Bit of a FAUX PAS

[donnamaybe]

i am only trying to look at the other side. it may help preface the meeting with these folks.

 

2sure, i know in my county we can access the district court cases and look up names, it might behoove you to do that with these parents. if they do or their kid gets in trouble a lot they may know how to work the system so to speak.

 

You would need to look up the parents, though, because access to juvenile records is limited to those with a need to know, i.e. court staff, prosecutors, certain defense attorneys, etc.

[2sure]

I attempt, without benefit of any real instruction, to take a "Buddhist" approach in my life. My threads are usually started because this approach has me rightly questioning myself often.

 

Still, I am who I am. For me, "remember where you come from", is both a blessing and a burden.

 

Our little "enclave" and the families in it, are sometimes, I feel ...too protected from the real world.

 

My daughter should know that sometimes people who are verbally abusive should be ignored, avoided, and as much as she should stand up for herself...she should never provoke. Because some people assault.Thats life.

 

That boy should know that his sense of entitlement could have left his testicles in his throat this time instead of being grounded from his video games.

 

Urgh. Its just opposite of the way I genuinely prefer to be and as I prefer others to see me. Opposite is an understatement.

 

But I'm still pis*ed.

[HsMomma]

I have a 14 year old daughter as well, and let me tell you something...you are a better woman than I! If I saw some little cretin laying hands on my child like that, I'd have probably broken his arm off & beaten him with it! Ok, not really, but I'd have sure WANTED to! I don't think you did a thing wrong. My ex is a police officer & I mentioned this situation to him - he said, had he been the responding officer, he would've commended you for doing the right thing. I'm just impressed with the wicked heels & pencil skirt Honestly, it might be worth it to talk to a lawyer, but I'd first have a heart-to-heart with my daughter - it is NEVER alright for a boy to hit a girl & she needs to know her worth. Embarrassing for her? Nonsense - she ought to be proud to call you Mom.

[TaraMaiden]

(oh my goodness.... I saw Hsmomma, and misread 'Hismomma'....I thought, 'we're going to have a cat-fight now'....!!)

[quankanne]

heels and a pencil skirt? Hoo boy ... you may be starring in some adolescent fantasies as Avenging Mama!

 

[Art_Critic]

well if i was the other parents i would be totally pissed that you hurt my kid.... that was all i was saying.

 

You would be pissed that the female parent of a girl who your son was slapping across the face stopped your son by pulling his arm behind his back ? hahahaha

[BlueEyedDevil]

You would be pissed that the female parent of a girl who your son was slapping across the face stopped your son by pulling his arm behind his back ? hahahaha

 

yes, i would be pissed that this woman laid a hand on my child.

[2sure]

Well, thank you everyone for your opinions , advice, and support.

 

While I could have handled it differently, I dont have to be quite so ashamed I feel like an animal. And the message sent was, i think , the right one.

 

Going into the meeting with the kids parents tonight, I will let my H take the lead as I think my opinion was pretty clearly stated in my actions. H is speaking to legal counsel right now and to be honest thats his thing, so...

 

But now, having at least vented here...I can go in feeling confident and not ashamed. Always, always I hate to do anything to cause my family any grief. I was not "to the manor born" and I know that some people around here just wait for me to prove it.

 

Maybe I have. But I'm not backing down on this one.

[donnamaybe]

yes, i would be pissed that this woman laid a hand on my child.

 

I would be just fine with a mother grabbing the arm of MY son after I JUST saw him strike a girl. However, my son doesn't go about assaulting people.

 

Again, the problem with many of today's teens stems from the actions of the parents.

[Art_Critic]

yes, i would be pissed that this woman laid a hand on my child.

 

You wouldn't be pissed that your teenager was slapping girls ? In real time this incident happened and the child isn't a child. he was a teenager and almost adult.

 

How would you have recommended that she restrain him from smacking her child more ? Ask Politely ?

[Art_Critic]

I would be just fine with a mother grabbing the arm of MY son after I JUST saw him strike a girl. However, my son doesn't go about assaulting people.

 

Again, the problem with many of today's teens stems from the actions of the parents.

 

Same here.. my lord.. a parent upset that their teenager would be restrained from continuing to strike another teenager who happened to be a girl..

 

His arm was twisted behind his back.. that isn't hurt..hahahahahaha

[2sure]

Oh yeah donna - with you.

 

I am a believer in "It Takes A Village"

 

If my child is in trouble, I'd like to think my neighbors would help her as I would no doubt help their children.

 

If my daughter is getting into trouble, I would hope that any parent would haul her home, reprimand her, etc...as I would.

 

I dont hold anyone elses children or family to a higher standard than I do my own.

[Art_Critic]

yes, i would be pissed that this woman laid a hand on my child.

Do you even have children ?.. you are just now pregnant.

Something tells me that you might feel differently if the baby your are carrying turns into a school bully.

[2sure]

His arm was twisted behind his back.. that isn't hurt..hahahahahaha

 

Ahem...just to be honest...yeah, it hurt. It did. Thats mainly the reason I called the police. I didnt entirely trust myself.

[donnamaybe]

So it hurt. Big deal. So do "snakebites" where kids take someone's forearm in both their hands and make a wringing motion. It hurt, but did NOT injur him. However, a slap or a push to the ground CAN injur.

 

Don't let it bother you, 2sure.

[Art_Critic]

His arm was twisted behind his back.. that isn't hurt..hahahahahaha

 

Ahem...just to be honest...yeah, it hurt. It did. Thats mainly the reason I called the police. I didnt entirely trust myself.

 

2sure.. I grew up with a lot bigger of a brother than me.. he out weighed me by at least 75 lbs and let me tell you that my arm has been behind my back and pushed up many times as a means of controlling me and while it does technically hurt it isn't assault when you are restraining another individual from injuring another...

 

Give yourself a break... and don't listen to someone who is posting to incite on this board.. not many people would stick up for their bully child smacking around a girl and if they do then I would think they really need to look inward because what you did was not wrong and the teen who slapped your daughter was in the wrong.

[BlueEyedDevil]

Give yourself a break... and don't listen to someone who is posting to incite on this board..

 

because i have an unpopular opinion i am inciting?

[donnamaybe]

because i have an unpopular opinion i am inciting?

 

I think it may have something to do with the fact that you think that someone grabbing the arm of a boy after he slaps a girl is wrong, as well as the thread you started about how girls can get away with smacking guys around.

[carhill]

Well done, OP. I would've done the same and I don't have children. Someone has to stand up and take responsibility in such matters. Leave the rest to H. I'm sure he's wanting to feel useful right about now.

[Cuppie_Cake]

I too would have been pissed that an adult laid a hand on my child. I have an almost 14 yr old son, and would have been LIVID had he come home and told me about this. I would have wanted to press charges.

 

However, when I got the other side of the story, I would still have been pissed but would have understood the reason behind the incident. And then I would have ground my son, taken him to see a counselor at an abused womans shelter. As I would want to know why the heck my son put his hands on a girl. And I would make him do some volunteer work at that same shelter, so he can see first hand the reality that abused woman must face.

[BlueEyedDevil]

I think it may have something to do with the fact that you think that someone grabbing the arm of a boy after he slaps a girl is wrong, as well as the thread you started about how girls can get away with smacking guys around.

 

oh, now i see why all the hostility .

 

honestly, the other thread had nothing to do with 2sure or any of this; but it DID resurface the thought because if i was 2sure's daughter i would have kicked that boy in the balls. and the boy would never be my child- i do not subscribe to physical violence.

 

i have punched a guy once, after he threw spaghetti on me to be a jerk, and i wished he would have punched me back- so i could wail on him, but his friends were there and they would have given him crap for hitting a girl.

 

i DO NOT think what 2sure did was wrong, what i am trying to convey is that people who are like this boy and his parents know how to work the laws sometimes- and the mother of this boy may come off pissed that the boys arm was grabbed and this stupid boy may play like it hurt really bad, and there was a threat.

 

i said i was it from the seeing the other side, but no seemed to notice that.

 

i am very sorry this all came out the wrong way.

 

i just wanted to give you a heads up for this meeting, you can cover all bases if you think about where the other parents might end up coming from. hopefully they will be glad you, 2sure, saw what you did and did what you did.

 

i do wish you the best.

[laRubiaBonita]

2sure i would have done the exact same thing!

 

although, i wonder what would have happened had you not pulled up?

[2sure]

. And then I would have ground my son, taken him to see a counselor at an abused womans shelter. As I would want to know why the heck my son put his hands on a girl. And I would make him do some volunteer work at that same shelter, so he can see first hand the reality that abused woman must face.

 

THAT was a good idea. But thats not what happened.

 

My H and I went to the meeting with the boys parents. The father showed up with the son, the mother did not attend. Fine. My H warned me before hand to keep my mouth shut if possible because I was still livid. Fine. H spoke to both the police and our attorney - all good on my end, but the kid has been in similar trouble before. OK.

 

The father starts friendly-ish with apologies and says he hopes we can settle this among our families. He gives the whole boys will be boys, junior is learning the ropes, boys get in fights. H agrees whole heartedly. Then adds:

 

BUT this was not among boys, this was my DAUGHTER. And this was not a fight, it was an ASSAULT.

 

Still, I understand that involving the police will not correct the problem . When my child makes a mistake, I answer for that. I know you (turns out the father actually works for an org. my H is associated with), I know your a good man. It puzzles me that your son was comfortable doing this. And my wife and I need to make sure nothing close to this ever happens again. Ever.

 

Father and son assure us it will not. H says that to be honest, that isnt enough, doesnt make us feel our daughter is safe. I added that I felt by dropping this it was sending the wrong message and that I wanted to KNOW that the son would never so much as use my daughter's name again in any malicious or sarcastic way to anyone. Ever. I said this to the son and made eye contact the entire time. I asked what ACTIONS could be taken to ensure this, because words were not going to cut it.

 

H gave me the eye indicating I should stop talking. Fine.

 

H told father: Like I said, I answer for my family, I handle our problems and I assume you want to answer for yours. So, think about what actions you want to take and call me tomorrow. I want to be frank with you and tell you, that regardless of what you decide on, if there is any future incident YOU will answer to ME. YOU will answer for your son. (lots of eye contact between my H and the father...even I dont know what he meant.)

 

So, thats it so far. To be honest, I think they will consider changing schools.

[Trialbyfire]

2sure, nicely handled, all the way around. Contacting not only your lawyer but especially the police, was an excellent idea. Your H also handled it well, since he's holding the father accountable for his son, as it should be.

 

The inherent threat in his words, man to man, don't eff with me, without clearly stating what he would do, is perfect! The imagination is always worse than the reality, since I'm sure, your H would never resort to physical violence, more that he would take him to court...of course.

[boldjack]

2 sure, Your H handled the situation as well as he could have. He used a direct approach but didn't resort to direct threats. I'm not sure if I could have been as restrained. He deserves an "attaboy", from you and maybe a little extra in the boudoir. I would have probably gone on the attack, and God help any boy who would slap my sons sister. The would have been on him like a cheap suit. Good work all round.