tami-chan Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 But you did, remember? Doing the affair, you couldn't be physically and romantically involved with your W... You shut off feelings for you W pretty quickly if you ask me. 8 yrs of marriage shut down for a 8 month affair. You can do it, if you wanted to . First, he felt physical attraction to the OW, then developed emotional attachment...then "shut off feelings for the wife"... So he needs to do the same....the question to Devil Inside: Are you physically attracted to your wife NOW? you know, she no longer looks like she did when you first met her....(and neither do you, I am sure-not that that's bad). Men are so disturbingly visual....we encourage it, too! <shakes head> Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devil Inside Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 . First, he felt physical attraction to the OW, then developed emotional attachment...then "shut off feelings for the wife"... So he needs to do the same....the question to Devil Inside: Are you physically attracted to your wife NOW? you know, she no longer looks like she did when you first met her....(and neither do you, I am sure-not that that's bad). Men are so disturbingly visual....we encourage it, too! <shakes head> I am not nearly as attracted to my W as I was to my xOW. Not even close. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Devil Inside - Are you SURE you want to work on your marriage? I mean, positive? Without a doubt? Enough to stop flirting with other women? I get the impression that you "sort of" want to but that you are TOTALLY open to another affair should it present itself or if on the slim chance your OW came back. I'd like to think that I read people fairly well, even electronically. So tell me, am I way off base? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devil Inside Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Devil Inside - Are you SURE you want to work on your marriage? I mean, positive? Without a doubt? Enough to stop flirting with other women? I get the impression that you "sort of" want to but that you are TOTALLY open to another affair should it present itself or if on the slim chance your OW came back. I'd like to think that I read people fairly well, even electronically. So tell me, am I way off base? I am not open to another affair. At this point I want to be a full time father to my children. I want to be with my wife. I am still assessing whether I can recapture what we lost all those years ago. I also realize that it may not work out, and that I may need to give both her and I the chance to be happy apart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devil Inside Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Devil Inside - Are you SURE you want to work on your marriage? I mean, positive? Without a doubt? Enough to stop flirting with other women? I get the impression that you "sort of" want to but that you are TOTALLY open to another affair should it present itself or if on the slim chance your OW came back. I'd like to think that I read people fairly well, even electronically. So tell me, am I way off base? And you're right...I am a flirt. I suppose this shows lack of commitment to my marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I am not open to another affair. At this point I want to be a full time father to my children. I want to be with my wife. I am still assessing whether I can recapture what we lost all those years ago. I also realize that it may not work out, and that I may need to give both her and I the chance to be happy apart. I only ask this because you and I have posted on some of the same threads and I noticed that you flirted (very sexually) with one of the notorious Other Women on this board. Which is fine in and of itself, but not meshing with trying to "rekindle" your sexual connection with your wife. Just an observation. Your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devil Inside Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 I only ask this because you and I have posted on some of the same threads and I noticed that you flirted (very sexually) with one of the notorious Other Women on this board. Which is fine in and of itself, but not meshing with trying to "rekindle" your sexual connection with your wife. Just an observation. Your thoughts? I hear you AC. I have always been a flirt. However I can see how spreading my energy...even on a forum with someone I don't know...is not going to make me more in touch with my wife. It is a fair observation. I need to be putting this flirty energy into my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Have you given any more thought to telling your wife? What criteria are you using to determine whether or not you will? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Have you given any more thought to telling your wife? What criteria are you using to determine whether or not you will? Telling his W might help in the sexual energy department BUT it will only last for a few weeks/months if he doesn't find a way to tune back in to her in that time period. (Hysterical bonding) Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I am not nearly as attracted to my W as I was to my xOW. Not even close. As a fBS, I hope your wife will never find out that you have to work really, really hard to even find her "close" to being attractive again....ugh...that really stings. But thank you for your honesty. I hope you will not be flamed for the statement above. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 As a fBS, I hope your wife will never find out that you have to work really, really hard to even find her "close" to being attractive again....ugh...that really stings. But thank you for your honesty. I hope you will not be flamed for the statement above. Good point Tami. But I think that anyone who might flame him would be taking a personal affront from it. I gather that the OP is attracted more to what isn't his. No offense OP. But I suspect that if your wife left you, you'd start noticing little things about her that drive you wild. Again, I could be off base. But this OP is hitting some strong familiarity vibes with me. I've known and been involved with men like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Pillow Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I also realize that it may not work out, and that I may need to give both her and I the chance to be happy apart. So, you're just going to take your time deciding for your W and you? Whenever you feel ready to decide what your W wants to do with her life, I'm sure you'd tell her. Kick back and think it over as many times as you want- it's your decision... of course Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 We've discussed divorce and she told me what would happen. She would only be doing it for financial reasons...to move in with her parents. I did tell her I wasn't in love with her. She said that she wanted us to work. She doesn't, however, know about the affair. Devil.. I only read up to this post.. PLEASE.. PLEASE.. PLEASE.. DO NOT tell your wife... that would be a HUGE mistake.. I know a lot of people will say that you have to tell her.. but PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM... it will only make it impossible for both of you to work on your marriage.. not ALL truths are good to say. If you divulge this secret to your wife.. it will probably be almost impossible for her to forgive you.. she will never ever trust you again.. it will be HELL for both of you.. and GUESS who will suffer the most.. YOUR KIDS. So PLEASE.. keep this for yourself.. and if you really want to work on your marriage.. DO NOT see this OW again.. and do your best to move on and concentrate on your little treasures.. they are the one who deserve the most to be happy.. You made them.. now you are responsible for them.. and their happiness should always comes first.. no matter what. So.. again.. please make sure you know what you're doing.. if you decide to tell your secret.. you might bitterly regret it.. Link to post Share on other sites
Pillow Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 "My Ow is a class act" you said Devil. Do you think your W's exOM was a class act? Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 "My Ow is a class act" you said Devil. Do you think your W's exOM was a class act? here we go...and so the dance starts... Pillow, wouldn't that question be something that will have to be ask to his wife? Maybe he should ask his wife....OP how about it, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
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