Author dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 okay here's what is says.. Dear ******, It has become obvious that you aren't invested in this relationship the way you should be, should you have the feelings for me you claim you do. You may be a state a way, but there was plenty you could have done to help make this relationship last until you returned. I can't continue to be strung along. I've been trying to tell you this, but you didn't believe me. Well now is the time to believe me. I wont be the girl who's in the background in case whatever else you have going on doesn't work out. Whether it be *****, whom it looks as though you've reconnected with, or anyone else. Whether it be because I may have pushed you away, or anything else. I can't do this any longer. There's been too much damage, and you aren't doing anything to help our relationship, nor yourself. I want a man who cares about me, and shows it. Good luck in the future. Dreamr It's not sent yet, so I can edit it still Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I wouldn't show any emotion. If you sound "pissed" he will think you are still emotionally connected. In my opinion, just say "I am not interested in you anymore. Sorry it didn't work out." I wouldn't go into any discussions of feelings, hopes or dreams blah blah blah you have already told him. If you are firm, somewhat pleasant, he will know that he blew it. Have respect for yourself - you tried, you tried again and now you just need to move on. Hang in there. The more you learn to set boundaries and learn what you will not accept the better your relationships in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 oops sorry posted before you posted your letter. Your letter sounds good...but if it was me I would just call and say "Sorry not interested in you anymore. Best of luck to ya!" Your letter shows emotion and is sweet but I don't think he deserves that. He deserves to know that you are done and are not willing to pursue any further relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I wouldn't show any emotion. If you sound "pissed" he will think you are still emotionally connected. In my opinion, just say "I am not interested in you anymore. Sorry it didn't work out." I wouldn't go into any discussions of feelings, hopes or dreams blah blah blah you have already told him. If you are firm, somewhat pleasant, he will know that he blew it. Have respect for yourself - you tried, you tried again and now you just need to move on. Hang in there. The more you learn to set boundaries and learn what you will not accept the better your relationships in the future. I agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Well, I would break up with him over the phone, but since when I tried, and it says "this iphone customer is not excepting calls" (which he has a no contract phone, so this means he didn't pay for another plan of calls), I can't do that. It's hard not to show any emotion, I'm a very emotional person. Not saying I'm crying or anything, but I said what came to mind, while trying to be straight to the point. Is it really too emotional? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 "I've tried time and again to express what I need in a relationship. It appears that this isn't something you're capable of giving or giving consistently. Sometimes, people aren't meant to be together, so it's time to move on. I hope there's no hard feelings between the two of us, since we're both mature adults, capable of understanding that relationships don't always last forever, when people aren't compatible. Good luck and take care of yourself." Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Yes, but the longer you prolong this crap with him, the longer the pain will go on. End it now and you'll be able to move on faster. How'd this guy manage to get an Iphone on a no-contract basis? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Yes, but the longer you prolong this crap with him, the longer the pain will go on. End it now and you'll be able to move on faster. How'd this guy manage to get an Iphone on a no-contract basis? No idea, but I know he only pays for weekly plans. Maybe it says Iwireless customer. Not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 "I've tried time and again to express what I need in a relationship. It appears that this isn't something you're capable of giving or giving consistently. Sometimes, people aren't meant to be together, so it's time to move on. I hope there's no hard feelings between the two of us, since we're both mature adults, capable of understanding that relationships don't always last forever, when people aren't compatible. Good luck and take care of yourself." Thanks TB. This helps! Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Here is what I said, verbatim, when I broke up with my hot-and-cold, commitment-phobe ex: I do not want to be with you anymore. I am breaking up with you. Do not contact me except to make plans to get our things back, or in case of a true emergency. And that was that. At this point, there's no need for expressions of feelings, alluding to what could have been, or anything like that. Just the facts, ma'am. Then cut off contact and do not speak to him at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Well I did it. I took out some things, used TB's statements, and tried to keep it unemotional. I labeled the subject as my final goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Good job, I know it's hard. Now go out and have an ice cream, or go get a pedicure or something nice. You deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Good job, I know it's hard. Now go out and have an ice cream, or go get a pedicure or something nice. You deserve it. or a trip to the day spa/massage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 I have this nagging feeling of regret. I know it's better to just move on and forget about him, but part me wishes I could go back and insert "call me when you get your sh*t together and know what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I have this nagging feeling of regret. I know it's better to just move on and forget about him, but part me wishes I could go back and insert "call me when you get your sh*t together and know what you want. Why leave that door open. This dude is not going to get his **** together anytime soon. Move on and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I have this nagging feeling of regret. I know it's better to just move on and forget about him, but part me wishes I could go back and insert "call me when you get your sh*t together and know what you want. Don't look back. Of course it's an emotional thing but I'm certain that you did the right thing. You will find someone amazing who loves you and treates you well. When I read all the stuff about the girl he was living with calling you a bitch in the background while you were on the phone I was floored. And now his ex is emailing you?! That stuff isn't normal, and it's not ok. Be thankful you didn't waste another day on this mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 And how stupid is this, what is bugging me is that he's just going to not respond or read it. Why is that bugging me when I'm trying to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 ^ Yep. And that's giving him the power. It's kind of like saying, "I am fine with sitting around and waiting for you to figure it out." Girl, it could take YEARS for this joker to get his **** together. He might NEVER. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Don't look back. Of course it's an emotional thing but I'm certain that you did the right thing. You will find someone amazing who loves you and treates you well. When I read all the stuff about the girl he was living with calling you a bitch in the background while you were on the phone I was floored. And now his ex is emailing you?! That stuff isn't normal, and it's not ok. Be thankful you didn't waste another day on this mess. Amazingly enough, the ex that just recently emailed me was a different one. But thanks, I needed to be reminded off the bull! Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 And how stupid is this, what is bugging me is that he's just going to not respond or read it. Why is that bugging me when I'm trying to move on? You only sent it 20 minutes ago, stop stressing. Get out of the house and go do something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 ^ Yep. And that's giving him the power. It's kind of like saying, "I am fine with sitting around and waiting for you to figure it out." Girl, it could take YEARS for this joker to get his **** together. He might NEVER. You're right of course. Let's hope things get better. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 And how stupid is this, what is bugging me is that he's just going to not respond or read it. Why is that bugging me when I'm trying to move on? Not stupid, it's normal. We want that sign that we're hard to let go of, that maybe they really did care. It's natural. When he responds, and I have a feeling he will one day, ignore him. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I have this nagging feeling of regret. I know it's better to just move on and forget about him, but part me wishes I could go back and insert "call me when you get your sh*t together and know what you want. That's a normal reaction. You rationnally know that this relationship wasn't good for you, yet you still hold on to hope. But you did the right thing Dreamer, and in time you will see it. If it's any comfort, I'm feeling relief for you. Hugs again. You only sent it 20 minutes ago, stop stressing. Get out of the house and go do something. hear hear. wish we lived in the same city - I would totally meet up with you! Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Good job for sending the goodbye. What TBF wrote was perfect. It is bugging you because you know you are a wonderful caring person and you are hurt that he didn't see or respect that. But that is HIS problem. It just means he was not the right one for you. From what you have said he is not going to get his act together anytime in the near future. I agree with the above posters. Go treat yourself with a spa day or something that you love to do. Get out and get busy - really really busy! I also agree that he will be back but hopefully you will be strong enough to not answer his calls, emails, notes on myspace or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I just want to chime in and say: "Nice Job!!!" Cut to stage left (recently dumped boyfriend sits on couch with remote in hand, jaw lackadaisically unhinged, wondering what happened) I love it. Great job. Hope you stick to it. Link to post Share on other sites
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