doushenka Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Ah, the sweet smell of coercion. When an older man in a position of power puts that pressure on you, it's hard to say "no" -- what impact might it have on your career or your class? Find his supervisor and let him know what's going on. He's abusing his position and must face the consequences.
Author Firenza Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I knew i should be worried when i saw a couple of missed calls from him this morning. i called him and asked him why he tried to talk earlier (i've decided he wont get any more nice girl behaviour from me, mostly because of all the advice i got from here, i'd never feel i had any right otherwise). first he said he called to know how i was doing, as i havent called him in such a long time (like he cares!!!). then he gave me a bit more of the usual guilt chat, of why was i running away from him, that maybe all our time together was just me being a hypocrite, that he was such a nice guy that he promised this wouldnt affect my evalutation, of how much he learned from someone like me, of how he knew i wouldnt call him again even though he was so good to me. i tried to make it casual, and not compromise myself but he was attacking my credibility. he basically called me a fake and a liar. then i admited i was avoiding him, that we both should be blamed for getting involved, that it had been a mistake. i raised him my voice and he got pissy, saying that he would hung up the "****ty" phone unless i heard all he had to tell me. then he said he felt like **** because i forgot to show him one of my assignments (i took it directly to the person responsible for it, although he was meant to give me some extra advice about it - thats how usually it works with these assignments). more chitty chat about how he never had an intern doing this, etc etc, but he also said that because he was so nice (he underlined that) this wouldnt affect my evaluation. i replied i didnt give a **** about my evaluation, i wouldnt care what my grade would be (and its a bit true, as nobody ever fails in this kind of assignment and the grade will hardly make any difference in my entire year evaluation). i dont think i should have said this now, it was stupid of me. basically that was what the call was all about. meanwhile i called the person responsible and said i needed to talk to her. im gonna tell her today about the fact i didnt show my assignment to him and ask if that was so wrong as he made me believe. not gonna mention the fact we got involved. some insight please? im not sure of what im doing here. i felt brave when i called the responsible but now im worried im gonna chicken out and say nothing. im scared.
Author Firenza Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I just realized i cant win a verbal fight with this man. It bothers me a lot because i dont know if its because im not smart enough or if he is that good. might be the first, my argumentation skills were never brilliant. i was talking on the phone with him and everytime i tried to defend my attitudes he twisted my words in a way that it made me look bad everytime. it was like i wasnt defending me anymore, but just giving him more stuff to work with. Im so tired of all this drama. I wish he would go away of my life. Instead he had to call today and make him feel good about himself. It crossed my mind to tell him to just pretend im dead but he would use it to tell me what a bad friend i am and how wrong he was about trusting me. argh.
manugeorge Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 You have to let someone else know about this, this guy is a pariah and he will continue to harrass/blackmail you. Damn the consequences and let the higher ups at your job know.
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