Asami Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I realise my position on this is probably not going to make me hugely popular here, but it's an open discussion, so... I am that girl. Well, not that girl, not exactly the same one he's dating. But the situation is familiar, her approach to dating/relationships sounds similar to mine, and the conversation as described reads like a transcript of what happened with me and my recent ex. I just don't want to have an exclusive relationship with anyone. Haven't completely ruled out the possibility, but am not expecting it to happen, ever. I'd be very surprised if it did. So, I date, and I have relationships, and sometimes they overlap, and that's okay with me. I'm very fortunate to have a long-term partner who understands this and is okay with it. So while he doesn't have (or hasn't had) any other partners while we've been together, I've dated other people, and that's been okay between us. But with the guy I dated recently, it just didn't work. He was very monogamy-minded, and wasn't okay with my being with someone else. So we ended it. I just don't like to see the girl being vilified here. I totally support BlueHarvest and I know you must be frustrated/upset by this not working out the way you'd like. But - more broadly speaking - I think the people posting here are judging the situation and the girl from a very monogamy-centric point of view. It sounds like she's not a "monogamous" person, or doesn't have exclusivity as a goal at the moment (or at least with BlueHarvest). She's being upfront about it, she's not mucking him around, and it sounds like she's trying to treat her current and future partners with respect. Her approach may not be palatable to everyone, but I don't think she sounds like an evil witch. BlueHarvest, if you guys want different types of relationships, it's up to you to decide if you want to take up one of the options on the table. But I think my ex would tell you that sticking around and trying to be with someone you want to be exclusive with is painful, frustrating, and generally very very crap. Since she isn't a monogamous person, then she she shouldn't involve herself with a nice guy who has monogamous intentions, if she wasn't mucking him around, she'd end it a long time ago by being upfront about her "non exclusivity":rolleyes:. Blueharvest I think you should save yourself the trouble and find someone else who wants what you want just sayin.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chicago_Guy Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I really hope you haven't been paying for most of the dating over the past seven months, because if she wants you to be a FWB, she's probably had other FWB at the same time. Why waste anymore time with this girl? If you want something serious, she sure doesn't sound like marriage material to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueHarvest Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 Well I wasn't looking for marriage material. Just looking for a girl who to be exclusive and steady with. Marriage material is a possiblity but I think that's exactly how she looks at it. I think she views commitment as a direct road to marriage with a "do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars" kind of road. I dunno. The whole situation is just really confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
JustLooking123 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Her:"It's kind of like I got forged in a volcano and came out a diamond. I am much tougher now for it, and I understand more about life." How did you keep a straight face when she said that?? I think that the bottom line is, you two want different things and have different ideas of what the relationship shoudl be. These two views are not compatible with one another. Thus, you should move on. Debating who is right and who is wrong is almost besides the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts