Huh? If I'm having doubts?

[dreamergrl]

Eh I got my response...

 

I'd like to hang out, I'm off the weekend, so I'm sure we can plan something out. It's just that I'm really busy today and work the rest of the week. And when you said that you do all the work i thought to myself I'm the one driving out to pick you up and hanging out with you and willing to drive you back. That made me feel like I'm not doing anything, if you know what I'm saying. I'm not being an ass or anything I'm just letting you know how i felt about that.

[Trialbyfire]

Eh I got my response...

 

I'd like to hang out, I'm off the weekend, so I'm sure we can plan something out. It's just that I'm really busy today and work the rest of the week. And when you said that you do all the work i thought to myself I'm the one driving out to pick you up and hanging out with you and willing to drive you back. That made me feel like I'm not doing anything, if you know what I'm saying. I'm not being an ass or anything I'm just letting you know how i felt about that.

Sounds like he did take it as defensive and got defensive himself. So how will you respond?

[dreamergrl]

Sounds like he did take it as defensive and got defensive himself. So how will you respond?

 

All I really meant was I try to be pretty flexible with my schedule, ya know. I know you come get me and stuff, and that's very cool. I just meant like I feel like I'm the only one attempting to plan to do anything.

 

 

Which he responded with...

 

Well I'd love to see you more then I'd like, but its hard we are 30miles away from each other and I can't drive out there all the time cause of gas. I just spent $ on rent and internet bill so I cant really go anywhere or do anything at the moment until i have money to do things and go places. Do I'm off the weekend if you wanna hang out. If my aunt goes up north we can have a fire in the back yard or we can do something else. Right now i have to go food shopping so I'll ttyl.

 

 

I suppose I should add that my car took a big crap, so everytime we hang out, he does the driving.

[Trialbyfire]

So how many dates have you been on with this guy and how long has it been since you started dating him?

[dreamergrl]

So how many dates have you been on with this guy and how long has it been since you started dating him?

 

Four times in two weeks. There's definitely chemistry there, but no pressure to have sex. There's been a few times in the last few weeks that we've had long conversations, just kinda more get to know each other stuff. I don't feel extremely attached, but so far I really enjoy his company. No big red flags popping up. The only thing I would change is for him to be like "hey lets do this on this day.

[Trialbyfire]

Four times in two weeks. There's definitely chemistry there, but no pressure to have sex. There's been a few times in the last few weeks that we've had long conversations, just kinda more get to know each other stuff. I don't feel extremely attached, but so far I really enjoy his company. No big red flags popping up. The only thing I would change is for him to be like "hey lets do this on this day.

Do you want my honest critique?

[BCCA]

If youre having doubts/issues after two weeks, I would take that as a sign of things to come. Just my honest opinion.

[dreamergrl]

Do you want my honest critique?

 

Twenty bucks says you are going to tell me I'm overly invested.

[dreamergrl]

If youre having doubts/issues after two weeks, I would take that as a sign of things to come. Just my honest opinion.

 

Okay apparently I keep giving off the having doubts vibe. I don't doubt anything. I'm frustrated with the way communication is going on.

 

I'm going to stop inserting my foot in my mouth and see what happens this weekend.

[BCCA]

Okay apparently I keep giving off the having doubts vibe. I don't doubt anything. I'm frustrated with the way communication is going on.

 

I'm going to stop inserting my foot in my mouth and see what happens this weekend.

 

Well, I meant that even if youre having this conversation or feeling frustrated...its only been two weeks!

 

Most long term girlfriends Ive had, we had next to no arguments for at least a couple of months, and even then they were minor.

[Trialbyfire]

Twenty bucks says you are going to tell me I'm overly invested.

Haha...no, not exactly. Do you want to hear it?

[dreamergrl]

Well, I meant that even if youre having this conversation or feeling frustrated...its only been two weeks!

 

Most long term girlfriends Ive had, we had next to no arguments for at least a couple of months, and even then they were minor.

 

Nah this isn't an argument. If I was pissed enough to have an argument, I wouldn't be seeing him anymore because it's only been a few weeks. I've been frustrated with a lot of things in the last 7 days to say the least.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Four times in two weeks. There's definitely chemistry there, but no pressure to have sex. There's been a few times in the last few weeks that we've had long conversations, just kinda more get to know each other stuff. I don't feel extremely attached, but so far I really enjoy his company. No big red flags popping up. The only thing I would change is for him to be like "hey lets do this on this day.

 

Look, as long as you don't make this into a fight... then all you two are doing is clearing the air.

 

Now... it's your job to tell him that you understand his situation and you appreciate the effort he has put forth so far.

 

Let him know that you really look forward to the next time you can hang out with him. Ask him to be more assertive on planning time together... then make sure you can be flexible to match, or it will be frustrating for him.

 

Does any of this sound like good advice?

[dreamergrl]

Haha...no, not exactly. Do you want to hear it?

 

Sure

 

Wait, I know! You're going to tell me it shouldn't be this hard this early on.

 

One thing that I do know, is I need to learn patient and communicate a bit better. Honestly I think sometimes I jump to conclusions pretty freaking quick.

[dreamergrl]

Look, as long as you don't make this into a fight... then all you two are doing is clearing the air.

 

Now... it's your job to tell him that you understand his situation and you appreciate the effort he has put forth so far.

 

Let him know that you really look forward to the next time you can hang out with him. Ask him to be more assertive on planning time together... then make sure you can be flexible to match, or it will be frustrating for him.

 

Does any of this sound like good advice?

 

Yes, and I already did that. I told him I understand, and appreciated what he does. I also told him that this weekend would be cool, and I'm looking forward to it. I told him that if he was busy or couldn't do it, that it was fine, just say that instead of not replying.

[Trialbyfire]

Sure

 

Wait, I know! You're going to tell me it shouldn't be this hard this early on.

 

One thing that I do know, is I need to learn patient and communicate a bit better. Honestly I think sometimes I jump to conclusions pretty freaking quick.

Four dates into this and only two weeks, things should be easy and pleasant. Stand still and let him come to you. When he comes to you, you give him the green light, which includes pleasant interactions. No pushing or trying to change him. For that matter, you can't change anyone at anytime. You can ask for change and if he's unwilling or incapable, and it's a need for you, you walk.

 

Time to backpedal. From now on, hold onto your patience level. Relax and enjoy it for the interim, unless red flags start popping up.

 

I'm not going to make an assessment on this guy, since I don't know much about him. Only on you. CHILL!!!

[dreamergrl]

Four dates into this and only two weeks, things should be easy and pleasant. Stand still and let him come to you. When he comes to you, you give him the green light, which includes pleasant interactions. No pushing or trying to change him. For that matter, you can't change anyone at anytime. You can ask for change and if he's unwilling or incapable, and it's a need for you, you walk.

 

Time to backpedal. From now on, hold onto your patience level. Relax and enjoy it for the interim, unless red flags start popping up.

 

I'm not going to make an assessment on this guy, since I don't know much about him. Only on you. CHILL!!!

 

Understood. I'll listen this time, I swear.

 

Something I don't like disclosing to people, but anyways. I just got put back on something for my anxiety disorder. Maybe that will help me relax. I try to control it without having anything, but I've been getting stressed (about several things - mostly work).

[Star Gazer]

Dreamer, I used to think and act just like you when a new guy entered the picture, and I don't have an anxiety disorder. I don't think that's it. I just think you need to take a deep breath and relax. The development of a relationship is a journey, not a destination.

[Trialbyfire]

Understood. I'll listen this time, I swear.

 

Something I don't like disclosing to people, but anyways. I just got put back on something for my anxiety disorder. Maybe that will help me relax. I try to control it without having anything, but I've been getting stressed (about several things - mostly work).

You don't have to listen to me. I just want you to relax and enjoy dating. It's fun and exciting when you meet someone new. Be happy and don't sweat the small stuff.

[boogieboy]

Stand still and let him come to you. When he comes to you, you give him the green light, which includes pleasant interactions. No pushing or trying to change him.

 

This is what I meant by pulling back a smidge. You did it, he replied to you, now you can sit back and let him make the next move. You are gonna have to be careful, because with this anxiety of yours, you dont want to panic when the next step comes, yknow? You havent messed anything up, you're good, you can chill.

[dreamergrl]

You don't have to listen to me. I just want you to relax and enjoy dating. It's fun and exciting when you meet someone new. Be happy and don't sweat the small stuff.

 

This is what I meant by pulling back a smidge. You did it, he replied to you, now you can sit back and let him make the next move. You are gonna have to be careful, because with this anxiety of yours, you dont want to panic when the next step comes, yknow? You havent messed anything up, you're good, you can chill.

 

I know. I need to not worry so much. And it has been fun and exciting, don't get me wrong, I'm not all worries, just worrying is part of me.

[Kamille]

You don't have to listen to me. I just want you to relax and enjoy dating. It's fun and exciting when you meet someone new. Be happy and don't sweat the small stuff.

 

Ah TBF, this is exactly what I was thinking all along. Dating is fun. Getting to know someone is also a lot of fun. I wish, Dreamer, that you could just sit back and enjoy what's happening, without overthinking or overanalysing things.

 

I'm also noticing a pattern: you write to him and when you don't get a responsr soon after you expect it, you start worrying. Why? In the future, when you write an email, give him a few days before expecting a response, even if he has read it. If you want more of an immediate response, call him.

 

I have to say that while I think you guys are doing too much explaining - I'm also impressed that you two already have a desire to work things out so early on.

[Kamille]

Also wanted to add: I think the key to enjoying dating - and one that I'm working on - is to give yourself the time to get to know the guy before you absolutely decide that he must must must like you. Dating is about two people figuring out whether or not they are right together. This usually takes more then a few weeks.

[MissHollywood]

Also wanted to add: I think the key to enjoying dating - and one that I'm working on - is to give yourself the time to get to know the guy before you absolutely decide that he must must must like you. Dating is about two people figuring out whether or not they are right together. This usually takes more then a few weeks.

 

Great advise! For in the beginning.

[dreamergrl]

Well yeah, I'd like for him to like me, but it's not the end of the world if he doesn't. I suck at dating. I'm trying to pull myself out of the 'jump in head first' routine I've normally had, and do things the right way.

 

K - I've always felt the urge to have to explain myself. I don't know why. It doesn't matter to who. Well I mean a stranger, no, but if I feel bad about something, I want to explain myself. It's rather annoying.