spookie Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I think I might be ready to emotionally check out of the Jack tangle. It's not going to go anywhere unless I get transferred, and I am not getting transferred. It's also questionable whether I even want to be transferred, seeing as how I love my job because he is an awesome, super-accessible boss who lets me do whatever I want and get away with murder. I think it's pretty selfishly naive to expect not to lose a lot with a transfer (which still isn't happening anyway...). So anyways. I want to date. Maybe multi-date, since there's hot smart guys everywhere whom I'd be crushing on were it not for this Jack thing, who are showing me interest. Rationally, I understand that there is nothing that makes Jack special, so.... I am going to date. Others. How does one go about that when one is in love with somebody else? Should I keep staying away from men? Am I still too crazy? I went to a psychiatrist today who told me I did not seem depressed and probably did not need medication. I want to be in a relationship. I don't think I am crazy. How many "dates" can I go on with someone before I'm officially leading them on? What is the difference between being friends and dating (non-exclusively)?
EllieBean Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Why would you want to date other guys if you're in love with someone else? I guess you aren't really that in love with him then... if I could move to be with a guy I loved I'd quit my job and live on savings, and spend the rest of my life being a gas station attendant if I had to, just to be with him. I don't think you can date other guys and give them a fair chance if you're in love with someone else... cheating on your current bf isn't a very nice thing to do ether. If you don't want him: dump him, get over him, then date someone else when you're ready to engage with them emotionally.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Why would you want to date other guys if you're in love with someone else? I guess you aren't really that in love with him then... if I could move to be with a guy I loved I'd quit my job and live on savings, and spend the rest of my life being a gas station attendant if I had to, just to be with him. I don't think you can date other guys and give them a fair chance if you're in love with someone else... cheating on your current bf isn't a very nice thing to do ether. If you don't want him: dump him, get over him, then date someone else when you're ready to engage with them emotionally. :lmao::lmao:LMFAO - read her other posts, Ellie. Jack is not her boyfriend. He's her boss - her unrequited "great love" that she sits and daydreams about all day long. He isn't reciprocating and isn't likely to. Anywho - I say "fake it till you make it," Spooks. Just go on the dates. Definitely multi-date. Give yourself a chance to pull your brain away from Jack. Date as many guys as you can possibly cram in (ack - that was not sexual innuendo) - gives you greater opportunity to find somebody else. And besides - that way you wouldn't have to worry as much about leading someone on - just tell them you're not getting serious with anyone right now, just having fun dating. How many dates before you're leading someone on? That differs for everybody. Just be upfront at the beginning that you're not into a relationship right now. I don't see what's wrong with that - guys say it all the time. LOL
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Ellie, specifically: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t178001/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t178894/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t180816/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t181224/ I wasn't laughing at YOU, particularly. More the irony of your response in light of Spookie's previous posts about Jack.
EllieBean Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Ohhhhh. Sorry, I thought he was your bf. Yes, you should definitely date around - I think more than half a dozen dates is leading someone on (less if there's physical intimacy).
Isolde Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Just go on dates! Take one step at a time and don't think about it. If you've got options, why are you even asking what you should do? There are no hard and fast rules, but you can bet that if you get dinner with a guy--he will consider it a date unless you're already friends.
Author spookie Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Just go on dates! Take one step at a time and don't think about it. If you've got options, why are you even asking what you should do? There are no hard and fast rules, but you can bet that if you get dinner with a guy--he will consider it a date unless you're already friends. Thanks. I think I've decided against dating, though. In my experience, it doesn't really help me get over someone; in fact, it only makes my attraction to the person I can't have worse. I work with all of my "options". Not directly, but still. I don't need to be making any more enemies of people that would otherwise be good friends.
Isolde Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Hmm, if they are people you see regularly at work, maybe not such a good idea anyway, unless you really like one of them enough to take a chance. Maybe date outside of work! The novelty! LOL.
Author spookie Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Hmm, if they are people you see regularly at work, maybe not such a good idea anyway, unless you really like one of them enough to take a chance. Maybe date outside of work! The novelty! LOL. Yah. In the year I've been here I haven't made a single friend outside work. That's not good.
Isolde Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Don't worry, I haven't been on an actual date since last spring either.
Trialbyfire Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 spookie, how much did you tell the psychiatrist?
loser101 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I've been reading your posts and honestly it sounds to me like you only have your crush on your boss because you have nothing better to do. if you developed interests outside your work and met more people, you would snap out of this daydream
BobSacamento Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 This is a perfect example of why lust is a sin. It can destroy/control your life, if you let it.
Author spookie Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 spookie, how much did you tell the psychiatrist? Everything. I went in chronological order basically, and then she asked me more detailed questions. I am going back for another visit during which she'll give me concentration and memory tests, but she doens't think I'm depressed or bi-polar. To be honest, since I kicked the pot habit, I have been feeling a lot better. I am happy most of the time, so I don't think I need to be on anti-depressants. She thinks I may be ADHD, which granted I do think is true, but I'm still not sure I'm going to take her pills if she gives them to me. In the short run I think they would be amazing, but truthfully I don't think I *need* them (I'm functioning just fine) and I don't want to develop another love-hate relationship with another substance.
Trialbyfire Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Everything. I went in chronological order basically, and then she asked me more detailed questions. I am going back for another visit during which she'll give me concentration and memory tests, but she doens't think I'm depressed or bi-polar. To be honest, since I kicked the pot habit, I have been feeling a lot better. I am happy most of the time, so I don't think I need to be on anti-depressants. She thinks I may be ADHD, which granted I do think is true, but I'm still not sure I'm going to take her pills if she gives them to me. In the short run I think they would be amazing, but truthfully I don't think I *need* them (I'm functioning just fine) and I don't want to develop another love-hate relationship with another substance. Did this happen in one session?
Author spookie Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Did this happen in one session? Yes. I was there for over two hours though.
Trialbyfire Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Yes. I was there for over two hours though.Give it a few more sessions of complete honesty, before making any decisions about anything or drawing any conclusions. I don't think you're insane but it appears to me that there are some deeper issues to address, whether it's ADD or whatever. You need something and continue looking for it but at the end of the day, no one can give you what you need except yourself, whatever that need might be.
Author spookie Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Give it a few more sessions of complete honesty, before making any decisions about anything or drawing any conclusions. I don't think you're insane but it appears to me that there are some deeper issues to address, whether it's ADD or whatever. You need something and continue looking for it but at the end of the day, no one can give you what you need except yourself, whatever that need might be. Yah. I'm going to. Whether or not it's apparent from my postings on this site, though, I know I have made a lot of progress emotionally within even the last year. Last April, I was still stripping, not to mention drinking heavily every night and severely depressed to the point where I had no hope of happiness for the future. Right now, not only do I have my s!ht mostly in order, but I am happy, despite the Jakc thing, and the minor drama that I get involved in; and as of a couple of weeks ago I'm not even smoking pot. My point is that maybe all I really need is some time. Maybe my various emotional problems were caused by lifestyle and bad things that happened, not hormonal imbalances in my brain.
BlueEyedGirl Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I would be curious to know what did your psychiatrist say in regards to your feelings for Jack..
MN randomguy Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Spooky, try a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist. I don't think there's anything chemically wrong with your head. Those drugs are pretty scary. I agree with your hesitancy to start using another drug. The human brain is so complicated. Doctors don't like to admit how little they know about it. Also, Try not to do things to lead guys on. Offer to go dutch on 3rd date or so. Do stuff that they're interested in. Let them know that you wanna go real slow and then mean it. Definitely try to make friends outside of work.
MN randomguy Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I have found this genuine website if your looking for love it helped me out a treat! A British dating site? I like the accents, but I think that might be a little inconvenient.
Author spookie Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 I would be curious to know what did your psychiatrist say in regards to your feelings for Jack.. You know... none of the people I've seen have said anything. They seem to think it's pretty normal. I've reached an impasse with the psychiatrist. At our last appointment (the third) she concluded that there was nothing wrong with me and that I had come to see her to score drugs. Then she recomended I get into a narcotics support program for my addiction to marijuana. I was actually extremely offended on both counts. If I had been just been trying to score drugs, I'd have tried a LOT harder. I wouldn't have brought up my freaking history of substance abuse, for one thing; and I'd have stuck to the symptoms of whatever illness I wanted (as opposed to, oh yah, being honest). And the narcotics support group... that is just laughable. I'm not in denial. I really don't have a problem. I thought I had a problem with alcohol in the good old stripper days. Now I know I don't. And I didn't have to stop drinking altogether to figure that out. These days I can drink in moderation. Which IMO proves my point the way being 100% dry never would. In the past month I have cut down on the pot from multiple-times-daily to ... whenever I hang out with my old drug dealer. Which is every couple of weeks. I haven't quit completely, because I don't see the need to. Maybe it's because I've spent the majority of my life in extremely liberal places (where everyone and their mom smokes pot) but I don't see anything wrong with it. In moderation. And now that I know I can moderate... I'm ok with being a recreational smoker. It was a pothead I did not want to be. So, the psychiatrist turned out to be a quack. I was disappointed. After telling me I needed to go to rehab, I glared at her until she grudgingly wrote me a prescription for Strattera (a non-stimulant ADHD medication). But I researched it online, and there are some pretty serious side effects, not to mention that my insurance wouldn't cover it (unlike the typical ADHD meds that are much safer and more effective like say Adderall, which would make me a superhero...) and anyway I've been doing just fine without drugs, ... so I'm opting against it.
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