Sam Spade Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 All I know is that if I fell asleep next to a hot asian girl, God would personally descend from the skies to bitch-slap me. (That's why I don't drink - he's one angry old ****er). I recommend you take it easy on drinking too, and revert back to your reserved, well-mannered asian ways - most guys dig that.
kizik Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Kizik, your judgmental attitude is starting to get on my nerves. I come on here to ask for advice and opinions, not to open myself to your attacks on my character. You don't see me trying to attack your so- called threads about being a " lonely catch" do you? I try to be nice and accepting, but when looking back at how you accuse me or being a psychopath and needs to seek therapy, I don't think any " help" from you is necessary. Maybe I have personal problems, but at least I try to deal with them positively, but if you are just going to tell me I'm going to end up in a dumpster or whatever, you're not only not being considerate towards others, but wishing me ill wills. IF you accuse me seeking attention on here, then I'll politely ask that you'll not read any of my threads from now on. Judgmental attitude? Honey, you're putting yourself in danger of physical harm. God forbid anyone should call you on it. You think I WANT you to end up in a dumpster? It's a f*cking warning of things that could happen if you keep f*cking everyone in sight. Don't worry, I won't be writing on yours anymore, as it's a total waste of time to try to talk to someone who always has a defensive answer to fire away.
You'reasian Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Ditch the skinny fag and come make sweet love to uncle Sam . He gan go a full hour before falling asleep. True story. LOL Didn't realize you were into petite Asian women, but go Sam Spade! How about taking the girl for 30min - 1 hr intervals with 5 min recovery time in between each one until sunrise...
bitbyte Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Maybe I'm a little confused... after reading the whole thread, I can't decipher what you're REALLY upset about. Is it: 1) Potentially having sex with a guy you're not interested in? or 2) Not having sex with a guy you are interested in?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Maybe I'm a little confused... after reading the whole thread, I can't decipher what you're REALLY upset about. Is it: 1) Potentially having sex with a guy you're not interested in? or 2) Not having sex with a guy you are interested in? I was upset that I had a horrible date but then seeing artist guy really cheered me up. Then I got upset because he fell asleep on me and there was no sex, but this morning we made up for it. So basically, you're right, I shouldn't be upset.
kizik Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I was upset that I had a horrible date but then seeing artist guy really cheered me up. Then I got upset because he fell asleep on me and there was no sex, but this morning we made up for it. So basically, you're right, I shouldn't be upset. Great! Then this was a pointless and self-serving thread.
dreamergrl Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Great! Then this was a pointless and self-serving thread. Pretty much, and to let us know that she will never listen to any advice given. Also, again I must stress.. 1. Started the night out with V (who ever he is, by the way the second guy she's been seeing besides artist, the other one, she kissed but wanted to be kissing artist) 2. Dumped him for coming on too strong (when she's got sexual with artist on second date I believe it was) 3. Called up artist. Was drunk. Wonders about the whole booty call / fwb / sex 4. Wants to leave artist guy after he couldn't get it up 5. Sneaks online from artist's computer (for attention) 6. Then stays, has sex in the morning, avoids all she's been worried about, again doesn't get a kiss good bye. And is now not worried. Is anyone else baffled at all by papers actions and asking for advice, but continuing to go down the same path over and over and over again. It's getting to be a broken record.
kizik Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Kizik aren't you being a little bit harsh on Xpaperx? As frustrating as it is to see her repeat the exact same destructive pattern, I am with you on that, she is trying to work through it her in her own way. Remember how frustrating it was for you when others were doing that to you? The difference is that I actually LISTEN to advice that's given to me, provided it's meant to be constructive. I tried to talk reasonably to this girl, but there really is no talking to her.
paddington bear Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 All I can say is, I've done it myself - I mean repeating the same behaviour over and over again (with some minor changes in between, so that I think 'aha! this time the same thing won't happen again, and it does, but to a lesser degree each time). I might read some article about dating, my very best close friends might give me the exact same advice as the article, I might post a problem here and yet again get the same advice and yet I don't follow it, at least not immediately, it ends up where I really have to get to a point where I have to get so emotionally hurt, for me to cop on and give up that last spark of hope about whomever is the current object of my affection. No more thinking 'yeah but this time it will be different' and then realise 'you idiot, this was going nowhere weeks/months ago and you knew it, and you ignored it because you desperately wanted it to be otherwise despite every indication to the contrary'. And I'm trying to stop things that are going nowhere dragging on for far longer with the same end result well before I get to the having my heart ripped out stage - but hope springs eternal and that is the problem (or rather my problem), damn stupid hope, hoping against hope. The trick is to extinguish that hope as soon as there's those standard warning signs, but IMO that is a learned skill which might take time for me to acquire. In terms of advice given, logically you know that advice is probably absolutely right, but when you're attracted to someone and you want them to want you, it's very hard sometimes to simply walk away there and then, there's all sorts of emotions involved and it's hard to see the wood from the trees until you get a little distance from the situation and person involved - particularly for women, try as we might to have sex like men, love 'em and leave 'em, our bodies release some kind of damn bonding hormone chemical thing as soon as we're sexually intimate with someone, which means once there's been some kind of sexual interaction it's very hard to view that man in an objective manner, I think Paper's got bonding chemicals running amok through her bloodstream right now and that could be (one of) the reasons she's so confused and doesn't seem to be making logical decisions based on facts alone. But who does when it comes to sex and love and relationships? Emotions are messy and unpredictable and confusing. I reckon Paper along with me and many others on here, will not act immediately on any advice given, no matter how sound, it's only later - in my case anyway, with the benefit of hindsight and all that - that you realise, well, everyone else was damn well right and I wasn't, I was totally kidding myself. When you are at a distance from the situation, then you can learn from it and try not to repeat the same pattern. And that's hard, it's a step-by-step process to reverse the way you think about yourself and relationships, realising what is acceptable or not and being able to read those red flags waving in your face. But when you're slap-bang in the middle of the situation, it really is harder to take the necessary action right there and then.
prettybaby Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I didn't read the whole thread and I won't lecture you about how poor your decisions were, because I'm pretty sure it's all been said already, but, omg i hope you cleared your history and cookies from his computer when you were done, because he could find this whole thread quite easily if you didn't!
Star Gazer Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 omg i hope you cleared your history and cookies from his computer when you were done, because he could find this whole thread quite easily if you didn't! OMG, I totally would have forgotten to do that!
paddington bear Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 that occurred to me too, but I didn't dare mention it...
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I didn't read the whole thread and I won't lecture you about how poor your decisions were, because I'm pretty sure it's all been said already, but, omg i hope you cleared your history and cookies from his computer when you were done, because he could find this whole thread quite easily if you didn't! Even if you did, if I noticed my cookies were cleared, there are other ways you can find out where you were and what you were doing. I dont know if this guy is as technically savvy as I am, but my ex tried to do the same thing when she left, and it took me about 2 minutes to find out where she was and what she was doing.
paddington bear Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Even if you did, if I noticed my cookies were cleared, there are other ways you can find out where you were and what you were doing. I dont know if this guy is as technically savvy as I am, but my ex tried to do the same thing when she left, and it took me about 2 minutes to find out where she was and what she was doing. christ, you're freaking me out now...never using anyone else's computer ever again. One time I sent an email to a friend talking about someone else. The email somehow also got sent to another acquaintance. Luckily there was nothing bad in it, but it turned out that the acquaintance knew the girl mentioned in the email even though they were both from different countries and totally different backgrounds...
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 christ, you're freaking me out now...never using anyone else's computer ever again. One time I sent an email to a friend talking about someone else. The email somehow also got sent to another acquaintance. Luckily there was nothing bad in it, but it turned out that the acquaintance knew the girl mentioned in the email even though they were both from different countries and totally different backgrounds... I got my undergrad in computer science, and grew up with a dad who was a network technician for AT&T. I doubt a lot of people know how to do what I can, I was just saying - its possible. Remember, deleting files/cookies/etc only deletes the command that points to a specific thing. It doesnt mean that whatever it pointed to is gone, it just means that its now only burried in the metadata. Thats why the CIA/FBI/etc have data scrubbers, and when they want to destroy a hard drive, they litterally drill holes through it.
Crow9726 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Pretty much, and to let us know that she will never listen to any advice given. Also, again I must stress.. 1. Started the night out with V (who ever he is, by the way the second guy she's been seeing besides artist, the other one, she kissed but wanted to be kissing artist) 2. Dumped him for coming on too strong (when she's got sexual with artist on second date I believe it was) 3. Called up artist. Was drunk. Wonders about the whole booty call / fwb / sex 4. Wants to leave artist guy after he couldn't get it up 5. Sneaks online from artist's computer (for attention) 6. Then stays, has sex in the morning, avoids all she's been worried about, again doesn't get a kiss good bye. And is now not worried. Is anyone else baffled at all by papers actions and asking for advice, but continuing to go down the same path over and over and over again. It's getting to be a broken record. Just to point this out...she was upset he couldn't get it up again after she gave him a blowjob...again. Not trashing or advising...my own life is screwed up enough as it is...but thought I would help get the facts straight.
AlektraClementine Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I'd also like to point out that I gave paper some (IMO) sound advice the other day. Advised her to cease all sexual contact with this Artist Guy. As that would immediately uncover his true intentions. Her response in a p.p.s was to simply "close the thread". Later that night, she goes back to his place for more sexual stuff. Paper - I know what it feels like to be bashed on loveshack. It sucks and there are always people who swear they know more than you do. You just have to deal with it. This is an open forum. You can't hand select the advice you get. I've learned also that some of the "bashiest" advice I've gotten from my own threads turned out to be very valuable. What I find interesting is that you poo-poo a guy who was showing you affection in favor of a guy who isn't showing you affection. When affection, is clearly what you want from Artist Guy. This other guy, you said, has stability in his life (a good job), shows you affection and you dump all over him. Not saying you have to like him but do you not see the weirdness there? You left him in favor of a dude who can't even be bothered to kiss the same lips that were blowing him the evening before when he sees you to the station?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 I'd also like to point out that I gave paper some (IMO) sound advice the other day. Advised her to cease all sexual contact with this Artist Guy. As that would immediately uncover his true intentions. Her response in a p.p.s was to simply "close the thread". Later that night, she goes back to his place for more sexual stuff. Paper - I know what it feels like to be bashed on loveshack. It sucks and there are always people who swear they know more than you do. You just have to deal with it. This is an open forum. You can't hand select the advice you get. I've learned also that some of the "bashiest" advice I've gotten from my own threads turned out to be very valuable. What I find interesting is that you poo-poo a guy who was showing you affection in favor of a guy who isn't showing you affection. When affection, is clearly what you want from Artist Guy. This other guy, you said, has stability in his life (a good job), shows you affection and you dump all over him. Not saying you have to like him but do you not see the weirdness there? You left him in favor of a dude who can't even be bothered to kiss the same lips that were blowing him the evening before when he sees you to the station? Obviously you didn't go on a date with V guy. I don't care how much stability he has with his corporate lawyer job or living in a condo on the upper west side, he should have showed more discretion when trying to talk to me. Instead of asking questions and being polite, he tried to get into my space and practically forced his tongue down my throat. And it was the first date. That's not affection, that's plain perversion. As for the cookies and the server etc, yes I made certain that they were deleted and there were no traces to LS on artist guy's computer. I'm pretty sure he's not as computer savvy? And to clear things up, no I didn't call when I was drunk. I called him to go out for drinks. I assume there's a difference? At least I can enjoy being hugged by artist guy without feeling like someone was trying to feel me like V guy. One more thing, would it be safe to say that at least he respects me a little because he tried to introduce to one of his friends? I'm not trying to make any excuses for him, but I haven't written the story out on here, so I really don't want you guys to jump to assumptions, as most of your conclusions have already been a little over the top.
BubblyPopcorn Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Obviously you didn't go on a date with V guy. I don't care how much stability he has with his corporate lawyer job or living in a condo on the upper west side, he should have showed more discretion when trying to talk to me. Instead of asking questions and being polite, he tried to get into my space and practically forced his tongue down my throat. And it was the first date. That's not affection, that's plain perversion. As for the cookies and the server etc, yes I made certain that they were deleted and there were no traces to LS on artist guy's computer. I'm pretty sure he's not as computer savvy? And to clear things up, no I didn't call when I was drunk. I called him to go out for drinks. I assume there's a difference? At least I can enjoy being hugged by artist guy without feeling like someone was trying to feel me like V guy. One more thing, would it be safe to say that at least he respects me a little because he tried to introduce to one of his friends? I'm not trying to make any excuses for him, but I haven't written the story out on here, so I really don't want you guys to jump to assumptions, as most of your conclusions have already been a little over the top. I don't understand something. How can you enjoy artist guy's "hugs" yet after you are physically intimate with him, your immediate thoughts are of your ex. So much so, that you wanted to high tail it out of artist guy's house. That to me, does not sound like someone who has genuine affection towards someone.
Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Instead of asking questions and being polite, he tried to get into my space and practically forced his tongue down my throat. And it was the first date. That's not affection, that's plain perversion. Huh? A kiss on the first date is perverted, but a blow job on the second isn't? What am I missing here? And to clear things up, no I didn't call when I was drunk. I called him to go out for drinks. I assume there's a difference? Yes, there is. It makes your actions that much more voluntary. Everything about the night was your choice. One more thing, would it be safe to say that at least he respects me a little because he tried to introduce to one of his friends? I'm not trying to make any excuses for him, but I haven't written the story out on here, so I really don't want you guys to jump to assumptions, as most of your conclusions have already been a little over the top. Tried? Nope. Until he's out in public with you, kissing you and holding your hand in public, what he "tries" to do doesn't matter. I'm so saddened to see you making excuses again. You already knew you were just FWB/booty call. To use TBF lingo, why are you trying to pretzel him now into something he's not. I'm actually embarassed for you in reading this thread, Paper.
AlektraClementine Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Obviously you didn't go on a date with V guy. I don't care how much stability he has with his corporate lawyer job or living in a condo on the upper west side, he should have showed more discretion when trying to talk to me. Instead of asking questions and being polite, he tried to get into my space and practically forced his tongue down my throat. And it was the first date. That's not affection, that's plain perversion. No, you're right. I didn't go on a date with him and like I said, there's no law that says you have to like Lawyer Guy. I'm just intrigued is all. Perversion? But aren't you engaging in "perverted" activities with Artist Guy. The difference is that you like Artist Guy. My point is that you are painting a very ugly picture of Lawyer Guy. Would you be as disgusted if it were Artist Guy invading your space? I won't presume to know Artist Guy so let me ask you a question. Has he asked you very many questions about yourself? Tried to get to know you at all? I really do feel for you. Because I've been you before. I still stand by my first reply to you. Stop sexing this Artist Guy up. When you remove that element, he'll either still want to be in your life or he won't and you'll have your answer. For some reason I think you'd prefer to continue pleasing him sexually because at least that keeps him in your life.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 I don't understand something. How can you enjoy artist guy's "hugs" yet after you are physically intimate with him, your immediate thoughts are of your ex. So much so, that you wanted to high tail it out of artist guy's house. That to me, does not sound like someone who has genuine affection towards someone. Because he's the first guy I've actually slept with since my ex. Dating around doesn't mean that I sleep around, that's why I had no problem giving him a bj previously on the second date. I think everyone has the facts but you guys just don't have it in order. I broke up with my ex a year ago, but we had an affair back in early February. I've been single for a year now, except for the affair, until I recently met artist guy. He's the first guy I actually really started seeing consistently ( unlike what some of you ( kizik) assume that I sleep with every guy I meet). I only recently started seeing other guys because I just wanted to see what kind of guys out there ( like and A and V guy ) who were both too sexually straightforward on the first date. The only guy that I actually saw more than once has been artist guy, he's the one you can say I have grown attached to. He's the only one that I've given blow jobs to outside of a relationship, and the only one in a year since my ex that I've had sex with. Do you guys understand?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 No, you're right. I didn't go on a date with him and like I said, there's no law that says you have to like Lawyer Guy. I'm just intrigued is all. Perversion? But aren't you engaging in "perverted" activities with Artist Guy. The difference is that you like Artist Guy. My point is that you are painting a very ugly picture of Lawyer Guy. Would you be as disgusted if it were Artist Guy invading your space? I won't presume to know Artist Guy so let me ask you a question. Has he asked you very many questions about yourself? Tried to get to know you at all? I really do feel for you. Because I've been you before. I still stand by my first reply to you. Stop sexing this Artist Guy up. When you remove that element, he'll either still want to be in your life or he won't and you'll have your answer. For some reason I think you'd prefer to continue pleasing him sexually because at least that keeps him in your life. The date with V guy was supposed to be that we spend time watching Andrei Barcelli while ordering sushi for takeout. Unfortunately, he kept trying to put his arms around me all the while I kept fidgeting and getting out of his reach. Had he not have been so hands on, I would have really enjoyed his company. Then when he decided to forcefully kiss me, that's when I made the excuse that we should go for a walk, rather than just sit around. I couldn't stand his need to constantly wrap his hands around me, I mean would anyone actually want that on a first date? I'm not painting an ugly picture of him so much as he already showed his true colors. The thing about artist guy was that yes, he really did try to get to know me. At least he makes the effort to take me out to dinner our first few dates together, and he had asked alot of questions about me, about my school, my classes, and even about my hobbies. The thing that we share the most in common is that we're both big foodies ( despite me being a vegetarian) and we had even joked around how he eats meat around me and I would join PETA. So, despite the " perversions" that I have committed with him, at least at the end of the day he still makes an effort to ask me about my plans for the weekend. He even made mention that he wants to make chinese food. At the time I didn't notice the slight hint he was giving me, but now that I think about it, I think he would want me to cook for him.
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