Questions for both sides

[Sanafa]

I am not aware of a poster having the authority to actually tell and expect others to not post on a thread they posted. So, as far as I know, I can continue to post in this thread as frequently as I desire.

 

I don't know why you have to start calling me needy or other pointless insults. My posts bring out a truly ugly side of you. A side that was apparent from your first post claiming to want both sides.

 

I have disagreed with you. I have apologized for my tone in a previous post. But all you have done is lie claiming that I misquoted you. All you have done is attempt to insult me with nasty remarks and the like. It would be so nice if you would show the class you claim to be demanding.

 

Its really funny reading your obvious double-speak. In one post you attempt to demean me by saying that I post in multiple areas. In the above QUOTED one, you try to tell me to go away and post in one of the many other areas in LS. You can't have it both ways, and yet you try. Its one of the ironies about reading your posts.

 

I will say it again. You have barely attempted to understand the other side. Most of this thread has been about you wondering why the BW has accepted a reconciliation attempt from the MM that you are supposedly in NC with. I have hoped that you would actually learn something beyong the stereotypes that you have chosen to believe. But you have attacked me instead.

 

As long as this thread remains interesting, I will continue to post on it. You are free to put me on Ignore. I have missed wherever you claim to have "politely" asked me anything.

 

 

I have politely asked that you refrain from posting in reference to Me, and I do believe I have right to ask that.

 

Can I ask you why - as you say, your online personality brings out my negative side-Why would you continue to want to participate in a thread I am fully participating in.

 

I could care less if you spend every waking moment on LS ( trust me, I really don't care) and yes, there are many areas that you could choose to participate in that would not directly engage me.

 

I am happy to hear and even agree with many opposing opinions, YOURS on the other hand as I have said simply comes off as "other's" and to be honest, much like you find me rude - I find you needy. ( no difference really, neither myself or YOU have the right to suggest, but here we are).

 

Understand though that I do find your opinions more like statements and I have asked politely several times especially early on when we first started going back and fourth.

 

You can stay, but understand that I also will respond specifically based on your behavior as well.

 

I don't see why....but whatever floats your boat.

[Sanafa]

I hope you continue posting on any forum where you find topics of interest. Please do be prepared to not like everything that may be posted in response to your posts, though!!

 

I am fine with that.... in fact we don't always agree... that's ok and still haven't been overly rude to one another.

 

And funny enough last night, I truly felt with Syd that we got somewhere.... both of us were reminded, even if for just a moment that everyone in this triangle is hurt..... extremely and often like pain they have never felt before.

 

I am not in the camp that wants to hate BS or put them all in the same category.....and jarring with Syd and coming to realize that we both could find some understanding and really feel what the other was saying is worth it to me.

[bentnotbroken]

I have politely asked that you refrain from posting in reference to Me, and I do believe I have right to ask that.

 

Can I ask you why - as you say, your online personality brings out my negative side-Why would you continue to want to participate in a thread I am fully participating in.

 

I could care less if you spend every waking moment on LS ( trust me, I really don't care) and yes, there are many areas that you could choose to participate in that would not directly engage me.

 

I am happy to hear and even agree with many opposing opinions, YOURS on the other hand as I have said simply comes off as "other's" and to be honest, much like you find me rude - I find you needy. ( no difference really, neither myself or YOU have the right to suggest, but here we are).

 

Understand though that I do find your opinions more like statements and I have asked politely several times especially early on when we first started going back and fourth.

 

You can stay, but understand that I also will respond specifically based on your behavior as well.

 

I don't see why....but whatever floats your boat.

 

 

There is something so off here. This is so overreacting to one poster. What's wrong with the ignore button instead of engaging in banter? If you don't want her to post, don't respond. We are talking about adults here, right? You tell her not to post, like a child who keeps saying she is looking at me. She is responding because you keep saying it. It's finding the chink in the armour.

[tami-chan]

:lmao: If he had that, there probably would not have been the situation in the first place!!!

 

Well, my H told the OW that came to my house to leave, that she was psycho, etc. ( bad scene for OW) and that was the end of the relationship. She called me a few times more after, in one of the calls she said she hated my H...I do not think she hated me and why would she? And that's what I am saying, if the H tells the OW that he loves his wife, etc. etc. without throwing the wife under the bus, the OW will not have strong negative feelings for the wife ( at least, I don't think so).

 

There are MMs who are upfront with their status and their bottom line-they love their wives and will not leave their marriages. If a woman chooses to accept this given, then she has no right to be upset when the time comes.

 

Then there are men who just use their wives and tell horrific stories of mental abuse( or what not) to the OWs!:mad: When D-day comes, the same men tell the same horrific stories(ok , maybe different details)to their wives about the OWs-"can't leave her YET, because she threatened to kill herself or tell my employer":mad::mad:...then vice versa...they play this game of ping-pong to suit them!

 

So all these angry BSs and angry OWs directing your anger to each ...well, you've been had!

[Sanafa]

There is something so off here. This is so overreacting to one poster. What's wrong with the ignore button instead of engaging in banter? If you don't want her to post, don't respond. We are talking about adults here, right? You tell her not to post, like a child who keeps saying she is looking at me. She is responding because you keep saying it. It's finding the chink in the armour.

 

 

Actually, childish would be if I was chasing her all over the board and continuing to engage her. I do not, in fact I haven't done any such thing. I asked her to refrain from reffering to ME....., again imo, I am entitled to that.

 

I have not continue to engage her and find it amazing that she would want to continue, she isn't continuing in this thread with anything other than innuendo's an assumptions like " MM that you are supposedly in NC with"

 

I am not going to ignore her, but she should be prepared for comments like that to get a response that she as well may not like.

[Sanafa]

Why do you bother responding to me if you truly desire not to *speak* with me? I don't get it. Only to post more baseless insults? I haven't called you anything - nothing at all. And yet you persist with this "needy" thing.

 

Its mind boggling, the depths of your hypocrisy. I, and some others, posted that we didn't feel that you were interested in both sides. And its still pretty clear that you aren't. Just be honest with yourself about that because you aren't fooling anyone BUT yourself with that assertion. But I was attacked as "misquoting" you. Never happened. Have you apologized for the obvious mistruth you kept spouting? No. But I shouldn't expect an apology from someone who still can't see clearly just coming out of an affair (and I don't mean that as an insult, its a fact that you are likely not seeing clearly yet by reason of hormones and the like).

 

I never said I found you rude. I said you haven't been politely asking me anything. My online personality doesn't bring out the worse in you. You clearly let that out of the bag all by yourself. It was a choice you made to continue being combative and contrary towards me.

 

And, thanks, but I never needed your permission to stay. You continue to post to me saying that you don't want to post to me. Its confusing, to say the least. This thread does have others posting in it other than just you and I. Its pretty arrogant of you to think that you are my only reason for posting in this thread.

 

I am certain I am the only reason. As your initial return was nothing short of assumptions and innuendo's.

 

I am fine with you staying, but as I said be prepared for me to throw the same insults and assumptions back at you.

 

Do you see what I am saying- It benifits no one. I have jarred with a few here and we have still managed to remain civil and hear each other.

 

Done dancing with you.

 

Refer to me in a post and I will certainly respond, I can assure you of that.

[bentnotbroken]

Actually, childish would be if I was chasing her all over the board and continuing to engage her. I do not, in fact I haven't done any such thing. I asked her to refrain from reffering to ME....., again imo, I am entitled to that.

 

I have not continue to engage her and find it amazing that she would want to continue, she isn't continuing in this thread with anything other than innuendo's an assumptions like " MM that you are supposedly in NC with"

 

I am not going to ignore her, but she should be prepared for comments like that to get a response that she as well may not like.

 

 

Isn't this a public board?

[Sanafa]

Isn't this a public board?

 

What's your point?

 

It certainly is, however I still believe I have a right to ask her to refrain from speaking directly about ME.

 

However as I also said - whether you or anyone else believes it, it speaks FAR more about her than me.

 

I have not once started with her other than when she yet again posts here, and specifically when she starts throwing her assumptions in the mix.

 

Say what you will.... it makes no difference, but I have clearly left her alone only to find her butting her typing fingers in there with more assumptions about me.

[Sanafa]

Empty threats. I thought you said you were the mature one in this? Now you are threatening me if I even just mention you in a post?

 

Your ego knows no bounds, apparently.

 

 

You really are one NEEDY woman

 

I say "done dancing with you" and you a Threat

 

Is that so people can come to your defense.

 

I am truly serious here, you need to step back and wonder why you can't understand the concept of done but yes, if you want the dirt given back, I am happy to oblige.

[tami-chan]

But isn't that kinda weird that one would take time to respond to the OP and expect to be ignored or asked to be ignored? why post at all? unless of course, you are hoping that you will not be ignored(indeed, hoping that one would draw some kind of response from the OP)? Hehe...love the little game..

 

Sanafa, many BSs hate the guts of strong OWs. It's all there is to it... they only like OWs that are suffering, who do not challenge what they want to believe is the truth( theri version of the truth) from their Cheating spouses.

 

But you probably know that already....

[bentnotbroken]

What's your point?

 

It certainly is, however I still believe I have a right to ask her to refrain from speaking directly about ME.

 

However as I also said - whether you or anyone else believes it, it speaks FAR more about her than me.

 

I have not once started with her other than when she yet again posts here, and specifically when she starts throwing her assumptions in the mix.

 

Say what you will.... it makes no difference, but I have clearly left her alone only to find her butting her typing fingers in there with more assumptions about me.

 

 

My point is...is it worth the obvious angst and hard feelings? If something is truly bothersome( I don't know if it is or not) the ignore button makes life so much easier, don't you think?

[NoIDidn't]

You really are one NEEDY woman

 

I say "done dancing with you" and you a Threat

 

Is that so people can come to your defense.

 

I am truly serious here, you need to step back and wonder why you can't understand the concept of done but yes, if you want the dirt given back, I am happy to oblige.

 

But I'm not the one throwing the dirt. You are. You are still calling me names that aren't anywhere near the truth and practically threatening me if I even mention you in a post.

 

I'm serious about your ego. Its a shame you claim to be able to see my problems and are so ignorant about your own.

[Sanafa]

But isn't that kinda weird that one would take time to respond to the OP and expect to be ignored or asked to be ignored? why post at all? unless of course, you are hoping that you will not be ignored(indeed, hoping that one would draw some kind of response from the OP)? Hehe...love the little game..

 

Sanafa, many BSs hate the guts of strong OWs. It's all there is to it... they only like OWs that are suffering, who do not challenge what they want to believe is the truth( theri version of the truth) from their Cheating spouses.

 

But you probably know that already....

 

Not all Tami, but yes of course some... hence the needy feel I get, if she wanted to be ignored in a thread, why would she post and not only that but direct the comments/assumptions directly at me.

 

And there is a difference between OW... for sure, I am stronger, did not get played by my MM ( he was honest from the get go...so I have no good reason to be angry with his wife... only natural anger periods at him and me)

 

And like the rational ones have said, lots of pain, so it is difficult to hear that maybe the MM has not been 100% in recovery.

 

What I find bizarre is NID is worried about recovery but then suggests to me that I may not be in NC with my MM. Most often our own fears are placed on others.......

[Sanafa]

But I'm not the one throwing the dirt. You are. You are still calling me names that aren't anywhere near the truth and practically threatening me if I even mention you in a post.

 

I'm serious about your ego. Its a shame you claim to be able to see my problems and are so ignorant about your own.

 

 

I am not arrogant about my own.... I have them for sure. However you and I are not going to be able to help each other and PLEASE STOP SAYING I THREATENED YOU.... if that isn't needy looking for defenders and poor you's... I don't know what is.

 

You come here, make assumptions about NC with my MM, assumptions about me and then can deal like an Adult when I address it.

 

Move on NID... .seriously, it is truly getting old.

 

BTW --- Needy is not name calling..... it is a opinion!!!!

[NoIDidn't]

I don't need any defenders. I am not summoning any to my side as you keep trying to say.

 

All I can say is pot/kettle to your opinion that comes off like a statement that I am needy. LOL.

 

Its been said before. Your posts are full of irony. Its too bad you aren't capable of see it for what it is.

 

And you are overreacting to my posts. You did so at the very beginning. And you continue to. Believe me, your saying "it speaks more about her" is empty. I'm not the one hear threatening to jump down another poster's throat for just mentioning me in a post.

 

It is a threat. You might as well have just said "bring it".

 

If its getting so old, you have always had the power to Ignore me. But you say "I'll throw it back at you". Seriously, when are you going to take your own advice?

[Sanafa]

I don't need any defenders. I am not summoning any to my side as you keep trying to say.

 

All I can say is pot/kettle to your opinion that comes off like a statement that I am needy. LOL.

 

Its been said before. Your posts are full of irony. Its too bad you aren't capable of see it for what it is.

 

And you are overreacting to my posts. You did so at the very beginning. And you continue to. Believe me, your saying "it speaks more about her" is empty. I'm not the one hear threatening to jump down another poster's throat for just mentioning me in a post.

 

It is a threat. You might as well have just said "bring it".

 

If its getting so old, you have always had the power to Ignore me. But you say "I'll throw it back at you". Seriously, when are you going to take your own advice?

 

 

When you stop posting in reference to me.

 

Simple really when you think about it.

[tami-chan]

My point is...is it worth the obvious angst and hard feelings? If something is truly bothersome( I don't know if it is or not) the ignore button makes life so much easier, don't you think?

 

This is Sanafa's thread, so obviously she is interested in all the responses. But you are right, for all others who are obviously in "angst" and have "hard feelings"about her responses, one might add, instead of the ignore button, why come back and post at all? you see it works both ways..but you only suggested to OP the ignore button, you could have suggested to the other to step back, too. JMHO.

[herenow]

So, I'm at work and I don't have time to read 11 pages, but I just wanted to answer from my POV.

 

First, many BW don't fight for a MM who cheated on them. Many, including myself, would rather be without their H if he would rather be with an OW. Many, again including myself, insisted that their MM leave when they found out about the cheating. So, no I don't think you can say that the BW is "needy" or has low self-esteem or whatever.

 

In many cases, it's the MM who comes back begging to do anything to get the BW to take him back. I never threatened him, I just asked him to leave. I never used the kids. As a matter of fact, I made an appointment with a therapist the day after d-day. Not to talk about our marriage, to talk about the best way to deal with the kids and divorce. To make sure that we were successful parents even though our marriage was over. Finances are not an issues, we both have our own businesses and would be fine apart. Embarrassment of divorce is not an issue. We both have family and friends who have gotten divorced for similar reasons and remain good parents in spite of it.

 

I have had many private conversations with other BW who have the same story as I do. I think the self-esteem problems lye with the MM. I think the affair is all about the MM and his issues. I really don't think affairs have anything to do with the BW or the OW. It's all about the MM getting something he is missing inside him. If the OW is willing to provide that, then he gets his fix. In many cases, the fog lifts when the MM realizes what he is about to lose. Then the begging begins. But, like I said, it's not the BW doing the begging. JMO

[bentnotbroken]

This is Sanafa's thread, so obviously she is interested in all the responses. But you are right, for all others who are obviously in "angst" and have "hard feelings"about her responses, one might add, instead of the ignore button, why come back and post at all? you see it works both ways..but you only suggested to OP the ignore button, you could have suggested to the other to step back, too. JMHO.

 

 

I talked to the OP because she seemed to be more and more disturbed by a particular person responding to her. It appeared it pained her and really upset her. To ask for no responses from particular people is her right, but she doesn't mean she will necessarily receive what she desires. It just seemed easier to hit the ignore button. Isn't that what you advise some people who you think would be better off ignoring certain posters, that's all I did.

[Sanafa]

So, I'm at work and I don't have time to read 11 pages, but I just wanted to answer from my POV.

 

First, many BW don't fight for a MM who cheated on them. Many, including myself, would rather be without their H if he would rather be with an OW. Many, again including myself, insisted that their MM leave when they found out about the cheating. So, no I don't think you can say that the BW is "needy" or has low self-esteem or whatever.

 

In many cases, it's the MM who comes back begging to do anything to get the BW to take him back. I never threatened him, I just asked him to leave. I never used the kids. As a matter of fact, I made an appointment with a therapist the day after d-day. Not to talk about our marriage, to talk about the best way to deal with the kids and divorce. To make sure that we were successful parents even though our marriage was over. Finances are not an issues, we both have our own businesses and would be fine apart. Embarrassment of divorce is not an issue. We both have family and friends who have gotten divorced for similar reasons and remain good parents in spite of it.

 

I have had many private conversations with other BW who have the same story as I do. I think the self-esteem problems lye with the MM. I think the affair is all about the MM and his issues. I really don't think affairs have anything to do with the BW or the OW. It's all about the MM getting something he is missing inside him. If the OW is willing to provide that, then he gets his fix. In many cases, the fog lifts when the MM realizes what he is about to lose. Then the begging begins. But, like I said, it's not the BW doing the begging. JMO

 

Thanks for a great post, I really do agree with what you have said.

 

But I want to clarify, my "needy" comment was directed solely at one individual and I really do not believe the majority of BS fall in that category. And I agree, reality hits when the MM realizes all he is going to lose, no question.

[Sanafa]

I talked to the OP because she seemed to be more and more disturbed by a particular person responding to her. It appeared it pained her and really upset her. To ask for no responses from particular people is her right, but she doesn't mean she will necessarily receive what she desires. It just seemed easier to hit the ignore button. Isn't that what you advise some people who you think would be better off ignoring certain posters, that's all I did.

 

Thanks bent, I understand ..... she is annoying more than anything, not painful and I get that I have the option to ignore her.

 

I also think again, if it was me and I was dancing in someone's thread where they preferred I did not, I would simply be mature enough to move on.

[bentnotbroken]

So, I'm at work and I don't have time to read 11 pages, but I just wanted to answer from my POV.

 

First, many BW don't fight for a MM who cheated on them. Many, including myself, would rather be without their H if he would rather be with an OW. Many, again including myself, insisted that their MM leave when they found out about the cheating. So, no I don't think you can say that the BW is "needy" or has low self-esteem or whatever.

 

In many cases, it's the MM who comes back begging to do anything to get the BW to take him back. I never threatened him, I just asked him to leave. I never used the kids. As a matter of fact, I made an appointment with a therapist the day after d-day. Not to talk about our marriage, to talk about the best way to deal with the kids and divorce. To make sure that we were successful parents even though our marriage was over. Finances are not an issues, we both have our own businesses and would be fine apart. Embarrassment of divorce is not an issue. We both have family and friends who have gotten divorced for similar reasons and remain good parents in spite of it.

 

I have had many private conversations with other BW who have the same story as I do. I think the self-esteem problems lye with the MM. I think the affair is all about the MM and his issues. I really don't think affairs have anything to do with the BW or the OW. It's all about the MM getting something he is missing inside him. If the OW is willing to provide that, then he gets his fix. In many cases, the fog lifts when the MM realizes what he is about to lose. Then the begging begins. But, like I said, it's not the BW doing the begging. JMO

 

 

So true, so true. At least the ones I know of.

[tami-chan]

I talked to the OP because she seemed to be more and more disturbed by a particular person responding to her. It appeared it pained her and really upset her. To ask for no responses from particular people is her right, but she doesn't mean she will necessarily receive what she desires. It just seemed easier to hit the ignore button. Isn't that what you advise some people who you think would be better off ignoring certain posters, that's all I did.

 

I don't remember...but I might have(it's a learning process, after all )..although I remember being threatened about being put on ignore and then wasn't ...

[herenow]

Thanks bent, I understand ..... she is annoying more than anything, not painful and I get that I have the option to ignore her.

 

I also think again, if it was me and I was dancing in someone's thread where they preferred I did not, I would simply be mature enough to move on.

 

So, here is the thing. Not only is this a public forum, you asked for opinions and comments from both sides. You can't censor posts. I don't like some of the things that have been said on this thread and others, but I would always defend anyones right to say them. The mods are very good at letting us know when we have gone over the line, so I leave that to them.

[bentnotbroken]

So, here is the thing. Not only is this a public forum, you asked for opinions and comments from both sides. You can't censor posts. I don't like some of the things that have been said on this thread and others, but I would always defend anyone to say them. The mods are very good at letting us know when we have gone over the line, so I leave that to them.

 

 

Yup. I agree. I have the infractions to prove that they monitor pretty well here.