I'm at artist guy's place and i want to leave!!!

[westernxer]

What a tightrope.

 

For your sake I hope things work out after he gets back.

[kizik]

*sigh*

 

.................

[xpaperxcutx]

Oh dear.

 

Right, date with another guy which should've made you feel better about artist guy, instead it made you feel worse. Artist guy, bad and all as he is, is familiar and not as bad as V. You wanted some comfort, you wanted to feel better about yourself so you run off to artist guy. That's why you did that.

 

As regards the whiskey dick. Happens all the time, young and old, don't take it personally and overthink it too much.

 

Never again go on a date, go out with friends without enough money in your pocket for a taxi home. NEVER!!!! Always keep a secret 50 dollars or whatever in your wallet that is not to be touched, forget it's there, don't buy drink or anything else with it, it is there as emergency money for just such an occasion as this.

 

If you're spending the night with artist guy and not coming home at all, why would coming home at 3am upset your mother? Just the disturbance in the middle of the night, or that she thinks you're out with girlfriends?

 

You want artist guy to want you as a girlfriend, so far from what you've said, that is not looking good. You have to somehow stop yourself from seeing him, calling him whatever. Have you memorised his phone number? If not, just store his name in your phone with the last 3 digits of his number, that way you know it's him if he calls you, but stops you calling him when drunk or insecure etc.

 

The other thing is, you're going to end up on bad dates with unsuitable men. This can make you feel crap about yourself, you have to find some other way of dealing with it other than running back to the lesser of 2 evils. Make a bad date plan. Date goes bad, you leave asap, you go see a movie for some distraction, you arrange with a friend to call over to them after the date, otherwise your emotions are going to spin wildly out of control and you'll get yourself into situations such as this which will only hurt you further.

 

Hope you're home and safe now.

 

Paddings, I always find your posts an enjoyment to read as they're always so understanding and positive. I realize that if given two options over whether I should date other guys or just be with artist guy, I would still choose artist guy.

 

Do you think I'm immature? I know sometimes my actions are impulsive and unhealthy, but I would like to think that each decision would wind up resolving themselves in a good way in the end.

 

I honestly didn't know I would end up staying with artist guy for the night. The date I had with V guy was everything I wouldn't and didn't want to happen. V guy is pretty successful ( he's a lawyer), but he came on so strongly towards me, I really wanted to run out of there and just flee home. But at the last minute, I chose the company of a guy I barely seen more than 4 times, and that by a normal person's standard is foolish. Yet, I won't argue that I'm not a fool. You're completely right if I don't tell you that I have thought about being artist guy's gf. I know I would be lying if I said no. But I honestly don't know what i want. There's this part of me that would be more than happy to be his gf, then there's the other half that would just settle for being FWB.

 

I'm very conflicted, more than I ever been in my life regarding relationships and dating. But I also know I haven't exactly pinned everything on him. Yet it wouldn't surprise me that if he tells me he doesn't want a relationship, I would cry and be more than upset.

[dreamergrl]

 

I'm very conflicted, more than I ever been in my life regarding relationships and dating. But I also know I haven't exactly pinned everything on him. Yet it wouldn't surprise me that if he tells me he doesn't want a relationship, I would cry and be more than upset.

 

Ummm should this not be more then enough of a reason to stop seeing him? It's not going anywhere. He's continuing to get what he wants, and you're (I think for the sake of attention) still allowing it to happen.

[carhill]

The sex part is what's messing you up. It's brain chemistry.

 

You know this guy is wrong for you so it's easy to just have sex and remain distant emotionally but still feel validated as to your (sexual) worth and attractiveness. It flips a switch in your brain and you'll continue to come back to this until you change something about yourself.

 

That's my opinion. Still supportive

[xpaperxcutx]

The sex part is what's messing you up. It's brain chemistry.

 

You know this guy is wrong for you so it's easy to just have sex and remain distant emotionally but still feel validated as to your worth and attractiveness. It flips a switch in your brain and you'll continue to come back to this until you change something about yourself.

 

That's my opinion. Still supportive

 

 

Carhill, i have a question about that. I was already feeling validated before the sex. How does having had sex now, still change anything? And if it's the sex that's truly messing me up, should I then just remain celibate for my own sanity's sake?

[carhill]

Tell me, do you know when a man finds you attractive? If yes, how does that make you feel? Another question to ask yourself, and this one is harder, is do you use your sexuality to get men to like you/find you attractive?

 

To answer your question, validation is progressive. It depends on your psyche. You might have been satisfied with mere interest, mere flirtation, some physical contact, or full-on sexual contact. Everyone is different. The fact that you said positive things about "getting drunk", like you wanted to, tells me it is possible your brain chemistry responds progressively to such stimulus as sex and alcohol, like a cascade. A little is not enough. Again, armchair psychology here but I think it worth examining.

[era]

Still supportive

 

..

 

Not me.

 

xpaperxcutx...You are extremely naive about men.

[xpaperxcutx]

Tell me, do you know when a man finds you attractive? If yes, how does that make you feel? Another question to ask yourself, and this one is harder, is do you use your sexuality to get men to like you/find you attractive?

 

To answer your question, validation is progressive. It depends on your psyche. You might have been satisfied with mere interest, mere flirtation, some physical contact, or full-on sexual contact. Everyone is different. The fact that you said positive things about "getting drunk", like you wanted to, tells me it is possible your brain chemistry responds progressively to such stimulus as sex and alcohol, like a cascade. A little is not enough. Again, armchair psychology here but I think it worth examining.

 

 

You ask the right questions, carhill and I'll be as honest as I can.

 

I used to have severe image problems back in high school, and I ended up developing an eating disorder. I have always questioned my sexuality and attraction, because I never dated when I was in high school, and when I finally started dating in my senior year, I had changed my outer image completely. I started dressing more feminine and wearing makeup, and that in turn have made more guys notice me more. I was also more reserved but I notice alcohol has helped me somewhat whenever I'm out partying.

 

I love flirting, as much as I love when I know certain guys that I'm attracted to are attracted by me. But I'm still very self - conscious of my body sometimes. I need to workout at least 5 times so I don't resort to negative thinking, and I'm always self conscious of when people stares at me.

 

I know this all tell me that I have low self esteem.

[xpaperxcutx]

..

 

Not me.

 

xpaperxcutx...You are extremely naive about men.

\

That's okay era, I hold no animosity towards you.

[BubblyPopcorn]

OP I honestly think you’re still emotionally attached to your ex. The fact that your first thought afterwards was of your ex, should be warning indicators that artist guy is more so a rebound versus anything else.

 

You know that artist guy is not interested in a relationship with you, and if your feelings towards him were genuine in any way, you wouldn’t want to settle for being just a late night hook up.

 

Take artist guy out of the equation...

[kizik]

..

 

Not me.

 

xpaperxcutx...You are extremely naive about men.

 

Me either... you come here for "advice", but it's actually so you can brag and ignore everything we say.

 

You're not worth trying to help because you do not listen.

 

You ARE going to end up in physical harm some day, and it will be precisely because of, as era mentioned, your total naivety about men.

[xpaperxcutx]

Me either... you come here for "advice", but it's actually so you can brag and ignore everything we say.

 

You're not worth trying to help because you do not listen.

 

You ARE going to end up in physical harm some day, and it will be precisely because of, as era mentioned, your total naivety about men.

 

Kizik, your judgmental attitude is starting to get on my nerves. I come on here to ask for advice and opinions, not to open myself to your attacks on my character. You don't see me trying to attack your so- called threads about being a " lonely catch" do you? I try to be nice and accepting, but when looking back at how you accuse me or being a psychopath and needs to seek therapy, I don't think any " help" from you is necessary. Maybe I have personal problems, but at least I try to deal with them positively, but if you are just going to tell me I'm going to end up in a dumpster or whatever, you're not only not being considerate towards others, but wishing me ill wills.

 

IF you accuse me seeking attention on here, then I'll politely ask that you'll not read any of my threads from now on.

[JeezLouise]

I am confused. You couldn't go home because your mother would wonder why you came home at 3 am, but you stay out all night at some guy's apt?

 

Don't you think she would wonder and worry A LOT more that you NEVER came home from a first date with a guy?? Isn't that, like, backwards?

[carhill]

Learning happens one day at a time, one step at a time, for all of us. The OP admits and recognizes aspects of herself which she wants to improve and learn from. She's been here around 18 months now. Here's her first thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t139013/

 

The poster who suggested she work on letting go of her ex is perceptive, IMO. Her ex was the tangential topic of her first thread and appears to be a recurring theme. This suggests more personal work is healthy. Is the OP willing to do that work without recurrent validation from men? Unknown, but I do suggest it

[dreamergrl]

Paper don't you realize how it sounds to be coming on here at the wee hours of the morning, saying how you started out with one guy, ended up with another, want to leave, but don't, then have sex with the guy you didn't want to spend the night with??????

[Cora]

I can relate somewhat to what you are going through. I have battled with low self esteem and still am on a daily basis. Now I may be way off base here....I usually am so please don't take what I say too seriously. I know what it's like to feel so down on yourself at times that you just want want the attention. I am guilty of that. Whatever attention you can get will do. I'm not saying this is what happened here with you but it's what I go through sometimes. It isn't good however to go on like this. You need to start thinking you deserve better and not place yourself in these types of situations. One day you could end up with the wrong guy and it could become very dangerous! Start believing you deserve better and go find that better whatever it may be. In the meantime I need to start taking my own advice.

[xpaperxcutx]

I am confused. You couldn't go home because your mother would wonder why you came home at 3 am, but you stay out all night at some guy's apt?

 

Don't you think she would wonder and worry A LOT more that you NEVER came home from a first date with a guy?? Isn't that, like, backwards?

 

 

She would rather I stay over at a friend's place rather than walk home alone at 3 in the morning. She would have blown a casket had I came home at 3 or 5 in the morning. At least staying over at someone's place is much more safer.

[dreamergrl]

She would rather I stay over at a friend's place rather than walk home alone at 3 in the morning. She would have blown a casket had I came home at 3 or 5 in the morning. At least staying over at someone's place is much more safer.

 

A friend?

[xpaperxcutx]

Paper don't you realize how it sounds to be coming on here at the wee hours of the morning, saying how you started out with one guy, ended up with another, want to leave, but don't, then have sex with the guy you didn't want to spend the night with??????

 

 

You're right. It's like accidentally setting the house on fire and not knowing whether to put out the fire or wait for the fire trucks to arrive, all the while seeing everything you own go up in flames.

 

I really felt I was in that position. I have to say I do enjoy artist guy's company over V guy because at least I'm more comfortable around him. But last night when he fell asleep on me I was really upset, and I think the alcohol and being upset made me thought of wanting to leave just because I thought I was being neglected.

[Star Gazer]

I'm going to be completely honest. Paper - you're looking for attention. It doesn't make you a horrible person, everyone one goes through it some point or another, but it's time to look in the mirror and realize what's going on.

 

Bingo.

 

I'll say it again, Paper. You're looking for validation, love even, from men you know can't/won't/are unable to give it to you... just like your father.

 

Next move is up to you. But I suggest you look for validation and love from yourself first.

[dreamergrl]

You are so desperate for this guy to like you, that you're making excuses for his FWB behavior.

[xpaperxcutx]

A friend?

 

 

Unless otherwise specified, I refer to my close acquaintances and friends, " friends". At least it sounds better than actually saying " hey, mom, I'm staying at a guy's place, and I've barely seen him more than 5 times".

[Star Gazer]

You're right. It's like accidentally setting the house on fire and not knowing whether to put out the fire or wait for the fire trucks to arrive, all the while seeing everything you own go up in flames.

 

This did not happen by accident, Paper.

 

You chose to go over to artist's house after your date. You chose to have sex with him.

[era]

You are so desperate for this guy to like you, that you're making excuses for his FWB behavior.

 

Bingo..:D:D