next?

[ryepatch]

don't call him today!!! i didn't call my wife on our anniversary or send her anything, which i'm sure she was expecting, and though she hasn't contacted me yet, she hasn't served me papers yet.

 

let him sit there expecting your call and not getting it. let him wonder. he'll think about you much more if you don't. don't call him at all when you're upset. come on here and post exactly what you would say to him if you could, he'll never know and you'll get it off your chest. then go treat yourself somehow, go out for ice cream or whatever, preferrably with a friend.

 

hang in there. tomorrow will be easier.

 

as for posting on other people's threads, i didn't start doing it much til recently. we all screwed up our situations in one way or another, we're realizing some of the mistakes we made and we don't want you to make!

 

as for exposing the affair, i defer to those with more experience, but just don't do it in a way that makes you look jealous or vengeful, or, most importantly, pathetic. hold off until you're sure of your plan. he could resent you as meddling or controlling. from what i read, most affairs burn out of their own accord after a while. get a lot of advice on this before you act, read the stuff people are telling you to read.

 

thinking of you tonight!!!

[JaneDoe35]

don't call him today!!! i didn't call my wife on our anniversary or send her anything, which i'm sure she was expecting, and though she hasn't contacted me yet, she hasn't served me papers yet.

 

let him sit there expecting your call and not getting it. let him wonder. he'll think about you much more if you don't. don't call him at all when you're upset. come on here and post exactly what you would say to him if you could, he'll never know and you'll get it off your chest. then go treat yourself somehow, go out for ice cream or whatever, preferrably with a friend.

 

hang in there. tomorrow will be easier.

 

as for posting on other people's threads, i didn't start doing it much til recently. we all screwed up our situations in one way or another, we're realizing some of the mistakes we made and we don't want you to make!

 

as for exposing the affair, i defer to those with more experience, but just don't do it in a way that makes you look jealous or vengeful, or, most importantly, pathetic. hold off until you're sure of your plan. he could resent you as meddling or controlling. from what i read, most affairs burn out of their own accord after a while. get a lot of advice on this before you act, read the stuff people are telling you to read.

 

thinking of you tonight!!!

 

Thankyou so much ryepatch, was getting really close to calling him.

 

I AM NOT GOING TO CALL HIM!!!!! He will call tonight (it is morning here) to speak to our girl but I am not going to speak to him as I normally would.

 

Going to go to the day spa today, courtesy of my parents. My counsellor said that physical nuture would be great for me. I feel incredibly sad about today, we always celebrated these sorts of things bigtime so nothing at all feels so strange.

 

Am going to wait and be in a calm and strong position before I even consider exposing the affair as right now I would breakdown and regret it.

 

Mistakes have been made but I need to be strong now for my daughter & I.

 

I dont know what I would be doing if I hadn't have stumbled across all of you....

[2sure]

I know you dont want to tell the OW's husband. Of course you dont. Telling him will hurt you, it will anger your husband, and no doubt create a sh*t storm in someone else's life.

 

You wouldnt do this to anyone. Thats why you are the victim here and your husband is not.

 

If he wants out, you are going to have consider this , it may be your only chance at reclaiming your life and possibly your marriage. Doing nothing...whats that getting you?

[floridapad]

janedoe,

 

I'm proud of you that you didn't call your husband on your anniversery or mention it. I know its tough. I just had mine two weeks ago and had to pick up the kids. Seeing her face to face on our anniversery and not mentioning a word after 15 years of marriage was tough, but once it was over it was over. The next day was not as bad as the days leading up to it and the day after that was better. You did the right thing. You did a 180.

 

As far as telling the OW's husband. I hear you on the being scared thing. I never did tell the OM's wife although I threatened to tell the OM's wife numerous times. However, my wifes family and friends found out about it so it was partially exposed and I made sure that the OM knew that the cat was out of the bag. It definately helped put a damper on the affair once fantasy world reached the light of day. It helped big time. She received a world of Sh*t from her parents and sister. Didn't stop her from seeing him again but the man finally dumped my wife after he realized the kitchen was getting too hot and he was about to be in a world of hurt with his own family. Yes if I told his wife, My wife would have been furious. I suggest that you think about this one, but don't discount it as an option. Exposure is a powerful tool that is necessary. WOW your mind must be going a million miles a minute. My heart goes out for you. Gather your strength for yourself and your daughter and everything will be ok. Not sure if you are a believer in the man upstairs, but if you are, now and forever forward is the time to pray and talk to him. Spirituality was a huge part in me being able to get as far as I have (still have a long way to go). Keep posting. We're listening

[Gunny376]

For now its essential for your own sense of self worth and recovery that operate from a stance of "It was over last month, its over today, and its probably will be over tomorrow.

 

Life is what happens when you make other plans.

 

Don't sit around "could of, should of, would of'

 

Don't listen to his BS! Don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. You can tell he's lying because his lips are moving.

 

What you've got do is prioritize yours and your DD (Dear Daughter's) life first, while keeping your eye on the present and the future horizon.

 

Most cheaters are by definition liars, and most liars are by definition thieves. Thieves of the heart if nothing else? But what else are they willing to cheat and steal from you.

 

Life threatening disease?

 

Yea twenty years in the Marine Corps I had me a couple of them? Four, five or more. But it didn't change my moral compass.

 

Hey! That Joker was trying to take my head off with an AK-47! I think I'll go cheat on my wife!

 

Nor did being in Okinawa for a year, the First Gulf War, nor tours in Cuba, Panama, Nicaragua, Honduras etc. for months ~ a year at a time give me an excuse to cheat on my wife. That's BS! The Good Lord gave him two good hands. There's a such thing as the telephone and phone sex ~ with you!

 

Those are all excuses! Don't buy into them.

 

Your sitting here wanting to try and save your marriage, and I understand that. But what if you found out that he was cheating on you because a doctor's visit and found out that you've got HIV or some other STD?

 

Sorry to be so hard on you. But seriously he's not thinking about you, nor your DD. Who's going to be there for your DD, if he gave you HIV/AIDs? Him? If he gave it to you, then he's got it himself. Where does that leave your DD?

 

He's not disrespected you ~ your marriage ~ but your DD and your family!

 

Its time to get a big cup of WTFU, and get real.

 

I been to Australia and know how the men over there treat the women. That's why you gals love us Marines and ship in to port. And I realize there's a disproportionate number of men to women. (Stemming from WWI, WWII, the Korean War, the Vietnam War)

 

But you'd be better off single and alone for the rest of your life than with this POS!

 

You can do better than this POS, and you deserve better. Where in the Hell did you ever get it into your head that this was the best and only you could do? That this was the one and only you could do.

 

I tried to find one of your fellow country women's thread that was going through a similar situation ~ Melevator? (Anyone remember her?) I did a search engine but couldn't find her thread. I'll keep looking.

 

Aussie women are some tough gals! They have to be.

 

Enough already!

 

Dump this clown, divorce him, and make him work and earn his way back!

 

BTW.

 

The 180's are as much for your self respect, recovery, self dignity as they are for anything else. Basically they're saying "Yea right! Forget you! I"m moving on!"

 

The 180's are about not being a doormat!

 

You don't have to go down them like a checklist!

 

You don't have to apply everyone of them!

 

You apply the ones that work?

 

And not the one that don't work?

[Gunny376]

janedoe,

 

I'm proud of you that you didn't call your husband on your anniversary or mention it. I know its tough. I just had mine two weeks ago and had to pick up the kids. Seeing her face to face on our anniversary and not mentioning a word after 15 years of marriage was tough, but once it was over it was over. The next day was not as bad as the days leading up to it and the day after that was better. You did the right thing. You did a 180.

 

As far as telling the OW's husband. I hear you on the being scared thing. I never did tell the OM's wife although I threatened to tell the OM's wife numerous times. However, my wifes family and friends found out about it so it was partially exposed and I made sure that the OM knew that the cat was out of the bag. It definitely helped put a damper on the affair once fantasy world reached the light of day. It helped big time. She received a world of Sh*t from her parents and sister. Didn't stop her from seeing him again but the man finally dumped my wife after he realized the kitchen was getting too hot and he was about to be in a world of hurt with his own family. Yes if I told his wife, My wife would have been furious. I suggest that you think about this one, but don't discount it as an option. Exposure is a powerful tool that is necessary. WOW your mind must be going a million miles a minute. My heart goes out for you. Gather your strength for yourself and your daughter and everything will be OK. Not sure if you are a believer in the man upstairs, but if you are, now and forever forward is the time to pray and talk to him. Spirituality was a huge part in me being able to get as far as I have (still have a long way to go). Keep posting. We're listening

 

Hell yea tell the OW husbands!

 

Basically she's 'nuked' you and your DD, your world, your family!

 

So lets have everyone join the party!

 

Why should you be the one to suffer?

 

Back when I was going through it?

 

While in the Marine Corps, I once went to CID (Criminal Investigative Unit) of the Marine Corps and requested an investigation of my wife's affair. One agent told me that it had to come my command. A senior agent told me that he would do it. But I backed out on it ~ wanting to try and save my marriage.

 

Side-bar. ~ Under the Uniform Code of Military Justice? Adultery and fornication (Having sex with someone not your lawful wife) are court martial offenses.

 

I should have gone through with it, but I didn't want to make some young dumb, stupid, ignorant trying to get laid suffer for the rest of his life.

 

Side-bar ~ If convicted of a special court marital? You cannot own a firearm, have to register with the local sheriff's office for the rest of your life as a convicted federal felon, can be barred from earning and owning certain licences, in some states owning land, buying a house, refused the right to vote, practicing in certain professions, denied VA benefits ~ ALL FOR A POA!

[JaneDoe35]

Gunny376, you gave me my only laugh of my 10th wedding anniversary....he is lying cause his lips are moving!!!! Oh my goodness that was so funny to me. Now when he speaks to me I will just be thinking that and it will make me smile regardless of what he is actually saying. The smiley face with tears about the life threatening disease also struck a chord with me. I would like to think that I would appreciate my family even more after cancer almost killed me. He does also have abandonment issues from childhood, I am making more excuses for him!!!! He is doing to my daughter & I what his parents, step-parents did to him. You are a very tough sounding person. I hope I will feel like that about him someday. I am not sure why I think he is the only one for me, that is a good question and I will think about it over the next couple of days. He called tonight to speak to our daughter and he said something along the lines of 'Today is a really hard day for us' I only answered the phone cause our daughter was out with grandmother at the time. I went 'Mmmmm, call back after 7' He asked a few more questions like 'Did you go to work'? I said no, I am on long service leave, had not told him that. He asked 'What are you doing'? This 180 thing is good for me as although today has been awful, I am not crying and I will go to bed and sleep. I feel more in control of me, where before he dictated how I felt, if he was nice, I felt better, if he was cold, I fell apart. Yes we aussie girls can be tough, if we get a bit of a push!!! I know I should have the other's involved in this 'join the party'. I don't rule it out yet, just not quite ready yet.

 

But I am proud of myself today, not one phonecall, text or email made to him, I did not bring up our anniversary at all and I feel better for it. have had 3 glasses of wine though so that helps!!!

 

Thankyou to all...I mean it

[cyabye]

JD35,

 

Gunny's advice is right on. I've been following his advice for almost 2 years and I am better for it. Strong, independent, and very comfortable in my own skin. As you get stonger doing the 180's, you will probably get angrier for many reasons. This is good. Feel the emotions as they come.

 

Your husband is no longer your husband. Not only is he cheating on you but doing it with a married woman. He didn't make a mistake. He made a CHOICE. Take care of you and your daughter. I personaly don't believe in MLC's etc. as I feel people unless they are deemed incapacitated (disabled mentally) are accountable for their CHOICES. You deserve better.

 

cyabye

[JaneDoe35]

JD35,

 

Gunny's advice is right on. I've been following his advice for almost 2 years and I am better for it. Strong, independent, and very comfortable in my own skin. As you get stonger doing the 180's, you will probably get angrier for many reasons. This is good. Feel the emotions as they come.

 

Your husband is no longer your husband. Not only is he cheating on you but doing it with a married woman. He didn't make a mistake. He made a CHOICE. Take care of you and your daughter. I personaly don't believe in MLC's etc. as I feel people unless they are deemed incapacitated (disabled mentally) are accountable for their CHOICES. You deserve better.

 

cyabye

 

Thanks cyabye....today out of the blue I got angry, For 5 weeks I have tried to be nice & understanding, I have still cared for him & loved him. Today I lost it completely, over the phone. I told him everything that must have been building up, I swore at him (I dont swear normally) I also threatened to completely expose him. I went crazy and just kept dishing up more & more. He hung up a couple of times so I just rang him back and took up where I left off.....I asked him 'are you scared'? he said 'yes'. He told me I would ruin him.....I laughed. He begged me not to tell her husband. I told him I would not keep him from his daughter but that was only for her benefit, not his. I did feel better but now I am so sad as I know there is no going back now...I must have still been in a bit of denial. I just cant believe it is over, 13 and a half years and then one day all gone. Well that is how it felt for me anyway...he had already moved on, just forgot to mention it to me and still played the loving husband. Is this the end????

[Gunny376]

This may help you, its from a letter my Great Grandmother left us?

 

Life isn't fair, but its still good!

 

When in doubt? Take the next small step

 

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone!

 

Your job won't take care of you when you sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

 

Pay off your credit cards every month.

 

You don't have to win every argument ~ agree to disagree.

 

 

Cry with someone, its better than crying alone.

 

Its OK to get angry with God ~ He can take it!

 

Save for retirement starting with you first paycheck.

 

When it comes to chocolate? Resistance is futile

 

Make peace with you past so it won't screw up your future

 

Its OK to let your children see you cry.

 

Don't compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is about.

 

Everything can change in the blink of an eye. Don't worry ~ God never blinks!

 

Take a deep breath ~ it calms the mind!

 

Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful!

 

Whatever really doesn't kill you? Makes you stronger!

 

Its never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one? Is up to you and no one else.

 

When it comes to going after what you want in life? Don't take no for an answer.

 

Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save for special occasions today is special.

 

Over prepare, then go with the flow.

 

Be eccentric now! Don't wait for old age to wear for purple

 

The most important sex organ is the brain

 

No one is in charge of your happiness but YOU!

 

Always choose Life!

 

Forgive everyone everything!

 

What other people think of you? Is none on your business!

 

Time heals almost everything! Give it time!

 

However good or bad a situation is? It will change.

 

Don't take yourself so seriously ~ no one else does.

 

Believe in miracles!

 

God loves you because of who God is ~ not because of anything you did or didn't do.

 

Don't audit your Life. Show up and make the most of it now!

 

Growing old beat the alternative? Dying young!

 

Your children only get one childhood

 

All that matters in the end? Is that you loved.

 

Get outside everyday! Miracles are waiting everywhere.

 

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone Else's? We'd grab ours back.

 

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all that you need.

 

The best is yet to come.

 

No matter how you feel? Get up, dress up and show up!

 

Yield

 

Life isn't tied with a bow? But its still a gift!

 

Count your blessing and not your sorrows.

 

You've many blessed things laid before your feet (DD)

 

Your way ahead of the game. Granted there are those that have more?

 

But in fact?

 

Your doing worse than some?

 

But better than most!

[2.50 a gallon]

JD35

 

EXPOSE / EXPOSE / EXPOSE

 

You are doing right. But be prepared as it is a rollercoaster ride, with many ups and downs. You will survive and you will love again

 

Many years back I was in your same shoes, breaking up with my XW, I thought it was the end of the world. Thought that I would never love again.

 

Wrong! My present GF of 14 years is prettier, sexier, sweeter, far more loving, a better cook, and she snuggles on the couch with me watching American football. I definitely traded up

 

Breaking up with my XW was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[JaneDoe35]

Gunny, I was inspired by some of the postings in reply to my mess, and I used some of what you said when I lost it with him today...I completely took him by surprise and actually if it hadn't been directed at him he would have been proud of me!!! I cannot believe some of the things I said to him. But I spoke the truth...so I guess I should not feel too bad. I hate to hurt someone but after this last 5 weeks I wanted to share the hurt around a bit. He has been drowning his sorrows with his friends and spending a small fortune on socialising. I can barely get out of bed let alone laugh with friends. I have my daughter crying at night cause she misses daddy cause he is working away even more (have not told her the truth yet). I cannot comprehend this situation. It is out of character for him but maybe I did not really know him. The anger was good but what now?

[JaneDoe35]

2.50....when did you know you would love again? I miss him so much it is ridiculous. Feels impossible, although I know that it cant be as people do move on. I am so scared that I will end bitter and lonely. Fear has stopped me in my tracks. It's like I have died but am here as a ghost. Part of me knows that is stupid but I cant shake the feeling.

[Gunny376]

You begin by knowing, accepting, understanding. and loving yourself.

 

You don't need external valadition, acceptance.

 

You begin by loving yourself!

 

With all you flaws, your faults, your short comings, etc.

 

You begin by accetting that your OK, and most people are OK?

 

You begin by accepting that you're worse than some?

 

But better than most!

 

You begin by accepting that "God doesn't make mistakes!"

 

You begin with "Gunny376" gives a damn about you as a human being!

 

(Hey its a start?)

[2.50 a gallon]

JD35

 

That is a difficult question to answer. It came in bits and pieces. First thing was to do exactly what Gunny says in his previous post.

In my case I luckily a couple of months after the breake up when I found myself in a large university library filled with old books, and discovered some unknown historical facts. This was an epiphany for a college drop out. I discovered what I really wanted in life was to do historical research. And from that point I just moved on in life, made new friends, some of them female. I did some dating.

Then one day there she was. The first hint was when I saw her face and the way she held her head. And we took it from there.

[JaneDoe35]

You begin by knowing, accepting, understanding. and loving yourself.

 

You don't need external valadition, acceptance.

 

You begin by loving yourself!

 

With all you flaws, your faults, your short comings, etc.

 

You begin by accetting that your OK, and most people are OK?

 

You begin by accepting that you're worse than some?

 

But better than most!

 

You begin by accepting that "God doesn't make mistakes!"

 

You begin with "Gunny376" gives a damn about you as a human being!

 

(Hey its a start?)

 

Thanks Gunny376....strange how one person rejecting me is causing me to see myself as nobody. People are telling me that they pity him as he has gone too far and lost his little family. You are right, I know what I have to do. I have to accept that he is gone. So complicated as I know that we are connected forever through our daughter. I will have to find a way. People do this all the time. I did not know that such pain existed until now. I dont want to know anymore. There is worse than this so why cant I get a grip. Thankyou so much for your words...I have so much support but people like you who have no real reason to help....it amazes me that you take the time to help others. Why do people lie and cheat? Why not face your feelings and speak? I have barely looked at another man let alone begun a relationship with one for over 13 years. My husband was the only man for me. I dont regret that. Why do people want complicated lives? why do they think it's ok to tear families apart? I understand that things happen and people drift apart. I dont think that people should stay together if they are unhappy but come on, you cant have the best of both worlds. Why break people? Your own family? And these women that leave their kids and husbands to go act like 21 year olds. I would rather die than leave my family and unless there was abuse I would do anything to save my family. Sorry for rambling.

[2.50 a gallon]

JD35

 

I was like you are afraid. The bitterness went away, when I rediscovered that other women were interested in me, and I began dating. At that time I erected tall, thick fear walls.

Next hint was our first date. I was a 47 year old man acting like a shy 18 year old on a first ever date. I did everything wrong, didn't hold her hand, hardly looked in her eyes, and didn't even kiss her good night. Totally out of charachter for me. Luckily I got a second date, (I just looked it up on the calendar) 14 years ago Oct. 21. It wasn't much better, had dinner went for a drive, talked, took her home early around 9, and then the old me took over, threw caution to the wind and gave her a good night kiss. She kissed me back in away that let me know if I wanted there were more of them to come. In that instant all the walls were down.

So the answer is Oct 21, 1996 at 9 p.m.

[JaneDoe35]

JD35

 

That is a difficult question to answer. It came in bits and pieces. First thing was to do exactly what Gunny says in his previous post.

In my case I luckily a couple of months after the breake up when I found myself in a large university library filled with old books, and discovered some unknown historical facts. This was an epiphany for a college drop out. I discovered what I really wanted in life was to do historical research. And from that point I just moved on in life, made new friends, some of them female. I did some dating.

Then one day there she was. The first hint was when I saw her face and the way she held her head. And we took it from there.

 

Hey there, your story sounds like a romantic movie.....cause it has a really happy ending. I know I need to be happy alone first....it's hard as from 20 onwards I have not experienced being alone. It may be just what I need but I am petrified!!! But when I read your story I feel hopeful. What sort historical research do you do? Thankyou

[hopesndreams]

Jane, have a look at my thread, just click my name and click statistics and there is a thread from February, when I first came on this site. Reading it might be of interest to you. You and I are similar in a lot of respects. Loving, giving, unselfish (not tooting my own horn) and then completely blindsided from the H's actions. I was floored when I found out, just as you are.

 

We went our separate ways mid April, me with my teenage daughter and her baby, my grandson in tow, and he with his MOW. Two families destroyed.

 

This shyt happens all over the globe, every minute of the day. There are those that only look out for numero uno and those that put others before themselves.

 

You are not to blame for his actions. He made the choice, he alone, he needs to own it.

 

Don't coddle him, don't be his emotional support, grow a thick skin. You'll need it.

[JaneDoe35]

JD35

 

I was like you are afraid. The bitterness went away, when I rediscovered that other women were interested in me, and I began dating. At that time I erected tall, thick fear walls.

Next hint was our first date. I was a 47 year old man acting like a shy 18 year old on a first ever date. I did everything wrong, didn't hold her hand, hardly looked in her eyes, and didn't even kiss her good night. Totally out of charachter for me. Luckily I got a second date, (I just looked it up on the calendar) 14 years ago Oct. 21. It wasn't much better, had dinner went for a drive, talked, took her home early around 9, and then the old me took over, threw caution to the wind and gave her a good night kiss. She kissed me back in away that let me know if I wanted there were more of them to come. In that instant all the walls were down.

So the answer is Oct 21, 1996 at 9 p.m.

 

That is such a sweet story about a very important night in your life. Made me tearful as it reminds me of when I first met my husband, but also inspiring....I just hope I dont feel too much like damaged goods when an opportunity comes along. It feels strange to be talking about the possibilty of meeting a new love. I feel like I am cheating which is quite ironic. Thankyou

[JaneDoe35]

Thankyou hopes...., I can see my feelings in your posts. And I hate that you had to feel like that. But you are right, he will own this, he can do the whole lot, he can look into our eyes and see what he has done. But one day he will look into my eyes and see only pity.....That may take me awhile!!!!

[ryepatch]

Why not face your feelings and speak? I have barely looked at another man let alone begun a relationship with one for over 13 years. My husband was the only man for me. I dont regret that. Why do people want complicated lives? why do they think it's ok to tear families apart? I understand that things happen and people drift apart. I dont think that people should stay together if they are unhappy but come on, you cant have the best of both worlds. Why break people? Your own family? And these women that leave their kids and husbands to go act like 21 year olds. I would rather die than leave my family and unless there was abuse I would do anything to save my family.

 

 

i'm with you, jane. family should be sacrosanct, i don't understand people's selfishness. i've never thought about another woman for a second in nine and a half years. made so many sacrifices to keep us together, and i've forgiven my wife for her mistakes. . . put up with all her craziness and depression, cared for her when she was sick, held her hand when they were cutting away her cervix with a laser. . .

[JaneDoe35]

i'm with you, jane. family should be sacrosanct, i don't understand people's selfishness. i've never thought about another woman for a second in nine and a half years. made so many sacrifices to keep us together, and i've forgiven my wife for her mistakes. . . put up with all her craziness and depression, cared for her when she was sick, held her hand when they were cutting away her cervix with a laser. . .

 

So true ryepatch, why? why? why? none of us is perfect but to knowingly hurt someone you love is bizzare. If my husband had come to me and said I am unhappy or not fulfilled, not sure what I want anymore etc etc, I would have listened to him....thought about it a bit...and then taken some action, marriage counselling or whatever. Why lie and become so selfish? I really feel for you as you & your wife seem to be like 2 peas in a pod. It is like she has taken half of you with her...

[delajoonal]

jd35..OMG! is all i could say in reading your OP...

 

it looks like i wrote it 7 months ago sans the daughter.

 

long story short, so you can know i KNOW exacly where you are right now..

 

my H of 14 years, had on online EA..

he decided, even after a very romantic memory filled week, that WE were over.

 

he left, a few times within a few months...i just couldn't take finding movie ticket stubs, phone calls hanging up when i answered, the cell bill with ALL those calls to her, the emails to her and vice versa..

 

did i mention that when i first found out, i called OW, and asked her 2 times, NICELY to leave my H alone...stay away from my family..as i had gathered info, and knew exacly who she was, full name, her husbands name, how many kids she had, where she lived and worked...my H was floored..i said, this is my LIFE...i am trying desperately to save my family....

 

in the end, they broke it off after only about 3 weeks, as i called OW husband.

 

so, now during this past 6/7 months, i have moved from our marital home.

 

my H who NEVER yelled, only called me sweetie, was now calling me every name you can think of, i was now "shut up you stupid bit**", you're an idiot, etc..

 

this was a marriage with NO infidetly issues..ever..we both even agreed on that part in the end...so this hit really hard for me...

 

as i am sitting in one room crocheting watching TV and he is on FACEBOOK in the computer room telling some OW he is in a crappy marriage and hates his W...blah blah...and OW was doing the same thing about her H...

 

well, i tried to make this long story short..LOL

 

so much has happened ...

 

about 4 weeks ago..H decided he wants a divorce NOW, NOT a legal separation, which we had agreed on, his idea really, cheaper for him...

 

i knew something was UP...again...in my GUT.

 

so by the end of that day, i had found out that the onlin EA he had 6 months ago...had NEVER ENDED!

 

i literally dropped to my knees...omg! NOT this humiliation again.???

 

i have done everything he asked, so he could get thru this mid life crisis... while i am miserable but knowing there was NO OW..i was kinda OK with that...

 

but now...realizing thsi OW and literally taken over my entire life...she just stepped into my shoes as my H's wife and calles him everyday on the dot at 830AM...and unbelievable amounts of phone calls ( i checked our cell bill) which he took ME OFF OF 6 months ago as a moderator...but, like i wouldn't know the passwords after 14 years with this man..LOL...

i just never thought to check, because i honestly did not think he was with OW..let alone THAT OW!!!!

 

anyway...i guess what i am trying to say..is i wish i would have known about LS before i reacted or did any of the things i did..i wished i would have educated myself more ...

 

after 6/7 months of my H harassing me, calling me names, yelling at me...if you want more details, check my past posts and threads.. you might find something to help you move thru this....

 

i finally hired myself a shark of an attorney...and can you belive that i still love this creepy little man..LOL

 

so much so, i am having guilt pangs for hiring an attorney to protect me and get me what i deserve.

 

MY H and his OW have tried to trick me into signing papers to take away my retirement funds, my 401K, my medical...oh so many things i really don't even want to post them...to horrific..really.

 

so my advice...get educated NOW!!!

get an attorney NOW!!!

 

do NOT wait for him to come around.

do NOT wait for HIM to serve YOU!

 

he is done..he has moved on..he checked OUT LONG ago..just like my H did..

 

and had i had someone to tell me their story, like this, or had found LS before i did so many stupid things and let him get away with it..like take my BIG TV...i know that sounds petty and crazy, but that was MY TV...and i loved it..and he even said that is why he took/stole it...cause it brought ME enjoyment...lol..ya..like I DID something wrong...

i am telling you ..the longer you wait and make him stick around ..the meaner and more unreasonable HE is going to get ..

 

LET HIM GO...get out and get a good attorney..find a way ..if you can't afford one...there are ones that will do billing..ALSO they are more than happy to take a down payment and BILL YOUR H the rest..LOL...and depending on what state you live in...he will have to pay, and for having an affair...most states are

NO FAULT...so you really need to get all you can on him now, before he leaves the marital home...get his pay check stubs...copies of W-2's, etc....

 

it will be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life..you will cry ALL THE TIME..and hurt and be confused...but KNOW that is what we are here for..

 

i would have been in a 51/50 if not for some of these amazing people here on LS..NOT my family or my close friends...these LS people have been my savior and retreat and confidants...everything you need to make a clean break and don't look back...

 

like i said, this wiill be so hard...and you will cry and question youself...

 

but you have to do this before he does..it will only hurt more when he does it..and again..the more you make him stay and do IC or MC when he has checked out LONG AGO..he will get more angry and start doing mean things..and that is just so heart breaking to watch them go from calling you sweetie to bit** ...oh man, its the worst....

 

please feel free to PM me anytime...our stories are SOOO MUCH alike...

 

also keep posting and find the members you can relate too and click with...because those members LS, will be your guiding light thru this dark time.

 

good luck...

[Gunny376]

So true ryepatch, why? why? why? none of us is perfect but to knowingly hurt someone you love is bizzare. If my husband had come to me and said I am unhappy or not fulfilled, not sure what I want anymore etc etc, I would have listened to him....thought about it a bit...and then taken some action, marriage counselling or whatever. Why lie and become so selfish? I really feel for you as you & your wife seem to be like 2 peas in a pod. It is like she has taken half of you with her...

 

IMHO? Marines, Soldiers, Saloirs, police, and firefighters shouldn't not get married into well into their careers?

 

The career is just too demanding!

 

The toughest job in the Marine Corps is being a Marines Wife?

 

It comes down to the "Lesser of Two Evils?"

 

Saying Goodbye!