Owl Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 They will laugh at him. Maybe not all, but many will. It IS the culture. Secretly, many would empathize with him but outwardly they will think he is a schmuck. Sorry, OP, not trying to make you feel worse, but you already know this... It is good that you have gone to the chaplain, and the counselor---so I take it that YOUR command knows? how else are you allowed to take time off to go see the counselor if not given permission to take off work? I know for a fact there is no counseling going on on Saturdays and holidays or even after 5pm....so what did your command say? By the way, have you gone to JAG? Check your legal options. You must have served in an entirely different service than I did. It was NEVER funny when someone was cheated on. I saw it happen many, many times. To peers, superiors, and subordinates. I've worked with some of my troops who struggled to deal with this. And I can tell you point blank that they were NEVER laughed at by their chain of command. Because ALL of us knew that we faced the same possibility in our own lives...because we all had the same stressors placed on our own marriages. Because it happened to him didn't make him a schmuck...we knew we were ALL at risk for this. If you, or the command chain you served with, laughed at someone going through this...I'd suggest that none of you should have been in command of a darned thing. I'd find that behavior disgusting and pathetic. If one of my NCO's working for me laughed at one of his troops having that kind of issue...I'd have locked his heels and suggested he develop a little compassion for those that work for him. Now...the advice to go to JAG is good...it would serve him better than going straight to the other guy's commander, since that guy's unit my try to cover it up. If it's in front of JAG, they don't have any choice but to deal with it appropriately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenairman Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 Well the base commnand chief found out. He is pissed of like a mother ****er. My Shirt, Supervisor and I have a meeting in the morning. From what I was told all hell is going to break out and the kid is going to be scared out of his life by the end of the day. The best part is he has no idea what is coming. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 You must have served in an entirely different service than I did. It was NEVER funny when someone was cheated on. I saw it happen many, many times. To peers, superiors, and subordinates. I've worked with some of my troops who struggled to deal with this. And I can tell you point blank that they were NEVER laughed at by their chain of command. Because ALL of us knew that we faced the same possibility in our own lives...because we all had the same stressors placed on our own marriages. Because it happened to him didn't make him a schmuck...we knew we were ALL at risk for this. If you, or the command chain you served with, laughed at someone going through this...I'd suggest that none of you should have been in command of a darned thing. I'd find that behavior disgusting and pathetic. If one of my NCO's working for me laughed at one of his troops having that kind of issue...I'd have locked his heels and suggested he develop a little compassion for those that work for him. Now...the advice to go to JAG is good...it would serve him better than going straight to the other guy's commander, since that guy's unit my try to cover it up. If it's in front of JAG, they don't have any choice but to deal with it appropriately. Owl..I have NEVER served in the military, earlier I said, I am a military spouse, my husband is an officer...not only that, all my life I have been surrounded by the military-No, nobody in my family( except my husband) is or was in the military but my father's business job dealt with the military. I used to be very active with the FSG in the military. I know the prevailing culture. It is a very macho culture. I didn't say cheating is FUNNY...I said he will be laughed at-the way he was carrying on earlier-this notion of not being able to live without the WS, tolerating his wife's absences,etc. But I also said that privately they will have empathy with him, but outside they will think he was weak. Obviously, I am not an expert on military life. I am speaking from experience-the things I have observed, heard stories of, etc. The military does not like to deal with stuff like this....and if it can be avoided they will. Him crying to his command is not a welcome thing, but they will deal with it.....I'm sure. I applaud him for taking control and actually standing up for himself as the days went by. I hope he continues. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 To start the story i will give some background. My wife and I have been Married for 2 years next month, I have been in the Air Force for 3 Years in December. My wife and I were trying to have kids until she changed her mind for not being ready. I have deployed once 1.5 years ago, it almost split us apart. For the last 2-3 months we have been drifting apart. She works at the store on base, I work days and she works nights. A few weeks ago she started to talk to someone new, at first i did not think anthing about it. She sees and meets all sorts of people all the time. Then I noticed that they were going to the mall, lunch, and just talking all the time. After a couple of days she started to get very protective of her phone, would always take it with her, get upset if i was playing around and just looking at some of her pictures ( i used to do it all the time no problem). After he making it a point that she did not want me to see her phone at all, would get up and sit on the other side of the couch when she would get text. I started to tell myself that it was more then just a friend, that he was a lover. She came home from work on Saturday and I just looked at her and asked her what he was to her, if there was anything going on. She looked at me and said that she has kissed him once, and was not sure what she wanted. After we talked for a few hours she said she had to get out and breath, take a break and realax. When she did not come home for 2.5 hours i decided to call her and see what was going on, she would not answer. Then i get a text saying that she had to see him, and make sure he was ok. After she got home i asked her what caused this problem, she told me she did not feel loved anymore and he did that for her. After talking again she told me that she would be willing to give us another shot, that she would not give up on us yet, that she wanted to be with me. Things had started to look better...for about a day. The the texting had started again, the hiding of the phone all that once again. She then told me that she wanted to go out with the girls on Saturday and I had no problem with that. That night i went to the store where she works to get a few things. Once of the girls she was going out with was there working. I asked about there plans and she had not know anything about it. At that point I started to tell myself she was with him and not to expect her back. When she got home at 2:45 (am) she was acting funny, did not want me to hug her, touch her, nothing. Just wanted to go to bed, now normally when we sleep i wrap my arm around her and that is how we have always slept. This time she would not want me to do that, said she felt to confined and needed some space. So i lay in bed awake almost all night when she layed next to me thinking about what was going on, how she was acting, what she was saying. When she finally woke up Sunday morning the first thing i did was tell her i need her to tell me the truth, to be very honest. She had aggreed At that point I asked her if she slept with him, all she could do was cry and nod her head yes. After telling myself she had, and dealing with my problems I had finally lost it. I wanted to do nothing but cause myself harm. At that point I had taken a step back and went to the ER, im working on my problem now so please dont worry. Now i still love this woman, she is the only woman I have ever been with, and have ever told that I loved. I had always planned on growing old with her, spending my life with her. When I had gotten back from the ER we decided to talk about what happened, I asked her if she loved him, she said she does not know, asked if she wanted to work things out with me? once again she did not know. I have no idea how long I can sit back and allow her to bounce between him and myself. Everytime I ask for some info she gets upset and says she cant answer this right now. Now she is also telling me she does not want to go to Germany next year because she is afraid of starting over with friends, job, and her support group. How long should i giver her? At what point do i make her decide him or me? Should I make the choice for her? I have no idea what I can do to make this easy on her and I. I need an answer, but dont want to push her away just because im the one asking. ********************** Now for a little info on the guy. I have taken my skills and resources to find out some info on him. He is also Military, thinks that the only thing that makes a person is there clothes. He had known that she was married and kept on pushing the situation because he was also aware of our problems. I have also found a website with his info, under his "hobbies" he has stealing your girlfriend and splitting up relationships in between the rest of the things he did. I did tell my wife about that and when she asked he just said he fell for the wrong women and it was not his fault. Being that he is Military and so am I it is found illegal due to the fact that it is causing harm mentally to another member of the military and not allowing him to there job. I know everyone in his command and everything about him. Now that he knows i know the only thing he could think of was me telling his command and him getting in trouble. The next question is should I tell his command, should I make him suffer like he had done to me? Yes, you should tell his command! It is illegal to commit such actions, I don't know if it'll end his career, but, he's ended you marriage. I think you need to lose this chick, she's already looking and sounding like trouble! Make sure to protect your assets and your retirement! Make darn sure that she can't cash in on her affair! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 Well the base commnand chief found out. He is pissed of like a mother ****er. My Shirt, Supervisor and I have a meeting in the morning. From what I was told all hell is going to break out and the kid is going to be scared out of his life by the end of the day. The best part is he has no idea what is coming. Almost sounds like a Court Marshal in the works for the OM. Maybe the best thing to happen, that guy sounds like a preditor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenairman Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 Well I have found out more about him, he had been bragging to people that he is ****ing a wife near where i live. The guys he works with and is telling is not wanting anything to do with it. I have had people come up to tell me just to make sure i know, i also was told that he did get another wife pregnant about a year ago. Still working on getting all that info, more details will come. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 How is your wife reacting to the fact that you went to his command? Is she still fighting to continue the affair? Denying it? What? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 Well I have found out more about him, he had been bragging to people that he is ****ing a wife near where i live. The guys he works with and is telling is not wanting anything to do with it. I have had people come up to tell me just to make sure i know, i also was told that he did get another wife pregnant about a year ago. Still working on getting all that info, more details will come. this OM is a disgrace to the armed forces and needs to be dishonorably discharged. he is a liability to him and the rest of his military colleagues. and for so callously betraying a member of our military, too your wife can't be court marshalled. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 He won't likely be dishonorably discharged over this unless he's been punished repeatedly for other/prior offenses under UCMJ first. It sounds like he's been a "problem child" for his chain of command for a while, but the OP probably doesn't know whether or not he's actually been busted/punished for any of these other offenses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenairman Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 Well my wife does not know that i went to command with this. Everything is still being worked out and it might not be until Monday that something comes down. As for what will happen to him, he has been a problem child for a long time now. With these new actions it might just be what his command needs to push this scum out. Our military is better then this, what he is doing is very wrong and other spouces/familys should not have to deal with what hs is doing. We have a hard enough time with deeployments, PCSing and everything else the uniform give us. Link to post Share on other sites
RunawayTrain Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 Hang in there buddy. He will get his, one way or another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenairman Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 Well its been a long time since i posted. Just a few updates My wife and I will be divorced on 26th September, she is still living with me just staying in different rooms. Right now the plan is that once the divorce is final and the no contact is lifted she will be moving in with him. I have talked to my command and he has been told to stay the hell away from me and not to show up to help her move out. My supervisor and 1st shirt will be there to help make sure everything goes like it should and stories are not made up and people showing up to cause a problem. Two weeks after the divorce I will be moving to Germany and about the time I get there word is he will be getting kicked out of the Air Force. With that being said thank you everyone for all your help. It has been a very hard few months and Im still very scared about what will happen in the future. Leaving for a new country not knowing anyone and being away from everyone i know during the holidays is starting to hit me. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 hey, things are looking up for a change. just think of all that good german beer you're going to be drinking. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Oh so many cute fraulines who need weiner****zel. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Learn the language!!! oh and get a nice Vdub! trust me with no kids in the picture, your better off and in the long run she's gonna miss you. Believe that. Here's to your new life. I hope your doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 My GF was married 15 years to a lifer Air Force man. The marriage was going sour when they got posted to Germany. From the way she talks about it that was probably the only happy time they had together. They lived off base, she did not speak the language, learned just enough to get by, more than anything else, I get the impression that she really liked the German people and how friendly they were. In short you are in for a great time, possible one of the times of your life Enjoy Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Hey October fest is coming. You will surely find a lovely freulien to be your hienemacher frau (cleaning woman) Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Dude, you are better off and you will be a lot happier. Congrats on getting rid of her. They will both end up miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Dude Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 While that dude is a douchebag for intentionally causing misery to other families, has it ever occured to any of you that it's also 50% those women's fault? If they didn't want sex with him, they would've told him to f*ck off. Women have needs. And they will have sex with a variety of men. Biological needs always trump societal programming. The sooner you accept that reality, the better. It's not bad or good, it's just the reality and the way world works. Airman stay strong, and look forward to Germany. European chicks are cool, you'll have tons of fun here Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 That's SOME women. Married 30 years and I can't remember the wife so much as looking at another man. Link to post Share on other sites
soda Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Hang in there, buddy. Thank you for your service--you deserve better than your wife. To be honest, you are better off without her. It hurts in the short term but you'll be better off in the long run. Cheaters manipulate everything. It honestly goes beyond the infidelity. In order to keep the lies alive they go to great lengths to convince the BS that all the issues are actually theirs. You'll get your life back soon and I assure you that you'll have someone better. Your soon-to-be Ex will get her poetic justice soon enough. It sounds like the man she chose is absolutely charming. Link to post Share on other sites
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