Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 xpaperxcutx... Here is your problem : You very much want a relationship with this guy. Can't you see that giving him blowjobs on the 3 occasions you've seen him, is sending out the wrong message? Can you see this? I do see it era. I just didn't realize I wanted a relationship with him until after the facts. But I can't undo what I did and even if given the chance, I wouldn't know how to proceed. I understand what you're trying to tell me. I'm basically digging myself an even bigger hole. The only thing I can hope to do is not make it bigger. And that's what I'm going to do. But I haven't been presented with the opportunity to fix it as of yet, so to even say I'm going to do something right now is pointless. And that's what I'm trying to tell you, I will show more restraint if I see him the next time around. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 So it's wrong to multi date now? Why can't I go out with other guys? I never had sex with artist guy until thursday night, so that to me doesn't say anything about putting myself in a bad position. I just don't think being stuck on a guy without exclusivity excuses me from dating other people. I just need to show better judgement next time when the question comes up to actually meeting up in a public place as opposed to actually ending back at their apartment. I really appreciate your insights dreamer, and no you're not a witch. Yes we all have our issues, but each person deals with them differently. You still started getting rather sexual with artist guy. Okay, we'll say so what, on the second date. I've done it too. But I don't continue to be sexual with a guy and date other guys, go to their apartments for crying out loud! That's the part that gets me. It's okay to multidate, but don't you think it's saying the wrong thing, given that you have been sexual with artist, and then go to some dude's apartment for a date. You want your actions excused, but I don't see that happening. Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I will show more restraint if I see him the next time around. THAT'S my girl!.. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I do see it era. I just didn't realize I wanted a relationship with him until after the facts. But I can't undo what I did and even if given the chance, I wouldn't know how to proceed. I understand what you're trying to tell me. I'm basically digging myself an even bigger hole. The only thing I can hope to do is not make it bigger. And that's what I'm going to do. But I haven't been presented with the opportunity to fix it as of yet, so to even say I'm going to do something right now is pointless. And that's what I'm trying to tell you, I will show more restraint if I see him the next time around. Oh My God. You did too know you wanted a relationship with him. You posted about him so freaking much, even over not getting a kiss. Geeze. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 You still started getting rather sexual with artist guy. Okay, we'll say so what, on the second date. I've done it too. But I don't continue to be sexual with a guy and date other guys, go to their apartments for crying out loud! That's the part that gets me. It's okay to multidate, but don't you think it's saying the wrong thing, given that you have been sexual with artist, and then go to some dude's apartment for a date. You want your actions excused, but I don't see that happening. I said it was poor judgment on my part. I'm not making any excuses, but I went back with V guy back to his apartment before I even knew what's happening. I won't make excuses for that. When I made the excuse that we go out to eat, and it had already started raining again, I decided to take the subway and leave rather than finding myself back at his place. I think that had been the best decision I've made so far. I haven't returned his calls and texts and I hope he gets the message that I don't want to see him. Once again, if there's one thing that I have to apologize for, it was for having gone back to his place. I've already made a mental note to myself that I won't meet a guy at his place or go back to his place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Oh My God. You did too know you wanted a relationship with him. You posted about him so freaking much, even over not getting a kiss. Geeze. And at the same time I was also denying my feelings until after the blowjobs. The reason I posted was because that was when I truly started questioning whether if he truly want to be in a relationship, because I've been told that PDA ( such as a kiss goodbye) shows interest. That's why I posted. Even now i question myself if I would be happy with him saying yes or no. Dreamergrl, it's wouldn't be a lie if I say that I don't know myself very well. I don't like falling too fast for people, and since that's beginning to happen, I'm afraid all my insecurities are showing, in real life and on this site. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Well. I don't like falling too fast for people, and since that's beginning to happen, I'm afraid all my insecurities are showing, in real life and on this site. Well, you certainly are vulnerable around him. Love does that, and it hurts like hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Cora Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Paper: Wow I just came back to catch up on your thread and I am sorry you are going through this. I don't really have any advice to give since I'm kind of going through something similar and don't really have room to talk. I hope that whatever mistakes you have made you can learn from them...hell I hope I can learn from my mistakes as well. Each and everyday I'm afraid I'm going to go down that same path again. I understand people on this thread are only trying to help you but I do think some of the comments were a bit judgemental. I really do feel for you because I know how it is to be insecure and to fall for a guy too quickly. I am going through that right now and it really scares me! I'm afraid my situation isn't going to turn out well...god I hope I'm wrong but I don't know anymore. Good luck to you Paper! I really hope this turns out for the best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Well, you certainly are vulnerable around him. Love does that, and it hurts like hell. Exactly. Imagine if i actually do fall in love with him, he'll probably break my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 xpaperxcut, some people need to get hurt before determining what their true boundaries are. That said, it sounds like you don't even know whether you like this guy or not. Why get into a mutually exploitative situation, when there are clearly plenty of guys willing to date you? (I'm not saying date V, he sounds skeezy, but just start over, maybe?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 xpaperxcut, some people need to get hurt before determining what their true boundaries are. That said, it sounds like you don't even know whether you like this guy or not. Why get into a mutually exploitative situation, when there are clearly plenty of guys willing to date you? (I'm not saying date V, he sounds skeezy, but just start over, maybe?) Isolde, the thing for me is that I don't want to be the first to fall in love. If that's the case, I know I will get hurt. I want to like this guy but I doubt myself constantly, and that's why my emotions can run back and forth and become so uncertain. No I won't date V again, but maybe I will start over. I haven't made alot of dates lately after the fiasco last week, but there's this guy I recently met who seems decent enough to meet on Saturday. I'll see how that goes. And no, I won't be meeting him at his place, or be accepting any invitation to go back to his place. I hope to meet at a coffeeshop or in a restaurant. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I don't know a ton about love, but I do know that it's not a game. If you fall in love, you don't care who falls first. You just fall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 I don't know a ton about love, but I do know that it's not a game. If you fall in love, you don't care who falls first. You just fall. I used to believe that as well. But I can't help but be guarded sometimes. Besides, if for instance, I did fall in love, I think people would make fun of me for being immature. After all I'm only 19, just my age alone would have people become condescending towards me for thinking that I've fallen in love with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Don't let anyone make you believe you're too young to make a choice about love. And yes, it is a choice to some extent. I know it sounds contradictory... but it is! Don't ever feel powerless. And by playing games with the guy, you're taking power away from yourself. Of course you're unsure whether you have feelings for him... because deep down you know he's emotionally unavailable! Seriously, you are feeling these doubts for a reason! Decide whether you want a FWB situation, that's very unlikely to turn into more, or whether to go NC with the guy. And stick to it. You can do this. ((papercut)) Link to post Share on other sites
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