BF interested in Young girls?????

[c-riouz]

Creepedout, It doesen't look like many males have chimed in on your thread. I'd like to take a shot at it.

 

First, what your BF is doing really isn't acceptable. You mention that you were 16 when your relationship began. This sounds like you were right in his area of interest when it began. You may actually be "ageing out" of his zone of sexual desire ! Strange as that seems, he may believe that 22 is to old for him.

 

He is not going to change. At least not for a very long time (decades) if ever. Sexual attraction parameters are formed very early. This is why sexually deviant criminals cannot be "cured" only detered. Whether your BF has stepped over the line into acting on his desires and preferences is moot. Chances are excellent that he will at some point, and there will be hell to pay.

 

Play a little game with yourself. Try looking ten years into the future. If you are still with this guy the objects of his sexual desire will still be 15-18 year old girls. You will be 32. While every guy at the club may see you as "smokin hot" in your BF's eyes you'll be a grandma. Is that something you can tolerate? Of course not. A normal mans sexual preference ages as he does. When I was a young guy, I wanted young gals. When I was 18 to 20, a thirty year old woman, no matter how beautiful looked "old" and thus undesireable. When I reached 40, an beautiful 20 year old looked like a child. This is healthy natural selection. Our genes if normal prevent us from raping and pillaging teenagers once mature. It's those who deviate from the norm who don't have those naturally built in buffers.

 

I'm really old now.. 59. I'm not interested at all in women under 40. Don't give them a second look unless they are stunningly beauitful, and then the look is one of admiration not lust. My idea woman is someone near my age, who shares my life experiances.

 

Your boyfriend sounds very much like a preditor who's preferences are just beginning to mature. If I were you I would start distancing myself from him as there is likely no future in your relationship. Life is to short to waste especially if red flags and cautionary fireworks are exploding all around.

 

My 2c.

 

 

What a beautiful posting. I wish more men were like you. Instead, most men really don't seem to be "into the aging ones" and condemn women for getting older while looking at porn of 18 year olds. If everything is always justified, explained or rationalized with "nature" or biology :rolleyes: or even evolutionary science :rolleyes: , why would nature let a) women age at all or b) let aging women live that long? According to evolutionary theories, women serve no purpose past a certain age anymore, in terms of reproduction (from a biological point of view around the age of 40 or 45, from men's point of view after the age of 25 ). So what is their purpose then? After all the making sure of the offsprings' survival being taken care of, there are still many many years left where women serve no purpose anymore when it comes to "propagating the species" (And don't give me the "humans never got as old as nowadays, in the past we simply died earlier" - it's proven that the human brain is made / created to work for at least 120 years, so in other words, human beings can easily become 120 years old on average if it wasn't for....I don't know.... western civilisation probably? Take a look at Okinawa, Japan, the island with the most centenarians - it is possible to live for more than hundred years.) So come on, all you fans of evolutionary sciences, explain the purpose of women past the reproductive age in an evolutionary sense.

[LakesideDream]

The OP doesn't say anywhere in the thread that the bf is not attracted to her or that 22 is too old for him.

 

How much experience do you have working with people like this, and where are these 'facts' coming from? How do you KNOW he's not going to change? If you don't KNOW, then off what evidence are you basing your assertions?

 

 

I have a good amount of experiance working with young people with sociopathic tendencies. I have also been an avid reader / researcher on the subject for over two decades.

 

"How do I know he's not going to change". I don't know anything for sure. I am reasonably sure the sun will rise tomorrow. Research is fairly firm on phsyco-sexual tendencies. Males proclivities are largely set by 12-14 years of age. They rarely change until hormone levels drop markedly at around 45-50 years old, and even that is not a firm contention.

 

As a matter of fact, people who DID rape and pillage teenagers had a BETTER chance of having their genes survive than those who didn't. Actually that is NOT a fact. Most males are programmed to begin losing interest in young females as their own offspring are being born, the repulsion increasing as female children reach sexual maturity. The species does not improve if males prey on their own children. "Nature" has built in buffers against that behavior. It's not foolproof, it is a much more often than no recurring proclivity.

 

Modern society has begun to blur the above. Urban/Suburban living, people in close quarter, with little peer pressure or community responsibility isn't helping either. As a matter of fact some segments of society are breaking away from the historical norm at a rapid rate, especially in the US, Canada and GB. Some researchers blame the early sexualization of females in those countries. Other researchers point out the general lack of personal responsibility seeping into society over the past half century. I believe that both factors are fairly evenly present, with additional factors also pressuring societies values.

 

Bad behavior is seldom shunned anymore. In fact, it is often the opposite, bad behavior is often positively reinforced by society and the government. You only have to look at the percentage rate of out of wedlock births in certain segments of US society it exceeds 70% with the government supporting both the childrens bad choices, and later the childrens, children.

 

It's a mess out there.

 

Back to the original posters querys. What is the point in "saving" a relationship with this many red flags popping up in such a questionable subject? My view.... none at all.

[LakesideDream]

What a beautiful posting. I wish more men were like you. Instead, most men really don't seem to be "into the aging ones" and condemn women for getting older while looking at porn of 18 year olds. If everything is always justified, explained or rationalized with "nature" or biology :rolleyes: or even evolutionary science :rolleyes: , why would nature let a) women age at all or b) let aging women live that long? According to evolutionary theories, women serve no purpose past a certain age anymore, in terms of reproduction (from a biological point of view around the age of 40 or 45, from men's point of view after the age of 25 ). So what is their purpose then? After all the making sure of the offsprings' survival being taken care of, there are still many many years left where women serve no purpose anymore when it comes to "propagating the species" (And don't give me the "humans never got as old as nowadays, in the past we simply died earlier" - it's proven that the human brain is made / created to work for at least 120 years, so in other words, human beings can easily become 120 years old on average if it wasn't for....I don't know.... western civilisation probably? Take a look at Okinawa, Japan, the island with the most centenarians - it is possible to live for more than hundred years.) So come on, all you fans of evolutionary sciences, explain the purpose of women past the reproductive age in an evolutionary sense.

 

 

I cannot see the point in Mature men chasing and bedding teens and young women. At least this mature man. Aside from the obvious fact that there's little chance of being physically compatible (hot chocolate before bed at 11:00 here) there is also the problem of socializing.

 

My Daughter is 30 years old. After an hour or so, we have a hard time keeping a conversation fresh. The world has changed drasticly in the past 30-40 years. Youngsters in general have a hard time relating to the world before Seasame Street. $.20 cent a gallon gasoline, and $.05 cent candy bars and $.35 cent movies on single screens are fantasy. What would a couple seperated by 25-35 years talk about? I can't imagine.

 

Happily, evolution has taken care of most of these problems for us.

[clv0116]

His behaviour IS illegal, if he's viewing underage porn.

 

His behavior is illegal if he's out nights killing people in their sleep as well. There's no conclusive evidence of either one, but it's a fun game to play.

[MissJoness]

Trial summed it up clear and concise. And on this, I agree with her.

 

Like you said earlier Creepedout, when you were 14 you were attracted to 14 year old boys. As was I when I was 14. When I was 18, I was attracted to 18 year old guys. There are men out there that have evovled past their teen years and are emotionally and mentally healthy and are attracted to women their own age. Find one of these men. Because his attraction is not going to change and I would be highly abject to going through life with a man of this mentality. Especially if you want to have a family of your own someday. If you pick a more healthy minded male, there will be more healthy minded men.

Why do so many of the popular celebs have a large fanbase that consist of teens? I remember in high school hearing young teenage boys say how Halle Berry was the most beuatiful woman in the world and at that time she was in her early 30s.

 

I also see young boys in the magazine aisle looking at pinup magazines that consist of women from ages 21-30. Kim Kardashian and all those women are almost 30 and have young teenage boys lusting after them

[silverfish]

 

I also see young boys in the magazine aisle looking at pinup magazines that consist of women from ages 21-30. Kim Kardashian and all those women are almost 30 and have young teenage boys lusting after them

 

Because the only pics of women available to teenage boys is of those women. Theres no option for them to look at pictures within their own age range because that would mean underage, and illegal.

[Jersey Shortie]

Why do so many of the popular celebs have a large fanbase that consist of teens? I remember in high school hearing young teenage boys say how Halle Berry was the most beuatiful woman in the world and at that time she was in her early 30s.

 

I also see young boys in the magazine aisle looking at pinup magazines that consist of women from ages 21-30. Kim Kardashian and all those women are almost 30 and have young teenage boys lusting after them

 

I think when talking about teenagers crushing on older people, it is a different situation then talking about older people crushing on teenagers. Teenagers have raging unbalanced newly developing hormones, they probably look up to these people on some level because of their age, they are looking to fully matured adults even though they ares still developing themselves. It's a different perspective when a teenager is looking at an older matured person then it is when an older matured person is looking at a teenager. So while I understand a teenage boy thinking Kim Kardashian is beautiful, I wouldn't understand Kim Kardashian thinking a teenage boy is hot.

[Paragon]

I have a good amount of experiance working with young people with sociopathic tendencies. I have also been an avid reader / researcher on the subject for over two decades.

 

What in the WORLD do people with sociopathic tendencies have to do with people who have an attraction to teenagers, like this guy? Nothing. There is no RELEVANT overlap.

 

I don't know anything for sure. I am reasonably sure the sun will rise tomorrow. Research is fairly firm on phsyco-sexual tendencies. Males proclivities are largely set by 12-14 years of age. They rarely change until hormone levels drop markedly at around 45-50 years old, and even that is not a firm contention.

 

No, they're not. It changes.

 

Actually that is NOT a fact. Most males are programmed to begin losing interest in young females as their own offspring are being born, the repulsion increasing as female children reach sexual maturity. The species does not improve if males prey on their own children. "Nature" has built in buffers against that behavior. It's not foolproof, it is a much more often than no recurring proclivity.

 

No one said this. That has nothing to do with the topic at hand. I'm not sure why you're throwing this red-herring into the mix.

 

Bad behavior is seldom shunned anymore. In fact, it is often the opposite, bad behavior is often positively reinforced by society and the government. You only have to look at the percentage rate of out of wedlock births in certain segments of US society it exceeds 70% with the government supporting both the childrens bad choices, and later the childrens, children.

 

So an out of wedlock birth is bad behavior? You're kidding, please--right? Please tell me you're joking.

 

Back to the original posters querys. What is the point in "saving" a relationship with this many red flags popping up in such a questionable subject? My view.... none at all.

 

That's the point--it's not about your view, no one asked what you thought about saving it, and no one even asked the OP if she wanted to save it--they all just jumped down her throat and said it's not 'right.'

 

Spare me...

[Paragon]

What a beautiful posting. I wish more men were like you. Instead, most men really don't seem to be "into the aging ones" and condemn women for getting older while looking at porn of 18 year olds. If everything is always justified, explained or rationalized with "nature" or biology :rolleyes: or even evolutionary science :rolleyes: , why would nature let a) women age at all or b) let aging women live that long? According to evolutionary theories, women serve no purpose past a certain age anymore, in terms of reproduction (from a biological point of view around the age of 40 or 45, from men's point of view after the age of 25 ). So what is their purpose then? After all the making sure of the offsprings' survival being taken care of, there are still many many years left where women serve no purpose anymore when it comes to "propagating the species" (And don't give me the "humans never got as old as nowadays, in the past we simply died earlier" - it's proven that the human brain is made / created to work for at least 120 years, so in other words, human beings can easily become 120 years old on average if it wasn't for....I don't know.... western civilisation probably? Take a look at Okinawa, Japan, the island with the most centenarians - it is possible to live for more than hundred years.) So come on, all you fans of evolutionary sciences, explain the purpose of women past the reproductive age in an evolutionary sense.

 

You're KIDDING!!! You obviously know NOTHING about ANy of the tenets of evolution, natural selection, or sexual selection (which you probably don't even know the difference between)!!

 

Here, here's your 'clever' question: "why would nature let a) women age at all or b) let aging women live that long?"

 

You just asked why would nature let a woman age. This is such a STUPID and NONSENSE question it makes my stomach turn. You should read a book, or go back to school before hating on such sound theories.

 

Aging is part of reality--things age, everything ages--E V E R Y T H I N G. That question doesn't make sense. It's like saying, well gee, how come evolution still allows gravity to exist? Get your head on straight!

 

Here's another dumb statement: According to evolutionary theories, women serve no purpose past a certain age anymore, in terms of reproduction (from a biological point of view around the age of 40 or 45, from men's point of view after the age of 25 )

 

Uhm, first of all--this is NOT according to evolutionary theory. This is according to C-riouz's MISinterpretation of it. This is yet another NONSENSICAL question. Evolution does NOT work that way....Get your stuff together before you act so haughty injecting too many clever smilies into the conversation to cover up your lack of truth.

 

PS, before you go on like you just did, you might want to consider addressing my response to your LAST post in which you made a total fool of yourself...

[Paragon]

I think when talking about teenagers crushing on older people, it is a different situation then talking about older people crushing on teenagers. Teenagers have raging unbalanced newly developing hormones, they probably look up to these people on some level because of their age, they are looking to fully matured adults even though they ares still developing themselves.

 

Ok, so in this situation I guess by your logik we can label it a hormonal imbalance and say it's ok--right? It's something they can't control, it's hormones. Yet, if I said the OP's bf had a hormonal problem, it would be different then, now wouldn't it?

[Jersey Shortie]

Ok, so in this situation I guess by your logik we can label it a hormonal imbalance and say it's ok--right? It's something they can't control, it's hormones. Yet, if I said the OP's bf had a hormonal problem, it would be different then, now wouldn't it?

 

Well first, I wouldn't date a man that lusted after teenagers. If I was, I would dump him. How could I possibly trust or respect such a man? I couldn't.

 

Secondly, come on, you don't see the difference between a fully developed grown adult and a growing up physically and mentally teenager? Really? You don't see the difference between a teenager looking at a sexually matured adult with attraction and a sexually matured adult looking at a physically and mentally growing teenager? I think you do. No one is that thick. This isn't a situation that is equal if reversed.

[Paragon]

Well first, I wouldn't date a man that lusted after teenagers. If I was, I would dump him. How could I possibly trust or respect such a man? I couldn't.

 

Right, because i'm sure when people date, the FIRST important thing they correlate are trust and what they're partner is attracted to.....

 

Secondly, come on, you don't see the difference between a fully developed grown adult and a growing up physically and mentally teenager? Really? You don't see the difference between a teenager looking at a sexually matured adult with attraction and a sexually matured adult looking at a physically and mentally growing teenager? I think you do. No one is that thick. This isn't a situation that is equal if reversed.

 

You said the difference was due to hormones LOL....I'm just wondering if you really want to stick to YOUR words...And it doesn't seem like you do...I wonder why.

 

All did was say, you don't see the difference? Really? You don't see the difference? I think you do.

 

Why is it different Jersey? You said it was because of the hormones...That's what you wrote.

[silverfish]

Right, because i'm sure when people date, the FIRST important thing they correlate are trust and what they're partner is attracted to.....

 

 

 

You said the difference was due to hormones LOL....I'm just wondering if you really want to stick to YOUR words...And it doesn't seem like you do...I wonder why.

 

All did was say, you don't see the difference? Really? You don't see the difference? I think you do.

 

Why is it different Jersey? You said it was because of the hormones...That's what you wrote.

 

They would assume that their partner is attracted to them, obviously. So yes, that would be a priority!

 

The OP was obviously concerned that her partner is attracted to young teenage girls. After all he was attracted to her wasn't he? Trouble is she's not a teenage girl anymore. That appeared to be her concern, which we were trying to answer. Your opinion seems to be 'why be concerned' that someone is attracted to teenage girls because 'it's natural' or something.

 

Well, it isn't really an argument because society deems it illegal to look at the kind of pictures her b/f was looking for. If he got found with images of underage girls on his PC in the UK he would probably end up in prison. There are numerous cases of this happening...google 'Operation Ore'.

 

Her b/f has put passwords etc on his PC to stop her seeing what he is looking at, so she has every right to be concerned & worried. You seem intent on discrediting her reasons as 'not the real reason' or something.

 

Now you're trying to discredit everyone elses opinions and move the discussion in a different direction - why would you want to do that?

[Stroon]

i'm just going to give my opinion, for whats its worth.

 

So much talking on this thread about whether stuff is illegal, immoral, creepy etc. I see things a bit simpler

 

Heres the way I see it

 

1) For whatever reason, whether its wrong or right, the poster has a problem with her BFs behaviour.

2) the poster and her BF already have some relationship issues.

3) her BF is secretive, controlling and has been diagnosed bi-polar.

 

Now, i'm not saying that anyone with a mental condition shouldn't be allowed to have a relationship with anyone, but living with a bi-polar person can be very difficult to live with, plus it allows them excuses for some actions that ordinarily would not be excused.

 

To be blunt your bloke sounds like a bit of a knob. thats got nothing to do with the porn, thats just the general vibe i get.

Dont accept behaviour you find upsetting or hurtfull.

Relationships, although difficult at times, should not make us fear saying what we think to our partners. that is a basic right and if you are afraid of saying how you feel because of reprocussions, then he is dominating the emotional side of your relationship and that can lead down a bad road.

 

Consider that men often do not change much after becoming adults. Consider if you will be happy to stay, always being suspicious and looking through his history/mail etc.

[Jersey Shortie]

Good question Silverfish.

[blair08]

To the OP, basically what it boils down to, is, if you are ok with this. Apparently not or you wouldn't be asking. However, its really up to you on what you feel you will and will not tolerate. Personally IMO he will probably continue on liking the young ones. And even though you are 22, kind of young yourself, when you're maybe 30, he will probably still be liking the "younger" ones.

[Paragon]

They would assume that their partner is attracted to them, obviously. So yes, that would be a priority!

 

Doesn't seem like that was EVER in question in this thread until others brought it up for some projective reasons of their own.....

 

Now you're trying to discredit everyone elses opinions and move the discussion in a different direction - why would you want to do that?

 

Because the issues that everyone else are so hellbent on addressing has NOTHING to do with the REAL problem here, and if you reread the entire thread, you'll see everyone's opinion was worth NOTHING and it resulted in her being stuck in the SAME situation, which I said was going to happen--and she admitted I was right...

 

Nowhere was she asking about the illegality of the behavior, yet everyone and their brother brought it up and tried to push her in a direction that she never asked to be pushed in. Before ANYONE gives advice, they need to learn to LISTEN and ASK questions and elicit the person's needs, values, and what they really want. Take Jersey for example--she claimed to know what the OP's deepest heart really wanted without even asking her!! That's the kind of stuff that does no service to anyone. There are too many people in this thread who want to hear themselves talk about their own opinions and what THEY would do and tell the OP how she should feel. This is a COMPLEX issue, and yet so many people say--dump him and move on. This kind of advice is the reason why a ton of people wind up in counseling--because they actually listen to it instead of handling the situation how they should. I deal with this stuff on a daily basis.

 

So hopefully that's a clear enough answer for why I want to move the discussion in a different direction. It should be focused on HER and what SHE wants--not on everyone else's two cents which isn't going to be worth even that in this case.

[silic0ntoad]

You know Paragon, ever are the decietful to cry that "My argument is in her best interest!"

 

And ever are the treacherous distrustful.

 

My advice? Talk to him about it first. Counselling. Try to salvage what you can. If you can't, then leave. You seem really like a good girl. I got a warm bed in NJ and I find young girls <19 repulsive. Haha!

 

But seriously, consider counselling and see what is up. People have broken these habits before.

[Paragon]

You know Paragon, ever are the decietful to cry that "My argument is in her best interest!"

 

Is that a famous quote or a clever one you just made up? Either or, I never made an ARGUMENT and declared it was in her best interest. Way back in the beginning of the thread I tried to help her get THROUGH this by asking her questions and pointing out the meta--issues. So, your wisdom doesn't quite apply here....

 

Other than that, your advice to her was one of the first positive and constructive ones. I'm glad to see that

[clv0116]

Is that a famous quote or a clever one you just made up? Either or, I never made an ARGUMENT and declared it was in her best interest.

 

I think he/she/it is on your side, and the statement was applicable to others here.

[silverfish]

Those pictures are both of children, so what's your point? I'd say the girls on the right are about 12. So if you dress underage girls provocatively it's ok to want to F them?

 

I am really glad I don't have daughters.

[abd]

Those pictures are both of children, so what's your point? I'd say the girls on the right are about 12. So if you dress underage girls provocatively it's ok to want to F them?

 

Don't put words in my mouth. I'm not interested in whether you think it's acceptable for a man to be attracted to the subjects on the right. Whether or not you think it's acceptable, it is not pathological. On the right, you can clearly identify secondary sexual characteristics, e.g., widening of the hips and the fact that at least one of them is wearing a brassiere. These are absent on the left. Biologically speaking, these are features that normal males will look for when they are trying to identify fertile sexual partners.

 

If you really can't see any difference between the two, then the problem lies with you. Whether or not you think it is "ok", there are differences.

 

Whether or not they are "underage" is not a relevant criterion in determining whether someone is a pathological pedophile. Females do not magically go from being sexually undesirable to sexually desirable when they turn 18 (or whatever the age of majority happens to be in your jurisdiction). "Underage" is a legal category, not a biological one. The average age of menarche is the U.S. in about twelve and a half years. There are many teenagers in the 14-16 year old range that will be sexually fertile and have reasonably well developed secondary sexual characteristics. It would not be pathological for a man to find them sexually desirable.

 

The issue of whether it is socially, morally, or legally acceptable is a different question. Girls used to be married off at a young age for various reasons. Does this mean the world was full of perverts before the last few generations? No. It's just that nowadays we place more emphasis on the importance of the psychological development of people, so it is no longer acceptable to marry off a 15 year old girl. Did you know that the age of consent was raised to 13 in England in 1875?

 

Also, the main point of my original comment was to highlight the fact that nothing the OP has said indicates that this is an ongoing pattern. If you look through someone's internet search history, you're probably going to find a lot of things that seem disturbing. If you have Google search tips, go type in "I want to kill" into the Google search box and see all the endings that pop up - apparently there's some song, but then I see "my mom, my dad, my parents, people". Wow, seems like a lot of kids want to kill their parents! Maybe we should not make so much of what we find in people's search results, unless we notice a repeated pattern or other evidence to indicate a serious problem.

[Paragon]

Don't put words in my mouth. I'm not interested in whether you think it's acceptable for a man to be attracted to the subjects on the right. Whether or not you think it's acceptable, it is not pathological. On the right, you can clearly identify secondary sexual characteristics, e.g., widening of the hips and the fact that at least one of them is wearing a brassiere. These are absent on the left. Biologically speaking, these are features that normal males will look for when they are trying to identify fertile sexual partners.

 

If you really can't see any difference between the two, then the problem lies with you. Whether or not you think it is "ok", there are differences.

 

Whether or not they are "underage" is not a relevant criterion in determining whether someone is a pathological pedophile. Females do not magically go from being sexually undesirable to sexually desirable when they turn 18 (or whatever the age of majority happens to be in your jurisdiction). "Underage" is a legal category, not a biological one. The average age of menarche is the U.S. in about twelve and a half years. There are many teenagers in the 14-16 year old range that will be sexually fertile and have reasonably well developed secondary sexual characteristics. It would not be pathological for a man to find them sexually desirable.

 

The issue of whether it is socially, morally, or legally acceptable is a different question. Girls used to be married off at a young age for various reasons. Does this mean the world was full of perverts before the last few generations? No. It's just that nowadays we place more emphasis on the importance of the psychological development of people, so it is no longer acceptable to marry off a 15 year old girl. Did you know that the age of consent was raised to 13 in England in 1875?

 

Also, the main point of my original comment was to highlight the fact that nothing the OP has said indicates that this is an ongoing pattern. If you look through someone's internet search history, you're probably going to find a lot of things that seem disturbing. If you have Google search tips, go type in "I want to kill" into the Google search box and see all the endings that pop up - apparently there's some song, but then I see "my mom, my dad, my parents, people". Wow, seems like a lot of kids want to kill their parents! Maybe we should not make so much of what we find in people's search results, unless we notice a repeated pattern or other evidence to indicate a serious problem.

 

Couldn't have said it better

[JackJack]

To the OP, so now that you have right many replies with different takes on the issue, and since no matter what anyone says here, how do you feel about it now, and what is your plan for your relationship?

[silverfish]

Also, the main point of my original comment was to highlight the fact that nothing the OP has said indicates that this is an ongoing pattern.

 

Actually there was. He met her when she was 16, he looks for / at pictures of underage girls, and he has put privacy settings on his PC so she is unable to see his browsing history.

 

Did you know that the age of consent was raised to 13 in England in 1875?

 

No & thanks for enlightening me. Did you know tht women didn't get the vote over here til 1902, and we used to drown witches too!

My point is - how is any of this relevant today?

 

nowadays we place more emphasis on the importance of the psychological development of people

 

Yes we do, men AND women do...which is why the OP seemed concerned that to her b/f might desire underage girls who aren't physically, emotionally or psychologically developed.