I've made a choice

[Trialbyfire]

Don't look back. Of course it's an emotional thing but I'm certain that you did the right thing. You will find someone amazing who loves you and treates you well.

 

When I read all the stuff about the girl he was living with calling you a bitch in the background while you were on the phone I was floored. And now his ex is emailing you?! That stuff isn't normal, and it's not ok.

 

Be thankful you didn't waste another day on this mess.

Add in the lying by omission, outright lying and possible cheating and he's not exactly the type of guy who makes for healthy relationship material.

[dreamergrl]

I'm getting flash backs. I remember before he claimed he may be visiting, I told him this was getting to be just to much for me. He went on and on about how I was taking the p*ssy way out. Still hasn't read the good bye letter.

 

Yeah Kamille, you need to take a road trip to Wisconsin so we can go out for break up drinks lol.

 

Plus side, no tears have escaped my eyes since Wednesday.

[dreamergrl]

Not that I'm going to let him back in my life, but why is everyone so sure he's going to try?

[TaraMaiden]

"Last word" syndrome... arrogance does not wish to admit defeat.... he would rather know he did it to you, than you did it to him...

so he will contact you to maintain a connection, but still continue to treat you badly... in a "see, i told you she couldn't resist me" manner.....

 

The consensus of opinion is that once you break up that is finished, and no further contact should be necessary.....so I think this is what you will have to be determined to do.

 

 

_/l\_

[dreamergrl]

Okay, I either did something stupid, or it was better. I'm not sure.

 

I just went through the caller ID, since I just got back from work a bit ago. Saw his number. I called. I reinstated what I said on email, just very short, brief, to the point. Only it was to his voice mail.

 

I will not answer the phone if he calls. And I will not respond if he decides to read the email and write back.

 

But that is 100% the last time my phone will be using to call him. Also 100% the last time I'll have any type of contact.

 

That's my strong voice talking. Let's hope I can stick to being that strong. Although, I do feel better, at least saying it to him (kinda) instead of writing it.

 

Then I did something maybe more dumb. I called new-old guy. Left a message for him. When we hung out, he borrowed me a season of a show I like. I have it, and used it for a reason to call and say hi. No no, I'm not trying to guy bounce, but I felt the need for some type of companionship. Am I stupid?

[TaraMaiden]

No, but I think you need to believe in yourself sufficiently to come to terms with the fact that you do not need a man around you, simply 'because'.

Try being on your own for a while, and enjoy your own company.

Men tend to respect strong independent confident women more....

 

It's time that everything you do is for you and you only.

 

_/l\_

[dreamergrl]

Well all I have around here is male friends. I'm not trying to have a male in my life. I just don't have female friends close by. I need something to occupy my mind. I want to have a fun day tomorrow. It's looking grim. I've been with just myself all but one day since bf, i mean ex bf, left. And he did not like that I hung out with male friend. In fact, the following weekend when I didn't answer the phone and wasn't around to talk (because I went shopping with my mom) he flipped. Why I'm thinking about that, I don't know.

 

I'm not trying to get back at him, or get a rebound guy. I just want to have a day of no stress and no sadness. And I had that the one day I hung out with old-new guy. I had fun. Real fun. It's hard to have lots of fun all by myself.

[dreamergrl]

So last night I was reading, and there was a call. I was hoping it was someone else, and answered. No one said anything back. I hung up, and it rang again. I saw it was him. The now ex bf. I was like wtf? I answered the phone, and he was all "hey babe". Just started talking like nothing was wrong. I'm wondering, and ask "Um didn't you get my message?" He says no. I explain to him I had broken up with him today. Then all of sudden he was like, oh well I was thinking we should do that anyways. His demeanor completely changed. He seemed more pissed off. Then it turns into he tells me he just said it because I did, and doesn't want me to be hurting because of him. Then tells me that it's a little of both, because all we've been doing is arguing, he can't see me, and that's hard on him. He just wants to be single right now. Then he tells me I should just go have fun for a while. He isn't sure when exactly he'll be returning, but doesn't want me to get comfortable being single, and I shouldn't go have sex with anyone else.

 

Between all this, he made some kind of rude comments and I could hear his two male roommates in the background laughing. Like he was putting on a show.

 

I caught him lying. I was like what do you care, you've been talking to ***** all week, telling her how annoyed with me you are. He's like no she called me. I was like no, you have a brand new number, she wouldn't know it. He's like oh, I guess I did call her.

 

He told me to call him today. Little does he know I'm not.

 

I think he really did get my message and wanted the upper hand. I think it bothered him.

 

I almost started to cry, but I stopped myself.

 

I then told him not to call anymore tonight because I wouldn't be around. A lie, but oh well.

 

I tried to be as strong as I could, but the best I can do now is just not call him, as much as I want to, and not answer the phone when he calls.

[northstar1]

So last night I was reading, and there was a call. I was hoping it was someone else, and answered. No one said anything back. I hung up, and it rang again. I saw it was him. The now ex bf. I was like wtf? I answered the phone, and he was all "hey babe". Just started talking like nothing was wrong. I'm wondering, and ask "Um didn't you get my message?" He says no. I explain to him I had broken up with him today. Then all of sudden he was like, oh well I was thinking we should do that anyways. His demeanor completely changed. He seemed more pissed off. Then it turns into he tells me he just said it because I did, and doesn't want me to be hurting because of him. Then tells me that it's a little of both, because all we've been doing is arguing, he can't see me, and that's hard on him. He just wants to be single right now. Then he tells me I should just go have fun for a while. He isn't sure when exactly he'll be returning, but doesn't want me to get comfortable being single, and I shouldn't go have sex with anyone else.

 

Between all this, he made some kind of rude comments and I could hear his two male roommates in the background laughing. Like he was putting on a show.

 

I caught him lying. I was like what do you care, you've been talking to ***** all week, telling her how annoyed with me you are. He's like no she called me. I was like no, you have a brand new number, she wouldn't know it. He's like oh, I guess I did call her.

 

He told me to call him today. Little does he know I'm not.

 

I think he really did get my message and wanted the upper hand. I think it bothered him.

 

I almost started to cry, but I stopped myself.

 

I then told him not to call anymore tonight because I wouldn't be around. A lie, but oh well.

 

I tried to be as strong as I could, but the best I can do now is just not call him, as much as I want to, and not answer the phone when he calls.

 

Well Dreamer, this at least shows you made the right call. He's young and immature.

[Kamille]

 

Oh my god! Is this all an ego-game to him? How immature! You handled it perfectly Dreamer. And when you start feeling blue, just reread what you just wrote.

 

You deserve a man, not some selfish little boy.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Geeez he is even worse than what I expected form your threads.

 

The way he handled the break up only proves that you 100% did the right thing.

 

I once had a guy do something similar to me. I left a voicemail and e-mail that I want to break up. He then called me a day later, pretending that he never got my messages. He then said he wants to break up, I mean wtf I already broke up with you dude

 

It's an ego thing really. He probably thought that you are so into him that you will gladly accept poor treatment and beg for more.

[dreamergrl]

Geeez he is even worse than what I expected form your threads.

 

The way he handled the break up only proves that you 100% did the right thing.

 

I once had a guy do something similar to me. I left a voicemail and e-mail that I want to break up. He then called me a day later, pretending that he never got my messages. He then said he wants to break up, I mean wtf I already broke up with you dude

 

It's an ego thing really. He probably thought that you are so into him that you will gladly accept poor treatment and beg for more.

 

I thought maybe I was crazy for thinking he did get my message but was pretending he didn't.

 

He did tell me last night, "Why are you so wrapped up in our relationship" then later tells me "it's so hard not seeing you."

[TaraMaiden]

Did you not ask why we thought he would be calling you again?

 

And did I not reply that it would feed his ego to have everybody think that actually, he wanted to dump you before you could dump him?

 

did I not mention last-word syndrome?

 

is there any chance now, that you will never talk to this person again, and just be happy that at least he is out of your life?

because you know, he will continue to harass you now.

And try to force your hand to reply to him.

Which,as you have said, you will not do.....

 

 

_/l\_

[Trialbyfire]

Then tells me that it's a little of both, because all we've been doing is arguing, he can't see me, and that's hard on him. He just wants to be single right now. Then he tells me I should just go have fun for a while. He isn't sure when exactly he'll be returning, but doesn't want me to get comfortable being single, and I shouldn't go have sex with anyone else.

When I read this part, it stunned me. The sheer, pathetic arrogance of this is just too much to take seriously.

 

The balance of his response is just as immature and once more he lies to you. Point blank dreamergrl, this boy's a loser extraordinaire.

 

You are so, so lucky to have dodged this one. He's incredibly self-entitled and will do whatever it takes to get his way.

[dreamergrl]

I know, the more I think about the conversation, the more sickened I am about it. Not in a bad way.

 

I have no called him, nor has he called me. I don't plan on calling him either. I haven't picked up the phone since I answered his call. It's been kind of hard, I'll admit that much. But, I'm at least not the one sitting and waiting. Maybe he'll just go away, and which has been advised, give myself some time to heal.

 

He is very full of himself. Like he didn't get the message. Trying to play it off oh so slick.

 

I was feeling crappy afterwards, so I wrote an unsent regular letter. It was to him, but obviously he will never get it. Just to get my thoughts off my shoulders. It's kind of nagging at me though, like it's not doing anything because it's not being read. I feel better, but not completely.

 

I'm trying really hard though guys!

[Ruby Slippers]

Wow, what an ass. Shows that you definitely did the right thing. Be strong, girl! And work on making some girlfriends. My friends have made all the difference, and been SO supportive and great, since I broke up with the ex. It would have been much, much harder without them.

[start-fresh]

Well all I have around here is male friends. I'm not trying to have a male in my life. I just don't have female friends close by. I need something to occupy my mind. I want to have a fun day tomorrow. It's looking grim. I've been with just myself all but one day since bf, i mean ex bf, left. And he did not like that I hung out with male friend. In fact, the following weekend when I didn't answer the phone and wasn't around to talk (because I went shopping with my mom) he flipped. Why I'm thinking about that, I don't know.

 

I'm not trying to get back at him, or get a rebound guy. I just want to have a day of no stress and no sadness. And I had that the one day I hung out with old-new guy. I had fun. Real fun. It's hard to have lots of fun all by myself.

 

Just be careful with this. You might be looking for just some companionship with this guy but be honest with yourself and realize he wants more than that. I'm not saying all he wants is sex either but I'm sure he's interested in something more than a platonic friendship. I'm a little worried for you that having him in your life will only add drama right now.

[dreamergrl]

I know I need some just regular normal friends. I wish I could just snap my fingers and I'd have them around here.

 

Maybe I do need to be careful about the other guy, but it doesn't seem to matter because I haven't heard from him for quite a while. Not since I saw him, but it's been a while.

 

I did okay today, but then I woke up, and just had a million thoughts go through my head. Like what is he doing? Is he trying to reconnect with the ex? Is that why he was acting all dumb? Did he tell me not to be comfortable being single because he really does have feelings for me? Then I try to figure out all the whys.

 

I completely feel like I'm unwanted, unneeded, uncared for, unloved. Rejected, laughed at, played, and used. I'm sure this is part of healing, but I wish I could fast forward through it.

[Ruby Slippers]

A relationship gone bad has a way of making you feel chewed up and spit out, really stomping on your self-esteem and grinding it in the dirt. Look around the Breakup forums -- you'll see that many of us have been through it recently. It helps a lot to realize that you are not alone in these feelings.

 

There are good guys out there, dreamergrl -- surely a dreamergrl agrees, yes? You've gotta take out the trash to make room for the treasure.

[dreamergrl]

A relationship gone bad has a way of making you feel chewed up and spit out, really stomping on your self-esteem and grinding it in the dirt. Look around the Breakup forums -- you'll see that many of us have been through it recently. It helps a lot to realize that you are not alone in these feelings.

 

There are good guys out there, dreamergrl -- surely a dreamergrl agrees, yes? You've gotta take out the trash to make room for the treasure.

 

It does helping reading those stories in that forum, and it doesn't make me feel better. I'm doing okay, but it's like when I reach complete solitude I have trouble. Like before bed. Last night I read until my eyes wouldn't stay open, but then when I turned out the lights, there my mind went.

 

Today, I took a nice hot bath, did some pampering, put on something cute. Looked in the mirror, reminded myself that I'm a beautiful girl and there will be other guys. On the outside I look okay. On the inside, I'm not quite as confident.

 

I am starting to wonder if maybe this is how he intended to make me feel all along. Was he yet another guy who screwed with me mentally? How the hell did I manage to let that happen again. I'm angry with him and myself.