stillafool Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 True, works both ways. Despite ideals, people are driven to find the best they can get. The most attractive. People have an internal value system and know what they can get. They then go out and try for the more attractive individuals, even if it means getting hurt or a lower success rate. Whilst nice is the ideal. People still want the most attractive. If people did this there wouldn't be any complaining. People don't want to date in their so called "league" seems to be the problem.
carhill Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Hkizzle your research seems like you are writing a book for men who can't get the women they want rather than for women who consistently fall for "bad boys". LOL, interesting insight. IME, during my ball-less friend period, the women would gather together, bitch about the jerk and come to a consensus at some point for the woman to lose the jerk, generally after getting some sort of revenge against him. No books required. Men, OTOH, can't network worth a shyte and rarely share their weaknesses (like being with a female jerk or not being able to get a woman) with their friends and seek validation and input. So, a man is more likely to buy a book and deal with his issues in solitude.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I'm trying to grasp how someone can stick their penis in you, 'let you in' and yet be completely indifferent. I failed to grasp it too. That was my downfall, unfortunately. That is the problem with being with a jerk. You never quite see it until it is too late.
carhill Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 OK, perhaps already covered by the OP, but your situation brings me to an interesting question. Are male jerks generally just after sex? Also, as a follow up, if yes, even if they appear 'indifferent' and don't obviously pursue nor take rejection poorly, can you still perceive an agenda of sex that is different from a 'normal' male? I often see posts on LS about women deciding whether or not to 'wait' to have sex, some for a number of dates, some for weeks or months. Would such a methodology have any effect on better perceiving a jerk? IME, women jerks tend to be emotional vampires and unstable, so experience has taught me pretty well how to discern them. The key is turning off/toning down my libido, which obviates any chances of sport f*cking, as well as them manipulating me with sexual innuendos. It's only during vulnerable periods, like now going through a divorce, that I find it hard to do. Women, as I know them to be just as sexual as men, just having different parameters to express it, do this all the time when dating (suppress their libido) and it is seen in the questions here about 'too soon?'. Well, more food for the OP
sally4sara Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 OK, perhaps already covered by the OP, but your situation brings me to an interesting question. Are male jerks generally just after sex? Also, as a follow up, if yes, even if they appear 'indifferent' and don't obviously pursue nor take rejection poorly, can you still perceive an agenda of sex that is different from a 'normal' male? I often see posts on LS about women deciding whether or not to 'wait' to have sex, some for a number of dates, some for weeks or months. Would such a methodology have any effect on better perceiving a jerk? VS this IME, women jerks tend to be emotional vampires and unstable, so experience has taught me pretty well how to discern them. The key is turning off/toning down my libido, which obviates any chances of sport f*cking, as well as them manipulating me with sexual innuendos. It's only during vulnerable periods, like now going through a divorce, that I find it hard to do. Women, as I know them to be just as sexual as men, just having different parameters to express it, do this all the time when dating (suppress their libido) and it is seen in the questions here about 'too soon?'. Well, more food for the OP I'm remembering the time a male friends of mine met up with your description of a female jerk and and went ahead with having sex with her. She seemed so adamant for no-strings sex after all...... The next morning, his recollection of her was that she seemed unhinged and not a good candidate for anything serious. He did not freeze her out but wasn't really pursuing her. We hear from another friend that she had declared my roommate a jerk who was only interested in sex, but that she kinda knew he would be and that was why she didn't make him wait.
carhill Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 A match made in...... somewhere That Van Helsing movie comes to mind....
Odyssey Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Look everyone can be a jerk sometimes, I'll have to put my hand up to this too. Because there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Some people have even said that i can be too direct and view me as an arrogant wanker. Others say it's confidence (thinking back now, they were just being polite). I'm still learning to be more diplomatic i guess... Or maybe it's a extrovert/introvert thing? Do people tend to be attracted to extroverts more? I'm not so sure i believe this.
39388 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Excuse me???? You keep perputating that men go after "hottie" bad girls. I've never gone after this type of girl and I don't want anything to do with this type of girl.
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Women like jerks because deep seated issues within them have them drawn to them because they like being mistreated, or they crave male attention, or they have daddy issues, or they see someone who they try to control or change and they cant change them so it becomes a borderline obsession. I could be wrong. But i think a simple reason women pick jerks is because deep down inside they love it. They crave that jerk factor because if they got a good man, they would be bored.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 OK, perhaps already covered by the OP, but your situation brings me to an interesting question. Are male jerks generally just after sex? Also, as a follow up, if yes, even if they appear 'indifferent' and don't obviously pursue nor take rejection poorly, can you still perceive an agenda of sex that is different from a 'normal' male? I often see posts on LS about women deciding whether or not to 'wait' to have sex, some for a number of dates, some for weeks or months. Would such a methodology have any effect on better perceiving a jerk? IME, women jerks tend to be emotional vampires and unstable, so experience has taught me pretty well how to discern them. The key is turning off/toning down my libido, which obviates any chances of sport f*cking, as well as them manipulating me with sexual innuendos. It's only during vulnerable periods, like now going through a divorce, that I find it hard to do. Women, as I know them to be just as sexual as men, just having different parameters to express it, do this all the time when dating (suppress their libido) and it is seen in the questions here about 'too soon?'. Well, more food for the OP Men in general are after sex, but jerks more so. A decent guy doesn't get pushy about sex, and doesn't try to initiate sex in the first few dates or couple of weeks of seeing a decent girl, simply because he's scared of putting her off. But good players can tell when to back off, so it is hard to tell. It gets even harder if the women is turned on as well, then she's not thinking clearly.
CaliGuy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Men in general are after sex, but jerks more so. A decent guy doesn't get pushy about sex, and doesn't try to initiate sex in the first few dates or couple of weeks of seeing a decent girl, simply because he's scared of putting her off. But good players can tell when to back off, so it is hard to tell. It gets even harder if the women is turned on as well, then she's not thinking clearly. Yes and no. The thing about a "player" is that they don't have to push for sex because they have options A/B/C/D/E/F/G (etc) lined up so if "Target A" says no, the simply call Target B and so on and so on. A good, well-balanced man's motives are never 100% centered around sex and getting his own needs met at the expense of someone else.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Yes and no. The thing about a "player" is that they don't have to push for sex because they have options A/B/C/D/E/F/G (etc) lined up so if "Target A" says no, the simply call Target B and so on and so on. A good, well-balanced man's motives are never 100% centered around sex and getting his own needs met at the expense of someone else. Yeah, that's why I said a good player will know to back off, many players will however make a move early on. Thing is, a decent guy won't want to scare the girl by even making a move too early on.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 I can scare a girl away by saying "hello". Others can horribly mistreat her and she will still come back for more. lol, that's why I started this thread......
CaliGuy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I can scare a girl away by saying "hello". Others can horribly mistreat her and she will still come back for more. When a girl isn't interested in you (based on looks alone, having not met and talked to you) anything you say or do will be perceived as "scaring her away." That's not really the problem. Extremely good looking men usually fall into two categories: Well-balanced/Good Men or JERKS. Women fall for good looking, smooth talking men, regardless of whether they are jerks or good men. The problem is a jerk knows exactly what to say to keep them around and wanting more. A good man won't play games but he also has enough self-respect to not put up with her crap (should she dole it out). A doormat, regardless of his looks, won't keep a woman very long (and in many cases, he can't even attract them because his personality is a huge turn off).
caramel c Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Thank goodness I haven't had the displeasure of having a relationship with a bad guy, or a 'jerk'. I'm sure I've gone out with a couple of them once or twice, but nothing close to serious. No thank you. Usually, its quite obvious if a guy is a jerk. Also, I am surely uninterested in a project, I have enough of those at work. lol If he isn't what I'm looking for there is no desire to mold him into a decent person for my benefit.
stillafool Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 You keep perputating that men go after "hottie" bad girls. I've never gone after this type of girl and I don't want anything to do with this type of girl. You are only one man out of a million. Most (okay not you) men complain that they can't get a girl because they all want the "jerk" type of guy. I suggest they lower their standards and date an "average girl" but they don't want to do that. If you are not turned on by those women than good for you. But most men are visual and want a goodlooking woman. Men on this thread have referred to women as "the desirable women", or the "women men WANT". You are rude as hell to call me a liar. I didn't call you names did I? I can tell you men this. A guy doesn't have to be goodlooking or rich to be a "player". It is a "charisma, charm and chemistry" about these men that make a woman want to conquer him and win his love. For some of us women; capturing the love of a "player" means you are the prettiest and the sexiest. Much the way some men feel who choose women for "eye candy". It is clearly an ego trip. Hkizzle there is a movie called "What love is" that you should rent. It is men and womens views on this very subject.
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I can tell you men this. A guy doesn't have to be goodlooking or rich to be a "player". It is a "charisma, charm and chemistry" about these men that make a woman want to conquer him and win his love. For some of us women; capturing the love of a "player" means you are the prettiest and the sexiest. Much the way some men feel who choose women for "eye candy". It is clearly an ego trip. The problem with this theory is that if you do win him, what have you really won?! Definitely not someone worth keeping. Especially when the chase is over and you get bored. That or he ends up cheating on you. Bona-fied players?! They don't want to be caught. It cramps their "little black book of fun...." Good, well balanced men are somewhat of a challenge, but when you catch them, they are damn well worth keeping.
monkey00 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Good, well balanced men are somewhat of a challenge, but when you catch them, they are damn well worth keeping. Hell yeah. A good head on their shoulders, well-rounded and well-off. The best of both worlds, what more could a woman ask for? Anyway I've seen a lot of well-balanced women go out with losers (not necessarily jerks), and these women have a lot going for them too. Sometimes it makes me wonder if these women are really well-balanced or if they have such poor self-esteem that they don't think they could do better?
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Hell yeah. A good head on their shoulders, well-rounded and well-off. The best of both worlds, what more could a woman ask for? Anyway I've seen a lot of well-balanced women go out with losers (not necessarily jerks), and these women have a lot going for them too. Sometimes it makes me wonder if these women are really well-balanced or if they have such poor self-esteem that they don't think they could do better? They may appear well-balanced but are not if they are dating jerks. A good, well-balanced woman can smell a bad guy a mile away and will avoid them like the plague. I recon the ones you see are insecure in some form/fashion. Otherwise, they'd know they can do a lot better
stillafool Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 The problem with this theory is that if you do win him, what have you really won?! Definitely not someone worth keeping. Especially when the chase is over and you get bored. That or he ends up cheating on you. Bona-fied players?! They don't want to be caught. It cramps their "little black book of fun...." Good, well balanced men are somewhat of a challenge, but when you catch them, they are damn well worth keeping. I absolutely agree with you. That is why these guys never appealed to me. You are right that players don't want to get caught. That is why women who want them really feel like they have won "the prize" when they do catch one.
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I absolutely agree with you. That is why these guys never appealed to me. You are right that players don't want to get caught. That is why women who want them really feel like they have won "the prize" when they do catch one. Ever see one of those game shows where you can pick the "known" prize or the MYSTERIOUS prize behind door #3? You know, where they pass up some really great prize like a motorcycle for a shoe polisher?! Well pursuing, dating and catching a player is sort of like that. Women who do engage in this behavior think that they can do something no other woman can do (doubtful). They think they can make this "bad boy good". It's a challenge (and to them, a fun and interesting one). But if they DO catch this guy, thinking he's changed, well see -- this is where infidelity and divorce come from. This is why divorce is so high in the USA. It's not because we don't have people with scruples and morals. On the contrary, I think we have a lot of them still left. The problem comes from good people making very BAD decisions when it comes to marriage. The very core nature of a jerk/bad boy/player is to score as many women as they can. It's their sole reason for existence. And if you think "Hey, I can change this guy. I can do something no other woman can do -- tame the beast!" ...well, misery is what you're asking for (I know, but you "LOVE HIM", right?!) When you pass up a good, well balanced and decent man for "just a little more excitement", misery is exactly what you're asking for. I used the "model" girl that I dated as an example. As hot as she was, I knew that her head was not right and she would have made a terrible wife (great arm candy, probably a rock star in the sack, but overall, I'd give her a 2 out of 10 rating as wife potential). You have to learn to be disciplined to heed red flags and GTFO of dodge before you entwine your emotions so deeply in a person that you simply can't see them for what they really are.
bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 My opinion: In my personal experience (my friends who date jerky guys) there is usually a common denominator. They date jerky guys because their father is jerky, or out of the picture. The friends I have who date sweet, caring guys, have sweet caring dads. I am not saying this is the standard, just something I have noticed. My two cents. Me? I date funny guys with great voices, well read, short and full of positive energy. Because my dad is. Sick huh?
stillafool Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 But if they DO catch this guy, thinking he's changed, well see -- this is where infidelity and divorce come from. This is why divorce is so high in the USA. It's not because we don't have people with scruples and morals. On the contrary, I think we have a lot of them still left. The problem comes from good people making very BAD decisions when it comes to marriage. The very core nature of a jerk/bad boy/player is to score as many women as they can. It's their sole reason for existence. And if you think "Hey, I can change this guy. I can do something no other woman can do -- tame the beast!" ...well, misery is what you're asking for (I know, but you "LOVE HIM", right?!) When you pass up a good, well balanced and decent man for "just a little more excitement", misery is exactly what you're asking for. I used the "model" girl that I dated as an example. As hot as she was, I knew that her head was not right and she would have made a terrible wife (great arm candy, probably a rock star in the sack, but overall, I'd give her a 2 out of 10 rating as wife potential). You have to learn to be disciplined to heed red flags and GTFO of dodge before you entwine your emotions so deeply in a person that you simply can't see them for what they really are. You are absolutely correct about most women who end up marrying these guys.l I've seen beautiful women marry those type of men and you see them 10 years down the line and they have aged tremendously from the stress of trying to hold on to the "player" they married.
CaliGuy Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 You are absolutely correct about most women who end up marrying these guys.l I've seen beautiful women marry those type of men and you see them 10 years down the line and they have aged tremendously from the stress of trying to hold on to the "player" they married. Problem is, they will NEVER listen to anyone's advice. They always think "if I just try harder, he will love me enough to change..." No and no. Never happens.
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