Jersey Shortie Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 creepedout, your username says it all. You're creepedout and have full reason to be, since his behaviour is dysfunctional and illegal. Trial summed it up clear and concise. And on this, I agree with her. Like you said earlier Creepedout, when you were 14 you were attracted to 14 year old boys. As was I when I was 14. When I was 18, I was attracted to 18 year old guys. There are men out there that have evovled past their teen years and are emotionally and mentally healthy and are attracted to women their own age. Find one of these men. Because his attraction is not going to change and I would be highly abject to going through life with a man of this mentality. Especially if you want to have a family of your own someday. If you pick a more healthy minded male, there will be more healthy minded men. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 His behaviour IS illegal, if he's viewing underage porn. The age of consent is a different age than participating in pornography. Check your juridictional laws... creepedout, you're defending him because you love him. That's normal. But his behaviour isn't normal or acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author creepedout16 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 well, then, how do I even begin to bring this up? I'm so nervous. Because what can he really say? He will stop? What will that do for me? I know if he stops it's not really going to cure the problem. Besides, I don't know if he will even stop. He will just password protect THAT computer and I'll be screwed. Ultimately, I should just break up then? What about six years of my life poured into this relationship down the drain? Would you guys mind waiting until I find out who these other girls are that he looked up? I can go through his computer at some point this weekend and write back. Because they weren't all disney channel girls..... UGH I'm making excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 His behaviour IS illegal, if he's viewing underage porn. The age of consent is a different age than participating in pornography. Check your juridictional laws... Here we go again--did you even READ the thread??????????? Let's make this loud and clear--nowhere does it say he's viewing underage porn, nowhere does it say he viewed underage NAKED girls. READ!! His behavior's NOT ILLEGAL!! Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 well, then, how do I even begin to bring this up? I'm so nervous. Because what can he really say? He will stop? What will that do for me? I know if he stops it's not really going to cure the problem. Besides, I don't know if he will even stop. He will just password protect THAT computer and I'll be screwed. Ultimately, I should just break up then? What about six years of my life poured into this relationship down the drain? Would you guys mind waiting until I find out who these other girls are that he looked up? I can go through his computer at some point this weekend and write back. Because they weren't all disney channel girls..... UGH I'm making excuses. Creepedout, Calm down for a minute and don't listen to what everyone else is saying--clearly it's not helping you. All they have in mind is the outcome they think is right, they are trying to get you OVER this. Let me help you get THROUGH this and we can get you to achieve the outcome that YOU want in your heart. If you want to move forward, you're first going to have to tell him what you found. Then you're going to have to deal with the problem that creates--you're snooping on him, which means you don't trust him. He's going to be upset about that, but you can't address that first. That's a resulting problem that must be addressed second. You're going to have to talk to him and find out what need he's satisfying in himself when he does this. This answer will be very important. At first, he's going to most likely say he doesn't know, but if you ask the right questions, you can get at the answer. After that, you're going to have to tell him how it makes you feel--and the moment you say creeped out, he'll feel judged and shut down and the conversation won't go anywhere. The LAST person in the world whom you want to judge you is the person you've been with for 6 years. So what feeling do you tell him it elicits from you? Well, that's going to be what YOU need to think about before you bring this up. Why does it creep you out? And what feeling is behind the "creeped out" feeling? If you can search deep enough inside yourself, you'll find that answer--I know you will After that, you two will have to work out a solution. The information you garner from him and yourself up and to this point will be road signs pointing you in which direction to go. For example, maybe he'll do his best to stop looking at the younger girls. Maybe he'll tell you something that you didn't think of beforehand and it'll make you feel a whole new level of comfort and understanding in regards to this situation--who knows. Like I said, if you take this step by step, and know that it will work out, we can get you THROUGH THIS instead of just 'over' it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Calm down for a minute and don't listen to what everyone else is saying--clearly it's not helping you. CreepedOut..yes stop listing to everyone else but only listen to Paragon. Let me help you get THROUGH this and we can get you to achieve the outcome that YOU want in your heart. In her heart, she wants a man that isn't into young girls. I digress back to the OP: well, then, how do I even begin to bring this up? I'm so nervous. Because what can he really say? He will stop? What will that do for me? I know if he stops it's not really going to cure the problem. Besides, I don't know if he will even stop. He will just password protect THAT computer and I'll be screwed. Ultimately, I should just break up then? What about six years of my life poured into this relationship down the drain? Would you guys mind waiting until I find out who these other girls are that he looked up? I can go through his computer at some point this weekend and write back. Because they weren't all disney channel girls..... UGH I'm making excuses. CreepedOut, you are 22. Yes, 6 years is a long time, but there are people that have been in marriages for 25 years that divorce and are happier for it. His attraction to young girls isn't going to change. If you can live your life with that, then that's your choice. But I dont' know many women that would want to be with such a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 CreepedOut..yes stop listing to everyone else but only listen to Paragon. Oh i'm sorry, did she say your post helped move her in a positive direction? In her heart, she wants a man that isn't into young girls. EVERYONE!! It's a miracle, Jersey can read hearts now! Are you going to be THAT bold and claim you know what someone's heart wants, or are you projecting what you think she wants, as usual? CreepedOut, you are 22. Yes, 6 years is a long time, but there are people that have been in marriages for 25 years that divorce and are happier for it. I know people who have mended even the worst fences and are happier for it. What good does this do her? NONE! Why say it? His attraction to young girls isn't going to change. If you can live your life with that, then that's your choice. But I dont' know many women that would want to be with such a man. Oh that's a great tactic, guilt her into leaving him all because YOU don't know many people who would want to be with such a man. How many women do you know? The ones in your social circle. Wow--what a sample. Or are you going to claim you know what all women want, just like you can read hearts now, too? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 well, then, how do I even begin to bring this up? I'm so nervous. Because what can he really say? He will stop? What will that do for me? I know if he stops it's not really going to cure the problem. Besides, I don't know if he will even stop. He will just password protect THAT computer and I'll be screwed. Ultimately, I should just break up then? What about six years of my life poured into this relationship down the drain? Would you guys mind waiting until I find out who these other girls are that he looked up? I can go through his computer at some point this weekend and write back. Because they weren't all disney channel girls..... UGH I'm making excuses.Yes, you're making excuses. You're still incredibly young and have enjoyed a loving relationship with someone. That he can't grow up isn't something that you should rationalize as being acceptable behaviour. He's attracted to underage girls. This is factual. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Yes, you're making excuses. You're still incredibly young and have enjoyed a loving relationship with someone. That he can't grow up isn't something that you should rationalize as being acceptable behaviour. He's attracted to underage girls. This is factual. What a NEGATIVE twist on what's happening here..........Can't grow up? So he's choosing not to? This hearkens back to the statement that attraction isn't a choice, but everyone wants to side step that one and not think about what it means..... Link to post Share on other sites
Miad's Princess Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Let's make this loud and clear--nowhere does it say he's viewing underage porn, nowhere does it say he viewed underage NAKED girls. READ!! His behavior's NOT ILLEGAL!! You are right it doesn't say he is, BUT it says he was trying too.... I looked through his internet history one day just curious what sites he was going to and I found him doing google searches looking up girls like... miley cyrus, naked. a few other girls from the disney channel were looked up naked. he would also put stuff like "scene girls" and then "scene girls naked".. which is like emo girls, right? and usually they are pretty young??? The only reason he couldn't get a hold of the material he was looking for is because it wasn't there, it still makes what he was trying to do illegal! Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Paragon...if you've ever worked with minors or even late teens, you would understand the complexities of the issue. The lines have been blurred a lot in popular imagery between legal age/underage girls and boys, due to the sexualization of young girls and boys in media imagery (and porn, of course, is another issue). It is sleazy and damaging when girls who are 'just old enough to be legal' are used in sexualized poses, styled to look under age or with the suggestion that they are pretty damn young. This scares the heck out of people who teach or deal with young people as we know these girls (for example) are just little kids really, but a 25yr old man looks at a 16yr old and says 'sexy...' and thinks its fine to have a sexual relationship with her. Young girls REALLY hook onto this and end up trying to dress and act much older because they see the media showing images of it, and men finding it favorable, without understanding the implications...nothing about that is healthy. I appreciate you arguing over semantics and saying that everyone has a different idea of what is acceptable/attractive etc, but the bottom line is this - I want to protect the young people that I teach and work with and I tell you this now - no amount of intellectualizing the concept or arguing over semantics justifies the sexualization of young people, no matter which state/what level of legality it occupies. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I appreciate you arguing over semantics and saying that everyone has a different idea of what is acceptable/attractive etc I guess you missed the part where i EXPLICITLY state how i'm NTO arguing over semantics. And acceptable/attractive? They are two completely different things, and I NEVER equated the two. Why are you equating them here? That's certainly not MY viewpoint! but the bottom line is this - I want to protect the young people that I teach and work with and I tell you this now - no amount of intellectualizing the concept or arguing over semantics justifies the sexualization of young people, no matter which state/what level of legality it occupies. Well that's great, and i'm glad you are willing to stand by your principles to the point where you ignore intellect and reason! But-------i'm not trying to justify the sexualization of young people. As a matter of fact, the sexualixation of young people was never even a tangential topic in this thread until you introduced it. I'd really appreciate it if you go back and REREAD ALL of my posts in order to get a clearer grasp on my arguments, and what i'm actually trying to argue for, for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
c-riouz Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I am with you all the way. I think it's appauling the way media and society have been pushing the sexualizing of CHILDREN. The lines have become really blurred now between adult and child ESPECIALLY when you get in the tween/teen years. I think it's gross, but it's more gross when you have these parents who have their 3 year olds wearing shirts that say "little sexy" and "hottie" children should not be sexualised. That goes for the 10 year old, 13 year old, and 17 year old crowd too! I wholeheartedly agree with this, as well as with torranceshipman's posting. Young people don't realize what's happening with them, so the adults have the responsibility to protect them instead of taking advantage of their being gullible. Teenager's bodies are developing WAY faster than their brains - just because they're getting to have the body of a woman doesn't mean they're mentally an adult yet. Paragon is just ignoring the fact that the OP's boyfriend did try to look up naked teens. That in itself is illegal. Just because he was "unlucky" and didn't find any material doesn't mean that his behavior wasn't illegal. He planned on looking at naked underage teens and would have gone through with it if his search had been successful, or why else would he have bothered to look it up in the first place? Paragon is probably a closet pedophile himself, otherwise he wouldn't defend the creep so vehemently. OP, I'd dump the loser. The seed of doubt has now been planted in your heart and you'll never look at him the same way again anyway - and understandably so. He'd probably trade you in for a younger model anyway as soon as you reach a certain age, or at least his "attraction" () will become much more apparent and stronger. Who wants to deal with that? Paragon's point of "the age 16 years used to be the premium age for marriage and children" is ridiculous. It also used to be normal to throw people in front of hungry lions just for entertainment (back in the Roman Empire days) but does that mean it was okay? Just because something was "normal" in the past doesn't mean it is okay from an ethical or moral point of view. We're in an evolution, after all, and I thought we as humans have developed, but apparently I am wrong. OP, do what you feel is best. You probably won't be able yet to go through with what your heart already has decided, and it's understandable since six years can make the emotional attachment pretty strong, which makes it hard to leave. So just wait until you are ready, and all the best to you until then. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 An aging pervert isn't something that any woman should enable. Get out before you waste more years with someone like this. Sticking your head in the sand like an ostrich, with concerns about personal privacy issues, won't change the fact that he's an aging pervert. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Torranceshipman, are you a man? Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Paragon is just ignoring the fact that the OP's boyfriend did try to look up naked teens. That in itself is illegal. Not it's not. Research some law, then try and run your mouth about what's illegal and what's not. I mean seriously now...COME ON... Paragon is probably a closet pedophile himself, otherwise he wouldn't defend the creep so vehemently. You're just another guy who doesn't READ, or maybe you're too (insert word here) to understand me? Here's a direct quote that I wrote earlier in the thread on my OWN personal views towards this: It seems to me people are not clear on where i'm coming from and perhaps that's my own fault. Am i condoning this behavior? NO! And make sure you reread my posts to see that I am not in any way condoning this type of behavior. MY CONCERN is how everyone here is very quick to pass SIGNIFICANT judgments based off an initial emotional reaction without ever stopping to think about where it comes from in the first place. Condemning a behavior should never be easy, and you better have very rock solid reasons to do so because otherwise arbitrary judgments will be the basis of your arguments, which isn't very smart. But yea, keep running your mouth on stuff you happen to overlook. So far, you're 0 for 2. Paragon's point of "the age 16 years used to be the premium age for marriage and children" is ridiculous. It also used to be normal to throw people in front of hungry lions just for entertainment (back in the Roman Empire days) but does that mean it was okay? Just because something was "normal" in the past doesn't mean it is okay from an ethical or moral point of view. We're in an evolution, after all, and I thought we as humans have developed, but apparently I am wrong. Here we go, C-riouz is up to bat, and the count is 0-2. Let's take a look at the bold quote above folks. C-riouz is first trying to say that Paragon proclaimed that something was NORMAL. Well, actually, Paragon never said that nor ever used that logik--what he DID do however was describe how life was in regards to sexual reproduction and mating strategies, and talk about PREMIUM circumstances. Let's zoom in and see what C-riouz is trying to do--it looks as if he's trying to compare MURDER for entertainment, to Paragon pointing out sexual reproductive strategies in the past, which we are still biologically and evolitionarily designed to respond to. Where's the analagous terms and parts of C-riouz's argument though? How can you compare murder for entertainment and it's being 'normal' to describing our primordial reproductive strategies? Oh wait------you can't--STRIKE 3!! You're out!! Link to post Share on other sites
silverfish Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Not it's not. Research some law, then try and run your mouth about what's illegal and what's not. I mean seriously now...COME ON... You're just another guy who doesn't READ, or maybe you're too (insert word here) to understand me? Here's a direct quote that I wrote earlier in the thread on my OWN personal views towards this: But yea, keep running your mouth on stuff you happen to overlook. So far, you're 0 for 2. Here we go, C-riouz is up to bat, and the count is 0-2. Let's take a look at the bold quote above folks. C-riouz is first trying to say that Paragon proclaimed that something was NORMAL. Well, actually, Paragon never said that nor ever used that logik--what he DID do however was describe how life was in regards to sexual reproduction and mating strategies, and talk about PREMIUM circumstances. Let's zoom in and see what C-riouz is trying to do--it looks as if he's trying to compare MURDER for entertainment, to Paragon pointing out sexual reproductive strategies in the past, which we are still biologically and evolitionarily designed to respond to. Where's the analagous terms and parts of C-riouz's argument though? How can you compare murder for entertainment and it's being 'normal' to describing our primordial reproductive strategies? Oh wait------you can't--STRIKE 3!! You're out!
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