Talk about your attitude toward your current relationship/non-relationship status

[GoodOnPaper]

Therefore I think it's smart, prudent, and much more realistic to marry someone you get along with, enjoy spending time with, etc., NOT someone you're "in love with." Cuz then what happens when you're not in love anymore?

 

You at least have a reference point to work back to. Speaking as someone who settled, I think the initial crazy-in-love phase provides the foundation for long-term intimacy. Without the intimacy, motivating yourself to do the household-running and child-raising is painfully difficult. Without the intimacy, you can never reach this:

 

I believe that it's important to be with someone you're COMFORTABLE with. That's something quite vital for me at least. I need someone I can be at ease with and be myself, with whom I don't have to tread eggshells but can say and do whatever and know he will always accept me for all those.

[Bayern]

At my age (18) I am interested in females a whole lot. That being said, I'm not going to chase almost at all - I have things I want to do with my life and I need to get a lot of things done now (when my dating range of women hasn't fully matured...and it would be arrogant to say I have too).

 

That being said, if a women drop rather large hints I wouldn't turn them down, but I'm not going to parties looking to hook up and I'm certainly not wasting much time chasing them.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I may have to change my "status" to romantic roadkill...and nervous as hell. May explain later, depending on outcome.

[Cora]

Being single used to really bother me and it was never by choice. Now I just think it's easier for me. I am starting to realize that there is so much more to life than worrying about being in a relationship or not. I have a lot yet to learn. I still act childish and naive sometimes about these things, which tells me I have so much more room to grow and mature. I'm in no way ready for a relationship and I'd be fooling myself if I thought I were. I go back on my word a lot and I'll find some new guy from time to time whenever I think I'm ready and can handle it. I'll allow him to use me or I'll settle for a guy who isn't really into me just because I think I don't deserve any better. I know deep down that I do, but it's those days when I am feeling really lonely and when I think I'll never find anyone that I'll settle for some guy just because I'm afraid of being alone. I'm trying to learn to be more self sufficient and not rely on a guy for my happiness. I do get jealous at times when I see my friends in new relationships. I just try to take a step back and say it's just not my time yet and when I'm ready it will happen.

[clv0116]

All good here. I'm a little nervous about the LTR thing but I guess it's a natural progression.

[pandagirl]

How many of you choose to be single, and why?

I don't know if I'm choosing necessarily, but I am not actively looking to date or be in a relationship. I just find dating takes too much energy and focus away from my personal needs and career aspirations. Of course, I think you have happiness in all areas of life, but I haven't found anyone that "fits" me yet. But I don't think *I* even "fit" ME yet. I'm still working on that.

 

How many of you are green eyed when you know of friends with new SOs? Why?

Nope. I would say 85% of my friends are married, with a good portion of those couples with babies. We're all still close and social.

How do you feel about your current relationship/non-relationship status?

Sometimes I feel like if I met the right person, I could be happy in a relationship. Other times, I think even if I met the right person, I wouldn't be ready for it. And sometimes I think I don't want to get married until I'm 50+. haha.

 

Right now my goal is to become a full, happy person on my own; to find an inner calmness and strength that will carry me through life unabated.

[redhighheels]

I'm currently single and I have been single for about a year now. I am currently dating, but I'm not sure if I want a serious LTR, it's just a nice distraction from everyday life - shooting the s**t, if you will. My longest self-imposed break lasted three years, and I've never had a problem being single. In fact, I find it really hard to switch to "relationship mode", I guess I'm being too used to being by myself and find it hard to limit my freedom - that's something I have to work on. But yeah, right now I can take it or leave and I'm cool with it either way.

[tinklebell]

From seeing the last few replies, I thought of this. The funny thing is when I was in some relationships and at certain points of them, I told myself that it was better not to be in relationships. Now that I've been off them, I want to go back in and tell myself whatever it is, I want in. I've probably forgotten how hurt I was then or I just miss relationships too much.

 

Anyone felt the same way with "amnesia?"

[Isolde]

I might have a different read on settling, but the way I see it, the strongest marriages aren't built on settling. They are built on the mutual ability to be and remain genuine friends even after the roses drop from around the doorway. That isn't settling for someone, that is growing with someone.

 

Yes!

 

Some people don't see the difference between settling and what you described. But there is a big difference. With those kinds of foundations, everything's built on love, and love changes over time, but it doesn't become bitter or stale.

 

As for this whole "choose someone just beyond your "yuck" threshold, I have a major problem with that wording. It's not about numbers on the scale, it's simply about whether you feel attraction or not. And if you are attracted, a not that hot guy will seem hot and exciting and thrilling to you; it'll be a non-issue.

 

I guess I just believe that attraction develops where it should and trying to force it too much isn't generally a good idea.

[Saxis]

How many of you choose to be single, and why?

Currently not applicable. May be in the near future...

How many of you are green eyed when you know of friends with new SOs? Why?

I don't pay heed to who my friends date. Most are married with children. A couple others don't date at all, not for lack of want; they just don't get out enough.

How do you feel about your current relationship/non-relationship status?

I think it was probably a mistake and it could end soon. I was a dedicated family man not long ago, trying to keep a marriage together. It hasn't been a pleasant ride through divorce and it wasn't worth the extra trouble over a standard monogamous relationship. Also, I don't want any more kids an she does. It's possible I change my mind over time, but what if I don't? That's not fair to her...

[Isolde]

I realize that a lot of marriages don't last, but there's no reason to think that romance inevitably dies. In long marriages, it's not uncommon for the "in love" feeling to come and go in spurts, changing as the people in it change. Of course what I describe is rare, but it's definitely not impossible as some of you make it out to be.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I'm with you, Isolde. The love changes, grows, and matures. Some people see it as a "bad" thing when that's not necessarily what it is. Of course it's going to "cool down." But I don't see anything wrong with that. It's when love gets past the forest-fire stage that security can begin.

[pandagirl]

I'm with you, Isolde. The love changes, grows, and matures. Some people see it as a "bad" thing when that's not necessarily what it is. Of course it's going to "cool down." But I don't see anything wrong with that. It's when love gets past the forest-fire stage that security can begin.

 

Maybe I'm weird, but I actually rather prefer the "warm and fuzzy" stage to the "hot to trot" phase!

[D-Lish]

I've been "single" going on 4 years. I've had short stretches of seeing someone for maybe 3 months. I got out of a marriage 7 years ago and I just haven't found anyone I want to give my heart to.

 

I go through periods where I get a little lonley, but all in all I am comfortable with my status.

 

I honestly don't think I'll ever truly find that "right" person for me and right now I am okay with that. If it happens, great, if it doesn't- that's fine too.

[bhweller]

I am now single and this time I am cool with it.

 

If I found a great girl I would date her exclusively but not let her move in or marry her, and eventually one of us would move on. And thats ok, its part of personal growth and the way it really should be. Sticking with one person for life is a false ideal and a huge cause of suffering.

 

I have had my share of pain, mostly due to my own choosing of women who will hurt me. I now see my patterns and I own all of my relationships because I created them, both good and bad. You will not see me jealous of anyone else's relationship because they are human like me and are not immune to pain, in fact they are more setup for pain than the single.

[caramel c]

I am getting over a breakup, the first time I was ever dumped. Ouch.

 

But, my attitude before this most recent relationship that I am going back to asap is 'better single than sorry'. I am happy to report that I don't have any regrets in relationships, only a few lessons learned along the way.