Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Therefore I think the real answers to all my insecurities isn't that I seek his attention as much as AletraClementine mentioned, that I'm afraid if I stop satisfying him sexually, he would leave. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 The date with V guy was supposed to be that we spend time watching Andrei Barcelli while ordering sushi for takeout. Unfortunately, he kept trying to put his arms around me all the while I kept fidgeting and getting out of his reach. Had he not have been so hands on, I would have really enjoyed his company. Then when he decided to forcefully kiss me, that's when I made the excuse that we should go for a walk, rather than just sit around. I couldn't stand his need to constantly wrap his hands around me, I mean would anyone actually want that on a first date? I'm not painting an ugly picture of him so much as he already showed his true colors. The thing about artist guy was that yes, he really did try to get to know me. At least he makes the effort to take me out to dinner our first few dates together, and he had asked alot of questions about me, about my school, my classes, and even about my hobbies. The thing that we share the most in common is that we're both big foodies ( despite me being a vegetarian) and we had even joked around how he eats meat around me and I would join PETA. So, despite the " perversions" that I have committed with him, at least at the end of the day he still makes an effort to ask me about my plans for the weekend. He even made mention that he wants to make chinese food. At the time I didn't notice the slight hint he was giving me, but now that I think about it, I think he would want me to cook for him. Well that can't be all bad. But still, I think you really desire more than just a FWB situation with him. And he hasn't opened up enough for you to properly gauge where he's coming from. If I asked you if he wants a FWB situation or a relationship, could you answer that question? If it doesn't matter to you one way or the other, by all means, keep on going. I don't think that's the case though. I think you want more. And why deny yourself that? Why can't you have what YOU want? If he doesn't want it, so what? If you remove sex from the equation, he'll show his true colors. Does a guy who wants a FWB continue to spend energy on a girl who's not putting out? No. Like I said before, I think you believe that you can keep him in your life by being sexual with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Is this all you feel you deserve? TBF, I know I deserve so much more. I deserve an answer as to how he truly feels about things so I wouldn't always have to tiptoe around eggshells whenever I'm around him. But being the coward that I am, I can't be honest with either him or myself, and that's why I am feeling like this. I'm really afraid that if I confront him on what our " status" is, and he says no, it really will be an end of things for me. That's really how I see things. That's why I'm not friends with any of my exes. If he just want to be FWB, then I know I would not want to have anything to do with him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Avoiding an issue, doesn't make it go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Well that can't be all bad. But still, I think you really desire more than just a FWB situation with him. And he hasn't opened up enough for you to properly gauge where he's coming from. If I asked you if he wants a FWB situation or a relationship, could you answer that question? If it doesn't matter to you one way or the other, by all means, keep on going. I don't think that's the case though. I think you want more. And why deny yourself that? Why can't you have what YOU want? If he doesn't want it, so what? If you remove sex from the equation, he'll show his true colors. Does a guy who wants a FWB continue to spend energy on a girl who's not putting out? No. Like I said before, I think you believe that you can keep him in your life by being sexual with him. I would like that very much. And no, I would not be able to answer your question if you were to ask if he wants a FWB or a relationship, and that's why it's bothering me. I sometimes really wish he can tell me, and I think that's why I compared him to my ex. My ex used to be very open with me, but artist guy is a completely different person altogether so it's practically impossible to read him. Despite how much I wish I can deny it, I have to say that I really do want a relationship, but I'm afraid that my very own actions would jeopardize things whether he says yes or no. Why can't I have what I want? Because karma always like taking a big bite out of me if I become too selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Avoiding an issue, doesn't make it go away. There was one more thing TBF. He asked me yesterday night when we met up that he was going to do a live concert drawing for a band on Wednesday in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. He made it a point to ask me that I should go out and lend him support if I can. I forgot to write this because I didn't think much about it when he had asked and I made a silly a joke about it being in Pennslyvania. So he made the effort of asking me to go see on Wednesday, and I'm thinking that that would be a great time to actually talk to him in a public area rather than the privacy of his studio about things. And it also gives me a a great opportunity to just walk away if things don't really pan out. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I would like that very much. And no, I would not be able to answer your question if you were to ask if he wants a FWB or a relationship, and that's why it's bothering me. I sometimes really wish he can tell me, and I think that's why I compared him to my ex. My ex used to be very open with me, but artist guy is a completely different person altogether so it's practically impossible to read him. Despite how much I wish I can deny it, I have to say that I really do want a relationship, but I'm afraid that my very own actions would jeopardize things whether he says yes or no. Why can't I have what I want? Because karma always like taking a big bite out of me if I become too selfish. haha. You're talkin' to the wrong girl then. My BF and I have little debates about karma all the time. He believes in it. I do not. He's also the type of guy who'd rather ignore a problem and chalk the solution up to the universe where I'd rather tackle head-on and make my own luck. *he's getting better* For the most part, I think karma is a big cop out. I'm reading a great book right now that covers this quite well as it pertains to a certain Eastern religion. Anyway before I get ahead of myself. Can I just tell you that while I know it'd be hard to muster up the courage, I can promise you (PROMISE - and I don't use that term lightly), that if you say to Artist Guy "Listen, I'm a relationship kind of girl. I'd like to persue one with you. If you're not into that, that's totally cool. But I've got to draw my line somewhere and I'm just not interested in a purely sexual relationship".....you will feel better. Know why? Because you've made a decision for yourself. You've made your own luck. Hell, being with him now isn't bringing you an enormous amount of pleaure. So how much would you really be losing? No matter what his response is, you'll feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 On your date with V where were you watching Andrea B and ordering take out? He took me to his condo at his high rise. I wasn't even planning to stay there, I had thought he was taking me to a restaurant. Because it had started drizzling by the time we met, he decided to show me his apartment. I had no idea what i had been getting myself into, I made sure that I kept to my side of the couch and made sure my body was positioned faced against him rather than next to him. But he was so hands on, that when he decided to stick his tongue down my throat, I had to fight my way out of him and suggest we go out. At this point, I lost my appetite. I had to get myself out of there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 haha. You're talkin' to the wrong girl then. My BF and I have little debates about karma all the time. He believes in it. I do not. He's also the type of guy who'd rather ignore a problem and chalk the solution up to the universe where I'd rather tackle head-on and make my own luck. *he's getting better* For the most part, I think karma is a big cop out. I'm reading a great book right now that covers this quite well as it pertains to a certain Eastern religion. Anyway before I get ahead of myself. Can I just tell you that while I know it'd be hard to muster up the courage, I can promise you (PROMISE - and I don't use that term lightly), that if you say to Artist Guy "Listen, I'm a relationship kind of girl. I'd like to persue one with you. If you're not into that, that's totally cool. But I've got to draw my line somewhere and I'm just not interested in a purely sexual relationship".....you will feel better. Know why? Because you've made a decision for yourself. You've made your own luck. Hell, being with him now isn't bringing you an enormous amount of pleaure. So how much would you really be losing? No matter what his response is, you'll feel better. I absolutely love this. I will write this down on a sticky note to remind myself for wednesday then. Link to post Share on other sites
lucky1 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Paper, I can relate to your story so much. The only way I managed to get out of the cycle of guys just seeing me as a sex object is because I met a nice guy. A guy who actually liked me for me and not because I slept with him on third date (which i admittedly did). I have been with this amazing guy for over a year now and we're very much in love but it scares me to think what my life could have been like if he was different. Prior to my current boyfriend, I kind of went into a depressed state from one guy who used me and I didn't let a guy touch or kiss me or anything for nine months after that happened. He hurt me a lot and I never felt more used. I just hope for your sake that he still wants to see you now that he's got what he's wanted. And treats you with respect because you deserve that. And have respect for yourself most importantly (not saying that you don't but you do seem naive like how I was) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 On your date with V where were you watching Andrea B and ordering take out? Yes. Going to a guy's place for a first date is code speak for, "I just want to get in your pants." Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Yes. Going to a guy's place for a first date is code speak for, "I just want to get in your pants." That's why I don't plan on seeing V guy again. He was disgusting in my opinion, and I can't imagine being in his company a second time. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 That's why I don't plan on seeing V guy again. He was disgusting in my opinion, and I can't imagine being in his company a second time. But you went to artist's house for a second date... and well we know what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 But you went to artist's house for a second date... and well we know what happened. I guess being used is not disgusting in her opinion... Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Paper, I can relate to your story so much. The only way I managed to get out of the cycle of guys just seeing me as a sex object is because I met a nice guy. A guy who actually liked me for me and not because I slept with him on third date (which i admittedly did). I have been with this amazing guy for over a year now and we're very much in love but it scares me to think what my life could have been like if he was different. Prior to my current boyfriend, I kind of went into a depressed state from one guy who used me and I didn't let a guy touch or kiss me or anything for nine months after that happened. He hurt me a lot and I never felt more used. I just hope for your sake that he still wants to see you now that he's got what he's wanted. And treats you with respect because you deserve that. And have respect for yourself most importantly (not saying that you don't but you do seem naive like how I was) I'm glad you and your bf are in love. I don't know if he'll still want anything to do with me, but if he contacts me again, great, because I would love to see him again. He did make it a point to tell me he enjoyed my company although I'm pretty much a skeptic to whether he actually means it or not. But I trust this guy enough to have sex with him, so I have enough faith to believe that maybe he'll want something more. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I guess being used is not disgusting in her opinion... It's only disgusting if it's not the guy she swooning over. Sigh, Paper, I felt bad for you for a while... but you're only seeing and hearing what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 It's only disgusting if it's not the guy she swooning over. Sigh, Paper, I felt bad for you for a while... but you're only seeing and hearing what you want. How is sleeping with a guy I like disgusting? You don't know my sexual history, so you have no right to question my character or accuse me of any sort of wrong doing. I don't go around sticking my tongue down every guy's throat, and why shouldn't I take offense to someone trying to stick theirs down mine? At least I have self respect to get myself out of the situation where the guy forcefully tried to kiss me. I'm pretty sure you would do the same. And no dreamergrl, I'm not only seeing and hearing what I want. I've seen everything I needed to see, and I know what I have to do. But I'm not going to force myself into someone's face and expect an answer from them. I'll do it more direct when given the chance to actually sit down and communicate. So please don't jump to conclusions and accuse of being something that you're merely assuming. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 How is sleeping with a guy I like disgusting? You don't know my sexual history, so you have no right to question my character or accuse me of any sort of wrong doing. Did you not start the night off with a different guy, then run to artist, try to sleep with him, cry to everyone here that you wanted to leave, then sleep with him in the morning, never talk to him about anything, did any of this not happen? Because that's what I find disgusting. You're sexual active with a guy, going out with men knowing what will happen, and then try running back to the guy you've been sexual with. It's a game for you. And no dreamergrl, I'm not only seeing and hearing what I want. I've seen everything I needed to see, and I know what I have to do. But I'm not going to force myself into someone's face and expect an answer from them. I'll do it more direct when given the chance to actually sit down and communicate. So please don't jump to conclusions and accuse of being something that you're merely assuming. Yes paper, you do only see and hear what you want. You refuse the advice of anyone who tells you other then what you want to hear, which is simply that they feel for you. It's just like running to artist. You want attention. There's nothing wrong with it, but you got to start admitting it, and realize what you're doing. Other wise you are just wasting people's time on here. If you had the time to screw the guy, you should have had the time to talk to the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 So please don't jump to conclusions and accuse of being something that you're merely assuming. ASSUMING???..YOU are the one who posted that you gave this "artist guy" (getting sick of that name BTW) a blowjob on the 3 occasions you've seen him. There's a name for women like you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Did you not start the night off with a different guy, then run to artist, try to sleep with him, cry to everyone here that you wanted to leave, then sleep with him in the morning, never talk to him about anything, did any of this not happen? Because that's what I find disgusting. You're sexual active with a guy, going out with men knowing what will happen, and then try running back to the guy you've been sexual with. It's a game for you. Yes paper, you do only see and hear what you want. You refuse the advice of anyone who tells you other then what you want to hear, which is simply that they feel for you. It's just like running to artist. You want attention. There's nothing wrong with it, but you got to start admitting it, and realize what you're doing. Other wise you are just wasting people's time on here. If you had the time to screw the guy, you should have had the time to talk to the guy. I posted on here because emotions were running amuck for me, and if I made it too dramatic, it wasn't really my intention. You make it seem like I owe everyone on here an apology. Shouldn't it be safe to say that LS is a place to vent? I had a date with V guy mainly because it was planned days ahead. I should have cancelled. I thought he was a better person than he actually turned out to be, and it was my mistake that to have went to his place. That's why I left. And no I had realized that the " date" was going to turn out like that until he started coming on too strong. If I had known, I would have never placed myself in that situation. I have nothing more to say about artist guy. Yes, I made a poor judgment when I was posting this thread, but I have nothing to feel regret about right now. I should have made it clear the only reason I got upset was because he didn't want to have sex, and that's why at that time I had wanted to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 ASSUMING???..YOU are the one who posted that you gave this "artist guy" (getting sick of that name BTW) a blowjob on the 3 occasions you've seen him. There's a name for women like you... Era, so sleeping with 1 guy outside of a relationship makes me a slut? right. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 ASSUMING???..YOU are the one who posted that you gave this "artist guy" (getting sick of that name BTW) a blowjob on the 3 occasions you've seen him. There's a name for women like you... It's pointless really. I don't know why I am bothering with this thread. Next week, it will be "I'm at Artists Studio, he doesn't know I'm here, but I can't leave". I don't mean to be a witch, and I know we all have or own issues. But there is no point in posting when you are unwilling to deal with them. Or at least admit them. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Era, so sleeping with 1 guy outside of a relationship makes me a slut? right. I'll tell you what. If I'm sleeping with someone, I'm sure as hell not going out on other dates that put me in a bad position. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 I'll tell you what. If I'm sleeping with someone, I'm sure as hell not going out on other dates that put me in a bad position. So it's wrong to multi date now? Why can't I go out with other guys? I never had sex with artist guy until thursday night, so that to me doesn't say anything about putting myself in a bad position. I just don't think being stuck on a guy without exclusivity excuses me from dating other people. I just need to show better judgement next time when the question comes up to actually meeting up in a public place as opposed to actually ending back at their apartment. I really appreciate your insights dreamer, and no you're not a witch. Yes we all have our issues, but each person deals with them differently. Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Era, so sleeping with 1 guy outside of a relationship makes me a slut? right. xpaperxcutx... Here is your problem : You very much want a relationship with this guy. Can't you see that giving him blowjobs on the 3 occasions you've seen him, is sending out the wrong message? Can you see this? Link to post Share on other sites
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