Casual Dating my Arse...

[WhyYesThankYou]

Completely Understandable. That is your life-style choice.

 

Thanks.

 

 

Are you sure he's ok with it? Having someone is better then having noone in most situations. He doesn't have any more options at the moment. You do. I guarantee you if a girl came on to him that enjoyed his company alot and wanted to be exclusive with him, he would drop you faster then a hot brick.

 

Wow - projection much?! We've talked about it several times over the years, in depth, and yes - he says he's okay with it. He even likes it. And he does have other options. He spends time with other girls. He just doesn't want to date other people (at the moment). I realise that could change, and that's a risk I take.

 

 

Gonna disagree here. She wasn't up front about it. 2 months in I asked to move the relationship foward. She didn't say "I want to date others as well" SHE SAID: "Let's keep it simple and open and see where it goes."

 

In her defense, it's not really an easy thing to say. Most people don't like to hear, "Yeah, I have no intention of being exclusive with you." And that probably wasn't even the case. She didn't know. She wanted to get to know you. She wanted to see how things evolved. She might have found that she wanted to be exclusive with you. And if she'd given you a manifesto about how she just wants to date around, she would never have had the chance to find that out.

 

Plus, you had the option at Month 2 to say, "That's not good enough for me, I want exclusivity." She gave you an open-ended answer, and you went with it.

 

 

(her words) "because if you go exclusive with someone and fall in love with them, you will never know how a relationship/marriage is supposed to go, you won't have enough experience to know what to do and not do"

 

Would you consider that statement valid? Perhaps. One could say the same thing about having children though.

 

You make a very good point here. So does she. Maybe she just wants more dating experience. Maybe - as someone said earlier in the thread - she has some issues with intimacy/relationships. Maybe she's hoping to try having relationships with several people so she can work through those issues, find out what works and what doesn't for her, and then she'll feel ready to go into an exclusive relationship. I think there's a lot to be said for working through our issues in monogamous relationships, with that commitment to stay and not run when things get tough. But people work through things in different ways.

 

............

 

Aaagh, you guys are posting more quickly than I can keep up with. I'm enjoying the conversation, lots of interesting points, and I do get where you're coming from. And based on my recent experience, I have a lot of - hate to use this word - sympathy for you, wanting to be exclusive and her not wanting that. I've seen how much it hurt my ex. We tried lots of things, and nothing worked. It sucked for both of us.

 

It sounds like, though, you're not liking the situation at all. Keep in mind that sticking around in any capacity will not make her go exclusive with you.

 

The FWB thing - my guess is that she thinks you're hot and wants to keep making out with you (and possibly more). She might see that a relationship isn't going to work out since you want different things, but she wants to keep touching you because you're sexxxy. And she's just wanting to see if you're cool with that or if you want to walk away.

 

She might be just using you and messing with you, but again, what you're describing sounds similar to what I went through with my ex, and i genuinely liked and cared about him - and also thought he was f***ing hot and would have been happy to carry on with NSA fun, but that was never going to happen because of all the emotions on both sides.

[Stockalone]

So now I'm left with a single solution. Turn a girl I've respected and cared about into a friend with benefits and realize there is no caring or desire that will be coming from her...or tell her no thanks and move on and just be friends.

 

Option 1 (FWB):

Are you capable of emotionally detaching yourself from her if you choose the FWB option?

 

If you can't, forget about that option.

 

 

Option 2 (just friends):

Same question, how easily can you detach emotionally in that scenario?

 

You are investing in this friendship and what are you getting in return? Especially now that an exclusive relationship isn't going to happen, is there enoug return on your emotional investment to keep doing what you have been doing and remain just friends?

 

 

Frankly, I think you should take option 3 (Walk away and never look back). I don't believe for a second that she ever considered an exclusive relationship. She was not entirely honest when you asked for exclusivity the first time, even though it had to be as clear as daylight that's exactly what you wanted. It just didn't fit into her plans, so she was vague enough in order for you to have hope.

 

Now you know better, and empty promises won't do the trick this time, so she is offering FWB to keep you around. That tells you all you need to know about her. You are good enough for right now and if she doesn't find someone better, you are welcome to stay and cater to her needs.

[CommitmentPhobe]

Nothing. We've made out. That's it. The other night when she stated the whole FWB thing we made out more heavily and were groping but that's as far as it went because she knew I had to get up in the morning early and even stated as much.

 

Ah come on, 7 months and that's where you are. You've done this to yourself. She's calling all the shots, you've given the power away. You can either reclaim it using Tony's suggestion, enjoy the sex and see other people, or you can walk off. But seriously, enough is enough with wasting your time playing doormat

[WhyYesThankYou]

You can either reclaim it using Tony's suggestion, enjoy the sex and see other people, or you can walk off. But seriously, enough is enough with wasting your time playing doormat

 

I agree that those are the three options, and given how much you don't like what's going on, I agree that walking sounds like the best thing to do.

 

But I don't think she was messing with you with any sort of malicious intent. I don't think this is a power game. It sounds like you guys are having good conversations about it. It doesn't have to be about power or a game unless you want to make it so. I don't think your idea about "hanging around, playing the game" is good. Either stay because you really want to stay even given the limitations, or get out.

[BlueHarvest]

I agree that those are the three options, and given how much you don't like what's going on, I agree that walking sounds like the best thing to do.

 

But I don't think she was messing with you with any sort of malicious intent. I don't think this is a power game. It sounds like you guys are having good conversations about it. It doesn't have to be about power or a game unless you want to make it so. I don't think your idea about "hanging around, playing the game" is good. Either stay because you really want to stay even given the limitations, or get out.

 

At this point if it was just about "hey lets go out, get a bite to eat, come back to my place, have sex and just watch some movies" i'd be all over it.

 

But it's not. She still wants me to do all the things a *REAL* couple would do.

 

And I just don't see that happening.

 

For example *THIS VERY EVENING* She asked why we have never done things with my friends...

 

1) Because she never expressed interest in meeting them.

2) My friends know I have been having issues with her up until now and that I wanted a serious relationship and wasn't getting it before.

*I didn't tell her this next one*

3) A select few of my friends know about this FWB discussion I had.

 

Honestly, How can I keep treating her like a priority when I'm only an option? Because that's kind of how she's stating it. She wants to still go out do things with me, as if nothing has changed.

 

But it has...

[ruggy]

Opt. 3 bro. Maybe when she realizes what she's lost she'll contact you back at a later date. Doubtful though....

[WhyYesThankYou]

At this point if it was just about "hey lets go out, get a bite to eat, come back to my place, have sex and just watch some movies" i'd be all over it.

 

Would you really? Or would you be going to dinner, watching movies, having sex, and hoping she'll see the light and want to be in an exclusive relationship with you? Be honest with yourself.

 

 

She wants to still go out do things with me, as if nothing has changed.

 

That's because that's what she wants. She wants to be able to do all those "couple-y" things with you - and with other people - because that's what she wants. And you don't want to be the guy in that situation, is what you seem to be saying. She wants that - and she's not going to stop wanting that (just like you're not going to stop wanting exclusivity either with her or with someone else). In this sense, she will keep pushing the boundaries and try to get as much relationshipness as she can from you. Up to you how much you get sucked into it. [And remember, I'm saying this as a girl who does the same thing.]

 

I also get the whole not-sharing-her-with-your-mates thing, because we had that too... How the hell do you explain to people what's going on? It's awkward.

 

This is such an interesting conversation to be having - it's kind of like talking to my ex's private thoughts and telling him all those things I never really explained outright, you know? The "behind the scenes" thoughts.

[alphamale]

So now I'm left with a single solution. Turn a girl I've respected and cared about into a friend with benefits and realize there is no caring or desire that will be coming from her...or tell her no thanks and move on and just be friends.

i would suggest the latter but without the friends part

[WhyYesThankYou]

Opt. 3 bro. Maybe when she realizes what she's lost she'll contact you back at a later date. Doubtful though....

 

Very doubtful. I don't think it's about him as much as it's about her not wanting to be exclusive with anyone.

 

I agree that he should walk. I wanted my guy to stay. And I liked it while he was there. But it was also very hard, and he should have walked. He should have walked.

[Stark]

I am that girl. Well, not that girl, not exactly the same one he's dating. But the situation is familiar, her approach to dating/relationships sounds similar to mine, and the conversation as described reads like a transcript of what happened with me and my recent ex.

 

I just don't want to have an exclusive relationship with anyone. Haven't completely ruled out the possibility, but am not expecting it to happen, ever. I'd be very surprised if it did. So, I date, and I have relationships, and sometimes they overlap, and that's okay with me.

 

You never think about that persons feelings however do you?

 

Do you not think everyone can say " yes, I am going great with you, but another oppurtunity might come along better than you, and for that reason I am willing to pursue a relationship with you"

 

Name me one person on this earth who couldn't say that and I'll call you a liar.

 

The point being in a relationship is being happy with what you've got and appreciating it and trying to make it work to the best of your ability and vice versa.

 

It seems you don't appreciate that and while I applaud your honesty for that you seem to me as a person who will end up alone in their life. You might have someone to go back to always

 

I'm very fortunate to have a long-term partner who understands this and is okay with it. So while he doesn't have (or hasn't had) any other partners while we've been together, I've dated other people, and that's been okay between us.

 

This guy is a fool, and eventually he'll realize it, or he has very low self esteem or just wants a safety net feature. He's more than likely waiting for you to turn to him and say that through the thick and thin you've been there and you realize it and a romantic ending happens.

 

Either that or he's not much into you and appreciates the attention you both give to each other but is not personally into you.

 

I don't know for sure but I don't understand this philisophy. I could only do what you guys are both doing into someone I'm not emotionally invested in but I would like as a safety feature when I'm feeling down/lonely.

 

 

I just don't like to see the girl being vilified here.

 

The girl is being vlified? because she's being a bad person. If you don't like hearing it because it reflects your own personality fair enough, but it doesn't change that fact. While I disagree with you yourself, you are at least upfront or so what I perceive from what you told us. This person however has been leading this guy on for 7 months it's a bit different.

 

 

I totally support BlueHarvest and I know you must be frustrated/upset by this not working out the way you'd like. But - more broadly speaking - I think the people posting here are judging the situation and the girl from a very monogamy-centric point of view. It sounds like she's not a "monogamous" person, or doesn't have exclusivity as a goal at the moment (or at least with BlueHarvest). She's being upfront about it, she's not mucking him around, and it sounds like she's trying to treat her current and future partners with respect. Her approach may not be palatable to everyone, but I don't think she sounds like an evil witch.

 

If she said this at the start, no she wouldn't be an evil witch. To build someones hopes up who has invested 7 months of getting to know her and really attached to her is completely different.

 

If you are upfront and honest about things, people will take the cold shoulder immediately, or at least guys will, as they know if they spend too much time into this person they will get attached and hurt.

 

If they do not know, this sort of situation occurs.

 

 

 

BlueHarvest, if you guys want different types of relationships, it's up to you to decide if you want to take up one of the options on the table. But I think my ex would tell you that sticking around and trying to be with someone you want to be exclusive with is painful, frustrating, and generally very very crap.

 

 

Never truer words. If someone can't invest in you, don't invest your time to them.

 

My only concern for you (the person I am quoting) is that when you do find someone you really want to dedicate yourself with, even though you find that unlikely, and he thinks the same way. You'll understand what you've put the guys through who get emotionally involved with you but you only told them when they get attached.

[WhyYesThankYou]

Stark,

 

I really appreciate the time and thought you put into your response to my post.

 

This is going to be kind of long, and I'm not that good with the multiple quoting process, so I'll just type... I do want to reply to your points.

 

I *do* think about the other person's feelings. I am aware that I've gotten to know people who've invested time and themselves into a relationship with me, and I know it hurts them when that doesn't result in an exclusive relationship. I do care about other people's feelings. I'm not a sociopath; it upsets me when something I do hurts another person.

 

You're right that people could always theoretically find someone they like better. That is one of many reasons I don't want an exclusive relationship. I don't want to be left if/when my partner finds someone they like better. I also don't want someone to stick with me "just" because they made a promise 20 years ago, if in fact they'd rather be with someone else or be alone. I'd rather have someone decide day by day, hour by hour whether or not they want to keep being part of my life.

 

But as I've said earlier in the thread, I also see the value in a committed monogamous relationship. That's part of why I stayed with my ex for so long. I think things between us, monogamously, could have been really good for both of us. And we tried it for a while. But... it didn't work for me. I felt incredibly caged and vulnerable. I'm not saying that means I'm "right," I'm saying that was my experience - and yes, I've probably got a thousand issues I should get therapied out of me.

 

I'm not on this thread trying to justify myself or the other girl. I'm not trying to say I'm right. I'm just trying to represent the other point of view and explain the thought process behind it. It's probably not that she's just jerking him around; she probably cares very much for him.

 

There are days when I wish I could just flip a switch and be monogamous. God, it would make my life easier!!! Yes, I risk ending up alone. I know that. But I don't think being alone is the worst thing that could happen to me. I'm much more frightened/repulsed by the idea of someone being with me when they don't really want to be.

 

The guy I'm with, for whatever reason, both SAYS he is and ACTS as if he is happy with what we have. He is not a doormat. Personally I don't know exactly how he's okay with what we have, and honestly, if the situation were reversed, I don't think I'd be okay with it. But he is. We talk about it often, and I've asked him if he's just waiting for me to decide to be exclusive with him. He's said no, but that if I ever change my stance on monogamy, I should let him know because he'd like to be on the shortlist. But in the meantime, he's happy with me, and happy with my being with other people and exploring other types of relationships. The things I learn from them help me in my relationship with him. It's win-win as far as he's concerned.

 

When you say the girl is being vilified because she's being a bad person... That's exactly my point: you're DECIDING she's a bad person. Why? Because she doesn't want an exclusive relationship? Because when the OP asked her at 2 months what she wanted, and she said to see what happens, he agreed to go along with it? And because when he asked again at 7 months, she said she didn't want to be exclusive with him? How does that make her a bad person? It doesn't. You don't have to like what she told him, but she told him. It's up to him if he wants to stick around and torture himself, or leave (which is what everyone here INCLUDING MYSELF is saying he should do).

 

She didn't "build up his hopes" or "lead him on" for 7 months. She said she wanted to keep it casual, see what happens, and that's what she did.

 

Another point is that most relationships end (until people find a life partner). The only difference here is that while most relationships end because of some sort of personal incompatibility (religious views, different values, conflicting goals, etc), what we're talking about here is the relationship ending because people want different types of relationships. And I know it hurts, and maybe it hurts more, because in a sense what you're saying is, "I like you, but I like keeping-my-options-open more." I know that that sucks. But that's not the ONLY thing going on here. There are many other reasons for not wanting an exclusive relationship.

 

You ended on a spiteful, vengeful note. I don't know why you want me to be hurt; maybe someone's hurt you and you just want to pass it on. I try very hard to be a good friend and a good partner to the people in my life. When I get it wrong and hurt someone, I try to make it right. I know that most people don't share my views on relationships, and I try to tread lightly and not hurt other people in the process.

 

BlueHarvest'll probably know in the future to be more specific, more probing with his enquiries about people's attitudes to relationships early on in getting to know them, since obviously that's important to him and he knows now that not everyone is after a monogamous relationship. "But," you might say, "he can't bring that up on the first date!! Asking about someone's intentions that early on will scare them off!! And he might find out he doesn't even like them!!!" That is EXACTLY the conundrum this girl and I face, too. You don't want to say anything too early on, both because it'll freak the other person out, and also because you don't know yet what sort of relationship you want with THIS person. THIS person might change your views on everything. So you wait and see... which is exactly what this girl did, while in the meantime, answering his questions ACCURATELY if not fully. (And who volunteers unnecessary information if it's more likely to hurt the situation than help it? At 2 months she said "wait and see," at 7 months she said, "no exclusivity with you, sorry.")

 

BlueHarvest knows the score with this girl now, but it's not like she tricked him into anything. He asked about exclusivity early on because it was important to him, and she didn't offer it. He stuck around anyway. It's going to be unfortunate if things don't work out, but that doesn't mean she's a bad person. It means they want different, incompatible things. And that is my point in this thread.

[ruggy]

I think most people here can agree the the OPs unsignificant other is a cold hearted self centered bitch. Nuff said. There are plenty of these types of women, sorry girls, around NYC too. I guess this is how they feel their power. It does change around though in their late 30s into their 40s when they are alone and wonder what did I do wrong? Maybe Carrie Bradshaw, well sorry, Candace Bushnell, wrong... Even she got married finally in 2002 at 43. Keep in mind you that she swore off marriage before this time for years.. I wonder what made her change her mind.

 

I think someone should write a book labelled how Candace Bushnell influenced and messed up so many minds of women through her useless ramblings. Betcha it will be a best seller...

[WhyYesThankYou]

I think most people here can agree the the OPs unsignificant other is a cold hearted self centered bitch. Nuff said. There are plenty of these types of women, sorry girls, around NYC too. I guess this is how they feel their power. It does change around though in their late 30s into their 40s when they are alone and wonder what did I do wrong? Maybe Carrie Bradshaw, well sorry, Candace Bushnell, wrong... Even she got married finally in 2002 at 43. Keep in mind you that she swore off marriage before this time for years.. I wonder what made her change her mind.

 

I think someone should write a book labelled how Candace Bushnell influenced and messed up so many minds of women through her useless ramblings. Betcha it will be a best seller...

 

Since you guys keep going on about power, what sort of unfulfilled need for power and control do YOU have that requires a girl to fall madly and deeply in love with YOU and never want to be with anyone else?

 

Leaving psychological issues aside for a minute, there is current research that says that women's increased social, economic, professional independence will increasingly reduce their "needing" to be in a relationship with a man (which is part of why we're seeing more and more women being single by choice). So you've got more of this to look forward to.

 

Not everything is about power. Accept that if a girl doesn't want to be with you and only you, it doesn't mean she's a bad person or a bitch or whatever. Just that you're not amazing enough for her to want to be with exclusively until she dies.

[alphamale]

Leaving psychological issues aside for a minute, there is current research that says that women's increased social, economic, professional independence will increasingly reduce their "needing" to be in a relationship with a man (which is part of why we're seeing more and more women being single by choice). So you've got more of this to look forward to.

womens increased social, economic and professional independence won't product any offspring. you're forgeting about most females' strong desire to reproduce and have someone around to help change diapers and keep a roof over the family's head

[Stark]

You're right that people could always theoretically find someone they like better. That is one of many reasons I don't want an exclusive relationship. I don't want to be left if/when my partner finds someone they like better.

I also don't want someone to stick with me "just" because they made a promise 20 years ago, if in fact they'd rather be with someone else or be alone. I'd rather have someone decide day by day, hour by hour whether or not they want to keep being part of my life.

 

It seems like you have insecurity issues, no offence. It has crossed everyones mind from time that their partner might find someone they find better which leads to heartache, but it does not stop people investing into the person.

 

What about the people who put time into getting to know you and wanted more? Do you think it never crossed their mind that you might meet someone better? They were willing to risk it because they were happy with you however, you were not, despite saying you were happy with them.

 

 

That's part of why I stayed with my ex for so long. I think things between us, monogamously, could have been really good for both of us. And we tried it for a while. But... it didn't work for me. I felt incredibly caged and vulnerable.

 

Everybody feels vulrenable, just take a look around these boards for examples, but you need to take the risk sometimes. You play the safe game since you won't get involved and hurt while people do play the risk game and get hurt.

 

I could technically also play the safe game and never invest my time into looking for a partner - which I have done for the past 5 years. I took a chance recently and got hurt - but it's worth it when you find someone you are extremely happy and dedicated to, believe me that.

 

 

I'm just trying to represent the other point of view and explain the thought process behind it. It's probably not that she's just jerking him around; she probably cares very much for him.

 

You are looking too much into yourself from these answers and trying to justify your own behaviour. If you mucked around guys for 7 months then maybe, but you seem to be saying you are very clear on what you want and expect. This girl didn't. She lead him on, and from what the OP is posting, he NEVER expected an answer that came out of her mouth.

 

I know that. But I don't think being alone is the worst thing that could happen to me.

 

The worst thing is already happening to you, never taking a chance on someone because you are afraid of getting hurt.

 

 

 

The guy I'm with, for whatever reason, both SAYS he is and ACTS as if he is happy with what we have. He is not a doormat.

 

He can either be only one of two things. Using you or has low self esteem. Sorry but thats the way it is, there is no way a guy who cares about you will be okay with you sleeping around with other people and only being there when you need them, guys don't work that way.

 

in my relationship with him. It's win-win as far as he's concerned.

 

When you say the girl is being vilified because she's being a bad person... That's exactly my point: you're DECIDING she's a bad person. Why? Because she doesn't want an exclusive relationship? Because when the OP asked her at 2 months what she wanted, and she said to see what happens, he agreed to go along with it? And because when he asked again at 7 months, she said she didn't want to be exclusive with him? How does that make her a bad person? It doesn't. You don't have to like what she told him, but she told him. It's up to him if he wants to stick around and torture himself, or leave (which is what everyone here INCLUDING MYSELF is saying he should do).

 

It makes her bad because she didn't make her intentions flat out. If she said to him at the very beginning; " I dont ever want a serious relationship or one where I'm committed to someone as I feel that I can't ever commit to someone, but I'm up for seeing where we lead and maybe we will " the guy wouldn't be so totally shocked as he is now.

 

 

She didn't "build up his hopes" or "lead him on" for 7 months. She said she wanted to keep it casual, see what happens, and that's what she did.

 

 

 

 

You ended on a spiteful, vengeful note. I don't know why you want me to be hurt; maybe someone's hurt you and you just want to pass it on.

 

I did not to mean to be vengeful or spiteful I just want you to understand what you do to some people with this point of view, despite you not meaning it.

[ruggy]

Since you guys keep going on about power, what sort of unfulfilled need for power and control do YOU have that requires a girl to fall madly and deeply in love with YOU and never want to be with anyone else?

 

Leaving psychological issues aside for a minute, there is current research that says that women's increased social, economic, professional independence will increasingly reduce their "needing" to be in a relationship with a man (which is part of why we're seeing more and more women being single by choice). So you've got more of this to look forward to.

 

Not everything is about power. Accept that if a girl doesn't want to be with you and only you, it doesn't mean she's a bad person or a bitch or whatever. Just that you're not amazing enough for her to want to be with exclusively until she dies.

 

I am ALL for independent women. I didn't like the old way where the women stayed home and took care of the home and kids while the man went to work. The duties of the home and obligations of the kids should be SHARED BY BOTH. No question. I also do not think it is fair or right for the woman to spend all of the guys money on material and insignificant things.

 

But, a relationship should not be built on power. It should be built on compromise, trust and loyalty for both. Three things that are seemly harder and harder to come by. At least hear in the Weird Apple.

[WhyYesThankYou]

you're forgeting about most females' strong desire to reproduce and have someone around to help change diapers and keep a roof over the family's head

 

Gross!!! :sick:

 

I don't want to have kids, either.

 

A lot of educated, professional women are choosing not to have kids. If they want kids, there are ways to get hold of sperm that don't require diamond rings and all that. Also, there are nannies for the diaper-changing, taking to piano lessons, etc.

 

 

There are women who've dreamed since childhood about getting married and having kids, which is great. I'm glad there are people like that in the world. But I'm not one of them. And I don't think that not being one of them necessarily makes me a bitch, a bad person, or a character from "Sex and the City."

[alphamale]

But I'm not one of them.

there is nothing wrong with that but you are in the minority

[WhyYesThankYou]

Guys,

 

I'm loving this conversation, but my eyes are actually starting to twitch from having been on the computer so long. I need to take a break and get some "real life" stuff done with my afternoon. (I don't need a nanny, but a maid would be nice...)

 

I see your points of view - and Stark, thanks again for the nice reply - as I said, sometimes if I could just snap my fingers and be "normal" and monogamous, I would. But I'm not, and I have a lot of reasons for it. Which I will elaborate on when I return to the thread.

 

Bye for now.

[ruggy]

Gross!!! :sick:

 

I don't want to have kids, either.

 

A lot of educated, professional women are choosing not to have kids. If they want kids, there are ways to get hold of sperm that don't require diamond rings and all that. Also, there are nannies for the diaper-changing, taking to piano lessons, etc.

 

 

There are women who've dreamed since childhood about getting married and having kids, which is great. I'm glad there are people like that in the world. But I'm not one of them. And I don't think that not being one of them necessarily makes me a bitch, a bad person, or a character from "Sex and the City."

 

Let's see what you say in 20 or 30 years. When you do not have the looks and the youth you have now. Karma comes along when someone least expects it....

[lifereversal]

I'm glad I read this today.

 

* = u (Change the * with a "u" in the link)

 

http://www.brilliantbrown.com/rant/attention-vs-appreciation-difference-between-a-being-a-girlfriend-or-f*ck-buddy/

[ruggy]

I'm glad I read this today.

 

* = u (Change the * with a "u" in the link)

 

http://www.brilliantbrown.com/rant/attention-vs-appreciation-difference-between-a-being-a-girlfriend-or-f*ck-buddy/

 

Interesting relationship advice.

[SoulSearch_CO]

And the saga continues. But, oh - wait - it hasn't changed at all from the last I heard about this girl.

[BlueHarvest]

And the saga continues. But, oh - wait - it hasn't changed at all from the last I heard about this girl.

 

I've read the last two pages of what people have said.

 

And I'm going to agree that in this situation, the girl I've seen has tried to reverse the roles on me and make me the bad guy.

 

I asked her on the phone last night why she didn't want to be exclusive. I said

Me:"Was it because you were hurt in the past?"

Her:"No...Yes...But I got over it."

Her:"It's kind of like I got forged in a volcano and came out a diamond. I am much tougher now for it, and I understand more about life."

 

 

Freud would have some lovely things to say about this.

 

But my personal opinion on this is that she is now all about the "multiple" dating thing because she got hurt and was exclusive. And now thinks just like the other woman who does this, in this post.

 

She thinks that me (the monogomous one) is the one seeking the safety net of an exclusive relationship, when really...be choosing to be exclusive with her and by realizing that I won't be with another woman, I am actually the one risking my relationship being completely healthy.

 

And she thinks she is the strong one, the one who isn't in the wrong, the one who has "seen the light" so to speak.

 

So because one guy ****ed her over in the past, he ruined it for most other guys to become closer to her.

 

 

 

 

There is no way around this is there?

 

 

I think next time she calls to hang out (if she ever does that is) I'm going to end it. FWB probably isn't going to work at this point, with me being too emotionally invested. And I'm going to tell her straight up what I just said to you all.

[BlueHarvest]

Preciate the advice everyone...

 

I'm not quite sure what to do still but it's helping me overcome the situation none the less.