive-aggressive dismissals I imagine you're shy or don't want people to think of you as mean. Toughen up sister and tell the creep to back down. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 Let this be a lesson to girls who think saying you're busy is polite. You're either being inconsiderate or you're baiting. Tell him to leave you alone in person and very bluntly. From your passive-aggressive dismissals I imagine you're shy or don't want people to think of you as mean. Toughen up sister and tell the creep to back down. Someone else brought this up and while I do think her responses could've left less room for guesswork, I don't think it would've mattered with this guy. Most guys would've taken the hint a long time ago, even if her words started out being confusing. With any other guy, if other people told him to leave her alone, that most likely would've been the end of it. Yoshi, any updates? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yoshi1 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Share Posted September 29, 2009 Let this be a lesson to girls who think saying you're busy is polite. You're either being inconsiderate or you're baiting. Tell him to leave you alone in person and very bluntly. From your passive-aggressive dismissals I imagine you're shy or don't want people to think of you as mean. Toughen up sister and tell the creep to back down. I started off saying I was busy but these soon turned into "No"'s when he began getting persistent. I havent seen him since my last post, I try to avoid him. Will keep you all up to date! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I started off saying I was busy but these soon turned into "No"'s when he began getting persistent. I havent seen him since my last post, I try to avoid him. Will keep you all up to date! That's great! I hope he has finally taken the hint. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I started off saying I was busy but these soon turned into "No"'s when he began getting persistent. I havent seen him since my last post, I try to avoid him. Will keep you all up to date! Next time he says something to the effect of "i hope youre not mad at me", you respond with: "Ill make you a deal, I wont be mad at you as long as you stay as far away from me as possible. So I dont have to report you to HR" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yoshi1 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Right, so an update. My predictions were right- he started IMing me again. I was in the kitchen in work the other day and he came in and started making small talk. I just said hello and got out as quick as I could. As soon as I got back to my desk I had IMs from him saying "I hope your not still mad at me I don't want you to hate me" blah blah. I sent him a message like what Angel111 recommended- "All conversations between us need to be business-related only, I feel harassed, Please do not put me in the position of having to report you to management" etc. I got a friend to read the message before I sent it to make sure it was OK. He did not respond (I requested that he didn't). Hopefully now he will finally get the idea. I even pointed out that he does not even need to speak to me about anything work related because my role has nothing to do with his. There are so many girls in the huge company we work for (and it's all open-plan) so I don't know why he continued to single me out like he did. My only worry is that he will get a promotion and become my senior as we have a couple of positions up for grabs at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yoshi1 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 El Creepo STILL does not seem to be taking me seriously. The day after I sent him the IM threatening to report him, and telling him to stay away from me, I was standing talking to a co worker in the canteen (the same one who warned El Creepo to leave me alone before) when El Creepo came over. I turned around and walked off before he even opened his mouth. I have updated a couple of co workers about the situation and I' think that he will finally push me to snap and go to management this week. El Creepo truly lives in his own little world and I think he thinks I'm just playing hard to get. Plus, he has no consideration for womens' feelings anyway, because he thinks he's entitled to harass them. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) El Creepo STILL does not seem to be taking me seriously. The day after I sent him the IM threatening to report him, and telling him to stay away from me, I was standing talking to a co worker in the canteen (the same one who warned El Creepo to leave me alone before) when El Creepo came over. I turned around and walked off before he even opened his mouth. I have updated a couple of co workers about the situation and I' think that he will finally push me to snap and go to management this week. El Creepo truly lives in his own little world and I think he thinks I'm just playing hard to get. Plus, he has no consideration for womens' feelings anyway, because he thinks he's entitled to harass them. Somehow I missed your update on Friday. So, do you have proof that you sent the IM to him? When you were in the canteen, I think you should've waited to see what he was going to say to you because you need to let him hang himself. By walking away, you weren't behaving professionally (remember, you have to leave that door open), and you lost the opportunity to find out what he was going to say - it might've been work-related (or he could say that's what it was going to be), so next time give him some rope and see what happens. Personally, I think it's time to start getting your ducks in a row so that you can speak to your manager about this in a week or two. The thing is, when you do decide to talk to someone about it, be sure that you only say things that are factual and not opinionated or emotional. Write out the facts and get them clear in your head first. Start documenting everything you can remember, particularly after you sent the IM. For instance: 10-8-09 I received another IM from xxx. In response, I sent him an IM that said, "xxx" 10-9-09 xxx approached me while I was at someone's desk at the office. I walked away. No matter how much your manager or HR might like or dislike this guy, unemotional, factual documenting is hard to refute. They cannot do anything based on observations or opinions - like 'he has no respect for women's feelings' - that is probably true but it's too general. I have used documenting numerous times with employees who were trouble-makers. These kind of people tend to fly under the radar and it's often hard to pinpoint exactly what it is they're doing wrong. So documenting really helped me clarify what was going on. I say let this guy do as he pleases for about a week or two. Meaning, that if he starts talking to you about something personal, you can say, "Oh, I thought you were going to talk about work. Excuse me, please," and walk away. Once you have some facts gathered, then go to your boss armed with lots of information. Among other things, I'm pretty certain that they won't ever make him boss over anybody. Edited October 12, 2009 by Angel1111 Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I don't think I will need to worry as much as I am worrying. El Creepo is his own worst enemy. He was told by co workers to stop pestering me because he is running the risk of being reported for sexual harassment. What does he do? He immediately comes to my desk in a huff, repeatedly pesters me to speak to him "alone", and then storms off. If he displays a fraction of this behaviour when I tell him tomorrow/whenever to leave me alone, he's effectively signed his own P45 How do companies in the UK (or UK subsidiaries) handle disputes amongst employees? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 How do companies in the UK (or UK subsidiaries) handle disputes amongst employees? In the UK, a complaint regarding sexual harassment can be made or some alternative grievance/disciplinary process can be used if need be. The ultimate sanction is firing the perpetrator (the P45 reference). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yoshi1 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 In the UK, a complaint regarding sexual harassment can be made or some alternative grievance/disciplinary process can be used if need be. The ultimate sanction is firing the perpetrator (the P45 reference). Please ignore You'reasian's posts in this thread. I am not in the UK. He has made a number of derogatory remarks towards me which seem to be racially fuelled (I am not American which he seems to find difficult to tolerate). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yoshi1 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 Somehow I missed your update on Friday. So, do you have proof that you sent the IM to him? When you were in the canteen, I think you should've waited to see what he was going to say to you because you need to let him hang himself. By walking away, you weren't behaving professionally (remember, you have to leave that door open), and you lost the opportunity to find out what he was going to say - it might've been work-related (or he could say that's what it was going to be), so next time give him some rope and see what happens. Hi, Yeah, I saved the IMs as a text file and also emailed myself a copy of the conversation directly from the IM program. I have left him unblocked to allow him to "hang himself" I should not have walked away the other day but he creeps me out so much I can barely tolerate to be anywhere near him. I will proverbially give him plenty of rope this week Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 In the UK, a complaint regarding sexual harassment can be made or some alternative grievance/disciplinary process can be used if need be. The ultimate sanction is firing the perpetrator (the P45 reference). I figured as much. The OP's terminology is very much queens English. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Hi, Yeah, I saved the IMs as a text file and also emailed myself a copy of the conversation directly from the IM program. I have left him unblocked to allow him to "hang himself" I should not have walked away the other day but he creeps me out so much I can barely tolerate to be anywhere near him. I will proverbially give him plenty of rope this week I totally understand. And I'm not suggesting that you subject yourself to his company. Just give him enough time to talk in order to decide that he isn't talking to you about work, and then walk away. Wait a minute. You're not American???!!! Why am I talking to you then???? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Somehow I missed your update on Friday. So, do you have proof that you sent the IM to him? When you were in the canteen, I think you should've waited to see what he was going to say to you because you need to let him hang himself. By walking away, you weren't behaving professionally (remember, you have to leave that door open), and you lost the opportunity to find out what he was going to say - it might've been work-related (or he could say that's what it was going to be), so next time give him some rope and see what happens. Personally, I think it's time to start getting your ducks in a row so that you can speak to your manager about this in a week or two. The thing is, when you do decide to talk to someone about it, be sure that you only say things that are factual and not opinionated or emotional. Write out the facts and get them clear in your head first. Start documenting everything you can remember, particularly after you sent the IM. For instance: 10-8-09 I received another IM from xxx. In response, I sent him an IM that said, "xxx" 10-9-09 xxx approached me while I was at someone's desk at the office. I walked away. No matter how much your manager or HR might like or dislike this guy, unemotional, factual documenting is hard to refute. They cannot do anything based on observations or opinions - like 'he has no respect for women's feelings' - that is probably true but it's too general. I have used documenting numerous times with employees who were trouble-makers. These kind of people tend to fly under the radar and it's often hard to pinpoint exactly what it is they're doing wrong. So documenting really helped me clarify what was going on. I say let this guy do as he pleases for about a week or two. Meaning, that if he starts talking to you about something personal, you can say, "Oh, I thought you were going to talk about work. Excuse me, please," and walk away. Once you have some facts gathered, then go to your boss armed with lots of information. Among other things, I'm pretty certain that they won't ever make him boss over anybody. I agree with Angel's advice. Sounds like this guy has been approaching you alot recently and if its making you very uncomfortable, he needs to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) Please ignore You'reasian's posts in this thread. I am not in the UK. He has made a number of derogatory remarks towards me which seem to be racially fuelled (I am not American which he seems to find difficult to tolerate). I don't think your story is rubbish, Yoshi. Let the creep in your office sign his own P45 through his own derogatory remarks toward you. I'm here to learn and am more sorry for this pitiful chap. Do continue. Edited October 12, 2009 by You'reasian Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts